How to transition from Intention to Action

[theSeeker]

I've been an avid reader of Steve's blog since for more than 2 years now,
felt really better after browsing through the forums here that I finally signed up and this is my first post. It's on the longer end but I felt I needed to put in all the info reqd. I've tried to organise it as best as I could.

Background
-----------
I'm a 23 year old male CS grad working in an IT services firm.
I've been feeling very hollow, dark and miserable for the past 9 years.
I feel that I've done absolutely very little to show for the talents, abilities & opportunities that I've been gifted with. People around me feel that I'm quite good & indeed "above-average but those who know me well understand that I've been a chronic underachiever. I've recognised that I have self-destructive tendencies (impulses to just let everything go, just destroy myself) and I've been working hard to change that.I am sick of being just good or above average... I want to be the best that I can be, I want to be pushed, challenged...
I've realised that I really want to CONTRIBUTE to this world, humanity (as long as I'm alive) in whatever way I can so that I know that my existence is truly fruitful.

[theSeeker]

The Problems
-------------
The worst is behind me now, especially thoughts of going for a "system reset"
(system = context of life) and when I see that, I realise how great I could make my life (truly contribute & help others). But because of a complex variety of reasons/factors the most I contribute are small bits & pieces to people around me; nothing of lasting meaning or substance, indeed not close to how much I could. I realise that going this way will lead to a life where I'm constantly under-achieving & therefore always caught up with taking care of myself and never being able to contribute anything substantial (except perhaps a lesson in how NOT to waste one's life & potential). I've realised that I need to transform in order to get out of this frustration, & negative feelings.
I feel that I have a much clearer understanding of my problems now, but the solution (especially the HOW) is still quite fuzzy.
Consequently, there is little to show for all of my understanding (been 2 years), NOTHING TANGIBLE AT ALL! Only improvements so far:
1.Negative feelings much lower.
2.Improved ability to handle -ve emotions/moods (however, this sometimes feels like I've resigned myself towards accepting status quo and this IS NOT TRUE!)

I've introspected a little and come up with the issues I need to work on:

1.Loving & feeling good about myself : Commit myself to the highest standards, do things as best as I can, develop superb skills, learn & grow (several areas identified)

2.Erase all of the negativity & evil in me: Replace all of my bad habits, qualities and thought processes.
Bad Habits/Qualities
i)Highly inconsistent
ii)Confused & erratic, driven strongly by moods & impulses
iii)Self-hatred, shame & guilt after every mistake/failure (realise they don't help one bit, but now it's almost hardwired... getting rid of these slowly)

3.I'm very competitive: I want to compete and be the best I can be(whether competing against myself or others)

.... amongst others


The problem is I've become so addicted to thinking, analysing and planning (even reading), that I'm taking very little or no action.
I suck at execution (started cutting my plans very short to improve)
Even something as simple as awakening early is so frustratingly difficult...
Everytime I fail I begin to doubt myself more, and the fear (that I'll never be able to change my habits/myself) grows stronger...
How do I overcome this passivity? How do I TAKE ACTION and soon enough before my frustrations lead to shame, guilt & misery in turn to self-hatred & ruination?

Please help & guide me...

I WANT TO TRANSFORM

[Konini]

Start close in
Don't take the second step
or the third,
Start with the first thing
close in
The step you don't want to take

Start with the ground you know,
the pale ground beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting the conversation.

David Whyte

In plain terms, write down everything you do during the , every little thing, and star-rate what you really really enjoyed ***
What you sort of enjoyed **
What was OK *

Have a look at what you really enjoyed and think back through your life how these things relate to things you've always wanted to do.

And do more of them. Just do more of what you really really enjoy.

And draw us a little graph. How much of your day is ***, **, *. How about you tell us every Sunday and we will look out for the post.

[Angela]

theSeeker, what quality or condition would you like to contribute to the world? What would light you up, what would you like to be satisfied on your deathbed that you have generated for the world?

Regarding transformation, I would like to invite you to consider that the negativity and evil that you see in yourself is nothing but thoughts in your head -- it's old pain. The more you focus on "negativity", the more "negativity" you create for yourself, so how about transforming your thoughts?:

Originally Posted by theSeeker

I've introspected a little and come up with the issues I need to work on:

1.Loving & feeling good about myself : Commit myself to the highest standards, do things as best as I can, develop superb skills, learn & grow (several areas identified) That sounds like a powerful thing to focus on, especially since you already have it right now!

2.Erase all of the negativity & evil in me: Replace all of my bad habits, qualities and thought processes.
Bad Habits/Qualities Who says they're bad? Maybe they're just not useful to you anymore, in creating a life you love.
i)Highly inconsistent Adventurous? Interest in many things? Flexible?
ii)Confused & erratic, driven strongly by moods & impulses Like everyone else, you mean? Consider that your moods and impulses might be very great indicators of your path in life towards a life you're in love with. Maybe you just need to add a pinch of something else, while letting go of thinking this is a negative quality.
iii)Self-hatred, shame & guilt after every mistake/failure (realise they don't help one bit, but now it's almost hardwired... getting rid of these slowly)Again, these things are only evil or negative because you think they are evil or negative. Can you see how viewing them as simply old, unnecessary baggage might be more valuable for you to detach and let go of them? Attaching powerful emotion to a quality helps it "stick" to you; so why not view these qualities with affectionate dismissal? They have helped you get where you are, after all, and where you are and who you are is absolutely, delightfully, PERFECT, whole, and complete.

3.I'm very competitive: I want to compete and be the best I can be(whether competing against myself or others)What's wrong with that? Work it!

.... amongst others


The problem is I've become so addicted to thinking, analysing and planning (even reading), that I'm taking very little or no action.
I suck at execution (started cutting my plans very short to improve)
Even something as simple as awakening early is so frustratingly difficult...
Everytime I fail I begin to doubt myself more, and the fear (that I'll never be able to change my habits/myself) grows stronger...
How do I overcome this passivity? How do I TAKE ACTION and soon enough before my frustrations lead to shame, guilt & misery in turn to self-hatred & ruination?[/color]

You are doing just fine! Consider that the only reason you haven't taken inspired action is that you haven't distinguished anything that really inspires you yet. You can do that now, and see what steps are possible for you out of that inspiring possibility. Who wants to act out of shame, guilt, misery, self-hatred and ruination?!? Wouldn't it be a lot more fun to live your live and base your actions on something that really lights you on fire?

[m18pak]

Man can accomplish nothing without routine. In order for us to take action we must create patterns (more commonly known as habits) in our lives that we consistently follow.

Think of it this way: man is more animal than machine, which means that we behave in conditioned ways. We do something and if it produces a desired outcome then we repeat that action, and as time goes on that conditioning becomes stronger and stronger until the action becomes almost automatic. This is what enables us to survive. Imagine if for every action you had to consciously decide how to do it e.g. imagine if everytime you came to a door you had to consciously decide whether to turn the doorknob or to push on it or to headbutt it to try and get it open.

Seriously think about this and you will understand what I mean. We humans spend the vast majority of our lives on autopilot, acting and responding in pre-conditioned ways. When you get in your car your hand automatically goes to the ignition and sticks the key in, without thinking or deliberating. If you've ever been in somebody else's house you'll know how it's confusing and slightly uncomfortable not knowing where anything is and having to ask all the time.

What happens when we start doing self-improvement is that we are thrown into a new world where we don't know any of the rules. It is a little like being shipwrecked on a deserted island. In such a situation we do not have routines yet established, which means that out ability to function normally will be severely impaired. To use the island metaphor, in your first week you won't know where water is, how to find food, what to do when it rains etc...but once you've learned how to do those things you'll establish patterns again for dealing with your problems again. When you're thirsty you'll automatically go to the pond behind the trees, when it rains you'll etc...

With self-improvement what often happens with people like us (I'm in the same sort of situation as you) with lots of problems is that we can get in way over our heads. We start dredging up our problems for conscious attention and we start learning all these things and it can get to a point where it's too much too soon. Because we have really bad problems we are quite anxious to work on them and resolve them as soon as possible, but we can overload ourselves. Everytime we learn more self-improvement stuff or everytime we discover another emotional block in ourselves it alters the dynamic of our lives a little bit, which is why we can simply end up NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO. Imagine if the island that you were on was a magical one where the pond kept disappearing overnight to appear in a different place the next day.

The more we learn, the more we need to learn, and the more we learn, the more we feel like we have to do. Does that make sense? Everytime we discover another problem within ourselves, it makes our lives that much harder because we now have another variable to consider, another thing that we need to worry about.

This is why we fall back to the safest course of action: to gather more information. It's simple, easy, and above all, PREDICTABLE. There's nothing that can go wrong with learning more, so your subconscious kicks in and tells you to do only that, because it HAS to restore a measure of security to your life. Humans are animals, and animals stick to the known as much as possible. Change is a gradual process because our limits can only expanded slowly, in baby steps. Suddenly trying to turn your life completely around will only make things worse. Your only reward for your efforts will be frustration and bad feelings.

So I would suggest that you stop trying to do things, and instead focussed on doing without doing, that is, doing by habit. Start implementing specific routines into your life that you assiduously follow. (e.g. wake up at 8 and listen to a hypnosis tape. Read for 2 hours at night etc) This is like saying, "just do it", only it's more like, "just do it without doing anything or trying to do anything, don't even think about doing or trying to do, and just do it". Be careful to not make the same mistake though and overload yourself again trying to set too many new patterns all at once.

What I'm trying to say is that you need to establish routines again in your life to makes things easier for yourself. That's it.

I'm sorry I haven't articulated my thoughts very well, but I haven't quite clarified these ideas in my own mind yet. Writing this was as much for my own benefit as it was for yours.

Anyway, good luck.

PS. You might also want to read this:
http://www.nickpagan.com/blog/wp-con...fectly-v10.pdf

[theSeeker]

Thnx folks,
very useful suggestions; each provides a different insight...

Originally Posted by Konini

Start close in
In plain terms, write down everything you do during the , every little thing, and star-rate what you really really enjoyed ***
What you sort of enjoyed **
What was OK *

Have a look at what you really enjoyed and think back through your life how these things relate to things you've always wanted to do.

And do more of them. Just do more of what you really really enjoy.

Yes, I will start rating how much I like each activity. The thought had occurred to me earlier but I decided that I must be able to do things that are necessary irrespective of how much I like/enjoy them... feel this is a vital quality.
Also, u are correct when u say that the first step pretty much decides things, I did that today, just focussed on the beginning.. was at last able to take care of a few long put off tasks... feels cathartic!

Originally Posted by angela

Regarding transformation, I would like to invite you to consider that the negativity and evil that you see in yourself is nothing but thoughts in your head -- it's old pain. The more you focus on "negativity", the more "negativity" you create for yourself, so how about transforming your thoughts?

Hmmm... I should be less self-critical... although part of myself believes that it would make me too soft, & probably lessen my drive... dunno if that's true though coz this method's far from efficacious.

Originally Posted by angela

You are doing just fine! Consider that the only reason you haven't taken inspired action is that you haven't distinguished anything that really inspires you yet. You can do that now, and see what steps are possible for you out of that inspiring possibility.

That was the positive tonic that actually got me started, I felt so frustrated (especially in the recent past) where I felt that it was perhaps my life's curse to remain just a shadow of myself and never really do anything with commitment & long-term resolve... that's started changing now
I want to contribute so much in so many ways , I would much rather let my actions speak for themsleves.. but I feel that I first need to exorcise my inner demons, otherwise how could I possibly help others?
Thnx, Angela!

Originally Posted by m18pak

Man can accomplish nothing without routine. In order for us to take action we must create patterns (more commonly known as habits) in our lives that we consistently follow.

Think of it this way: man is more animal than machine, which means that we behave in conditioned ways. We do something and if it produces a desired outcome then we repeat that action, and as time goes on that conditioning becomes stronger and stronger until the action becomes almost automatic. This is what enables us to survive. Imagine if for every action you had to consciously decide how to do it e.g. imagine if everytime you came to a door you had to consciously decide whether to turn the doorknob or to push on it or to headbutt it to try and get it open.
?

That hit the nail on the head, makes me re-examine my approach...

Originally Posted by m18pak

You are doing just fine! Consider that the only reason you haven't taken inspired action is that you haven't distinguished anything that really inspires you yet. You can do that now, and see what steps are possible for you out of that inspiring possibility. Who wants to act out of shame, guilt, misery, self-hatred and ruination?!? Wouldn't it be a lot more fun to live your live and base your actions on something that really lights you on fire?

That helps affirm that I'm on the right track... especially from some1 who's already going thru similar experiences...

[theSeeker]

The problem is that even though I have changed quite a lot over the last couple of years, I still feel it's too little too late...
There's so much to do (work on myself), when I do become strong enough to help others? At this rate might take me a lifetime...
I am simply dissatisfied with the rate of improvement... seems really slow

strongly feel that if there r others with a similar problem out here (not able to move fast enough from knowledge/understanding to action/visible change) , we can maybe team up, motivate each other.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by theSeeker

.. but I feel that I first need to exorcise my inner demons, otherwise how could I possibly help others?..

Mother Theresa had some pretty major inner demons, and she went ahead and made a big difference in the lives of others anyway. Why wait?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

The time is going to pass anyway, might as well fill it with working to make things better. Also, most people are not perfect when they start helping others, they just have a desire to help. That comes through even if you don't have all the answers.

Good luck.

[Kaspian]

Originally Posted by theSeeker

Hmmm... I should be less self-critical... although part of myself believes that it would make me too soft, & probably lessen my drive... dunno if that's true though coz this method's far from efficacious.

You could try it for 2-4 weeks and see what happens. Worst case: You decide to go back to what you're doing now. Best case: You find you're more inspired and enjoy life more.