My Personality Means I'm Weak-willed?

[m18pak]

I have taken the MBTI test, and I scored as an INFP. The last day or so I have been exploring this topic and reading many articles on the Internet, and all of it has actually been quite a revelation for me, explaining much of my life so far, but I now apparently have a serious dilemma on my hands, because INFPs are naturally absent-minded, dreamy sort of people who are more interested in ascertaining how a process works rather than actually using the process for a practical purpose, who are good at starting things but atrocious at actually getting them done, who subconsciously view deadlines as reminders to get started, who have a natural inclination to go with the flow of their emotions and lose themselves in its intensity instead of staying mindful of consciously set goals and staying on task etc etc...

This description describes me to a T, so WTF am I supposed to do? I have goals that I actually need to accomplish, tasks that must be completed. Am I just doomed to be a failure because of who I am?

How do I, as an INFP, get myself to actually do what I want to do, instead of doing thirty other random and irrelevant things?

Help? Is there any way? Do I just have to grit my teeth and submit myself to a gruelling regime of self-discipline in order to develop my efficiency muscle? Do I just force myself to go against the grain of what I am?

I have tried to develop self-discipline and willpower before, and am still trying now, but it just feels wrong for me, like I'm trying to do something that I'm not suited for; there are days when I feel like a knight who has to charge through a boggy, muddy field, up a very steep hill, straight into a solid wall of pikes; but is this just a sacrifice that I have to make as an INFP if I want to be able to succeed in this world of ours where wishing yields less than nothing?

I have to quite literally feel almost divinely inspired to be motivated, and then I feel like I can move mountains, but without that sense of higher importance in what I've told myself to do I feel like I have to struggle to budge even a small pebble.

[Michelle]

I also scored INFP and have to admit that while the whole "diagnosis" sounds very romantic, it makes one wonder if it isn't a lifetime sentence of being able to accomplish nothing of significance in the real world (without essentially raping one's self to get it done).

I feel like an alien, like there is no place for me on this planet. I just don't fit in! I always thought there was something wrong with me, something that needed fixing and I worked like hell to fix it. It turns out it is just my "personality" which is weak, sensitive and unable to handle pressure or the details of everyday life. It really does make me feel like a loser and I am riddled with self-loathing about it. Thank goodness there is a part of me that knows worldly success isn't everything. I actually think being appreciated would be enough, but I am not at the point where I can do that for myself yet.

At the moment I have nothing real to offer you in terms of advice and can only say: You're not alone!

[Spiritual]

Even though I don't really want to define my personality all the time, I think it's valuable to discuss this situation.

I aswell am a INFP, but also an INTP, I'm on the border of both. For me feelings and rational thinking are in quite in balance, but ultimately my feelings rule the important decisions.

I can so much relate to the two of you before me. I almost never feel motivated to do any "normal work". I like to think about concepts a lot, new business ideas, changes for society, etc etc. I am so to speak a "think-tank", I generate ideas non-stop. But I do not however, like to actually execute these ideas. I like to talk about them, but actually doing the practical work is not my inspiration.

So what I mostly do I follow my feelings, see what gives me joy and what not. I can only advice you to, by all means, find your purpose in life and what makes you happy.

Ofcourse this is easier to say than to do, I still struggle with this dilemma between what society requires and what I love to do.

[Rose of Cairo]

I'm also an INFP and I can relate so much to the three of you! I also have enough ideas to fill ten movies, a computer game and five businesses, but I don't implement anything. What rules me are my feelings. I'm so bad at handling daily life stuff and dealing with stress that sometimes I think I'm not really made for this world. I've thought for a long time that something was wrong with me and tried to fix myself. But I couldn't, that's just who I am! Self-discipline doesn't make sense for me. I think there are jobs that we are simply not suited for. I don't think that we are weak or have no willpower. We just have another kind of strength. Imagination and sensitivity for example.

What helps me is to see these "flaws" as precious assets and not to force myself to anything. Since I'm not able to study, well then I won't do it. I decided to do something that suits my "weaknesses" much better (writing). Allows me to completely listen to my feelings. Some days I don't do anything. Other times I feel that I must absolutely write right now and I write the nights through. What also helped me a lot was to find my purpose, for now I have a strong reason to do something, and my wish to help others carries me through everything.

We're not doomed to fail. I'm sure we can be successful. But we have to create a life that is suited for our personality, not bend ourselves to be what we are not.

[Michelle]

As a follow up I'd like to post a couple things which have helped me.

- I found a lot of understanding and some good advice in the HSP (Highly Sensitive People) book by Elaine Aron. In fact, I've ordered every book on the topic as a result of reading her one book and hope to find more useful advice.

- I've been in psychotherapy for the last few years which has helped me come to terms with who I am. The process of learning to take myself and my personality seriously has been long and hard, and is by no means complete but until now it has been worth it. I've stopped raping myself (I use this description because this is how the attempts to normalize myself over the last years felt) by trying to participate "normally" in the real world. I am slowing down, refusing to sell my soul and doing my best to trust that I will indeed find my place somehow when the time is right and enough development has taken place. I am not a religious person, but this seems to me a good example of what having faith might be.

I think our types need to develop a certain level of inner strength, self-love and resiliency in order to live our potential in the world. This means taking ourselves more seriously, not less. It means more kindness and compassion to ourselves, not less. The further I go, the more I believe it is important to be absolutely merciless and unbending about listening to our intuition and to ourselves instead of the noise from the outside and all the "shoulds", "coulds" and "woulds" which poison us from the inside.

As a psychic once told me - there is no need to or use in searching for answers outside yourself when you are the one others are coming to for theirs. You have the answers you need, it just takes courage to listen and act.

[Keith]

Fellow [I/E]NFP here. First of all, personality type is not destiny.

That said, if you don't want to fight yourself, an alternative is to find yourself a vocation where those personality traits are strengths rather than weaknesses.
INFP Careers: A List of Professional Jobs suggests:
* Clergy/church worker
* Psychologist
* Nurse
* Designer
* Counsellor
* Artist/actor
* Teacher
* Marketing specialist
* Trainer
* Human Resources

Consultant and analyst jobs might also be appropriate - roles where you get to come in and do the interesting stuff and leave the boring nitty-gritty to someone else.

[Rose of Cairo]

Hi Michelle, I'm so happy you wrote that! I was in counseling too, and it was my psychotherapist who taught me that I have to take myself seriously, even if for others that looks totally extreme. You are so right, we don't need to be harder on ourselves, we need to be harder on listening to ourselves. Before I met my therapist, I was going crazy for trying to become harder and lead a "normal" life. She also diagnosed me with HSP and taught me how to deal with that. I'm not finished with learning either, but god I am so happy about it!
I wish you all the best and hug you and send you lots of love

[Angela]

I'm surprised that "artist" is not on the list Keith posted, because it's easy for me to see that all you INFP's who posted here are all artists at your core. And you know there's nothing that will kill an artistic impulse faster than a feeling of "I should", right? When you are really being present, you all have a special talent to experience the majesty of being alive and to *realize* it for others in a way that touches and inspires us. For you to torture yourself by allowing the pressures of society to interfere with your artistry hurts my heart. You are doing such a wonderful thing for the world by following your own eccentric path; I wish you the freedom to do that unencumbered by shoulds, for MY sake. I'm selfish, I know.

[bart]

Well I am no expert on this but when I read about your type I got inspired. However, you may be inspired about my type and I can assure you it is not easy either, just difficult on a different level. I doubt there is any easy type, we all have our challenges to face. But just a quote from:

INFP Personality Type

"Highly creative, artistic and spiritual, they can produce wonderful works of art, music and literature. INFPs are natural artists. They will find great satisfaction if they encourage and develop their artistic abilities. That doesn't mean that an INFP has to be a famous writer or painter in order to be content. Simply the act of "creating" will be a fulfilling source of renewal and refreshment to the INFP. An INFP should allow himself or herself some artistic outlet, because it will add enrichment and positive energy to their life."

[Rose of Cairo]

an artist? me?? But Angela! I've never felt that there is anything artistic about me!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

an artist? me?? But Angela! I've never felt that there is anything artistic about me!

Are you kidding? Anyone here could tell you that you are a person who creates art every time you write something down. You are a person who takes her experience of life and makes that experience real for others, in a way that moves, touches and inspires. Of course you are an artist! Duh.

Perhaps you are more generous about recognizing artistry when it's generated by other people than you are about recognizing it when it's generated by YOU. Stop being so stingy, Rose.

[Michelle]

I've been an artist (professional opera singer) for years, and found that while I have every part of the package needed to make beautiful music, I lack most parts of the package to be able to actually perform it in front of people and be a professional. Being an artist means being subject to public criticism, hectic schedules (if one is successful or wishes to make a living), and requires that one can make themself vulnerable in the presence of others - all things which INFPs and HSPs are miserable at.

[Angela]

Michelle, regardless of all those external things that you feel are required of an artist (performing, hectic schedules, criticism, etc.), those things have absolutely no effect on Who You Are. Regardless of the choices you make about what you do with your artistic nature, Who You Are is an artist.

I wonder what would happen if you took an artistic, eccentric approach to the things that you feel you're "miserable" at, rather than a pragmatic conforming approach? I mean, how would it go if you were free to be your artist self in a way that works for you, instead of the way you think it should be?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

Stop being so stingy, Rose.

HA! and I get insulted, on the top of that
but seriously, I can't see any difference between what I write and what others write. ok, at the theater they told me I was excellent, and when I started dancing tango, they all told me how talented I was. But I heard the same about mathematics and law and literature and computer science and foreign languages, so it doesn't mean much to me. I just don't feel like an artist.

[Michelle]

There is no doubt in my mind that I am an artist. You are right about that. However, the fact that I am an artist at my core does not help me survive in the "real world" which is the problem most of us INFPs and HSPs have even after years of personal development.

The professional artistic world is full of and run by artist imposters who have a certain worldly toughness most artists (those I know, anyway) do not. Just as the fashion world is run by a few skinny homosexual men afraid of women with bodies, the artistic world is run by a few boring individuals afraid of the truth.

Of course, it happens occasionally that an artist is able to overcome feeling held back by their sensitivity and vulnerability by developing a Persona or simply by developing wisdom in themselves far enough to realize that there truly is nothing to fear. On my way to the latter point I had the realization that the struggle, the suffering to achieve worldly acceptance or success ... none of it is worth it because I just don't care enough. So, I stopped singing and therefore making myself miserable. Since letting go of the struggle, I feel better and drawn to a quieter life and profession. I am seriously considering starting psychology studies next year.

[Angela]

Rose, I think you and I are in the middle of uncovering the veil that prevents you from seeing yourself as the true, dynamic creative artistic force that it's so easy for others to see you as. Be patient!

Michelle, what you've described sounds more like resignation than surrender. You can't control others, that's true; the question is: is what you want what others must provide, or is what you want something you're willing to generate? If it's the first (like being famous and adored by others), well, then you're at the mercy and effect of outside forces whether you sing or study psychology or anything else. If it's the second (like living a dynamic expression of your own unique voice), then you have all the power in the world, again whether you sing or study psychology or anything else.

I get that you are feeling stopped and frustrated in your artistic expression. In the face of that, what could you generate to inspire you and have you boldly singing in your life, whether that means literally performing or making a difference through your psychological artistry?

[Spiritual]

Some quick things:

I saw the career advices for INFP, it said Human Resources. It's funny since I am currently in HR. But it's not what I want to do as career, since it involves to much administrative work. But I do appreciate the contacts and the analyzing and thinking of solutions.

I saw Michelle posting about HSP. I found out quite some time ago that I am HSP aswell. When I was younger I had a lot of difficulties with this. Now it mostly benefits me. I consider myself lucky to found my own power and to follow my own instincts. To be honest, right now is going quite easy for me, people are cool to me and I just chose to be who I want to be.

But I still haven't found the real purpose, the thing that I can put all my energy in. Hopefully I will find it soon enough, but I trust I will. In the meanwhile I can only enjoy life as much as possible.

So another thing I can recommend my fellow INFP/HSP's is to accept who they are and follow their own instincts. Don't be concerned by society or others, even though it's very hard! I don't want to put us above other people, but we are just very creative people and we are the ones that come up with unique thoughts and concepts. Use the talents you are given, it has a purpose!

[Pegasus]

Wow, this thread is interesting as well as depressing. I, too, am an INFP. I have taken the Myers-Briggs test twice. The other day I took a test by individual letter category on Monster dot com. That test categorized me as an INFJ. I am constantly trying to get organized; I’m just not very good at it. I like some structure.

I am still struggling big-time career-wise. Years ago I worked as a case manager in foster care for a year and a half and hated it. I do better when I get to see the visual results of my work. I recently spent over 18 months in a graphic design program and I suck at it. I don’t draw well, but I am not even concerned about that. It is the techies who are making money, those who are really good at coding. I prefer something more creative. In the meantime, I’ve been working for two temp agencies and since so many businesses slow down during the holidays, I am in between assignments.

Keith and bart, thanks for the links. I looked at both Healer (INFP) and Counselor (INFJ) on the Keirsey site. I keep seeing recurring words such as integrity, idealistic, heal, health, and creative. These words have come up as I have begun to work through impaul’s Passion Project exercises. Am getting some hints from those. My purpose statement is jumbled even after the syntax is tweaked. The “people you admire” exercise gave me more insight. Hopefully between this and Steve Pavlina’s “How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes,” I will be more focused.

[Holistic Star]

I am an ENFP, whilst I can be dreamy and unfocused it certainly isn't a life sentence to never achieving anything.

1. Don't put yourself in a box. All the MBTI indicators show are a PREFERENCE for how you deal with things, it certainly doesn't mean you can't close things down, get things finished, achieve goals and be decisive when you want to.

2. Surround yourself with people of opposite type. They will be insisting deadlines get completed. I hate letting people down, so if I have committed to something, I will do it. It might be a last minute rush but it will get done. Add value in return to the other people around you by reminding them that there are other options, other ideas and other possibilities to success and that sometimes the first idea isn't the best.

3. If something truely inspires me, then I don't have to use willpower and force myself to complete it. I complete it because I want to.

4. INFP does not mean 'weak' or 'unable to handle pressure' it means what it says:

• A preference for thinking things through internally before speaking and a need for private space for reflection;
• a preference to deal with the big picture and possibilities rather than dealing with detail first,
• a preference for considering other people's feelings when making a decision
• and a preference to keep options open as long as possible when making a desision.

That is all, it doesn't mean anything else.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Pegasus

Wow, this thread is interesting as well as depressing. I, too, am an INFP. I have taken the Myers-Briggs test twice. The other day I took a test by individual letter category on Monster dot com. That test categorized me as an INFJ.

Yeh, if you're close to the line that can happen. I flip-flop between INFP and ENFP.

Originally Posted by Angela

I'm surprised that "artist" is not on the list Keith posted

It is. #6.

[Jennihul]

You guys.....

As far as I know, there are no MB types that are all BAD. You speak as though you only correspond to the bad aspects of your type.

You aren't "glass half empty" people......are you? That would suck.

All the MB types have good, great and not so great aspects.

Mine, for example, is INTJ. Reading it the first time made me think I would need therapy...for a very long time. But I studied all different website's descriptions and opinions and it became a very exciting prospect being an INTJ.

My type is described as being very anti-social. Kind of reminded me of the serial killer who everyone describes as "a really quiet guy, kept to himself...but was always nice to me..."

But I did have aspects of being that anti-social person. I just modelled sociable people for a few years, and poof...I'm no longer anti-social. I didn't change because of the MB test, just because I saw an area of my life I wanted to improve in. So what that my MB says I tend toward being anti-social. I kept the good and threw out the bad.

Only you can decide how to personally define good and bad within the context of your own type.

Jennifer

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Keith

It is. #6.

oh dear. whatever my type is, I guess I shouldn't get a job where noticing details is important!