How can i break myself of computer habit-addiction?

[Jack]

How can i break myself of computer habit-addiction?I have many obsessions and social phobia ,and i think like mediating can help me,but i can't find free time for mediating cause of my computer addiction.After i get up,i start using computer until i go to bed for sleeping.After i get up,i want to run the computer and don't want to do any other thing,and also,for me,staying or thinking without doing nothing is too difficult,when i do this i start getting sleepy.

[bwb]

Hi Jack,

I don't think anyone gets addicted to using the computer the same way that people get addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, or cocaine. If the power was out and you couldn't use your computer, would you start having painful withdrawal symptoms? Probably not. You might be bored, you might be anxious, heck, you might even feel liberated, but I'm pretty sure that you won't be a shivering, vomiting wreck. That's the good news: changing this behavior isn't gonna kill you, and it's not going to feel like it's going to kill you. Of the things in the world you could be using compulsively, the computer is one of the less harmful.

So you're not addicted? What's wrong with you? Nothing! You're human. You run on patterns, just like everyone else does. Our interactions with the world around us are much too complicated for our conscious minds to direct our every move, so really it's our learned patterns (habits) that drive our behavior, and our mind that creates the illusion that we're consciously deciding what to do. Don't believe me? How do you drive a car, take a shower, get dressed, play WoW, type your password? Think about it. Now do you notice that it takes a lot more mental effort to think about how you really, specifically, do these things that you do all the time than it does to actually DO THEM?

Just about all of the stuff we do is being handled for us transparently by our unconscious mind. This is the trade-off that's made so that we can have this powerful self-awareness that makes us human and yet still perform all of the thousands and thousands of actions do everyday without having to spend more CPU power than we have just thinking about them all the time.

The scary thing is that because our conscious mind has ceded responsibility of just about everything to the unconscious mind, it has also ceded CONTROL. When you got up this morning and went straight to the computer, were you (and by "you" I mean your conscious mind) in control? Nope! Surely not, because that part of you wants to break this compulsion. Your unconscious mind was firmly in charge and running your usual morning pattern. That pattern has been repeated so much and is so hard-wired into you now that it has more control over your conscious mind than your conscious mind has over it.

Not only are we beyond direct control of these patterns, but it seems that we have a special part of our brain dedicated to maintaining our illusion of control by rationalizing away the things we do. I'll bet it convinced you that it was your fault that today was just like every other day, and told you that you just don't have any willpower, and that you could do something else if you really wanted to. Your own brain is lying to you! Your pattern ran, your conscious mind didn't like it, and your rationalization center kicked in and explained everything away. Sure, you're in control, you just didn't want to do something different. Hogwash.

Okay, problem stated. What is the solution?

You cannot attack the problem directly; your pattern is way too strong. Go listen to Steve's podcast on patterns: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...l-development/

or check out one of Tony Robbins' programs (book/audio/seminar).

You need to do three key things:

1. Interrupt your pattern (get control!)
2. Use this opportunity to replace it with a new pattern
3. REPEAT!

How can you interrupt your pattern? What about taping a post-it note to your monitor that says "READ A BOOK!". Put a book you've been wanting to read right next to it. Unplug the computer. Hide the keyboard somewhere where it'll take you a few minutes to retrieve it, like a high cabinet you'd need to stand on a chair to reach. When you get up in the morning and walk over to the computer, whoops, something's different! Your computer's not usable, and you've got a note from yourself with an alternate task. Hopefully this snaps you out of your pattern long enough that you'll actually start READING the book. If not, then you've still got a few minutes of going to fetch the keyboard in which to snap out of your pattern. This shouldn't be too hard; you're already doing something different from your routine.

You don't have to wait until the morning to do this. Surely you get up from your computer throughout the day to attend to various needs, and then you come back to it and immediately sit down and start using it again. Use one of these opportunities to insert a pattern break. Set things up so that your old pattern can't complete, because the computer is off, or there's a blanket draped over the monitor, or something. Set it up so you CAN'T run your old pattern to completion.

Okay, now you've interrupted the pattern. You've got to do something different now. You must create a new pattern, or you will quickly revert to your old one. Maybe you want to read a book for 30 minutes or so. If the weather's nice, maybe you want to go for a bike ride. You've got to set this up BEFORE you start running your pattern, because you've got such a brief window of time after your pattern gets interrupted in which to make a change. Have the bike tires pumped up and everything ready to go. Swap the keyboard for your bike helmet and a full water bottle.

Don't start with anything too ambitious. You want to start meditating, and you want to get over your social phobia, I'm sure, but you've built up huge internal resistance to both of these goals already, so trying to jump straight from a very comfortable activity to a very uncomfortable activity is not going to be successful. Find something you enjoy doing that isn't computer-related. You can work up to meditation and parties.

Final step, and by far the most important: REPEAT. Patterns are built by repetition. You can't just kill off an old pattern; you have to replace it with a new one. To build the new one, you have to repeat it. Make sure that you've set something up to interrupt your pattern, every time, and set yourself up to do something else that you enjoy, every time.

Your computer compulsion is likely not just one, but many patterns, all triggered by different stimuli that make up your daily routine. Wake up: use the computer. Hungry: eat, use computer. Bladder full: pee, use computer. You can try to target the general-case pattern of "see computer, sit at computer, use computer", but this one is so well entrenched that it will present quite a challenge. Identify one pattern that you run every day that ends with you sitting in front of the computer, figure out how to interrupt it, figure out what you want to be doing, and set everything up for success. Then set things up so that you'll KEEP DOING THIS. Write yourself a reminder to do these things. Build a pattern for breaking and building patterns. You will find this a most useful tool.

I hope this helps you. If you got nothing else out of this post, my key message is that you must set yourself up for success. Your conscious mind will not be in control when you need to make these changes, so you have to rig everything in advance. In a way, it's like playing chess with part of your own brain, except that while your opponent can make moves instantly, he is entirely predictable, and thus he is easy to beat if you can think just a couple moves ahead!

-Brian

P.S. For more examples of how to work this habit-changing process, see Steve's posts on becoming an early riser, where he talks about how to train yourself to stop hitting snooze on your alarm clock. I'm due for a refresher on this training, personally! The mind's job is never done.

[Stephen]

Hi Jack

Remove the problem or yourself. It is obviously simpler if you get rid of the computer. Discuss with a friend and ask them to babysit your computer for 30 days so that your house is computer free.

If you want to check emails or do a quick bit of browsing then go to the library.
You will be amazed at how little you need to use a computer.

How do I know this. I emigrated recently and my computer has been on a ship somewhere in the middle of some ocean for the past 4 months.

I checked my emails every few days in various places. No big deal.

[Alison Jenkins]

For me I set boundaries around how long I will spend on the computer and how long I will spend doing certain things on the computer. It's about getting balance. If you have priority things to get done, how about doing those first before you switch on the computer.

Alison

[Tim Brownson]

BWB non-physical addictions can be as difficult to break as the more traditional examples you listed, go and ask somebody addicted to gambling or sex! Just because there may not be withdrawal symptoms in the strict sense like vomiting doesn't mean it's necessarily easier to break the habit. It can be, but it’s no guarantee.

Jack, I'd say get some external help. There are a number of processes in NLP that could help you such as working with submodalities, swish pattern and anchoring (maybe even 6 step reframing and time line therapy too). Get a really good NLP Master Practitioner and hypnotherapist and a couple of sessions should be really helpful. The more practical advice may offer some help depending on how you are as a person, but I think from what you have said you could really benefit from professional help to get the fastest results. BWB is right as you will have to look for alternatives to fill the vacuum or you will probably slide back, so what it is you really want to do with your time?

If you have social phobia check out this site. This guy does a study package for about $300 which is the best I have seen and aimed purely at people with your kind of difficulties. There are a dozen or so audio cd's with a lot of casework included and I think you would immediately feel better to know that there are lots of people like yourself out there. Of course the rub is that you do have to do the work so that in and of itself will require some discipline. On the other hand if you are online all day you could be a self-development genius within a couple of years!

Best of luck with it!

[Niki]

Set a daily time limit and stick to it

30m surfiing. Plan what you want to surf for.

Stick to the time limit.

Just do it

[nick pagan]

Hi Jack,

Getting rid of the computer or managing your time better will not help you at all. Your essential problem is that you don't feel adequate to fulfill whatever expectations and desires that you have for yourself or that other people or society imposes upon you. Everyday you wake up and you feel that you have an impossible job to do and our brains and our psyche cannot handle impossibility well at all. Instead it looks for things that we can do a) to show that we are adequate at something b) to distract us from the pain that we would otherwise feel.

You feel deep conflict because you live under a burden of impossibility. That's something that drives everyone crazy. We get confused because, in theory, what is expected of us or desired should be possible but in the moment that we are supposed to deliver it we find that we can't and that makes us feel lousy and inadequate.

If you don't work on the fundamental issue of getting realistic about what you desire and expect of yourself and if you don't focus on getting past the little issues that hold you up each day then you will never make any permanent progress. You might have the occasional good day but the fundamental problem will still remain. Take away the computer and you'll start watching TV. Take away the TV and you'll start reading incessantly or some other easy to do distraction (I know because that is how I behaved for years and years).

This link will take you on a journey that explains what ails you and what you can do about it
Fundamental Insights

Nick

[Tim Brownson]

Originally Posted by Niki

Set a daily time limit and stick to it

30m surfiing. Plan what you want to surf for.

Stick to the time limit.

Just do it

Niki, sorry buddy but that is like telling somebody with depression to cheer up or an alcoholic just to stop drinking. If it were that easy I doubt he'd be posting asking for help.

Nick pretty much nailed it and I have no doubt Jack can sort himself although external help could make a huge difference in shortening the time necessary to do that.

[Niki]

Yeah, should I tell an alcoholic to keep on drinking then?

Basically it's like this, the guy is asking for help in this forum, so he wants to stop right?

"If it were that easy I doubt he'd be posting asking for help."
It is that easy man, just have to believe it. I'm pretty sure every person has the personal power to do whatever it wants to do, or to quit whatever it wants to quit at any given time.

I think he got great help, but I just wanted to point out to not forget his focus, and that's to stop staring at the computer screen from the morning till the evening.

At the end it's his decision that brings him to victory or failure.

well, thats my humble opinion.

I like bwb's post btw

[Tim Brownson]

Originally Posted by Niki

Yeah, should I tell an alcoholic to keep on drinking then?

Basically it's like this, the guy is asking for help in this forum, so he wants to stop right?

"If it were that easy I doubt he'd be posting asking for help."
It is that easy man, just have to believe it. I'm pretty sure every person has the personal power to do whatever it wants to do, or to quit whatever it wants to quit at any given time.

I think he got great help, but I just wanted to point out to not forget his focus, and that's to stop staring at the computer screen from the morning till the evening.

At the end it's his decision that brings him to victory or failure.

well, thats my humble opinion.

I like bwb's post btw

Of course you shouldn't tell an alcoholic to keep on drinking but telling them to stop will have absolutely zero effect.

The personal power is in each of us of course but getting to it is another matter altogether. I have worked with enough people trying to change behaviors to know that it's sledom easy for them and even getting them to believe they can change can be problematical.

I wasn't then and I am not now, having a dig at you, ok? I'm just saying if it were that easy there would be no need for people to ever seek professional help they would just change.

Telling people that feel like that to simply change can isolate them and belittle their problem (in their mind) sending them into their shell and reinforcing a belief system that already may think they're screwed up because they can't do something that they have been told is 'easy'

And yeh bwb made some good points especially about the hard wired bit because that is exactly what Jack now has to break. It almost loops back to the forming new habits and riutals post from yesterday.

[4Mind4Life]

I've personally dealt with this same problem. What I did first was shut down my computer. Next I put a sign on my monitor saying "This is bad for you." After the sign, I made a list of activities that I could do instead of being on the computer: *Exercise *Set goals *Call a friend *Volunteer *Etc. Then I chose several things that I could do "replace" my computer time. I forced myself to stick with this and I've been successful. I also was greatly helped by alpha brainwave entrainment via the program "Neuro Programmer 2." It helped eliminate my anxiety, stay relaxed, and eliminate addictions. I also took 3+ grams of fish oil daily after the problem, which I think did help somewhat.

I wish you the best!

Originally Posted by Jack

How can i break myself of computer habit-addiction?I have many obsessions and social phobia ,and i think like mediating can help me,but i can't find free time for mediating cause of my computer addiction.After i get up,i start using computer until i go to bed for sleeping.After i get up,i want to run the computer and don't want to do any other thing,and also,for me,staying or thinking without doing nothing is too difficult,when i do this i start getting sleepy.

[Jack]

Thanks for your answers.

[thesnowyeti]

Originally Posted by Niki

Set a daily time limit and stick to it

30m surfiing. Plan what you want to surf for.

Stick to the time limit.

Just do it

Originally Posted by Tim Brownson

Niki, sorry buddy but that is like telling somebody with depression to cheer up or an alcoholic just to stop drinking. If it were that easy I doubt he'd be posting asking for help.

actually, i beg to differ. i'm no self help expert, but personally i find that niki's advice tends to help, at least in my experience with almost everyone i know. i'm sure all that self improvement bullshit works for a lot of people, but the most important part is having the will to improve oneself. all the self-help blogs in the world couldn't save him if he wasn't willing to make his own change. and the thing is, we all have the power to make change, it just depends on whether we decide to use it or not. telling him he can't change unless he attends a seminar or reads a self-help book seems a lot more limiting than telling him he can do it on his own.

Jack: of course quitting is gonna be tough, and of course you'll suffer some for it. But think of how much you've suffered by wasting time on the computer. imagine where you would be in life if you had taken those 6 hours a day and done something constructive with them. you've lost a portion of your lifetime, and you'll never get it back; that sounds like suffering to me. you've already put yourself through hell for a while now. quitting is just more of the same, only there's an end to it. if you quit, you'll suffer slightly more for a few weeks, then you'll be free. just think about how much better you'll feel then.

you don't NEED all these self-help techniques; i'm sure they might make quitting a little bit easier, but really you have all the tools you need right in front of you. just remember that you are a strong enough person to deal with it in whatever way you choose. yes its going to suck, but so does wasting your life away playing warcraft. you are strong enough that you don't need it to be easy. you've already suffered a lot and you deserve a break. you can do it.

and here's the most important part:
you are the only person who decides whether you can do it or not.

sorry for rambling, i just know how much a computer addiction sucks and i really hope you decide to make the right choice and break the habit. just remember, its your call. good luck