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Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more. You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today. If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics. |
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10-22-2007, 11:05 PM
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 How long did it take you to turn your life around? Hi all, I'm trying to turn my life around, but I sometimes feel so demotivated. I think I could change some areas of my life around in a year or less but some areas could take up to 4 years. Actually the only area that would take 4 years is my varsity... And well... to be honest I kinda hate it. But I would crush my parents if I dropped out, even though I don't really like it. And I really don't want to do that to them. They've been absolutely magnificent parents and I think i could try and stick it out for them. I've messed up quite a lot which leaves me in a situation that I'm doing a single first year course amongst loads of 3rd year courses... Unfortunately the 1st year course is my major...  So... any advice for keeping the motivation up?      |
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10-23-2007, 12:34 AM
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| Keep soaking yourself in high-energy sources that pull you up. The personal ego/will often doesn't have the horsepower to get you anywhere (the personal will can't even stop eating ice cream after dinner  ), but the spiritual energy of Divinity/Source/Love is very powerful and can perform miracles. This is very evident in AA, where nothing can heal the addiction of alcoholism except the surrendering of the personal will to God, to the energy field of Divinity.It was spirituality that really changed my life around. I tried taking credit for all the results that came, but when I look back, it's really a matter of Grace. It wasn't my drivenness or my personal effort, it was the power of the energy field pulling me up. All the "personal development" stuff that I did, didn't really change anything, it was just reshuffling the outside circumstances. But the spiritual work that I did, completely changed my inner attitude to life, from despair and hopelessness to joy and happiness. And as you change yourself inside, the outside reflects that and changes as well. "Let go and let God" -- it sounds cliche, but that's really how it works. The problems come and go, but life will handle itself, all we have to do is enjoy the ride, however bumpy it gets  That's why I think the best way to improve is to take up some spiritual pathway, to surrender our problems to Divinity, and to rely on the higher energy fields to pull you up, rather than trying to "push" yourself up. For one thing, you save yourself a lot of work As you keep immersing yourself in a higher energy field, it seems like nothing is changing, but things are subtly shifting, and then one day you realize that you don't have some problem anymore, things that used to stress you out and drive you crazy are just a joke now. The only "doingness" that I would recommend, would probably be to study the various pathways of spiritual work and do whatever appeals to you, i.e. how to release attachments and aversions, negative emotions, etc. |
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10-23-2007, 09:54 AM
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| Really? It's nice to hear that it is possible to change your life around... It's just that sometimes I feel I'm wallowing in despair and when that happens I don't feel like coming out of that despair because it's so much easier to just say "life sucks", rather than doing anything about it |
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10-23-2007, 10:21 AM
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http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...oy-of-sadness/ Quote:
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10-23-2007, 04:45 PM
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| Sometime it take second, and sometime it take days! It all depend on whether I am willing to do so!! Mind changed every second! It all depend on whether I allow this or not! or whether I willing to let go!  Hope this help! |
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10-23-2007, 04:47 PM
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| From my perspective, turning one's life around isn't an event. It's a process. I've not had experience with a pivotal moment, a flash of epiphany or anything of the sort that's stuck with me. But working the process and understanding that it is a process seems to be paying off. |
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10-23-2007, 05:01 PM
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I've been "working on myself" for about 3 1/2 years now..Since the year 2000 i'd gone through some incredably (sorry about my spelling!) hard times that had left me so very depressed,i was having panic attacks every day and i even ended up unable to use one of my arms! Delayed reaction to stress i think they said it was.....In my darkest day's i'd contemplated ending it all...I don't know how or why it happend but i decided that the only way was up and i HAD to get myself out of this! It's true your responsable for everything that happen's in your life...I armed myself with self help books,i prayed to god every night in bed & asked him for strength & thanked him for all the positive thing's that had happend that day..i did some feng shui on my house..and i started living "consiously"...i did lots of other thing's too...... Today - i still do all those thing's..i've not needed a self help book for ages tho..My life is amazing! I'm so happy to be alive! Wonderful thing's happen to me all the time and i have inner strength i never new i had! I'm optomistic (never was before), positive and i'm excited about what the future holds for me! Anything and everything is possible  Stick with it, it's worth all the hard work i can promise you that. Love & light to you Nickiy xx |
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10-23-2007, 05:10 PM
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| As Steve always says: Quote:
Personal Development is a continuous process. Try not to think of it as a means to an end, but rather your life, getting better by the day. If you are always projecting onto that elusive future, you will not be very happy on the journey. It's hard work sometimes. It takes a while. Would you not rather be in a state of growth than a state of wishing your life was already "fixed." With each, time will pass. With one, you will be going somewhere. With the other, you will be wasting time.
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |
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10-23-2007, 05:30 PM
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| I completely agree that some of life's best changes are effected in a process that takes time. And, I have had lighting-flash epiphanies, some of which have been so astonishing I haven't recognized the "me" I was a few moments before. Some of these quick-changes have included: Taking on 100% responsibility for what my life means. I kind of crept on this, so it was a process of sorts, but the actual commitment to take on 100% responsibility was made in a moment. I will never forget the weekend that that happened; it was remarkable and earthshattering and has made possible most of the amazing things that are going on in my life now, not least of which is my dazzling relationship with Danger Man. Waking up one morning, absolutely in love with my own body. That happened this year, maybe you read about my experience here in this forum. One day, I had all kinds of things I hated and wanted to change about my body, and the next, I couldn't take my eyes off my own reflection in the mirror! Gratitude, love, amazement, perfection.... all these things I couldn't even imagine having felt for my physical self -- POOF! -- were suddenly right there in front of me. That was a great morning, believe me. Another flash epiphany for me (actually it was a one-day process) was the moment I reconciled my desire for autonomy with my desire to feel deeply connected with people. This one was a result of looking at a childhood incident in which I decided I was stuck between mother & father -- I couldn't make everybody happy (and so I couldn't make ANYbody happy.) When I examined that thought, I saw that I had set up my entire life so that I was stuck between a rock and hard place, in all kinds of different ways that I didn't recognize consciously. When I saw the impact that had on my life, how pervasive it was, and how it was the decision of a child, I was free to invent something new for myself that worked better: being Free, Connected, and Joyful. In the moment that I invented that for myself, I felt reborn. This one change has been one of the most powerful things I've ever done for myself -- and now being Free, Connected, and Joyful is something I can generate all over my life. It is meaning that works for me! |
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10-23-2007, 06:14 PM
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| THAT DOES IT! Thanks everyone. Today I have decided to begin my journey of personal growth... So... What should I work on first? I read one of Steve's posts that said one should start with their health or their weakest point... What did you start with? |
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10-23-2007, 10:28 PM
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| It's a long list... Maybe someone can recommend which would I find most useful? 1. Emotional Mastery - Extremely low self esteem... a doormat - Painfully shy (Literally... It hurts when I need to ask someone for something) - Time Management (Low concentration span, lazy) - Unfit (Not really... maybe a kilo or two... but definitely short of peak fitness) - Financial Mastery - Inability to get over the past (Keep going over past mistakes which leads to me making those same mistakes again!) ... I think those are the main ones. I think improving my management of time would be most beneficial to me, but I'm open to suggestions. |
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10-23-2007, 10:38 PM
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I completely rid myself of shyness and inability to get over the past (among other huge breakthroughs in my life) by attending the Landmark Forum Landmark Education: Seminars, Courses & Landmark Forum. That costs around $450, and maybe you're just concentrating on free or more privately available resources. But check it out; I highly highly highly recommend it. |
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10-23-2007, 10:39 PM
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Same as pretty much everybody elses. The details may be different, but everyone's got a long list. I'd suggest to simply work on one thing at a time. Personally, my choice would be in the areas of personal physical fitness. Feeling ill, low energy and all-around cruddy effects everything, so you may find that once you get your fitness level back, the rest of the list won't seem nearly so tough. *edited to add* Seems Angela and I are on the same page as far as physical fitness goes. That might be a clue right there. Last edited by cdn2wheeler : 10-23-2007 at 10:40 PM. Reason: quick edit to add stuff |
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10-23-2007, 10:46 PM
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| I agree with starting with the physical. Also, many of the rest of your issues (self-esteem, shyness, time management) are most likely rooted in the past and what you believe about yourself because of it.* It's easier to work on letting go when you feel good, so get your body in shape and feed it well. Then overcome your past and watch everything get immensely easier. Good luck. *Credit to Angela.
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |
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10-23-2007, 11:51 PM
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 Also... I'm not in America. OK... So I'll start jogging tomorrow (More like huffing along for 2 km but it's a start...). But I have exams now too... so, I need to figure out how to best manage my time. Even if it's a quick fix for now. Last edited by saaretjie : 10-23-2007 at 11:55 PM. |
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10-24-2007, 06:37 PM
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| Hi saaretjie To get into the thread: How long does it take to turn your life around? I believe a life time. Because you understand each day things you didn't understand yesterday. And things you couldn't have understood before today, because you just weren't ready and receptive for it. Hence my name, Lifequest. I have come to the conclusion that in my case, my growth process will take a lifetime, and will be most successful if I plan out what I call "small victories". Over time, small changes will make a big one (at least, that's the theory I'm working on right now, but I'm flexible, the definition could change with time, an open mind is always a good thing). I heard somewhere that a hard thing to do in life is to find the courage to be happy. It can be really easy to be sad and depressed if you choose to. But to choose to be happy and to act on getting there can be, for a lot of people, a very hard choice, but a choice that has to be taken with lucidity. Your list of things to change isn't far from what most people on this site post, I think. And I agree with the physical activities, that it can affect a lot of other areas of your life. But where to start is ultimately your choice, has it has to come from you. You talked about jogging. For example, I like jogging, and I do it on a regular basis because I actually enjoy it (for almost 2 years now ). But I don't try to convert people to jogging. Instead, I say try it out. Find a way to do it that makes you happy: with music, with friend(s), or anything else. I tried jogging of years, but it was on and off because I couldn't to stick to it. For me, it was leaving the watch at home and not timing myself that did it. I just go out and do it and admire the trees and the sky while I jog. You say you're a student and you don't have a lot of cash. Is there a sports facility where you're studying? Usually they have special prices for students (sometimes it's even free). You could check it out, find an activity to do alone (jogging, swimming, strenght training), or a group activity if you want it to be a more social activity (dance class, basketball league, badmington, etc.). The idea is to keep trying 'till you find something you like. But overall, you've done something what a lot of people on this planet don't even dare to do, that is taking the first step in admitting your life could be better, and starting to look for ways to make it better, so good job! |
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10-24-2007, 09:26 PM
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| Quote:
True. I guess change is an inevitable part of life, but if you're not changing yourself than life will change you, however it wants to. So of course it's imperative to grow throughout your life. |
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10-25-2007, 10:45 PM
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| As others have suggested, go with physical first. About 8 months ago, a very tragic event happened to me. Since then, I've been trying to turn my life around. But I put physical health last. Now, I'm relatively healthy and young, but I always felt my emotional and intellectual work was being slowed down by my sedentary lifestyle. So, a few days ago, I actually decided to change my diet. I love meat, butter, fat, sugar...but now I've cut out ALL junk food. I don't eat anything with white flour or white sugar. I eat a huge frickin' salad every day. I eat a lot of fruit. I only drink water - no soda, no caffeine. And - these past few days, I've been more productive than ever. I actually get stuff done. I wake up feeling refreshed. I feel more confident because I feel in control of my body. In my experience, health is definitely the priority. |
