Failed to achieve my goals, need serious help.

[LifeFirst]

This is the time when I .....usually spiral down into Hell.

I can't have that happening this time. But I have to make it this time, I just have to.

I have set some goals this school year to get all As, or at least all As and Bs. Anything that is above a C is what I really want. So far, this semester has not ended yet. I have still have about 7 weeks. But up until now, I have been studying pretty hard, but also trying to apply some discipline to my Life as well. Now, I have reduced my time surfing aimelessly on the computer, I get my homework done faster than before. I get started on things right away, I procrastinate a lot less. I am able to focus a lot better I guess.

Well, all that changed about last week. The thing is, I have been getting 90 - 100 on all my assignments. Some I do by myself, some I get help from people, but most of the time I do them with a group of trusted classmates. They are all fairly smart, so I read that if you want to be a good student you should hang around them, which is what I do. I studied with them for the test as well, I thought I got a hang of it. Then the midterm came, and I don't know if I have severe test anxiety or whatever, but I pretty much didn't know how to answer any of the questions. I wrote stuff down, I thought she was going to give me at least some partial credit, but no. I got my test back today and I got the worst score out of all the students. The average was around 70, I got....around....20 out of 100. This is the lowest I have ever gotten on a test...ever. Usually I would do terrible on my tests too, but maybe in the 50-60s range, but never this bad. And I thought that I was actually doing well this school semester, because I have been getting good grades on the homework.

So pretty much after that midterm, I had another one the very next day, an even harder one. I had no confidence at all, none. I was just completely crushed, I tried so hard to focus on the next test but I couldn't. I just could not put it behind me, so of course I knew nothing going in on that other one.


Now I have one on Wednesday, I was able to calm down some over the weekend and get a lot of studying done. But now that I found out I got like 20 out of 100, I'm starting to slip again, I have no confidence at this point. It's nothing but anger and frustration, I feel that I don't really understand anything....at all......but I need to get a good grade on the midterm on Wednesday, or else.....I don't know.

Once again, I am frustrated and I cannot find a way out. I can't see a future, how do I put this behind me and focus???? How??????

If you were in my situation, what would you do? Let's say that you are senior in college, you have a terrible GPA, you don't really have any job/internship experience, you can't really talk to your friends about this stuff (the very few ones you have), you have nothing, but at least you are trying hard to turn your Life around....and then you see this. What would you do?

[cdn2wheeler]

OK, I hear ya. You're in full-blown panic mode and probably feel like your life is crumbling at your feet before you even get started.

Welcome to the club.

Worst university-level mark I ever got was a 32/100 on either a physics or calculus final (can't remember which). My academic dreams were gone. Poof. Just like that. Thanks for playing, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

But I learned something far, far more valuable than physics... or calculus... or whateverthehell it was.

I learned that no "final" exam is truly final.

So you don't make the grade this time? Take the course again. No biggie.

So you find out that the academic path your on isn't suiting you? Change paths.

So you find that maybe the whole idea of academics is just turning you off completely? No sweat. Take some time off and come back to it in a year, or discover a different career path.

Point is, there are a thousand different paths you can take. This is just one of them. So relax. Chill. Here, have a scotch.

[Jennihul]

You honestly need to relax.

There are people that party their way through school, barely graduate and find their dream jobs and live happily ever after.

I'm not saying it's not good to have goals but ANYTHING that creates intense anxiety in your life needs to be rethunk, rehashed and removed.

If it feels bad, don't do it.

I don't mean blow off graduating. I mean putting so much pressure on yourself. Judging yourself so harshly and basically acting like you are talking about friggin life and death. It's a class. In the scheme of things, big whoop.

Find some goals that make you intensely HAPPY.

Jennifer

[Livgivare]

I also failed alot lately. Got of all the trials in my 30 days trials, but I know I will get up again and become better off next time. So you are not alone in this what so ever!

Love Leelene

[Lola]

Sweetie - there is no failure. There is only experience.


And I'm qualified to say that because I have a LOT of experience.

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

OK, I hear ya. You're in full-blown panic mode and probably feel like your life is crumbling at your feet before you even get started.

Welcome to the club.

Worst university-level mark I ever got was a 32/100 on either a physics or calculus final (can't remember which). My academic dreams were gone. Poof. Just like that. Thanks for playing, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

But I learned something far, far more valuable than physics... or calculus... or whateverthehell it was.

I learned that no "final" exam is truly final.

So you don't make the grade this time? Take the course again. No biggie.

So you find out that the academic path your on isn't suiting you? Change paths.

So you find that maybe the whole idea of academics is just turning you off completely? No sweat. Take some time off and come back to it in a year, or discover a different career path.

Point is, there are a thousand different paths you can take. This is just one of them. So relax. Chill. Here, have a scotch.

Well, I'm spending all this money. It's not even my money, it's my parents money, and I don't want to let myself down. I've had enough you know what I mean? And it's not like I'm a sophomore or a freshmen, I'm a senior. What am I doing still failing exams in my 5th year at college? Seriously....maybe I shouldn't have posted this....I just needed to let stuff out...that's all.

[Holistic Star]

It's ok to post how you feel.

Go to your teacher / tutor and tell them that you have been worried about your test results and ask them if they would spend some time with you explaining what you need to do to get the grades that you want.

It might just be that you need to be clearer about how you phrase your answers and make it easier for the person to be able to give you the marks. It might be that you have the wrong end of the stick for some theories and they can put you right. If it is essay questions, it might just be the way you layout the argument.
I'm sure any teacher would be happy to help you. After all they want you to succeed too!

If it is any consolation I got a U (so bad it is ungraded) for my Mock biology A-level. I passed with a B - so it can be turned around

Also as well as study get in some fun time too. If you play sports it wouldn't hurt to go and do something physical to release all that tension energy too.

[lifequest]

Hi Lifefirst,

You thought being in the 5th year would be easier, that you would get the hang of it? I'm sorry to disapoint you, but I won't happen if it hasn't already happened. How do I know? Because the same thing has happened to me over and over again. Like cdn2wheeler says, welcome to the club. But the good news is I'm still there, so it's possible to survive that.

I'm the kinda person that get like 19/20 on assignements, and explain all the theories to my friends because I understand it better than them. And then, when the exam comes around, I tend to screw up things. I get in front of exam, I read the question, sometimes it goes well and I have a good grade, but sometimes, let's just says that all rationality gets out of my head, and I write only crap. And then I get 5/20, so around the same thing you got.

It's hard when you worked your ass off, and someone else tells you that based on a sheet of paper you took 2 hours filing, that you're an idiot. But the hardest part is convicing yourself that no, you are NOT an idiot. You just aren't fitting well into the "exam" system. You fit more in the "projects and assignments" system, which is great by the way because the real world works like that when you get a job.

It's easy to put yourself down. A thing I could suggest you, is to get a book about building self-esteem. I don't mean to imply that you don't have any (by being in college and working to get a degree, that shows already that you value yourself and your future a lot), but sometimes I find the exercices in these kind of books help me to get back on track after a hard exam that depresses me, and "unpanic" me so I can focus on what comes next.

And know that talking about it helps. If you can find someone in your entourage you can talk to, it'll help to blow of some steam. Don't kept it bottled up.

Don't give up, you're halfway there, you can hang on for 7 more weeks.

Lifequest

[LifeFirst]

I go to the professors for help too, it's not like I don't care and just sit in the back of the class. So it's even worse that I got such a low score. I guess I will have to re-evaluate my studying strategies...I still believe that I can get a good grade in the class, but something is missing, like a chunk of my brain is clearly missing.

[Ilya]

Been there. About two months before my high school finals I've realized that I'm going to fail six out of six subjects. My mocks were in ruins. All because of exam anxiety. I would do great on regular assignments and fail on my tests.
I went to my tutor and he gave me some great pieces of advice. We've made a study timetable, prioritized the subjects and specifically put in some rest and fun time.
Then he said a very important thing. He said, stick to the plan. Even if you lapse, forgive yourself and go on with the plan. And I did. I've turned the situation around and passed all my exams except one. I still got a very decent overall mark, and went on with my life. So don't worry. It can still be fixed. And even if you fail something it is not going to be the end of the world. Fearing it now is not doing you any good. Good luck.

[Marvinq]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I graduated a long time ago, I had to take Accounting something like 3 times before I passed. It's no biggie, it didn't effect my life in a very adverse way! You'll be fine. Your life won't be ruined, because you didn't do well in a particular class.

[Jennihul]

Your expectations are out of line with your reality. That will always result in angst, fear and disappointment.

You can change the reality and figure out how to be an excellent student.

Or you can change your expectations and lighten up on yourself.

Jennifer

[Tohami]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

If you were in my situation, what would you do? Let's say that you are senior in college, you have a terrible GPA, you don't really have any job/internship experience, you can't really talk to your friends about this stuff (the very few ones you have), you have nothing, but at least you are trying hard to turn your Life around....and then you see this. What would you do?

I would choose your nickname!!

Life First.

Life is too short to lose in anxiety and fear. Are you going to die if you get lower grades? How do you see your life in the future? Would getting certain grades affect the way you want to live your life?

Your nickname is the best way out: Life First!

[Tayrak]

Lots of good advice as usual. Let me add a bit for what it's worth. First off I would learn how to meditate. I know that for some people this is a real turn off. You don't have to do any weird ohm stuff. There are lots of meditating free courses which just simply tell you to breath and relax. That's it nothing weird if you feel that way about it. What it does is gets oxygen to your brain and calms you down, when you are calm you can think more clearly. It does work and is worth the effort. Simply inhale slowly and exhale slowly, think the word calm or just concentrate on your breathing. Let yourself relax.
Ok enough of that.
Not everyone learns the same way or at the same rate. This doesn't make you stupid it makes you different but not so different that you don't have a couple thousand people in the same boat with you. I can't grasp anything the way other folks seem to do so easily, it's hard and when I do get it it's like 'man what was I thinking in the first place'. Find your own groove, it's perfectly ok to hang with the smart kids and get what you can from them but remember you may not be them and that's fine. Really, relax and let yourself be yourself, that may not be an honor student, but if you take it at your own pace you will pass, maybe the second time. People have taken courses over.
Cut yourself a break.

[180]

What kind of tests were these?

Math Q's? Essays?

From the way you describe it. It sounds like short answer math questions.

My gut tells me it's not the material u don't get it. But how to answer it

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by Tohami

I would choose your nickname!!

Life First.

Life is too short to lose in anxiety and fear. Are you going to die if you get lower grades? How do you see your life in the future? Would getting certain grades affect the way you want to live your life?

Your nickname is the best way out: Life First!

That's the thing.....there are times when I really can't see one....at all. And that scares a lot. SCARES me. I would try, but it's pitch darkness like I'm looking outside out of my room at 3 AM in the morning with lights turned on (you know you turn on the lights you can't see nothing outside when it's dark..). It's just like that. I can't see myself doing anything, because I have failed at many things I have done in my Life. I can't really recall anything that I have succeeded, that's what pains me the most. It brings tears to my eyes that I have been wondering with my mind closed for the last 4 years, taking everything for granted. Now, it's getting towards the end, I don't have much time left to change things, I don't know how I can change my mindset, my habits within 20-30 days.

I had a talk with my parents today and it once again let me realized how bad things really are at this point. I felt like I can't breathe....I just want to breathe.

[Ilya]

Right. I was answering your question in the "World of Warcraft" thread just now, and probably didn't take all of your problems into account. Still, my advice there holds, but you need to do something with your attitude first.

You are right. Sometimes we don't see our future. It is very hard to do so even at college. Many of us, had this image of the future drawn for us by our parents and almost set in stone: School, High School, College, (maybe Masters and PhD), Work. And it is like railway that we are following. We don't have a habit of imagining our own future.

But there is a future after college. And it holds millions of possibilities. Even if you fail your exams. You need to practice imagining it. But maybe not right now. Right now you are at the state of panic. And it is not making your life better.

As far as I understand you have 6 weeks until the end of term. There is a certain amount that you can do. You can turn the situation from dire to acceptable, but you probably won't make it brilliant this time. Stay calm about it. The exams will come and go whatever the result is. Then the stress will lower and you will have time to think straight. Then do imagine the future after college even if you do not get the great grades. Imagine what will you do to compensate for the opportunities that you would lose. And they are not that many, believe me. You clearly not into academic career, so not being able to obtain PhD should not be a big loss for you. In terms of career, you probably will have to start with a more modest job than the one you could get graduating at the top of the class. I'm not even sure it is a bad thing. And I'm not even sure it will be the case. There are zillions of great jobs out there that do not care about your GPA.

The point of the exercise is not to give up and go for the lowest denominator. The point is to see that the worst case scenario is not catastrophic. I guess even your parents will be proud of you if you just graduate from college. Whatever they say now, they will.
Then, hopefully you will be able to get the fear of loosing out of your life and it will free the resources for studying and improving. We can't improve if we are paralyzed by fear.

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by Ilya

.


As far as I understand you have 6 weeks until the end of term. There is a certain amount that you can do. You can turn the situation from dire to acceptable, but you probably won't make it brilliant this time. Stay calm about it. The exams will come and go whatever the result is. Then the stress will lower and you will have time to think straight. Then do imagine the future after college even if you do not get the great grades. Imagine what will you do to compensate for the opportunities that you would lose. And they are not that many, believe me. You clearly not into academic career, so not being able to obtain PhD should not be a big loss for you. In terms of career, you probably will have to start with a more modest job than the one you could get graduating at the top of the class. I'm not even sure it is a bad thing. And I'm not even sure it will be the case. There are zillions of great jobs out there that do not care about your GPA.

I can still get at least a B in all of my classes (maybe even an A in 2 of them even though I failed horribly on the exams). But the thing is I don't know what to do to get there. I'm going to try as hard as I can, and I truly believe I can turn this around.

I do have a positive attitude, just because I made a few posts about me failing a couple of exams doesn't mean I'm going to blow my head off. There are just certain times throughout the week when I get very frustrated (as positive as I want to be, can't deny reality), but actually I am a very calm and collected individual. I feel If anyone else were in my situation, they would have probably done something really stupid already.

[Brigid]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

That's the thing.....there are times when I really can't see one....at all. And that scares a lot. SCARES me. I would try, but it's pitch darkness like I'm looking outside out of my room at 3 AM in the morning with lights turned on (you know you turn on the lights you can't see nothing outside when it's dark..). It's just like that. I can't see myself doing anything, because I have failed at many things I have done in my Life. I can't really recall anything that I have succeeded, that's what pains me the most. It brings tears to my eyes that I have been wondering with my mind closed for the last 4 years, taking everything for granted. Now, it's getting towards the end, I don't have much time left to change things, I don't know how I can change my mindset, my habits within 20-30 days.

I had a talk with my parents today and it once again let me realized how bad things really are at this point. I felt like I can't breathe....I just want to breathe.

HI there,
I don't know how much time you have left. But if you need a crash study skills course, or leg up. I can help.

I suck at street smarts and real world skills, but academia I can do.
I actually help incarcerated youth to make the grades so they can get out, and they help me to not be so naive.
They are quicker to learn than I.

You have never failed.
Not ever.
You can't fail, especially if you are not even playing your own game.

Some folks are born driven toward a cetain target, they know, with certainty.
Others of us are like ships tossed in a hurricane, not knowing how or why we got here, yet feeling bad continuously,because we think we let other people down and that we should be doing better.

Nasty trap.
When you discover the game that fills you to overflowing, you'll sail into it full wind, with a sense of exhileration, not fear, or remorse, or panic or guilt.

IN the meantime, lets get you through the next few weeks of whats before you.
Write me on the private message thing here if you'd prefer. I'll give you the study tips and tools, the baton, you just have to run with it.

Brigid

[astra]

Hi there,

First of all I want to tell you that you're not alone in this feeling. I've been at Uni 6 years to get a qualification that should have taken me 1 1/2 because i'd get halfway through a semester and then feel like I had crashed against a brick wall. But I struggled on, and next week, I'm sitting my final exams. If I can do it, anyone can!!!

It sounds to me like you're having a mild panic/anxiety attack when you're faced with an exam - assignments are ok because you can pace them, but exams are a lot of pressure on 2-3 short hours of your life. I always find it helpful to understand what's behind things, so I hope that explaining what happens to you in exams might be helpful to you in dealing with this (i'm not the best at the technical terms etc, so anyone feel free to correct me if they know better, it was explained to me a long time ago).

We have an IQ, which determines how smart we are, and an EQ (ie Emotional Intelligence) which determines how smart our emotions are. If your current emotional state is higher than your EQ can handle, it borrows from your IQ, meaning that the higher your emotions get, the less intelligent you are at that point in time. This means that the more stressed out you are before an exam, the less likely you'll be able to deal with it intelligently. In your case, you're feeling under pressure to perform, and you feel like your future's threatened, stimulating your 'flight or fight' response, increasing the adrenaline which lifts your EQ. You need to de-stress, and burn off this adrenaline, for the side-effects to pass. I'd recommend some light exercise before the exam, but probably best for you to look up what i've mentioned (as i don't think i've explained it the best) and try some things to find out what work best for you.

From another angle, visualising/thinking about what will happen if you fail isn't the best thing either. If you've heard of the law of attraction, visualising failure only bring you failure because you expect it (not to mention that it increases your stress levels). Every time you have a negative thought, consciously replace it with a positive thought about what will happen if you pass, and visualise yourself sitting for the exam and confidently answering questions. This can help your stress levels, and on the law of attraction side of things, will help bring positive things to you. Apparently positive thoughts/vibrations are 1000 times stronger than negative ones, so by consciously replacing negative with positive, even if you have negative thoughts the positive will still outweigh them.

Don't give up, you can do it! That sense of acheivement of obtaining something you struggled for is so worth it! Good luck.

[4Mind4Life]

I think that you should be able to get things on the right track soon! I think that it's really cool that you are able to realize your problem and want to take some action!

I really recommend seeing a neurofeedback practitioner to help you learn to replace the panic & unfocused brainwaves with more calming, focused ones.

I personally find taking 3 grams daily of Nature's Made fish oil to be very effective at helping me focus and overcoming my anxiety. I'd consider that as a possibility. It has really helped me overcome anxiety, ADHD, & depression. (I feel totally calm and focused.) It did take a couple of months for the effects to fully "kick-in".

I also think that exercise is a great way to reduce stress and increase focus. I recommend doing some aerobic exercise everyday for @ least 30 min. for awhile to see if that helps w/ the anxiety and focus.

I think that the book "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyways" by Susan Jeffers would be a great read for you! I found it to be a highly effective and motivating boost past my fears. I highly recommend it.

I also recommend that you try meditation. I have an article on my blog that describes the benefits of meditation... Check it out if you are interested.

I wish you the best!

[Ilya]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

I can still get at least a B in all of my classes (maybe even an A in 2 of them even though I failed horribly on the exams). But the thing is I don't know what to do to get there. I'm going to try as hard as I can, and I truly believe I can turn this around.

What you final marks depend on? What is your exam? Is it a test, or essays or course work? Depending on the form, the measures needed to improve will differ.

I do have a positive attitude, just because I made a few posts about me failing a couple of exams doesn't mean I'm going to blow my head off. There are just certain times throughout the week when I get very frustrated (as positive as I want to be, can't deny reality), but actually I am a very calm and collected individual.

Yeah, I suspected something like that. You are stressed and it shows from time to time. But keep up good spirits. This is one of the few situations when the power of thought is undeniable. Better attitude will lead to better results.

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by Jennihul

You can change the reality and figure out how to be an excellent student.


Jennifer

I AM an excellent student dammit

Originally Posted by Ilya

What you final marks depend on? What is your exam? Is it a test, or essays or course work? Depending on the form, the measures needed to improve will differ.

The professors are not stupid, they know who I am, they know what areas I'm struggling with. I go to class everyday, sit in the front, I go to their office for help quite often....they know I'm trying.