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Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more. You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today. If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics. |
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12-16-2007, 05:43 PM
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 My life Sucks... Help ! Hi all, I have achieved a lot of goals that seemed to be impossible for someone like me to achieve but instead of this making me feel stronger, it made me feel depressed and extremely stressed. I don’t recall when was the last time I felt really happy. Now I have been drinking everyday, smoking one pack a day for the past three years, not giving much time to my family (wife and one daughter), am doing my MBA now but am not focused at all - delaying every assignment tell last 48 hours and killing myself for a day or two to study for exams and in work, I just do the minimum required and try to make my bosses happy… In addition, I barely exercise. Somewhere along the line I lost my ability to challenge myself and outperform.. deadly routine and unwillingness to take responsibility and action have badly took over my life. The feeling of (why do I have to make effort, why do I do more than required, what will I get out of this and short term thinking etc.) is overriding the true me…. I have read many articles in this remarkable site and I take the decision to start applying the concept next day… but come tomorrow, am slip back to my miserable situation. I tried also putting time tables and asked for help from my close friends and family members, again this did not work with me. Can somebody help…      |
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12-16-2007, 06:04 PM
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| Easy! Just stop with the sucking. Seriously, no one here can help you if you're not willing to help yourself. Only you have the power to change yourself around. You must find in yourself the motivation to make something (more) out of you - or at least find back the version of you that had the motivation to get jobs, find a wife and start a family. Good luck to you! Jim.
__________________ Jim Offerman ~ music that moves you blog - twitter - free music - join the fan club! |
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12-16-2007, 10:19 PM
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12-16-2007, 10:41 PM
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| www.thework.com ByronKatie.com: The Official Blog for The Work of Byron Katie Well worth getting into and taking seriously. It takes work because it is more of a daily practice but for me it is THE way. Nothing else has yielded so much positive benefit for me when applied to any problem.
__________________ Demk. All is full of love, You'll be taken care of - Björk. |
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12-17-2007, 05:34 AM
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| What is "it" that is calling you? What is "it" that is calling you? ... Is it a calling to be free? You have a Wife and Daughter ... I hear your desire to give them time. Share and learn from the love you have ... the love they have for you ... is truly priceless ... ... the trust your daughter gives you, to help teach her the truth ... ... She really can do Anything! When you know your spirit, you will once again see that this is true. You can manifest your future ... the great times yet to be. Have fun while you teach and learn from your daughter ... imagine the world She Will Have when you teach her to trust herself. To believe she can and will make a difference in her beautiful life ahead. Love your Wife with all you have and trust her Love for You  In your story, I remember a life of mine ... I had a Wife and Daughter, but I never gave them time. If I could go back again, I would change a great many things, but the biggest change I would make would be to give them more of me. More of my time and much more of my Love ... within that circle were all of my lessons in life ... I just couldn't see. It has been an internal quest ... after learning and trying endless idea's ... learning and trying countless path's and belief's ... is it God, or Jesus that shows the way ... maybe Buddha or even Science that holds the truth. I believe them all, for me ... they are all about the Truth. I have to learn to believe, by listening to myself ... observing who I am ... experiencing my life today ... being aware of my thoughts and feelings now ... finding the reasons ... I think and act as I do. This is what has helped me find more knowledge and my truth. The past is truly gone ... you are the Man you are today. Reread what you have written here ... experience and feel it ... be aware of yourself ... observe yourself ... find your reasons ... you exist. You can have a lot of fun when you remember this world really is all about You ... share yourself I believe in you my friend ... you are doing great! |
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12-17-2007, 10:30 AM
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| Thank you guys so much for your help, each reply gave me an insight (loved the links) .. What you have kindly said is all in my brain but my really problem is getting things in motion and start making decisions and taking action... I always say, I will start now ! tomorrow ! next week ! but things does not move.... i always find myself excuses to complain, smoke, drink and running away from my problems..... I guess that am one of those people who waits tell they are on the verge of a disaster to take action and deep inside I want to change and become more decisive, decision maker, disciplined and in control. |
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12-17-2007, 11:23 AM
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| Identify what's held you back in the past. Time for some honesty and humility. Don't beat yourself up, just be realistic about how you handicap you. You will always be your biggest obstacle to success and I will be mine. Sometimes we need to learn to get out of our own way!! If you don't address the things which have limited you previously, all the planning, dreaming and hoping will amount to nothing... and you'll fall into the same unproductive traps. Be honest, be realistic, be practical and don't be precious. Typically, things like laziness, procrastination, fear, lack of organisation, ignorance, pride, stubbornness, lack of planning and poor preparation are high on the 'why we fail' list. Remember: If nothing changes, nothing changes. And... if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
__________________ Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a motivational speaker, exercise scientist, and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world. Motivational Speaker - Craig Harper |
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12-17-2007, 04:45 PM
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| It sounds like you are running on empty. I know that feeling well and I have found some sound ways to understand that root cause of the problem and get beyond it without requiring massive change or willpower. The article on procrastination explains how we procrastinate because we attempt to do too many things that we don't have the ability to do in the moment and that's a crucial distinction. Procrastination The article on negative affirmations provides an easy to use and effective method for kick-starting yourself when you are really deep into the doldrums. Negative Affirmations What mostly ails you is that you feel unfulfilled because you have so much focus on what you don't have/cannot do. You don't allow yourself to stop and feel good and powerful about all the good things that you have right now. For a deeper insight into the internal struggle that you currently experience you can read this paper. It's long but very insightful. It explains why we often seem to endlessly struggle against ourselves and, through understanding the causes, how to work in harmony with our inner nature (which means that we get things done much easier). http://www.nickpagan.com/blog/wp-con...fectly-v10.pdf Hope this helps, Nick |
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12-17-2007, 04:58 PM
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| First of all you have to understand your true position in the reality. - Your social status suppposedly is down due to the depressed mood you exhibit. - Studying is so hard because there are so many other intriguing thoughts coming - Procrastination is there because you want something to happen before you can consider yourself in a "Study" mood. - You want something to happen in order to feel secured. - You are going to wait long before you realise that you could do better in your studies. We have 2 things. Hardware and Software. It seems that sometimes our software let us down, and doesn't deliver the desired outcome we want. It is very hard to change our software. We need too much of wealth in order to pay a new one. Some people naturally carry an efficient software, while others need somebody to program it for them. How do we program oursleves? By reading and listening to the natural, "healthy" people! PERIOD.... Your hardware now is driven too HOT. Your software runs your hardware at 100% and wastes its resources at 100% letting no room for the reality and the real things to happen. Now. How can you quiet the mind? YOU CAN NOT do it instantly. The software that is running your mind is too buggy and you can't change it. Nevertheless there is something that you can do. Let the system be, without the buggy software! This means that you won't be able to do anything....You will have to stay still and sleep in a safe place. This is not possible for many of us. We need to pay bills, keep a demanding family at safe distance, keep studies going and many other threatening aspects of life. This is where medication comes in hundy. Drugs like Xanax, Saroten, Zoloft, Seroxat, Valum etc are like a strong cooling system that will free up some clotted resources and leave you with some space to think creatively. Drugs are not a new software. They are just the cool air. ALthough cool, this air is poluted because of the many "Side effects" of the drugs but it will give you the chance and space to substitute bit by bit the buggy software. If you don't take advantage of it, it will not permanently fix YOU. My advice is to start taking medication in order to be able to finbish your studies. When you finish your studies, leave some space in your life in order to cut down on the medication and change your software. Lets say that you have just realised that you are running a buggy software and you ask. How do I change the software that is running my mind? How do reprogram my self? By reading and listening to the natural, "healthy" people! PERIOD......Steve Pavlina is a good one, especially on stillness and awareness. Drop bit by bit the old software (= ideas, beliefs, thoughts) that are running your mind. ...And this takes time even years until it becomes a lifestyle. PS. Don't trust doctors and psychiatrists. They can keep you on medication for a lifetime! They are there for one Number One Reason....MmOoNnEeYyyyyyyyyy Thanks |
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12-17-2007, 05:22 PM
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| I will offer 2 pieces of advice. #1 Take a pause and look at what you have achieved in the past, what you currently have in your life, what potential you have and ... be gratefull for all that. At least once per day (I do it before getting asleep at night), thank life for all you have and all you are. Make this a habit. This should put a positive spin on your life and make things better (it did for me). #2 Like someone else said, YOU need to find the motivation to do what you are supposed to do (stop smoking and drinking, exercise, devote time to your family, etc). Figure-out what you really want and go for it. The more you want it, the easier it will be to keep your motivation when times get tough. Once you have achieved your goal, set another one and got for it again! Good Luck! René |
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12-17-2007, 05:28 PM
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Very inpirational video by Steve Jobs. Founder and CEO of Apple. One thing I can say about that guy. He was a succesful billionnaire but such a total ******* as a boss if you read his history......It seems though that his positive contributions outnumbered his negative ones. Thankz |
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12-17-2007, 05:29 PM
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| I totally agree with Alex2007. Hang around healthy, successful, great people. If that's impossible for you, read articles by Steve and others, listen to audiobooks, watch such videos on YouTube etc. I'm not just saying it, it's exactly what I do. Every single day. I want to keep my mind fresh and healthy, even if surrounded by so many unconscious people running on autopilot. That's why I posted the Steve Jobs speech anyways. Just make sure not to overdo it. Do it to keep the momentum and not to seek something new. |
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12-17-2007, 05:33 PM
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| How come I keep seeing posts about "my life sucks" and when I read what they are complaining about I think, "wait, this person is alive and well provided for, and even maybe in higher education and has a family etc...". Then I think of people that have nothing and are barely living or have death around them, like in war areas and think "why should we complain about anything?" There are people that would love to have issues other than actual death fears of war and no food or education. Something just gets me about this forum this way. Complainers. I'm probably one of them too. It's all realative but also we get too focused on our own trouble that we created in the first place. But untimately it's a decision. If you decided to get an MBA and you actually can fund it - go for it. Make it a decision and follow through. Realize the opertunities that exist for you and take advantage - don't just sit back and whine that life is not what you want, while you don't freeze or starve like many do. Maybe you haven't really decided that you want an MBA. Replace you habits that you already know are bad - you don't need to figure them out you already stated them. Drinking - instead go for walk or go drinking where there is dancing and them you drink less and get some dancing exercise. Take some martial arts. Do something else. Get healthy. Do your chores. Get over yourself. Notice the forest and forget the trees some. |
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12-17-2007, 08:01 PM
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| Hi wolfgang. As I said before, it is a "software" issue running in our minds. It is not that easy to say stop this or stop that. People can not function in certain ways unless their "software" commands them to do so. Our "software", can command us to fly an airoplane or dig our own grave...It is beyond our will, unless somebody like Steve Pavlina for example comes in our way and make us realize that it is time to re-program ourselves with a lighter and more efficient program that can free our mind from excessive calculations! Thanks |
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12-17-2007, 08:12 PM
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So then to tell someone to wake up, is to tell them to find excitment or decide that you choose to do something and want to continue with that choice by deciding to apply some optimism consciously instead of wallowing in any habits that are old and contrary. Or choose to think you didnt choose to pursue something that you are pursueing half a$$ed and wallow in apathy. |
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12-18-2007, 05:28 PM
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| Yes wallowing or dwelling on habits that don't bring results will not help. It is half the cure the time when people realize that they think wrongly and they need a total diametrical change. It is not easy. But possible! ---- |
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12-18-2007, 05:52 PM
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__________________ Jim Offerman ~ music that moves you blog - twitter - free music - join the fan club! |
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12-19-2007, 08:00 AM
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| Hi Unique73 Is it okay if I ask what your goals that you achieved were? And what do you think is limiting you, do you know for sure some things you're doing along the day that you know you really don't want to do, or to say in other words, when you want to get started with something, and you can't, what do you do then? If you don't know maybe you should try to use the time log that Steve advocates in one of his blogs, where you write down what you're doing an entire day, maybe for two to three days, maybe for a week, though not longer than you think you can handle, so maybe just for one day? This should hopefully give you an insight to what you actually need to change if you don't know this already. If you do, then remember willpower isn't always the solution, there's no reason to stress yourself to the limit to get some "super powers of yourself at all time" in stead of you could also try to make the "wrong" actions you do impossible for you. Regards OBO |
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12-21-2007, 05:10 AM
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| Sounds to me like you have depression. I say this because I suffer from depression, and your sentiments echo mine at some of my lower points. Try the symptom checklist at beyondblue: the national depression initiative and talk to your doctor. There are so many people that don't know they have depression. Just knowing that's what's behind it helped me alot. It's easier to jump a hurdle if you know it's there to start with. Hopefully this is helpful. |
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12-28-2007, 06:02 PM
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Later.. |
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12-28-2007, 06:44 PM
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| Send out an intention for your life to get better. |
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12-30-2007, 03:48 AM
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| After reading over 600 books, going to every self help seminar, and being on all these teleseminars...all I can say it that what it boils down to is always simple... Simple but not always easy... To me the biggest cause for a lot of people's problems and challenges are is that they are not feeding their souls, and following their passions. We are molded from the bigger society, and our families, friends and media...and it takes a lot of work to cut through the cltter of our minds to see what is causing the pain. There are always the basic tools to turn to which are gratitude and starting everyday before you get out of your bed and focusing on what you are grateful for... Beleive me, even in the midst of a crisis, there is plenty... Breathe deep, be grateful, and then set your intention for the day to be happy, be grateful, be joyful, laugh, and uncover and work on your purpose...and to love... As our buddy Tony Robbins talks about, you have the power of focus, questions, and state... A lot of it really boils down to making a decision and moving towards it the best you can... You know the old pain pleasure thing...pain is a greater motivator... Reall to me, what I've discovered is that when you are having any pain in your life...it can be because of habits and focus...but I also see it as God's way or the Universe's way of letting you know that you have disconnected from the source... And it's time to reconnect and fill yourself up... What are the goals, and why are you going after them? I know I've had my share of incongruency around passions and making money... Knowing full well that you can create whatever it is you want...by setting that intention, and believing it...and taking action towards it... If you are doing too much, look at the depression or pain as a time to take a closer look and see what do you really want to do, be, and have... I know there are clinical reasons for depression, but I know that if you get in touch with your heart and really listen to what your soul is wanting...and toss in a little love and gratitude...and start moving towards that... You will see a big shift...just stay focused on being aware and observing what your mind and habits are saying...and why you might be feeling a certain way... Also, I highly recommend a book called The Passion Test by Chris and Janet Attwood... Take care, and good luck! |
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