Love or Money?

[snaggletooth]

In sitting down and starting to read Setting Your Primary Focus I came to a fork in the road. -- Love or money?

These two areas of my life have been lacking for a while now, but I have never been able to settle. It is like World War 2 every time I decide to sit down and try to pick a side. One day, I'll be on the side of love, and the other I will be on the side of money. It's a battle between the heart and the mind. Let me explain why it's so hard for me to pick a side:

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Love: First off, I want to say that I'm eighteen with another couple months until 19. In all of those beautiful 18 years, I have not had a girlfriend. Why? Fear. And the weird thing is that it wasn't due to any of the usual fears. It was due to my fear of dancing. I have no clue why, but I've always had a fear of dancing. From middle school (sixth grade+) onward, I have had at least one girl show interest in me, every year, but I let fear cripple me. My reasoning was that if I showed interest in the girl and ended getting together with her, there would come a time when I will have to dance with her. So, I avoided that at all costs. Come the end of senior year, I got into personal development and I managed to get over most of my insecurities. Nonetheless, I'm still somewhat fearful of dancing, but I am not afraid to show off my incompetency if I need to (by the way, I have dance lessons scheduled for about a month from now, so I am going to get a handle on that).

Anyway, I can feel this void in my life starting suck the life out of me. When I get pretty down, I usually use the excuse that I've gone 18 years without love, what's another year or two going to do? My heart tells me to go for love, forget money, forget achievement.

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Money: On the other end of the ring, we have controversial heavyweight of the world, money. Now, please understand that when I say money, I am not thinking of those pieces of paper that we all use to buy material bullcrap with. That's not a big deal for me. It's what money represents to me that makes me desire it on the level of love. It's freedom. Being able to do anything, go anywhere, contribute to society, the world, in whichever way I please, being able to extend my creativity freely without the chokehold of the rat-race most of us are trapped in. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get beyond this cage. Not for the material items, but for the experiences I will be able to engage in. Travel, creation, contribution, peace, joy. These aren't just experiences I want for myself, they are things I want to spread, to be a source of these for other people to use and benefit from.

It seems like ever since I got into personal development, my financial opportunities have been multiplying. Also, my change in philosophy has enabled me to see the virtually endless number of opportunities that we are surrounded by. As a result, I'd like to keep my momentum in this direction going, while I'm young and hungry to learn (not that I'm ever going to lose that passion). I feel blessed that I have gotten into personal development at this stage of my life, as it's beginning. I know that the sooner I handle this, the sooner I can spread my wings and fly freely.

I enjoy giving my all to everything that I do. By getting my finances past the point of 'survival need' and into the realm of abundance, I can truly give my all to this world. Also, once I've achieved that, I can dedicate my all to a mate.

It seems like girls nowadays are pretty focused on the present with not very much appreciation for the potential of the future.

I need some advice from you all. What do you think I should do?

I appreciate it,

Nick

[eblight]

I'm not a guy so I hope you don't mind me replying. I read your posting and it sounds like you're really very aware. Do you really have to know how to dance to get a girlfriend? If so once you got over your fear you'd probably be a great dancer and have lots of fun. All the self awareness you're into will give you that confidence. Being financially free gives you a lot more options in life. You are only young and everything I read about money is beginning to save and invest it as early as possible.

[JimOfferman]

Nick,

You shouldn't be focused on 'love or money', but instead on 'love and freedom'. Start with creating the live you love and being who you love being. In due time you will attract a partner who fits snuggly into that life. Thinking about freedom is more effective than thinking about money, because the former is a goal and the latter a means to an end. Love and freedom are also not mutually exclusive.

As for your fear of dancing... nowhere does it state 'Thou shall dance with thy spouse.' It really is perfectly fine for you not to dance ever in your life. You will be missing out on some wonderful experiences, though.

[snaggletooth]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Nick,

You shouldn't be focused on 'love or money', but instead on 'love and freedom'. Start with creating the live you love and being who you love being. In due time you will attract a partner who fits snuggly into that life. Thinking about freedom is more effective than thinking about money, because the former is a goal and the latter a means to an end. Love and freedom are also not mutually exclusive.

As for your fear of dancing... nowhere does it state 'Thou shall dance with thy spouse.' It really is perfectly fine for you not to dance ever in your life. You will be missing out on some wonderful experiences, though.

For me, money = freedom. They are pretty much interchangeable for me. If I was living somewhere like Norway, maybe it wouldn't be so, but here, in America, there are many more expenses to surpassing the 'survival' stage of building a life.

Thanks for your advice. Just to clear up my understanding a bit, are you saying I should go for the money (aka freedom) and make that my major year's focus?

And yeah, I know I'm missing out. That's why I finally made the decision to take dance lessons.

Nick