why do I do this?

[Priyanka]

Hi,

I watch TV, and I don't treat like it's a waste of time. But when I try to do anything, anything that I might enjoy, or anything, then I remember all the things "I'm supposed to be doing" and I go back to watching TV. Eventually those things I'm supposed to be doing get done, but I also end up wasting an incredible amount of time watching TV, daydreaming, do anything that's completely unproductive.

Any advice???

I feel like I've forgotten how to enjoy life. When I was young, I used to do all sorts of fun crafts kind of things, and I was obssessed with animals and would spend endless hours with them, and I loved to run around outside and I owuld do so mayn things.

Now when I have "free time" I waste it doing something unproductive because it numbs my mind from what I'm supposed to do.

How do I stop doing this????? Any suggestions???? I'm really struggling...

[beautyscientist]

Nothing wrong with watching telly if that is what you want to do.

It might not seem obvious at first, but have a look at Getting Things Done by Dave Allen. It is an easy read but there is a lot you can learn from it.

[ken nubo]

Hey Priyanka,

Try a 30 days no-tv trial

[Adrian]

You do that because... you learned that behavior as a social role and your context continuously reinforces that behavior!

Seriously. You probably watch TV because it's what you taught yourself to do, not because you're inherently lazy, a procrastinator, whatever. Your best bet is to change your environment to make it less conducive to mindless TV watching - whether it means getting rid of the TV, going out to restaurants to work on projects, and so on. Get rid of the TV watching context, and you'll go back to enjoying life.

[Parthon]

You are using TV as a break from those things you "should" be doing, that's obvious. But why don't you use your hobbies instead of TV. If you find yourself gravitating towards your TV, do one of those things you liked to do. You still won't get the "shoulda"s done, but at least you'll be enjoying yourself.

The other way is to learn time management techniques to get everything you need to do done first so you can go straight into those things you want to do instead.

I've used both methods and they definately have their good and bad points. I say the best thing is to try them and discover for yourself what works.

The important thing is that if something is not working, change it! Even if it gets worse, change it until it gets better. The worst thing you can do is to do nothing and never change.

[The Cloud]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I used to spend all sorts of time in front of the computer looking at random stuff on the internet, but when it came to doing something fun, I was always busy "doing homework," which we both know means that I felt guilty that I wasn't doing my homework so I didn't feel I deserved to go have fun. But I've recently hit on a solution, albeit a temporary one until I become more "enlightened" and never do things that I don't want to do. But until then, I have made the decision to set specific amounts of time for the things that I think need to be done. During these times, I work exclusively on the job that I set, and then once the time is up I refuse to work on it any more. It's a bit hard at first, but it gets a lot easier to forget about all that responsibility when you know you are going to have the time to do it because it's set in your schedule. Mine isn't super rigid, I've just dedicated myself to doing 5 hours of school work a day Monday-Thursday. Then on Friday-Sunday, I do absolutely nothing concerning school work, freeing me up to do anything I want to do.

The main principle behind it is that I simply acknowledge that homework is not something that I am supposed to like, it is simply something that must be done in order to maintain my current lifestyle. Once you resign yourself to disliking something, you spend a lot less time railing against it and more time getting it out of the way.

[ladybird]

To The Cloud: I have a similar story to yours. I used to spend most of my time apart from school-time reading manga(Japanese comics) or fanfictions. I told myself many times that I had to do my homework. I even tried to make plan, but I still failed everytime. I thought that may be I was addicted to manga and fanfic. About 4 weeks ago, after reading Steve's blog, I decided I had to change. I block all fanfiction web, all my manga and actually, I haven't read any manga or fanfic since then. But... still I can't make myself do homework, or whatever school-work I supposed to do. Instead of reading fanfic, I read stuff which randomly catch my attention. What's wrong with me? I asked myself again and again. I have to work, I must work, I need to work. My mind told me that's it's good for me. But I do conversely.
I've just read Steve's "thought vs. action" and the mind/body/heart/spirit thing is quite right to my case. I've tried but I still find they are quarreling!? May be I have to accept like you that I don't like homework, I don't like hard work and after all, all I want is doing nothing!? But something is still not right. I really don't know what to do.

[The Cloud]

To be completely honest, the way I described is only a short-term solution born out of a fear of letting go of the life I have and actually being who and what I want to be, so it isn't going to make you happy. So if you're looking for happiness, this method is definitely not the way. And I think that is the secret. I used to look for happiness and meaning in my homework, but the bucket kept coming up empty. I blamed myself, thinking that I was stupid or lazy for not being able to find some reason and will power to do my homework. I tried to tell myself that I was getting smarter, I was learning something and should be happy to do so. But what I've come to realize is that it's the homework that is stupid and worthless, that it's not designed to teach me or provide me any benefit but rather to simply test my qualifications in doing what I'm told to do. So I don't look for the reason or happiness anymore. I simply do it, knowing that it is providing me with no real benefit and is only a barrier created so that I don't have to deal with the fear of family members and money lenders.

The only beauty of this solution is that all it requires is quiet suffering in my part. No need to resolve contradictions, because I've already know what they are and know what I need to do when I am unable to stand them anymore. No requirement to feel purposeful, because the work has no personal purpose and is therefore an arbitrary task, above the need for questioning.

Ladybird, I will tell you what your problem is. You are still trying to justify what you are doing to yourself. You see what you are being told to do, and you are still trying to make it make sense, to give it a reason or a purpose or something to make it worthwhile. But deep inside, you know you hate it, you know that it is nothing to you and that there is nothing you can do to change that hate and make it go away, because you are betraying yourself in wasting your time doing it. You read manga to mentally escape. When you aren't reading manga, when you're trying to do your homework, you're still thinking about them. You're still imagining scenarios in your head, inventing fantasies, anything to put you in a reality where you aren't doing the homework, where it isn't an arbitrary constant. Where you are powerful, capable, free. If it's not manga, it's something else. Common escapisms include alchohol, sleep, internet, TV, movies, basically anything you do in order to numb your brain into not thinking about doing what you don't want to do.

At this point, you have 3 choices. You can choose the most common one; to struggle on, trying to find a reason and a purpose to something that has none to you, performing mediocrely in your studies and all the while justifying it by saying that this will lead to something you want, that someday it will be worth it and you will have success, whatever that is. The second option is to cast off your burden, realize that the arbitrary rules society imposes on you are not truly rules if you do not acknowledge them, that the ultimate purpose of your life is to be yourself and live as you wish, rather than to waste time doing homework you don't want to do or making money you don't know what to do with. The third option, my current state, is to accept the worthlessness of what you are doing and perform it anyways, to hate it silently, knowing you hate it and knowing it is doing you no good that you want to have done, knowing that fear is your master and you its obedient slave, fearing that they (the gray obscurity of "they" that is always judging you) have the power to truly harm you in the depths of your being.

My advice? Quit. The only way you can truly be hurt is to not be you. Nothing that anybody can do to you is as terrible as what you do to yourself when you let others define and design your life. You are self-sufficient, a being of infinite possibilities, and your only weakness is that you have been led to believe that the judgment of others is worthy of your consideration, that their threats to you should you step out of line are justified, that their right is better than your right. Don't be fooled. Nobody's judgment is important but your own, nobody's right is better than yours. I am able to tolerate my current state because I know that one day I will not be able to tolerate it, that one day it will come to break or be broken, and that I will be the one doing the breaking. I will know what it is to be without fear or doubt, what it is to be me and nobody else. It will happen, and it will happen soon enough for me. So I will bide my time. Change, true change, comes like a dam bursting. There are a few trickles of water, nothing serious unless you know what to look for, but then before you know it you're 3 floors deep in water and wondering how it all happened. I am slowly reaching the limit of my tolerance, I can feel the water trickling, and so it's only a matter of time. I know that this isn't all on topic, but I need to say it, even if only to myself.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Priyanka

Now when I have "free time" I waste it doing something unproductive because it numbs my mind from what I'm supposed to do.
How do I stop doing this????? Any suggestions???? I'm really struggling...

It sounds like you realise that avoidance is the problem, not television.

Here's a technique that might help. It's a variant of the "snowball" technique for debt reduction (aka the "easiest first" algorithm):

Prepare a list of the things you want yourself to be doing in order of difficulty, ranging from really, really easy (stop for 30 seconds to pat the dog) to as hard as you want.

The idea is that you start with something so insanely easy that you'd be embarrassed to not do it then, with that victory under your belt you'll feel more like moving onto the next thing. It's a lot easier with some momentum behind you.

[Gewyne]

This is the exact problem I have been suffering from. Until 2 weeks ago I had some serious quality of life issues. I started a blog a few days ago and have started to follow my journey to break out of this trap (I have only typed up 3 days so far - I am not a natural writer).

However as you can see from my first entry below I was in the same boat as you in the begining

This blog was at first a personal thing for me alone. One day I was sat down watching a re-run of a show I had seen 3 times before. In fact I always seemed to be watching a show I had seen two or three times before. I sighed, I looked around “I’m bored – there must be something I can do” I ran a mental list of all the things I needed to do. I sighed, folded my legs under myself and settled to watch the show yet again, hey whos counting.


This needed to change, my life was on autopilot, it was not passing exotic places, and it was not taking me to an ultimate goal or destination. When I looked out the windows I was not rewarded with new and interesting vistas. There was a clouded grey mists that made the last week, month, year, no it was years blur into one continuous ever lasting day. My life was a re-run, the same show, and the same thing, predictable. Worst, it was the same episode I knew the lines, the scripts, what was about to happen and after the credits I prepared to repeat it all again. My life was on autopilot, destination ? Nowhere

[Gewyne]

Originally Posted by Keith

The idea is that you start with something so insanely easy that you'd be embarrassed to not do it then, with that victory under your belt you'll feel more like moving onto the next thing. It's a lot easier with some momentum behind you.

This is so true - my first change was a promise to shave every day. A simple thing, but it means I will always be better groomed, making me feel slightly better and others will notice. I felt almost cheating doing this as it was not a large life changing thing, but I have managed to keep to this promise wheras a larger task may have seemed insur-mountable and wrecked my new regime from the start.

My blog is here Procrastination and Validation priyanka - would something like this help you ? I spend my time that was in front of the TV now writing my blog, reading books (I have several on Body language, mentoring, life coaching, and mind books). I know this may seem I have relaced one "waste" of time with another, but i feel much more challenged and feel I am making changes now that are positive.

[ladybird]

@ The Cloud: Thank you for your reply! Even before I join the forum, I almost figured out that my problem was not manga. I just can't accept it. Escapisms, right? 2 weeks ago, my computer was broken. If for anyone else, it was a bad luck. But for me, it was an opportunity, a rare opportunity to look at myself again. I'm trying very hard to understand the me deep inside. May be I'm getting clearer and clearer answer . I wish I could tell you more but right now, I can't find enough words (English is not my native language ) I promise I will tell you my progress, soon. Thank you very much for all your help!

@ everyone: I'm so happy to join the board. Knowing that I'm not the only one in this world facing the same problem is really an inspiration for me to change myself.
I've just found a tool which can help people who have problem with wasting_time_on_internet. An add-on of Firefox web browser


LeechBlock is a simple productivity tool designed to block those time-wasting sites that can suck the life out of your working day. (You know: the ones that rhyme with 'Blue Cube', 'Pie Face', 'Space Hook', 'Hash Pot', 'Sticky Media', and the like.) All you need to do is specify which sites to block and when to block them.

You can specify up to six sets of sites to block, with different times and days for each set. You can block sites within fixed time periods (e.g., between 9am and 5pm), after a time limit (e.g., 10 minutes in every hour), or with a combination of time periods and time limit (e.g., 10 minutes in every hour between 9am and 5pm). You can also set a password for access to the extension options, just to slow you down in moments of weakness!

The sites to block can be specified using wildcards (e.g., *.somesite.com) and exceptions (e.g., +allowme.somesite.com).

LeechBlock also keeps track of the total amount of time you have spent browsing the sites in each block set.

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4476

I know (and we all know) all tools, after all, are just tools, supports. We still have to "deal with" ourselves. I hope that this little tool will make "our struggle" easier. Good luck to U!