Frustration..

[CoolStuff]

How do I overcome frustration when playing music or sports?

This happens to me often, if I mess up many times in a row, then I'll progressively get worse and worse. Then once I realize it and say to myself "I'm frustrated" then it's just a lost cause. This happens to me in video games, playing guitar, DJing, playing sports, everything.

It's not a big deal, usually I'll just take a break, but I need to overcome for certain times like when I'm doing a performance or during a game.

[nick pagan]

I suffered from this for performing on guitar and you can read the embarrassing story of how I overcome this here:

Antidote to Perfectionism

Frustration is actually a good sign. It shows that you are at the limit of your ability and striving to do more. At this limit failure comes often and that disappoints us and causes frustration. Accepting that frustration is a good thing and part of the process of learning is a helpful step in the right direction. In order to take better control of the situation so that you don't enormously frustrated and then witness a decrease in ability you might find this article useful:

Supercharge Your Learning Pt.I

I sympathize greatly and rest assured that you are on the verge of a breakthrough. All you need to do is adjust how you interpret frustration and prepare yourself better for the inevitable frustration to come and you will find yourself improving much more rapidly and much more able to take setbacks in your stride.

[Adrian]

I think it's more of a mindset above everything else.

For example, when I'm practicing or learning any new skill - or even the skills I excel at - I always view it as the perfect time to make mistakes. Not that I'm out to make as many mistakes as possible, but that I accept my mistakes as I make them, and immediately think about how I could become better so I don't make those same errors again and again. If I'm encountering multiple mistakes in a row, I know I'm in above my head and need to tone my learning down a notch and see where I went wrong previously. That might be what you're dealing with - if you're trying to tackle too much, too soon, you'll naturally feel frustrated. Gotta start with the basics and work your way up.

As far as actual performances - if you make a mistakes, best thing to do is keep on going. Mistakes can arise through nervousness, of course, but they also can arise from being ill prepared. So the better your practice sessions go, the better off you'll be when it comes time to shine.

Hope that helped a little bit!

[joelyle]

Hi,
I recall when I played third-base in softball. My personal goal was to keep the ball in the infield. To make the play: I had to keep the ball in front of me; many times: what would have been a double was only a single because I somehow managed to deflect the ball. I suggest breaking down the activity into pieces (perhaps to play a part of the song well -vs. on playing the whole song well). Celebrate the victories.

[Kaspian]

Originally Posted by CoolStuff

How do I overcome frustration when playing music or sports?

This happens to me often, if I mess up many times in a row, then I'll progressively get worse and worse.

I recommend taking lessons in the Alexander Technique from a qualified and highly skilled teacher. (Being certified by STAT or one of its affiliated societies doesn't guarantee quality, but it's a good start.) Because the Alexander Technique is subtle, it takes time to learn; I'd plan on at least two years of weekly lessons, although you'll probably see dramatic changes much sooner than that (three to six months).

I used to get quite frustrated when I practiced horn. I'd miss something, cuss, sometimes stomp my foot, and so on. And as you said, the more frustrated I got, the worse I played. In early 2002, I started taking Alexander Technique lessons because I had back pain caused by too much tension. Over the next several months, I found that the change in my thinking affected my horn playing as much as the change in my physical habits. I haven't had that getting-frustrated-making-my-playing-worse experience for years now; it vanished in the first six months of lessons.

[nick pagan]

I've heard a lot about the Alexander technique before. Does it really make a tremendous difference? Why does it take so long to learn?

It'd be great to know (I currently suffer from a continually stiff muscle by my shoulder plate)

[Kaspian]

Does Alexander Technique make a difference? Absolutely.

From George Lister:

From our very first lessons, we are taught that if we don't interfere, we are perhaps able to realize the best of our physical, mental and emotional resources.

It completely changed the way I approach practicing horn, and the horn playing-caused back pain went away in a few months. All the things that I do that are "physical" are better: rock climbing, kayaking, skiing, horse riding, and so on. My husband played one of his best golf games after a year of not touching his clubs because his skill at the Alexander Technique improved over that time, and he applied his knowledge of the technique to playing golf. (Previously, taking months off added 10-15 strokes.) Basically, improve your thinking and coordination, and your activities will also improve.

It's not just that activities improve, either. In terms of thoughts and emotions, I learned in an experiential way that I can choose how to react to things, and not just that I can choose, but HOW to make that choice.


It takes a long time to learn for a few reasons. One is that it's incredibly subtle. (Don't let the word "subtle" convince you that it isn't powerful, however.) Another reason is that the technique is about choosing not to move (or hold) yourself in the way that is your habit. The way we move is ingrained and unconscious, and it takes time to develop the awareness of what you're doing to the point that you are able to make a choice about what not to do. It's complicated by the fact that what we sense and perceive is often inaccurate, so in the beginning you can only rely on the teacher's instruction and the information you pick up from the teacher's hands.

Learning the technique also presents you with the opportunity to challenge some of your beliefs about yourself.

[nick pagan]

Hmm, very interesting. Thanks for sharing.