Do you include sig-o related stuff in your list of goals?

[jbischke]

Had an interesting conversation recently about whether or not to include things about your significant other in your list of goals. I'm not married but have a wonderful girlfriend and we're heading in that direction. Should I have "Be married to my girlfriend by X date" as a goal or is this one of those things that probably is best to leave off the list? (As Steve said in one of his blog posts, there are some contexts in which remaining goal-free is best.)

Also, one of the things that I believe is that measurable goals are best. However, I find that somewhat hard to apply to relationship. Sure there are a few tangible things like getting engaged, married, having children but some of the most important things like "Be the best possible husband and father that I can be" aren't measurable.

Thoughts?

[NotesMaeve]

^^ If you want to be married to this woman, why aren't you engaged to her? There are steps you take in progressing toward marriage.

Being a good fiance for me often coordinates with other goals. Yes, any idiot knows being nice to your SO is important. Listening to your SO's input and applying it was the biggest challenge for me. We get swept up in doing the "proper" things that when an SO says something like, "I like to spend time by myself," or, "I love cake," we don't hear that request. We have the opportunity to act and set goals based on the not-so-subtle clues our SOs give us.

This weekend, for example, I have sort of a mini goal: I'll be alone while my SO is away. It made me realize that I need to work on that individual identity I had before my Slamhot, the one who enjoyed her weekends alone. So, I'll be watching new musicals (he doesn't care for them), eating Indian (he isn't crazy about it), and doing things I like for an entire weekend! When I maintain that individuality, it makes me a better SO and it reveals more of the woman he loves. He also gives things up and does things just to make me happy, which is a sort of goal in and of itself, generating happiness despite doing something you don't normally like. He agreed to go see Sweeney Todd with me, which impresses me to no end.

What kind of boyfriend do you want to be? List those qualities down. Make becoming those your goals and figure out the steps.

[Batman]

Originally Posted by jbischke

Also, one of the things that I believe is that measurable goals are best. However, I find that somewhat hard to apply to relationship. Sure there are a few tangible things like getting engaged, married, having children but some of the most important things like "Be the best possible husband and father that I can be" aren't measurable.

Thoughts?

Aren't measurable? - - Then make them so.

In lieu of offering you advice, I'll tell you what worked for me

I sat down with my wife and said - "On a scale of 1-10 where do you think I stand as a husband?"

She gave me a number

I then asked what would it take to make it a 10?

She told me - and I got busy (and am still busy)

See measurable and an agreed on action plan

I got this either from Jack Canfield Tony Robbins or Brian Tracy

[Ilya]

You can put marriage on the list. But that's a weird goal. Usually it's not difficult to marry. I mean, to have a ritual (civil or religious) performed.

Usually the problem is to feel comfortable doing it, and then to stay married.

I mean, ask yourself what prevents you from marrying today. The answer may reveal obstacles that you need to overcome. That would be your goals. Then you would probably have a set of goals to make the wedding happen, but that's not exactly "marrying", it's mostly catering, decoration, and dressing up.