Lots of resources but no purpose

[rodrigo]

Hi, everyone. This is my first true post.

I've been struggling with a question for almost two years now (but with some other things alike for many many years).

A quick background: four years ago I moved to a bigger city (actually the 5th biggest city in the world, São Paulo, Brazil) to do my Master's degree in Computer Science in a good university. I didn't plan to do it, but the opportunity showed up and I took it. Moving from a small city where all my family and friends were, to a very big city where I didn't know almost anyone was a big of a change. For the first two years, I did some stuff for the university and did some work outside. But for the next two years (last two years) I just procrastinated with university (a lot more than usual) and got stuck into a meaningless life perspective. One month ago I got to come back to my birth city.

Now, the point of the post. I don't think I can't do it. I have a good environment and a lot of resources in my life. I have a great family. I have a great girlfriend. I have a few good friends. I have a good job (and I'm quite good at it) that even lets me work remotely, from my city.

But the thing is: I have no purpose. Worst, I think any purpose that I might choose has no purpose itself, at all. There is nothing that I'd like to be doing. There is no reference to where to go. I'm simply unhappy with a good life, and can't figure out what could change to make me happy, since there's nothing actually wrong with it.

I'm so, so, so tired of this fight. Even not fighting does not seem to solve anything.

Any advice?

[Tayrak]

You don't know what you want to do but you want to do something with purpose. I guess you want to do something after all. You want to do something with purpose. Would that be the same thing as doing what you want to do? Sometimes we get hung up on what we believe we should be doing in order for our lives to mean something. There are things we enjoy doing but they seem so frivolous compared to what some other folks are doing.
Remember giving people enjoyment is just as important as brain surgery. We all want to do something great so we check around for what other great peope have done and we seem to fall a bit short. We get a skewed idea of what is important. Just to try and put it in perspective. I was out one day and things were going very badly. I stopped for a coffee, didn't really want one but I needed to take a break it was real late. The waitress came and I ordered my coffee. She brought it back with a slice of pie and icecream. I didn't order that I told her. No but you should have, you look like the dog peed on your best pair of shoes. I laughed 'cause that wasn't that far off. Enjoy it she said we'll just throw it out tomorrow.
Here is my point. She was a waitress, not the most glamorous job, she wasn't going to get famous or save the world. She sure gave me a pickup, though. Was that important, it was to me. After all the lousy people I dealt with all day there was someone who was genuine and meant well. She would gain nothing from being nice to me, and she didn't ask for anything in return. It turned my day around.
Do whatever you want with your life, not what you think everyone expects you to do with it. There is something you like to do, whatever it is, it is useful and the world can't wait for you to get started.

[rodrigo]

Originally Posted by Tayrak

Do whatever you want with your life, not what you think everyone expects you to do with it. There is something you like to do, whatever it is, it is useful and the world can't wait for you to get started.

First of all, thanks for your reply, Tayrak.

I don't have a problem with doing something I like instead of doing what people expects (well, at least not that much). My main problem is really wanting anything at all.

If I knew that the thing I want to do is to be a waiter, I would do it (or try to do something in that direction). The thing is that I don't know anything that I want so much that could make me change the way my life is.

[Christian223]

How much time and effort did you put into finding your purpose?. But even if you found out what you would like to do, you have a limiting belief that serves as obstacle to a fullfilling life:

Worst, I think any purpose that I might choose has no purpose itself, at all.

The problem is, why do you think this?, i think this is why you cant find a purpose, because you fear that any purpose is meaningless. Get rid of this belief, its counter-productive for you and everybody else, a personal recomendation that i know for certain will make a difference in your life is the use of EFT, try it, check out Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique and the link at my signature, EFT is used to rid yourself of limiting beliefs. Also, read the bible, it might make the most impacting difference in your life.
I wish you the best Rodrigo, good luck.

[rodrigo]

Originally Posted by Christian223

The problem is, why do you think this?, i think this is why you cant find a purpose, because you fear that any purpose is meaningless. Get rid of this belief, its counter-productive for you and everybody else

Christian223, it's not a matter of fear. It's a matter of thinking further. I think that because it is true from my perspective. One can choose a purpose that answers the big "why" on its life. For any given purpose, I can ask "but why that?". And we could keep it on and on. Any choice is made by an earlier assumption, even if it is "I like this". I, on the other hand, can't assume anything as true.

[Boreas]

So you go to school, get a good education, get an ideal job, and have the ideal life. You completed the perfect formula, all the pistons are firing, but you get there and you ask yourself: Now what?

First, you must always keep hope, and second you must take action, and you must do it without fear.

Think about the message all the things you have in your life are giving you:
The family
The town
The girlfriend
The career

How do these things really make you feel? Do they make you feel a sense of security? Are they the things that make you feel "safe" in life. What would your reaction be if I were to say these feelings of security are false?

Consider this quote:
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
- Helen Keller

What is stopping you from trying things in your life? Things you would consider to be risky, or unusual? Is it the sense of security you feel from being in your town, having your girlfriend? Liking your "comfortable" job? Are you afraid of losing these things? Why?

What you have to do is change these things from being the focus in your life and do not let them be the things that make you who you think you are. Don't let them be the things you want to run to when you feel lost.

You need to take action. Start making lists of things you would like to live for. If you can't think of anything, write down what you want right now, it could be "a cup of coffee". See how you feel looking at something that tells you your purpose in life is a cup of coffee. You will think of something else soon.

Try remember times when you feel really good. It will probably be also a time when you do not feel any obligation to anyone but yourself. For a lot of people it seems to be helping others, but that has never done it for me. What I have found is that I feel good when I learn something new. I love pushing boundaries, I love how mysterious nature is, and I love how from that mystery we can learn things that increase our power, but you have to find what brings you peace, what causes you to really start taking meaningful action. I suggest writing down your thoughts. Don't expect it to come overnight. In fact, it should be something you work on and refine your whole life. Even change if need be.

Where I am now, my purpose is to learn, and I am learning by trying as many new and different things as I can.

I leave you one more quote to consider from one of my favourite stories: Alice in Wonderland.

`Cheshire Cat,' said Alice`Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'

`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

`I don't much care where--' said Alice.

`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

`--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.

`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'

You can sit back in apathy in your world of comfort and security if you want, but I think that is the one sure way to never know your purpose. Life isn't going to grab you and tell you what you are about, it is the other way around, you have to grab life to get to really know yourself. You have to walk, and the more you walk the more your feet will know the ground below them.

[rodrigo]

Thanks, Boreas, really inspiring reply. I'll think about it.

Originally Posted by Boreas

How do these things really make you feel? Do they make you feel a sense of security? Are they the things that make you feel "safe" in life. What would your reaction be if I were to say these feelings of security are false?

I don't care that much about security. I've given up other circumstances that would be much more "secure". For example, I'm not affraid of losing my job. If it happens, it happened. Not a big deal.

But a little less fear wouldn't hurt

[Angela]

Rodrigo, como vai voce? I think it would be a good idea for you to determine what you are most passionate about. There's a great book called "The Passion Test" that you might find useful, and basically it boils down to writing down as many of your passions as you can think of, and then narrow it down to the five most important, by comparing each passion to all the others and rating them.

For this purpose, "passions" is Ways of Being. That is, ways of life as opposed to goals to reach or things to achieve. I've listed mine below (I actually only narrowed mine down to 7!). When you can see clearly what you're most passionate about, the next step is to allow those passionate ways of being to unfold Now, in the life that you're already living. Part of that life might involve changing aspects of it, but you'll be inspired to see how much is possible in generating a life you love right now, as well as to see your ideal direction more clearly. Why wait?


When my life is ideal, I am…

Glowing with vitality, strength, suppleness and well-being such that others feel better just being with me.

Living and working joyfully in my clean, gorgeous, flowing home overlooking the ocean.

Connecting with and generating a space of freedom for everyone.

Making love with Danger Man all the time.

Enjoying Super-Abundance!

Coaching and Celebrating breakthroughs for myself and scads of other people.

Writing and speaking material that moves, inspires, and amuses masses of people.

THIS, OR SOMETHING BETTER!

Boa sorte!

[rodrigo]

Obrigado, Angela.

Originally Posted by Angela

There's a great book called "The Passion Test" that you might find useful, and basically it boils down to writing down as many of your passions as you can think of, and then narrow it down to the five most important, by comparing each passion to all the others and rating them.

I'll check the book. It seems a good idea to try, narrowing down by comparison.

[Angela]

De nada~!

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by rodrigo

Thanks, Boreas, really inspiring reply. I'll think about it.



I don't care that much about security. I've given up other circumstances that would be much more "secure". For example, I'm not affraid of losing my job. If it happens, it happened. Not a big deal.

But a little less fear wouldn't hurt

Security can tie in a lot with being unconcious or unaware of the real forces governing your life.

Another way of looking at your life is via comfort, how do these comforts govern your life purpose?

I suggest you try fasting for a day, reaching new levels in excersize, finding a new source of income (second job? selling things on ebay?) and see how the task makes you feel. All these things stress independence and self-reliance. It makes you really take responsibilty for your life. How much do you really take responsibility for your life? Or how much of it do you let your family, girlfriend, and job, tell you what you should be doing? Isn't it a relief that you don't have to plan all your time? It shouldn't be. I recommend Steve's blog entry here:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles...onsciously.htm



Self-discipline is another aspect that ties in with a lack of life purpose. For me, I tend to wonder what I am doing with my life when I am feeling lazy, have been given a difficult task, and I just sit back at my computer and wonder why I am doing what I am doing. Instead, I should know so well what I need to do, that I just up and get things done. In a strange way, getting things done quickly really makes us feel powerful and the more powerful we feel, the closer we can be to knowing our purpose. Sometimes knowing what to do is simply telling yourself that you always know exactly the right thing to do.