Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

hazerfazer · 10-02-2007, 12:29 AM

I was unsure whether to put this topic in this forum or in the emotional mastery forum... Well anyway, I got my first steady part time job (I'm 17) at a local Italian restaurant. The thing is, I do not like the owner/manager. It's a small place and I'll always be dealing with him. It's not even that I don't like him as a boss, I could tell the first time I met him that I didn't like him as a person...the way he talked to me. It's hard to describe, but he has got a huge ego. The best way I can explain it is that you could beat the **** out of him, and not knock any semblance of sense into him.

Also, the kids that work there are not angels. They're nice, but one girl in particular has done many hard drugs and also told me she got ecstasy from the owner's daughter who apparently is not in contact with him because he was abusive. My friend said the guy built his grandparent's house a few years ago when he was a carpenter and there were all kinds of problems during that process.

What should I do? I was thinking it could be some type of a learning experience with how I deal with someone like this, or should I not even try? I mean I've only worked twice, but I'm already dreading having to deal with the guy on a regular basis. It's like I don't even want to be in contact with someone like this. But what do you guys think...?

cdn2wheeler · 10-02-2007, 12:33 AM

Overbearing, nonsensical and irrational bosses are, alas, the rule and not the exception. My advice is to continue to work there while you look for another job. In the meantime, consider it a learning experience, because that's what it is. Do your job, do it well, keep your head down and your mouth shut. Really.

And fercryinoutloud steer well clear of the woman who says she got some drugs. Last thing you need at your tender age is to get mixed up in some legal issue because of someone else's addiction.

Dan.Linehan · 10-02-2007, 12:43 AM

Welcome to learning how screwed up everything is..

Take the good, avoid the bad.

NotesMaeve · 10-02-2007, 03:00 AM

Oh, Dan, lighten up!

Seriously.

Hazer, CD is right. People with huge egos are freaking EASY to deal with. Just do your job and smile. Ask him how he's doing everytime you come in. Roll with the punches.

When it comes to kids saying they do drugs, most of them are full of crap. She's probably just trying to impress you. As someone who did boatloads of drugs in my teens, you couldn't beat it out of me because I didn't want to get caught.

Jason S · 10-02-2007, 03:07 AM

Normally, I represent the voice of stick-it-out-and-make-the-best-of-it, but not in this case.

While I disagree that overbearing managers are the rule as opposed to the exception, and while I generally do believe that there is something to be learned from everyone, I also think that some lessons are just not worth the opportunity cost, and that this might be one of them. Some of the things you mention in your question lead me to this conclusion, including the fact that you noted that your coworkers are no angels: this suggests to me that your boss is in a loop, where--after chasing out good performers--he then feels justified in his hard-edged approach because from his perspective, his employees need him to be tough, otherwise they'll walk all over him. So what happens? He reinforces his edge, this continues to push out good performers, and then the employees who remain say to themselves, "Well, we may as well see what we can get away with, because he's a monster to work for anyway!" The employees' reinforcement loop and his work to bring out the worst in each other.

Zukin · 10-02-2007, 01:56 PM

You may like this book:
Amazon.com: The No ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't: Books: Robert I. Sutton

It advises when to stick it out and when to quit.

hazerfazer · 10-04-2007, 02:08 AM

How do I remain separate from this guys thinking, and retain my dignity? In other words, how do I let his personality slide past me and not care at all about his demeanor? I don't want to be affected by him.

NotesMaeve · 10-04-2007, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hazerfazer

How do I remain separate from this guys thinking, and retain my dignity? In other words, how do I let his personality slide past me and not care at all about his demeanor? I don't want to be affected by him.

He's just an angry, unfun dude. Use YOUR charm and good attitude to wag the dog.

ginkgo · 10-04-2007, 03:12 AM

You can either stay or leave. Only you can guage how bad it is. In yoga they say to avoid negative people. You are more likely to be killed by someone you know than a stranger. Having that boss could be bad karma that you just need to work through. So as far as leaving, I am giving you a definite maybe. You can learn to not take things personally. Good luck. Do you really need to work now?

Phil Parkinson · 10-04-2007, 07:08 AM

How difficult is it to find yourself another job??

If it is very tough, then i would advise doing what the others have suggested on this thread. Turn up, smile and get on with your work... don't allow yourself to become emotionally tied up on any part of working in that place... the politics, the people... Don't seek their approval.

If jobs are easy to find in your area, then start looking immediately and find another job. I am 27 and I have learned the hard way of the importance of removing negative people from your life. THey can have a very destructive influence. You talk about the benefits of sticking this job out... i presume you mean this will give you the life skills to deal with a negative boss in the future. In my opinion, you will grow more as a person by searching out, interviewing and getting to know a whole new bunch of people at your next job.

Phil x

Senin · 10-05-2007, 04:46 PM

Welcome to the job market. Get used to facing this type of decision the rest of your life. You have the weigh both sides like a scale. On one hand, it's a job. You perform a service, they give you money. Who said it was suppose to be fun. How badly do you want/need the job?

On the other hand, is he disrupting your personal dignity? There should be a line that you won't let anyone cross (say for example if he asked you to do something immoral or illegal). (Reminds me of the movie Training Days, when the new cop wants the job so badly that he does one thing he knows is wrong after another after another. Hey, he knew from square one the wrongs and rights).

10-02-2007, 12:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
hazerfazer Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 71	My New Boss I was unsure whether to put this topic in this forum or in the emotional mastery forum... Well anyway, I got my first steady part time job (I'm 17) at a local Italian restaurant. The thing is, I do not like the owner/manager. It's a small place and I'll always be dealing with him. It's not even that I don't like him as a boss, I could tell the first time I met him that I didn't like him as a person...the way he talked to me. It's hard to describe, but he has got a huge ego. The best way I can explain it is that you could beat the **** out of him, and not knock any semblance of sense into him. Also, the kids that work there are not angels. They're nice, but one girl in particular has done many hard drugs and also told me she got ecstasy from the owner's daughter who apparently is not in contact with him because he was abusive. My friend said the guy built his grandparent's house a few years ago when he was a carpenter and there were all kinds of problems during that process. What should I do? I was thinking it could be some type of a learning experience with how I deal with someone like this, or should I not even try? I mean I've only worked twice, but I'm already dreading having to deal with the guy on a regular basis. It's like I don't even want to be in contact with someone like this. But what do you guys think...?

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10-02-2007, 12:33 AM	#2 (permalink)
cdn2wheeler Family Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,016	Overbearing, nonsensical and irrational bosses are, alas, the rule and not the exception. My advice is to continue to work there while you look for another job. In the meantime, consider it a learning experience, because that's what it is. Do your job, do it well, keep your head down and your mouth shut. Really. And fercryinoutloud steer well clear of the woman who says she got some drugs. Last thing you need at your tender age is to get mixed up in some legal issue because of someone else's addiction.

10-02-2007, 12:43 AM	#3 (permalink)
Dan.Linehan Family Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: San Rafael, CA Posts: 4,896	Welcome to learning how screwed up everything is.. Take the good, avoid the bad.

10-02-2007, 03:00 AM	#4 (permalink)
NotesMaeve Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Sacramento, CA Posts: 937	Oh, Dan, lighten up! Seriously. Hazer, CD is right. People with huge egos are freaking EASY to deal with. Just do your job and smile. Ask him how he's doing everytime you come in. Roll with the punches. When it comes to kids saying they do drugs, most of them are full of crap. She's probably just trying to impress you. As someone who did boatloads of drugs in my teens, you couldn't beat it out of me because I didn't want to get caught.

10-02-2007, 03:07 AM	#5 (permalink)
Jason S Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 73	Normally, I represent the voice of stick-it-out-and-make-the-best-of-it, but not in this case. While I disagree that overbearing managers are the rule as opposed to the exception, and while I generally do believe that there is something to be learned from everyone, I also think that some lessons are just not worth the opportunity cost, and that this might be one of them. Some of the things you mention in your question lead me to this conclusion, including the fact that you noted that your coworkers are no angels: this suggests to me that your boss is in a loop, where--after chasing out good performers--he then feels justified in his hard-edged approach because from his perspective, his employees need him to be tough, otherwise they'll walk all over him. So what happens? He reinforces his edge, this continues to push out good performers, and then the employees who remain say to themselves, "Well, we may as well see what we can get away with, because he's a monster to work for anyway!" The employees' reinforcement loop and his work to bring out the worst in each other.

10-02-2007, 01:56 PM	#6 (permalink)
Zukin Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 728	You may like this book: Amazon.com: The No ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't: Books: Robert I. Sutton It advises when to stick it out and when to quit.

10-04-2007, 02:08 AM	#7 (permalink)
hazerfazer Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 71	How do I remain separate from this guys thinking, and retain my dignity? In other words, how do I let his personality slide past me and not care at all about his demeanor? I don't want to be affected by him.

10-04-2007, 03:12 AM	#9 (permalink)
ginkgo Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: Philadelphia, PA, USA Posts: 3,747	You can either stay or leave. Only you can guage how bad it is. In yoga they say to avoid negative people. You are more likely to be killed by someone you know than a stranger. Having that boss could be bad karma that you just need to work through. So as far as leaving, I am giving you a definite maybe. You can learn to not take things personally. Good luck. Do you really need to work now?

10-04-2007, 07:08 AM	#10 (permalink)
Phil Parkinson Banned Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 96	How difficult is it to find yourself another job?? If it is very tough, then i would advise doing what the others have suggested on this thread. Turn up, smile and get on with your work... don't allow yourself to become emotionally tied up on any part of working in that place... the politics, the people... Don't seek their approval. If jobs are easy to find in your area, then start looking immediately and find another job. I am 27 and I have learned the hard way of the importance of removing negative people from your life. THey can have a very destructive influence. You talk about the benefits of sticking this job out... i presume you mean this will give you the life skills to deal with a negative boss in the future. In my opinion, you will grow more as a person by searching out, interviewing and getting to know a whole new bunch of people at your next job. Phil x

10-05-2007, 04:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
Senin Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 145	Welcome to the job market. Get used to facing this type of decision the rest of your life. You have the weigh both sides like a scale. On one hand, it's a job. You perform a service, they give you money. Who said it was suppose to be fun. How badly do you want/need the job? On the other hand, is he disrupting your personal dignity? There should be a line that you won't let anyone cross (say for example if he asked you to do something immoral or illegal). (Reminds me of the movie Training Days, when the new cop wants the job so badly that he does one thing he knows is wrong after another after another. Hey, he knew from square one the wrongs and rights).

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums