You Are NOT Responsible For Your Laziness

[Adrian]

I wrote this article a week or two ago, I thought it would make for some interesting discussion on these forums:

Path to Your Destiny » You Are Not Responsible for Your Laziness

Basically, I don't think you're responsible for your laziness. While you can control your emotions to a certain extent, you're always locked within the bounds of your context. Your context directs your actions, which you then take. I elaborated on this concept here (social roles) and here (more on context).

I know, I know, a lot to read. I don't expect all of you to read everything, but it's a starkly contrasting viewpoint to most personal development mindsets out there.

Thoughts, comments, questions, discussion?

[Angela]

You're absolutely right; your concept does starkly contrast with my view of what it takes to live a life I'm in love with.

There are several reasons for that, including semantics: the quality I call taking 100% responsibility does NOT involve blame, shame, guilt, or fault. Those conditions don't even exist, within my context. Your article seems to collapse the definition of blame and fault into the concept of taking 100% responsibility. So, you might say, "Don't listen to Angela when she tells you you're 100% responsible; it's your contexts' fault you hate your life!" and that might give you a sense of relief. But we're not really talking about the same thing.

100% responsibility, the way I say it, means: accepting reality, exactly as it is and exactly as it isn't; and looking to see how the way I'm being is having the world occur for me the way it does. If I accept and deliberately be, I am free to choose either to luxuriate in my laziness, in your example, or to choose another way of being that might work better and be more inspiring, like: being vital. But if I believe the thought that "I am lazy, and that's just the way I am, y'all better just deal with it" -- then I'm stuck. I have robbed myself of the freedom to choose. And I am the only person in the entire world who can do that.

So most importantly, the reason I feel that taking 100% responsibility for living a live I love is: It's Empowering. I would simply rather be the cause of my life than be resigned. The world and the people in it do influence me, and sometimes that influence is so strong it looks to me like force. But there is no external power so strong that it can force my choice of who I'm being.

And of course, you are perfectly free to choose the context of: "I have no choice -- I'm entirely at the effect of my context" or any other habitual belief. So's everybody. One really nice thing about the folks here, though, is that there's a preponderance of us who value freedom, and are willing to boldly declare what we can deliberately Be, without regard to the resigned and fearful influence of people who believe that is denial, delusional, or goofy.

Phew. Now I am lazy.

[Statikkk]

Angela - if you're not already, you should be a professional writer

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Statikkk

Angela - if you're not already, you should be a professional writer

If only I wasn't so lazy!

[The David]

Originally Posted by Angela

If only I weren't so lazy!

Now you can be a professional writer!

[Angela]

...or I could be if my public weren't so nitpicky!

[Trezker]

Originally Posted by Angela

...or I could be if my public weren't so nitpicky!

I'd prefer you use the word audience.

[Angela]

I quit! I'm going to remain an amateur. (Wait till I get on Oprah, THEN you call sling tomatoes. I'll be too rich to care.)

[Lauxa]

Hi Adrian, I read the first article you linked to. I think the benefits of taking responsibility for your context have to be experienced first-hand.

I am basically a hardened agnostic, not just in matters of religion but also in matters of health, politics, and science. I believe that I have no way of knowing for sure the Truth about anything. While holding that thought, I will still act as if certain things are true, which I will call belief.

From this standpoint, I can value stories on their usefulness instead of their Truth. And the belief that people can control their lives is much more useful than the belief that they can't, especially when coupled with a complete lack of guilt. I would challenge you to name one useful conclusion that can be drawn from the belief that people are not able to change from within.

[Adrian]

Angela: But have you ever thought about the reason you choose to believe you have freedom is because your context reinforces that belief that you have freedom to take 100% responsibility? Some people don't believe this, and their environment reinforces that belief in them. 99% of people don't wake up and say "Well, you know, today I'm going to quit my job, pack all of my stuff in the car, and drive to the Atlantic Ocean. " Why? 'Cause there are repercussions due to that behavior - freedom can only take you so far, context provides the boundaries of your actions.

But there is no external power so strong that it can force my choice of who I'm being.

So true, this quote is going into a file of quotes I like. I think you're right, though. We may not be able to control what some of our environments do to us, but we can choose what environments we put ourselves into, giving us greater control over our freedoms and who we want to become.

I do have to say that my beliefs are more in line with what you believe, and while I exercise 100% responsibility for my life, I also think context can play a big role in the actions that we take. (For example, I think context had something to do with Steve carrying out his 30 day raw trial to completion. It's easy to give up when you're the only one who cares about what you do, but Steve had a huge amount of people looking at his every move, which acted as a method of control to keep him going.)

Ooh, I feel like I'm playing the Devil's advocate, in a way! One reason I love these forums is that there's always somebody's viewpoint that's totally different than mine, and it's so cool to have a discussion like this.

[Adrian]

Lauxa: Hrm... I can't draw any conclusions, since even with a context that shows you possible outcomes, change has to happen within you to make those outcomes possible.

For example, say a guy goes to a party with three friends. He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all. Did something change within him to cause him to take the drug? (For example, "Hey, what the hell, why don't I take this, my views on drugs are dated anyways.") Or did his context cause him to shift his behavior, even though he would normally never do anything like that? (For example, "Ugh, if I don't take this drug, my friends are going to think I'm stupid, and the people at this party are going to laugh at me.")

It can be a bit deeper than that, but I think my point is still there. You can take full responsibility for what happens to you, but how much is it full responsibility vs. partial responsibility and your environment? That guy could have changed, but he also might not have... I guess it's up to you to decide!

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by Adrian

For example, say a guy goes to a party with three friends. He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all. Did something change within him to cause him to take the drug? (For example, "Hey, what the hell, why don't I take this, my views on drugs are dated anyways.") Or did his context cause him to shift his behavior, even though he would normally never do anything like that? (For example, "Ugh, if I don't take this drug, my friends are going to think I'm stupid, and the people at this party are going to laugh at me.")

That guy was exceedingly weak in his stand against doing drugs.

[Keith]

IMO, you should be immediately suspicious of anything that's simplified down to a binary "either/or" (in this case either context-driven or absolute freedom of choice).

You're quite right that people are constrained by their contexts. Your average person literally cannot suddenly go "I think I'll become a cannibal!" - the foundations for that choice just aren't in their makeup.

However, it seems fairly likely that people can exercise Free Will within their context.

Now here's the interesting bit: You can use that freedom of choice to make choices that shift the borders of your context. You see it all the time in Steve's writing. Steve started off on the Standard American Diet (SAD) and is now a vegan who just completed a raw foodist trial.

It wasn't in SAD Steve's context to become a vegan raw foodist - he just didn't have the foundation in him to make that kind of a change. But he did make the choice to eat a bit healthier. He also made the choice to explore personal growth. Those two choices, plus others shifted the borders of his context. Within this new context he made choices which shifted the border further. And so on. And so on.

So, to return to the original topic: It would be a grave mistake to think that you can just do away with laziness through sheer willpower. It would also be a grave mistake to think that you can't gradually build your capacity over time.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Adrian

For example, say a guy goes to a party with three friends. He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all.

(snip)

It can be a bit deeper than that, but I think my point is still there. You can take full responsibility for what happens to you, but how much is it full responsibility vs. partial responsibility and your environment? That guy could have changed, but he also might not have... I guess it's up to you to decide!

The guy taking the drugs is 100% his responsibility. All the environment (or context, if you will) did was provide an opportunity. It most certainly is not responsible for his actions.

If someone hands me a gun, that alone doesn't make me a killer. If I take the gun and pull the trigger, on the other hand...

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Keith

Standard American Diet (SAD)

Such a fitting abbreviation!

[Vee]

Hi Angela,

Another great post. I do love the idea of taking responsibility for my life - it does feel empowering.

But i still think no-one can be 100 per cent responsible for their life as they are affected by other people. You can be responsible for how you react to events in your life. But i don't think you can be 100 per cent responsible for the events.

If i am raped, or beaten up, or bullied, i will take responsibility for how i deal with the event but not the event itself, no way!

This troubles me cos I would feel i would have to blame myself for being raped or abused if i am wholly responsible for my life. And this isn't healthy.

[Brutha]

Responsibility is not something that exists in objective reality. It a man made concept.
Taking responsibility is a creative process not an analytic one.
Something happens and afterwards you do something about it by taking responsibility for it.

Analyzing a situation whether you are "guilty" doesn't lead anywhere.

It much better to see in the future and judge what impact taking responsibility has in it.

A good example would be the US minister of defense after the torture in Abu Ghraib, who didn't step down.
Even when he didn't know of the torture before and didn't wanted it to happen taking responsibility would still have sent the right message to the world. Having responsibility is part of being a minister of defense.

In a similar way, every citizen has a responsibility because he is a citizen in a state.

If someone hands me a gun, that alone doesn't make me a killer. If I take the gun and pull the trigger, on the other hand...

On the other hand if someone hands you the gun, a big justification and peer pressure 99% will pull the trigger.
If you can create a stong enough environment you can shape a person to do anything.

He's offered some sort of illegal drug, which he then takes, even though he always claimed he was 100% against any sort of drugs at all.

There is a huge difference between what people say are their values and the value they act by.

[RT Wolf]

^ Sounds like Humian skepticism combined with Pragmatism.

Edit: Whoops, I meant that for Lauxa.

[Angela]

Adrian, you ask "does something change" within the adamant non-drug-user who yields when he's faced with peer pressure? Absolutely! He had one way of being: "I am committed to being drug-free" and then he was being another way, "What these people say is more important than my commitment to myself and my well-being. I must submit to their desires in order to be (liked, respected, etc.)" His friends did not put a gun to his head and force him to do drugs. He made a free choice, although this is one of those circumstances I was talking about, where outside influence is so strong that it LOOKS like force.

Brutha's gun in hand story is the same. Because I live in a gang-infested, poverty-stricken, pain-filled environment does not force me to choose murder as an option. There are infinite other choices than taking a life, but it sure LOOKS to these kids that they have no choice.

And Vee -- Once again, responsibility and blame are not the same thing at all. If a woman is raped, when I say she is responsible, I am not saying she is to BLAME for what happened to her. I am saying she has choices that she can make before, during, and after what happens to her -- and responsibility entails looking boldly at the choices she makes. Again, that does not mean blaming herself. You're not responsible for everything that happens in the world; you are responsible with what you make it all mean, and you are responsible for living a life you love, no matter the circumstances. No one else is going to GIVE you a life you love. Only you can do that.

And finally Keith: I disagree with you. If the average person wants to be a cannibal, he can certainly be a cannibal. And there are consequences to that, and he is responsible for those consequences, and why in the world would the average person want to be a cannibal? What kind of deep longings are lurking deep in your psyche?!?

[Adrian]

Wow! I didn't realize this post would strike such a chord with people!

Keith: Your views just about match up with my views! I think you have free will in the realm of your context, and you can change the borders of / switch up the context as often as you like. (What possesses you to change contexts - free will, your context promoting that behavior, etc. - I don't know. But I think it's possible!)

Take these forums, for example. We all know what the forums are to be used for. And we all know the people who come to these forums have the power to choose their own behavior. We don't necessarily see a lot of people spamming around, making personal attacks on members, going bonkers in posts... why is that? Is it because the forums provide the context of a nurturing environment for a great discussion, or the people who post here just have a lot of restraint? The context provides you with what actions are acceptable and not acceptable to take; you then use free will to decide what actions you play out. People who want to be accepted in this context use their free will to decide on the actions to take to be a productive, supportive member of the forums; people who don't want to be accepted and want to lash out do the opposite actions.

JimOfferman: I don't know if I necessarily agree. Remember the Milgram experiment? Good people cave under pressure when they're told exactly what to do and they have no choice. It's like I said before, I think context provides you with the acceptable actions to take and incentives to take them. Free will with a twist, perhaps?

Brutha's gun in hand story is the same. Because I live in a gang-infested, poverty-stricken, pain-filled environment does not force me to choose murder as an option.

I agree, but I think the environment made the "murder" option look 90% better than the "let's all get along!" option. Nobody can force you to do anything, but they can sure change things to make deviant options seem pretty sweet!

There was a lot of interesting discussion here! Like I said, my view is you have some free will, but it exists inside of your context. You can take full responsibility and switch up your context, but ultimately your context determines what kinds of behaviors you'll take - acceptable and non-acceptable.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Adrian

...your context determines what kinds of behaviors you'll take...

That, in my view, is the epitome of non-responsible point of view.

Although I agree that context, or circumstance, influences what behaviors you'll take, only individual choice determines it.

I'm not saying you *should* accept 100% responsibility for your choices and for living a life you love. I am saying that not doing so is a great way to sentence yourself to resignation, resentment, and not being in love with your own life. That doesn't work for me, but if it works for you, go for it whole hog!

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Adrian