Pissed and Paranoid. Help.

[LOL]

I am extremely messed up. I am in the 11th grade and am paranoid about when I get out of high school what will happen. I keep thinking that I will end up alone on the street collecting cans. My grades have sucked in school and continue to suck. I have no friends.

If I commit to doing good then it’s only a matter of time before I think this is a waste of life to be immersed into a paper with writing or a pen with ink. People make me angry therefore I am an angry person.

Little things like a girl flipping her hair to much will irritate me. I notice these things. I notice every detail even when I am sitting there seemingly zoned out I am noticing someone’s leg moving out of the corner of my eye.

Also my family makes me angry. My dad just walking around in his dumb slippers can make me pissed. I think this is mostly because I am constantly paranoid about what will happen when I finish high school.

There is no way I’m working with people at a star bucks smiling my fake ass of all day for bum paychecks. That’s where the collecting cans part comes in.

Anyway if anybody could spare a word as to what to do with myself that would be great. I’m not seeing a counselor.

I am sorry if I used to many "I"

[cdn2wheeler]

First thing, welcome to the boards. It's a great resource, full of thoughtful and intelligent folk. We may not agree on everything - sometimes things can get quite heated - but we respect and honour one another.

What you're feeling is exactly - and I mean EXACTLY - the same things I felt when I was in your shoes. Couldn't see a future. Couldn't understand what it was all supposed to mean. Had absolutely no idea how any of the present situation was going to help me as I grew, matured, founds jobs, met women, screwed, lost them, made money, lost it, etc. etc.

Wanna know a secret? It's really crucial.

This is precisely what's supposed to be happening.

Now, I'm not gonna get all airy-fairy and "the universe is unfolding as it should" stuff and all the rest. There's nothing even remotely cosmic or bizarre or supernatural about it.

It's natural, it's normal, and though it doesn't feel like it, everyone feels like you do at some point, to some degree.

If you're in 11th grade, I figure that makes you about 15 or 16, maybe 17. Your brain is working overtime connecting synapses, surging with chemicals and electricity (which is why you notice these little things), your body is awash in hormones (girl flipping her hair, etc.) and you're in the early stages of separating from your parents (dad shuffling around in his slippers) so you can create your own life.

You may consider a counsellor, but frankly unless you're starting to talk to your shoes or carry out violent fantasies or wear a tinfoil hat I don't think you need it.

From what you've written here, it sound to me as if you're perfectly normal in every sense. I know it's uncomfortable because I've been there too, but it's also temporary.

So fear not, my young friend. (For the record, I've got about 30 years on you.) All is well, and all will be well.

[thesnowyeti]

actually, funny you should mention that. i'm in the EXACT same situation as you. 11th grade even. i've spent most of high school being a dumb stoner with the intent of junior college. now i'm realizing how much work it takes to get ahead, and how much time and effort i could waste working towards a goal that i change my mind about later (like spending 6 years in medical school only to realize that i don't want to be a doctor.) i'm slowly beginning to find my way after coming out of a long depression, but theres still so many questions i have and so much advice i could use. about the friends part: i used to be incredibly shy, and i didn't have any friends either. lucky enough for me, a very sociable girl in my class decided to take a chance on me and teach me how to make friends easier. i didn't believe it before, but social skills actually can be learned. i can definitely help you out with that if you'd like, i've been looking for someone who was in the same position as i was so that i could pass on all this knowledge because it basically saved my life. loneliness is not something to be taken lightly. so yeah pm me, i feel like there's a lot we could learn from each other
peace.

[Tayrak]

You're in grade 11, suddenly it's occured to you that you will pass and go into grade 12 and then you will pass again and then...the world looms.
Right now you hate your life, you want to do what you want, when you want, and you're realizing probably you won't be able to. You may even, probably, most likely, horror of all horrors, end up like your father. He's your father after all, how much chance do you have? Relax. you won't end up like your father unless you want to. You will search out and find something that you will enjoy doing to make a living. It doesn't have to be the same thing as everyone around you, you may branch out and find that something unique and special that appeals to you. You'll change your mind a lot and that's ok. Right now young people have one of the greatest resources around, the internet. You can search out info on anything. Dig around see what's out there. Make a list of things you like to do, do it in your mind if you hate writing it down. Then research these things. I love photography, could I make a living at it, I imagine so. As for the social thing-you could start participating on different forums, now that doesn't actually get you out mingling with people but it does give you a chance to interact with people and not have to actually face them right away. At first you might piss a few people off, make a twit of yourself, but it's the internet people don't know who you are, who cares. Then when you are comfortable get out into the world and be with real people. Life takes time to live-that's the fun part. Relax-take a deep breath let it out slow. Meditation does work, look it up find a type of meditation that suits you, they aren't all 'oomhm'.