Can You Identify My Problem?

[aichaku]

I am 36 years old, female, married, with one child, working full-time.

I've been wanting almost all my life to make my own life choices. After more than 30 years of doing what I feel is the right thing to do (ie. pleasing others and fulfilling my obligations), I have fought for and recently been given the freedom to choose what I want to do with myself and my life.

Before this, I thought I wanted to quit my job and be a stay-home mom. I thought I wanted to write and create things. I thought maybe I wanted to do my Masters. I thought maybe I'd change jobs. But now I am unable to take action to decide what is best because even though now I have options, I'm not feeling any happier and I'm thinking maybe it's better to retain status quo.

I don't know what I want to do. I find the things I do meaningless. I even find the new options meaningless! I've tried various methods (including Steve's) to find purpose but unable to "converge". Do I lack clarity? I guess I'm scared but besides that, I really don't know what I need to do to address this and move on to make my life better.

Do you know what is my problem? I'm feeling really stuck, lost and lousy. I'd appreciate any inputs and comments. Thank you!

[Parthon]

You sound like many people in this situation. You've been in a stuck situation for years and have made a resolution to get power of your life back. You've used courage to shift yourself from that stuck position and have gained some freedom and control, but now you aren't quite sure where to go.

It's time for some soul searching, and by that uncovering truths about yourself, both pleasant and unpleasant, and dealing with those as appropriate, taking action as required or putting to rest past grievances. The only thing you will need here is your courage.

Once you start on that journey you can really start look for what you are here for. Whether it's a divinely inspired purpose, or a more realistic created goal for your life, anyone can have a purpose for their lives. All it takes is a little time, a little looking and a whole load of courage.

I went through the archives and picked out a few posts which I believe best fit where you are at.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ut-20-minutes/

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...g-congruently/

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ore-conscious/

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...e-meant-to-be/

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...f-life-series/

The journey isn't always easy, but it is a great one. I wish you the best.

[CaptainStubbs]

aichaku,

I often have felt like what you are describing. I always wanted to own my own business, and am a talented web developer, very knowledgable about business (I read a lot of business books), but I have never been able to find the time to get anything going.

I find that I wrap myself up into time commitments that I cannot let go of. If I was smart I think to myself, I would dump the things that will not further my goals, but alas this is easier said than done.

As for finding a purpose in life, one thing that I found useful is realizing "THIS IS IT". Depending on your religious beliefs, within the next 10-60 yrs you'll be worm food, six feet underground. I'm 31, and haven't achieved my "dreams" although I have a wonderful family and good job, I am not satisfied with simply that.

Heck, I say 10-60 yrs, but lets face it, you may be in poor health come 65, 70... severely limiting your options, so time to get crackin!

If you don't know what you want, just pick something and pursue it with abandon. Maybe you'll find what you are looking for along the way.

I rate Parthon's advice as better than mine, but there is my 2 cents for what it is worth. =D

[Clarity]

I'd advise a look into the book Pathway to Purpose for Women.

[silicon toad2000]

I feel that too many people become despondent in their work. They don't realise how important what they do is to the operation of the whole business.
My only suggestion short of moving jobs and seeking something that feels more fulfilling is to realise that you are contributing to a number of societies. You family, your workplace and the wider society. If you can take ownership of your inputs to those societies, take pride in your work and remember it's not about how other people perceive your inputs, it's how your inputs to those societies makes you feel. At the risk of sounding corny, be the best that you can be. Develop yourself and measure your own performance and improvements.

[aichaku]

I appreciate all your comments and advice. They have given me good food for thought. Some points have struck a chord with me and I'm going to take some time to consider them carefully. Thank you! Parthon, I'm going to run through all those links and again. Thank you so much for taking the time to pick them out.