The Extra Mile

[andrew]

A thread by me not starting with "too", crazy!

Okay, so, I was taking with my dad the other day about me trying veg/vegan/raw trial. In this talk, I was giving him the some reasons why.

Basically:

1. Happier
2. Healthier

So they're all improvement reasons, ending in -er. This implies, I already have an amount of these qualities, I just want more. I'm fairly healthy and happy, but I hear this diet can make you even more, so why not?!

So herein lies the thing, I asked him why he wouldn't want to try it. He said he feels healthy and is as happy as he wants. Which, he's on the SAD and works his body hard, but no gym-like excersize. So, in my opinion, he's not as much as he COULD be.

That's the thing, if you could be healthier and happier, why not? Why settle for being content? If you knew you could be even more something, and the benefits greatly outweighed the sacrifices, why not?

Do people settle for mediocracy because of laziness or ignorance? I mean if they're happy, that's great! But what if they could be even more happy? They'd experience the new happiness, then go back to the old way, and see that they're not as happy as they could be.

I used the diet as an example, but can apply to a lot of things.

Is striving to get better, and aim to be the best you can be, such a rare quality to have?

[Angela]

Well, you're pretty accepting of people being exactly what they are and exactly what they are not, but you could be more so. Why are you not?

[andrew]

Oh no, it has nothing to do with being accepting.

If somebody doesn't want to try to reach for their full potential, it doesn't mean I don't accept them. But just because I accept who they are, doesn't mean I don't want to encourage them to be better either.

If they decide not to, I still accept them.

After a re-read of your post, I think I interpreted it wrong. So to answer that, what makes you think I'm not trying to be more accepting?

[jawillie]

Okay, here's my story.

I am making great headway on my physical body through diet and exercise (since September). It HAS brought me much happiness. For one, just taking control of one aspect of my life has given me confidence to try to take over other areas.

I do not feel it is due to "laziness" or "ignorance" that kept me from making the change years before.

In my case it was fear, lack of confidence and lack of love for myself to even take care of myself!

But I was NOT lazy.

Now, my body is shrinking (in a healthy manner, nothing extreme... I am making life-long changes), but my career is causing major unhappiness for me. I want to change it. I want to be happy, yet week after week I do NOTHING.

Do I know what to do? NO. So, maybe I AM ignorant in that area. There is also reality... like a pile of bills to pay and a husband who wants me to contribute to our lifestyle.

Am I lazy because I don't strive to change? No. I am scared to change anything. Again, FEAR.

In your example... your friend just doesn't TRULY feel that would offer him more happiness. He doesn't want to live that lifestyle. If he truly wanted to pursue a vegan lifestyle, he would. I know you all can tell me that it will produce more happiness in my life, but would it really? I don't think so. I see it as "one more thing" I have to change about myself. I would also have to eat differently than my very non-vegan husband. I see that bringing more STRESS in my life than happiness.

I DON'T know that being a vegan will make me healthier and happier, you are just telling me it would.

[andrew]

I was using it as an example, not the point itself about being vegan. I don't know if it will, that's why I'm doing the trial. But my point was, that IF it did, why not?

In your case, the sacrifices and changes to make would not be worth it, so that would make sense. I'm not trying to get into specifics, I'm just saying IF something would make you happier, why not?

You mentioned fear, that's a good one I didn't think of.

So the why not list would be:
1. Laziness
2. Ignorance
3. Fear

The why not list isn't for reasons why not to try a particular thing, or why it wouldn't work, it's more of why not do it if it would make you happier. Sorry if that sounds a little confusing.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by andrew

. So to answer that, what makes you think I'm not trying to be more accepting?

You're right, I don't know what you're trying to be more of. The tone of your OP made me think that you are not satisfied with your dad exactly as he is. You implied that he is being mediocre in this area, which to me sounds a little judgemental, as if you think he *should* take on your diet. And on a larger level, it sounds to me like you believe people *should* strive to be more or better.

You say that you accept people even if they don't take your encouragement, but if you're *shoulding* people, there's a whole lot of accepting that you're not doing. Not to say that you should be more accepting!

Regardless of that, though, there will always be something that other people will think that, if you were striving, you could be more or better at. Whether it's being happy, accepting, free, loving, whatever -- there's always something you're not striving to be, because you're being something else. And of course you are perfect exactly as you are and exactly as you are not. The only thing you *should* be doing is what you *are* doing. You have plenty of choices to make in your life, and you are doing perfectly.

So's your dad, so am I, so is everyone. You see what I mean? I answered your question with a question about why not to try a particular thing that you think they should try, and what I mean is: they're not because they're not. That's really all there is. and: what is there for you in that? Do you think you should be more or better in some way?

[Kevin Givens]

4. Negative Thinking

For example, I might know I'd be happier if I quit a job I hate and start a band, but I don't believe it will ever be possible. I'm defeated before I have even tried.

I think the underlying reason is an individuals comfort zone. The more confined you are to your comfort zone, the more likely the excuses (fear, laziness, ignorance, negative thinking) will work.

People want to be happy. Some just don't want to willingly make themselves uncomfortable (even temporarily) for more happiness.

On the flip, people who are aware of this can use the knowledge to challenge their comfort zones by trying new things, learning more, and facing fear.

[Adrian]

I think people get into habits of being complacent with how they are because the people and contexts they live with tell them "Yeah, it's okay if you're X way!" Not because the person is inherently 'lazy' or 'ignorant', but because being 'lazy' or 'ignorant' is an acceptable form of behavior to everybody around them. They're just acting out what they learned from others and the feedback they get.

Why go the extra mile to be 'happier' or 'healthier' if nobody else around you is doing so? It's just a lot of extra work for nothing.