You Are NOT Responsible For Your Laziness

[Adrian]

I wrote this article a week or two ago, I thought it would make for some interesting discussion on these forums:

Path to Your Destiny » You Are Not Responsible for Your Laziness

Basically, I don't think you're responsible for your laziness. While you can control your emotions to a certain extent, you're always locked within the bounds of your context. Your context directs your actions, which you then take. I elaborated on this concept here (social roles) and here (more on context).

I know, I know, a lot to read. I don't expect all of you to read everything, but it's a starkly contrasting viewpoint to most personal development mindsets out there.

Thoughts, comments, questions, discussion?

[Angela]

You're absolutely right; your concept does starkly contrast with my view of what it takes to live a life I'm in love with.

There are several reasons for that, including semantics: the quality I call taking 100% responsibility does NOT involve blame, shame, guilt, or fault. Those conditions don't even exist, within my context. Your article seems to collapse the definition of blame and fault into the concept of taking 100% responsibility. So, you might say, "Don't listen to Angela when she tells you you're 100% responsible; it's your contexts' fault you hate your life!" and that might give you a sense of relief. But we're not really talking about the same thing.

100% responsibility, the way I say it, means: accepting reality, exactly as it is and exactly as it isn't; and looking to see how the way I'm being is having the world occur for me the way it does. If I accept and deliberately be, I am free to choose either to luxuriate in my laziness, in your example, or to choose another way of being that might work better and be more inspiring, like: being vital. But if I believe the thought that "I am lazy, and that's just the way I am, y'all better just deal with it" -- then I'm stuck. I have robbed myself of the freedom to choose. And I am the only person in the entire world who can do that.

So most importantly, the reason I feel that taking 100% responsibility for living a live I love is: It's Empowering. I would simply rather be the cause of my life than be resigned. The world and the people in it do influence me, and sometimes that influence is so strong it looks to me like force. But there is no external power so strong that it can force my choice of who I'm being.

And of course, you are perfectly free to choose the context of: "I have no choice -- I'm entirely at the effect of my context" or any other habitual belief. So's everybody. One really nice thing about the folks here, though, is that there's a preponderance of us who value freedom, and are willing to boldly declare what we can deliberately Be, without regard to the resigned and fearful influence of people who believe that is denial, delusional, or goofy.

Phew. Now I am lazy.

[Statikkk]

Angela - if you're not already, you should be a professional writer

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Statikkk

Angela - if you're not already, you should be a professional writer

If only I wasn't so lazy!

[The David]

Originally Posted by Angela

If only I weren't so lazy!

Now you can be a professional writer!

[Angela]

...or I could be if my public weren't so nitpicky!

[Trezker]

Originally Posted by Angela

...or I could be if my public weren't so nitpicky!

I'd prefer you use the word audience.

[Angela]

I quit! I'm going to remain an amateur. (Wait till I get on Oprah, THEN you call sling tomatoes. I'll be too rich to care.)

[Lauxa]

Hi Adrian, I read the first article you linked to. I think the benefits of taking responsibility for your context have to be experienced first-hand.

I am basically a hardened agnostic, not just in matters of religion but also in matters of health, politics, and science. I believe that I have no way of knowing for sure the Truth about anything. While holding that thought, I will still act as if certain things are true, which I will call belief.

From this standpoint, I can value stories on their usefulness instead of their Truth. And the belief that people can control their lives is much more useful than the belief that they can't, especially when coupled with a complete lack of guilt. I would challenge you to name one useful conclusion that can be drawn from the belief that people are not able to change from within.

[Adrian]

Angela: But have you ever thought about the reason you choose to believe you have freedom is because your context reinforces that belief that you have freedom to take 100% responsibility? Some people don't believe this, and their environment reinforces that belief in them. 99% of people don't wake up and say "Well, you know, today I'm going to quit my job, pack all of my stuff in the car, and drive to the Atlantic Ocean. " Why? 'Cause there are repercussions due to that behavior - freedom can only take you so far, context provides the boundaries of your actions.

But there is no external power so strong that it can force my choice of who I'm being.

So true, this quote is going into a file of quotes I like. I think you're right, though. We may not be able to control what some of our environments do to us, but we can choose what environments we put ourselves into, giving us greater control over our freedoms and who we want to become.

I do have to say that my beliefs are more in line with what you believe, and while I exercise 100% responsibility for my life, I also think context can play a big role in the actions that we take. (For example, I think context had something to do with Steve carrying out his 30 day raw trial to completion. It's easy to give up when you're the only one who cares about what you do, but Steve had a huge amount of people looking at his every move, which acted as a method of control to keep him going.)

Ooh, I feel like I'm playing the Devil's advocate, in a way! One reason I love these forums is that there's always somebody's viewpoint that's totally different than mine, and it's so cool to have a discussion like this.

[Adrian]

Lauxa: Hrm... I can't draw any conclusions, since even with a context that shows you possible outcomes, change has to happen within you to make those outcomes possible.

For example, say a guy goes to a party with three friends. He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all. Did something change within him to cause him to take the drug? (For example, "Hey, what the hell, why don't I take this, my views on drugs are dated anyways.") Or did his context cause him to shift his behavior, even though he would normally never do anything like that? (For example, "Ugh, if I don't take this drug, my friends are going to think I'm stupid, and the people at this party are going to laugh at me.")

It can be a bit deeper than that, but I think my point is still there. You can take full responsibility for what happens to you, but how much is it full responsibility vs. partial responsibility and your environment? That guy could have changed, but he also might not have... I guess it's up to you to decide!

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by Adrian

For example, say a guy goes to a party with three friends. He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all. Did something change within him to cause him to take the drug? (For example, "Hey, what the hell, why don't I take this, my views on drugs are dated anyways.") Or did his context cause him to shift his behavior, even though he would normally never do anything like that? (For example, "Ugh, if I don't take this drug, my friends are going to think I'm stupid, and the people at this party are going to laugh at me.")

That guy was exceedingly weak in his stand against doing drugs.

[Keith]

IMO, you should be immediately suspicious of anything that's simplified down to a binary "either/or" (in this case either context-driven or absolute freedom of choice).

You're quite right that people are constrained by their contexts. Your average person literally cannot suddenly go "I think I'll become a cannibal!" - the foundations for that choice just aren't in their makeup.

However, it seems fairly likely that people can exercise Free Will within their context.

Now here's the interesting bit: You can use that freedom of choice to make choices that shift the borders of your context. You see it all the time in Steve's writing. Steve started off on the Standard American Diet (SAD) and is now a vegan who just completed a raw foodist trial.

It wasn't in SAD Steve's context to become a vegan raw foodist - he just didn't have the foundation in him to make that kind of a change. But he did make the choice to eat a bit healthier. He also made the choice to explore personal growth. Those two choices, plus others shifted the borders of his context. Within this new context he made choices which shifted the border further. And so on. And so on.

So, to return to the original topic: It would be a grave mistake to think that you can just do away with laziness through sheer willpower. It would also be a grave mistake to think that you can't gradually build your capacity over time.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Adrian

For example, say a guy goes to a party with three friends. He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all.

(snip)

It can be a bit deeper than that, but I think my point is still there. You can take full responsibility for what happens to you, but how much is it full responsibility vs. partial responsibility and your environment? That guy could have changed, but he also might not have... I guess it's up to you to decide!

The guy taking the drugs is 100% his responsibility. All the environment (or context, if you will) did was provide an opportunity. It most certainly is not responsible for his actions.

If someone hands me a gun, that alone doesn't make me a killer. If I take the gun and pull the trigger, on the other hand...

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Keith

Standard American Diet (SAD)

Such a fitting abbreviation!

[Vee]

Hi Angela,

Another great post. I do love the idea of taking responsibility for my life - it does feel empowering.

But i still think no-one can be 100 per cent responsible for their life as they are affected by other people. You can be responsible for how you react to events in your life. But i don't think you can be 100 per cent responsible for the events.

If i am raped, or beaten up, or bullied, i will take responsibility for how i deal with the event but not the event itself, no way!

This troubles me cos I would feel i would have to blame myself for being raped or abused if i am wholly responsible for my life. And this isn't healthy.

[Brutha]

Responsibility is not something that exists in objective reality. It a man made concept.
Taking responsibility is a creative process not an analytic one.
Something happens and afterwards you do something about it by taking responsibility for it.

Analyzing a situation whether you are "guilty" doesn't lead anywhere.

It much better to see in the future and judge what impact taking responsibility has in it.

A good example would be the US minister of defense after the torture in Abu Ghraib, who didn't step down.
Even when he didn't know of the torture before and didn't wanted it to happen taking responsibility would still have sent the right message to the world. Having responsibility is part of being a minister of defense.

In a similar way, every citizen has a responsibility because he is a citizen in a state.

If someone hands me a gun, that alone doesn't make me a killer. If I take the gun and pull the trigger, on the other hand...

On the other hand if someone hands you the gun, a big justification and peer pressure 99% will pull the trigger.
If you can create a stong enough environment you can shape a person to do anything.

He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all.

There is a huge difference between what people say are their values and the value they act by.

[RT Wolf]

^ Sounds like Humian skepticism combined with Pragmatism.

Edit: Whoops, I meant that for Lauxa.

[Angela]

Adrian, you ask "does something change" within the adamant non-drug-user who yields when he's faced with peer pressure? Absolutely! He had one way of being: "I am committed to being drug-free" and then he was being another way, "What these people say is more important than my commitment to myself and my well-being. I must submit to their desires in order to be (liked, respected, etc.)" His friends did not put a gun to his head and force him to do drugs. He made a free choice, although this is one of those circumstances I was talking about, where outside influence is so strong that it LOOKS like force.

Brutha's gun in hand story is the same. Because I live in a gang-infested, poverty-stricken, pain-filled environment does not force me to choose murder as an option. There are infinite other choices than taking a life, but it sure LOOKS to these kids that they have no choice.

And Vee -- Once again, responsibility and blame are not the same thing at all. If a woman is raped, when I say she is responsible, I am not saying she is to BLAME for what happened to her. I am saying she has choices that she can make before, during, and after what happens to her -- and responsibility entails looking boldly at the choices she makes. Again, that does not mean blaming herself. You're not responsible for everything that happens in the world; you are responsible with what you make it all mean, and you are responsible for living a life you love, no matter the circumstances. No one else is going to GIVE you a life you love. Only you can do that.

And finally Keith: I disagree with you. If the average person wants to be a cannibal, he can certainly be a cannibal. And there are consequences to that, and he is responsible for those consequences, and why in the world would the average person want to be a cannibal? What kind of deep longings are lurking deep in your psyche?!?

[Adrian]

Wow! I didn't realize this post would strike such a chord with people!

Keith: Your views just about match up with my views! I think you have free will in the realm of your context, and you can change the borders of / switch up the context as often as you like. (What possesses you to change contexts - free will, your context promoting that behavior, etc. - I don't know. But I think it's possible!)

Take these forums, for example. We all know what the forums are to be used for. And we all know the people who come to these forums have the power to choose their own behavior. We don't necessarily see a lot of people spamming around, making personal attacks on members, going bonkers in posts... why is that? Is it because the forums provide the context of a nurturing environment for a great discussion, or the people who post here just have a lot of restraint? The context provides you with what actions are acceptable and not acceptable to take; you then use free will to decide what actions you play out. People who want to be accepted in this context use their free will to decide on the actions to take to be a productive, supportive member of the forums; people who don't want to be accepted and want to lash out do the opposite actions.

JimOfferman: I don't know if I necessarily agree. Remember the Milgram experiment? Good people cave under pressure when they're told exactly what to do and they have no choice. It's like I said before, I think context provides you with the acceptable actions to take and incentives to take them. Free will with a twist, perhaps?

Brutha's gun in hand story is the same. Because I live in a gang-infested, poverty-stricken, pain-filled environment does not force me to choose murder as an option.

I agree, but I think the environment made the "murder" option look 90% better than the "let's all get along!" option. Nobody can force you to do anything, but they can sure change things to make deviant options seem pretty sweet!

There was a lot of interesting discussion here! Like I said, my view is you have some free will, but it exists inside of your context. You can take full responsibility and switch up your context, but ultimately your context determines what kinds of behaviors you'll take - acceptable and non-acceptable.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Adrian

...your context determines what kinds of behaviors you'll take...

That, in my view, is the epitome of non-responsible point of view.

Although I agree that context, or circumstance, influences what behaviors you'll take, only individual choice determines it.

I'm not saying you *should* accept 100% responsibility for your choices and for living a life you love. I am saying that not doing so is a great way to sentence yourself to resignation, resentment, and not being in love with your own life. That doesn't work for me, but if it works for you, go for it whole hog!

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Adrian

Keith: Your views just about match up with my views! I think you have free will in the realm of your context, and you can change the borders of / switch up the context as often as you like. (What possesses you to change contexts - free will, your context promoting that behavior, etc. - I don't know. But I think it's possible!)

If our views basically agree, I'm afraid that doesn't come across in your blog entry.

Your blog entry makes it sound like your context is entirely out of your control.

It also fails to mention that you control the filter to your context.

Originally Posted by Angela

That, in my view, is the epitome of non-responsible point of view.
Although I agree that context, or circumstance, influences what behaviors you'll take, only individual choice determines it.

I would go a step beyond "influences" and say that your context constrains (ie. places a border around) your possible actions.

However, I think I'm using the term "context" more broadly than Adrian - I use it to include both your environment and the mental filters that you apply to that environment. After all, all of us are experiencing our environment subjectively, so the way we perceive is as much a part of our reality as the objective facts, and we can only take actions that fall within that reality model.

eg. Someone with a pessimistic outlook on life can't just instantly become an optimist because they decide to. Their context doesn't support it - they won't believe it, any more than you could choose to believe that you can fly.

They need to reshape their context first. Perhaps by posting positive quotes around the place. Perhaps by constantly reminding themselves that optimism may be subjective, but so is pessimism. Perhaps by deliberately reading about a role model who made a similar life change. etc. etc. By expanding their context to one that makes optimism a possibility they can change.

BTW, to me, your difference of opinion with Adrian is largely because you have such an expansive and empowering context (probably both external and internal) that the boundaries are hard to see. Adrian, OTOH, seems to have a context with a lot more constraining boundaries than yours.

My context is closer to Adrian's than yours but I'm in the process of trying to expand their borders.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Keith

I would go a step beyond "influences" and say that your context constrains (ie. places a border around) your possible actions.

However, I think I'm using the term "context" more broadly than Adrian - I use it to include both your environment and the mental filters that you apply to that environment. ...
They need to reshape their context first. ...

BTW, to me, your difference of opinion with Adrian is largely because you have such an expansive and empowering context (probably both external and internal) that the boundaries are hard to see. Adrian, OTOH, seems to have a context with a lot more constraining boundaries than yours.

My context is closer to Adrian's than yours but I'm in the process of trying to expand their borders.

Keith, I believe that the constraint itself is an illusion, and you do have the power to dismantle the illusion and see that the constraint is nothing but a ghost. I also believe, because I've experienced over and over again in my coaching, that BREAKTHROUGH is possible -- you don't have to go through a linear "life lesson" of reshaping your context first, and then see unlimited possibility in your life. Rather, it's possible (and a lot of fun!) to recognize that the constraints are self-imposed, not externally imposed, to see that you can have ANYTHING you want, and then to choose from the infinite menu something that inspires you, right now.

[Brutha]

Brutha's gun in hand story is the same. Because I live in a gang-infested, poverty-stricken, pain-filled environment does not force me to choose murder as an option.

That isn't my story. A gang-infested, poverty-stricken, pain-filled environment does neither contain necessarly peer pressure or justifications for 'immoral' actions.

The milgram experiment shows how much a pretty weak force like an authority figure can do.
Having your friends tell you to do something or the leave you (all of them) is a lot stronger.
Getting emotional through say, the loss of the life of a friend lets also a lot of mental borders melt away.

The other factor are justifications. A lot of people would kill to save either their own life or that of a loved one.

We don't necessarily see a lot of people spamming around, making personal attacks on members, going bonkers in posts... why is that?

Or maybe because we moderate the forum and don't allow either spamming around or attacking other members and those posts disappear very quickly?
But that also the reason why I find it important to quickly delete those posts. If you delete them you create an enviroment where there no posts of that nature you will get a lot less of them.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Angela

Keith, I believe that the constraint itself is an illusion, and you do have the power to dismantle the illusion and see that the constraint is nothing but a ghost. I also believe, because I've experienced over and over again in my coaching, that BREAKTHROUGH is possible -- you don't have to go through a linear "life lesson" of reshaping your context first, and then see unlimited possibility in your life. Rather, it's possible (and a lot of fun!) to recognize that the constraints are self-imposed, not externally imposed, to see that you can have ANYTHING you want, and then to choose from the infinite menu something that inspires you, right now.

I think we're talking about the same thing. Like I said in my last post, you subjectively interpret your context and can reshape both the environment itself and how you perceive of that environment.

"Experiencing a breakthrough" sounds like what I would call expanding the borders of how you perceive your environment.

Use of terms like "dismantle" suggest that you also agree that expanding the border is an ongoing process rather than an instant one.

So I'm honestly not clear what, if anything, we're disagreeing on.

[EDIT]

Let me make this a little clearer:

You say "it's possible (and a lot of fun!) to recognize that the constraints are self-imposed, not externally imposed". I totally agree, but I would clarify that your mind needs to be primed for this recognition. If you walk up to your average mired-in-debt, SAD-eating, generally miserable person on the street and said "Your constraints are self-imposed, not externally imposed" they're just not going to make that mental leap to join you. The constraints may be internally imposed, but they're still there! And those constraints prevent them from seeing that they can escape the constraints!

You can only do something that seems at least possible from your current worldview. Your worldview needs to be opened to allow for the possibilities.

I would actually be very interested to hear about your transition.

[Angela]

That's for sure, Keith; it really takes something for a person to look around at his life and think, you know, I am absolutely committed to living a life I love. Things may be bleak or mediocre, but I am taking a stand here and now to live a life that I'm head over heels in love with.

Not many people do that, you are so right! And I wouldn't walk up to someone on the street and demand that they do. Everyone is free to look at that for themselves, and who am I to tell them what they should be doing?

However, on this site, where personal development is the basic gold standard, I feel pretty good about assuming that most people here are at least available to hearing about the possibility of being in love with their lives, and considering it for themselves. Not everybody wants to, of course, and I have to continually let go of my idea that everybody does!

And in the meanwhile, my purpose in life is to boldly generate free-flowing love and joy, and that's why I'm always yammering about living a life you love. In my experience, it's pretty damned spectacular to be in love with your life, and I would love for everyone in the world to feel that way. I'm so sorry if I come across as a proselytizer; I hate proselytizers! But I figure it's worth putting out what I've got, which is the desire to abundantly illuminate the flow of love and joy everywhere I can, if anyone wants to tap into it. This is a place where smart people with good lives are committed to taking their lives to a new level, and I feel fairly free about sharing what I've got with people like that (like you).

In that effort, I'm getting ready to launch my website and coaching business, AlegriaLife.com. I'll talk about what it means to really FEEL GOOD ON PURPOSE on my site. I'll also talk about what shape that has taken in my life, and how others can get there, either with my coaching help or on their own. I'm hoping some of my coachees will allow me to share with you some of the wonderful things they've made possible for their lives in the realm of living a life they love.

I hope you'll take a look -- I'll let you know when I'm up and running.

[MartialDev]

All this time, I've been blaming society for my laziness. Feels great to finally have some vindication!

[LaVeda]

Angela,

I just finished reading your post on laziness, and the ones on our being social actors in social roles.

In my opinion, you've nailed it! Tell me if I have it right:

Accomplishing our goals is a tripod:

Seeing the 'play' that we are in (context), and the role that we have been given/selected to perform (social role). The third part of the tripod is realizing that we are directors/set designers/producers/stage hands in this 'play'.

We can change the role, the script, the stage, and the props on that stage.

It seems that the problem with a lot of us is that we don't see the 'fourth wall', and believe that what is around us cannot be changed. (A Star Trek TNG episode called 'Frame of Mind', where Riker is mentally tortured comes to mind. At the end of the play, as part of his recovery therapy, he dismantles the set.)

So, while the solution is simple, the really hard works begins once you realize the existence of that 'fourth wall'. (Nobody ever said that 'behind the scenes' work is easy!!)

LaVeda

[Adrian]

Originally Posted by Keith

If our views basically agree, I'm afraid that doesn't come across in your blog entry.

Your blog entry makes it sound like your context is entirely out of your control.

It also fails to mention that you control the filter to your context.

While you can control the borders, filter, etc., of your context to some extent, how often do you deliberately choose each and every environment and people you are going to encounter on your day to day life?

I touched on my view of free will at the end - "I like to think it’s (laziness / you behaviors / your views) a bit of both. Your environment creates who you are, but you actually do have some way in the realm of free will and thinking." The blog entry was written more context-driven to make a strong point and get people to think and debate. (Success!)

While I don't think you have 100%, complete free will to do whatever you want, I think you have the power to exercise choices in the realm of your context. Context tells you "these things are acceptable behavior, these things are not acceptable behavior." You choose - with your free will - what to act out on, based on your context. Context tells you that casual drug use is okay? You'll probably engage in that behavior. Context tells you X? You'll start believing and acting out X. (It's kind of basic when you think about it - why don't parents want their kids to hang around the wrong crowd?)

It's something interesting to think about. If you had no context, no rules, no boundaries, would you still have 100% free will, or would other forces pull you to take certain actions? How much free will do you have in a given context? How far can you push the boundaries of certain contexts? How do you decide on what contexts to put yourself in? How much influence does a given context have over your life? So many questions!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Adrian

While you can control the borders, filter, etc., of your context to some extent, how often do you deliberately choose each and every environment and people you are going to encounter on your day to day life?

100% responsibility is not about deliberately choosing where and with whom you're going to be every day. It's a matter of deliberately choosing what you make it mean, that you are there and what happens. And that is something that can be done each and every day, all day.