Who am I really?

[JMononoetoe]

So here I am, sitting in my bed with my laptop, thinking about several events that occurred recently.

You see, I've recently stopped studying computer science at university. And I still find it to be a bit weird. All these years I believed studying computer science was my goal, but I soon discovered it was not what I was looking for.

I don't really know how to explain it, but I felt a little out of place, or something like that. I'm interested in programming, but that's it, I found out.
It's quite weird. All these years I thought I was determined to study computer science and make a living out of it afterwards. And then in a short time interval I discover it is not so. Quite a 'shock', so to speak.

So... Now I'm studying Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture. Yeah, something totally different.

I guess I have the 'interests-problem'. I've been developing interests in lots of things over the years, including computers, music, medicine, psychology, graphical design, etc.
Okay, so that's fun, right? Being broadly oriented and stuff. Well, it seems it does have a nasty side effect though. I can't seem to find my 'place', there where I fit in.

Who am I really? And what do I really want?

Even though I'm studying Chinese Medicine now (and it's quite interesting!), I still don't really know who I am (and who I want to be) and what I really want.
I can't just sit here and do nothing though, I want to develop myself! However, I can't help but feel like a formless blob, trying it's best to get a shape, but can't escape from the fact that it's formless, if that makes any sense xD

Is there anyone out there who has experienced the same thing? What did you do?

[Sam988]

I had a similar experience, to some extent. I didn't know what do to before i entered university, i was divided between studying business administration or law.


I ended up studying business (but the chances were 50% i would go to law) and fortunately i loved it and think that i would be slamming my head on the wall now if i had entered anything other than business.


But i'm like you in a way, i also have a wide range of interests, but i adapted my goals to my major field which is business. So my advice to you is this: If you don't like very much the picture of yourself making a living out of chinese medicine/acupuncture, and having these as major parts of your life, i suggest you drop it. Otherwise it'll be just one more degree, and if you start working with it even though you don't like it as much as other stuff, you might end up being unhappy, and will never reach excellence in this field.

[dqdok]

Take a rest. Walk in the nature for a day. You have so much potential and choices for developing. Think what's important for you. Imagine you're practising the different professions. What do your chums think. Don't rate what's paid or prestige but what do you want to do mostly in your life.

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by JMononoetoe

Is there anyone out there who has experienced the same thing? What did you do?

Absolutely. Frankly I'm happy for you because it means you're not going to take the same path I did.

I studied Computer Science and even when I found I wasn't really getting much out of it I persisted until I completed my degree. It took a year longer than it should because I just didn't have the motivation to put in the effort required to get it right from the start.

I worked in IT for 7 years (still here) doing software development, which I did enjoy for a while, but eventually it became far too unfulfilling.

Throughout that time I was experimenting with other things. It's all part of experiencing life. Over the last 3 years I'd spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, or at least for the foreseeable future, because software development certainly wasn't it.

But it wasn't until I stopped looking for something and started observing what I was doing and enjoying. Which was discussing philosophy and psychology, and reading about how the brain works. I realised that one of the things that made me feel most engaged and most focused, was talking with interesting people about those topics.

So that's what I'm doing now, informally and formally as a degree in Psychology, to be followed by a degree in Neuroscience, and I have absolutely no doubt about its suitability for me.

But you know, I think that if I hadn't tried other options I wouldn't be so confident that this is the right one. So I'd suggest you keep trying anything that comes up that sounds interesting, and pay attention to how you feel. Don't be concerned about dropping something that's not working for you. But also, be aware of the tendency for skills and interest to plateau. Over time you'll form a better image of what's right for you. I don't know of any shortcuts, nor of any way for you to be certain that you'll get there.

[Mags]

You may want to look into what Barbara Sher calls "scanners" and Margaret Lobenstine calls "renaissance souls" - people with multiple interests who can't seem to settle down with just one of them. There's quite a bit of information on the 'net and both women have also written good books on the subject if you want more detail. They have great tips for how to live life as a scanner/renaissance soul so that you maximise your enjoyment of life and are successful (in traditional terms).

[JMononoetoe]

Thanks, everyone

Wow, I read up a little about these "scanners" and "renaissance souls", this is exactly what I am! It's so recognizable, and gee am I glad it's not as uncommon as I thought it was.

I did a little quiz on togetunstuck.com, and I answered all the questions with "yes" XD Man!
I found this piece of text which really caused a feeling in my gut:

As kids, most Scanners had been having a great time! At school no one objected to their many interests, because every hour of every student's school day is devoted to a different subject. But at some point in high school or soon after, everyone was expected to make a choice, and that's when Scanners ran into trouble. While some people happily narrowed down to one subject, Scanners simply couldn't.

The conventional wisdom was overwhelming and seemed indisputable: If you're a jack-of-all-trades, you'll always be a master of none. You'll become a dilettante, a dabbler, a superficial person -- and you'll never have a decent career. Suddenly, a Scanner who all through school might have been seen as an enthusiastic learner had now become a failure.

That's exactly how I feel. I'm definitely gonna read into this subject. Thanks!

[Mags]

Glad it struck a chord for you, and I hope the info helps you as it did me when I first learned about it!