Becoming What You're Not

[FreelanceWanderer]

For years, I've wanted to become athletic. I was always unathletic, the type who made up excuses to get out of gym class. In my early 30s I did karate for 4 years, but that's pretty much it for sports and exercise.

In the past year or so I've started: taking kung fu and tai chi, seeing a personal trainer once a week for an hour, and taking a 45-minute weight class once a week. But I signed up for all this stuff because without the external motivation (set times, money paid), I won't do it.

I dream of becoming someone who exercises for fun and is fit and strong, with impressive athletic skills -- but I can't seem to bring myself to do more than what's absolutely required of me. I could practice kung fu at at the park, but I rarely do. I could go to the gym on my own...nope.

It's not like I don't have time. I work at home and set my own schedule, so I could certainly make the time, and yet when it comes down to it, I just don't want to.

Why would we have dreams that don't match up with our actual desires? Or maybe the question is, how can we change our desires so they match up with our dreams?

I'm sure many others have the same problem: They want to be great scholars but don't want to study, want to reach the top of their company but don't want to put in the hours. It seems like this is more than a case of simply needing to get motivated.

Have you been through this? Any suggestions?

FW

[NotesMaeve]

Have you asked yourself why you want to be in great shape?

[eblight]

If someone was to ask you, "Do you want to go to the gym?" would your response come from your mind that says to itself, " I should" or from that inner visceral part of you that says, "Huh, huh. Feels pretty good to me doing that"? Check in with your body and what feels good to you. Sometimes I have noticed that there is just plain resistance and once started exercise feels really uplifting but there may be other forms of exercise that you could ressonate with better than the ones you are doing now.

[aaronmp2003]

I'm not giving this answer across the board, so if this doesn't apply to you, FW, feel free to disregard. However, for me personally, it boils down to desire.

If I want something bad enough, then I will do whatever it takes to make it happen, even if some of those actions are not things that I would normally want to do.

What it boils down to for me is that by putting myself in alignment with what I want, the actual steps that it takes for me to get there become things that I am no longer resisting. I see each of those steps as an enjoyable part of the process because I know for a fact that by doing each step (or each workout) that I am taking myself closer to my goals.

Now, that model wouldn't work for YEARS of doing things that I didn't want to do, but it certainly covers 6 to 12 months worth of consistent effort, and by then, the circumstances will have changed anyway.

[SmellyOrc]

It seems to me like you do not have an emotional connection to the outcome, the journey.
I recently started bodybuilding. Why? I like having a great body.
Because I know that, someday, I will have that great body, and people will look up to me because of it, motivation, discipline or whatever isn't needed. I just do it.

When you desire it enough, the rest will take care of itself.

Now I need to try to apply that to my education.... >.>

[FreelanceWanderer]

Thanks for your replies!

NotesMaeve, that is a great point. I don't know why I want to be athletic other than that it's healthy. Also, I never defined for myself what I mean by "athletic." To some people, doing kung fu three times a week, tai chi once a week, and personal training IS athletic. But it doesn't fit my vision of athletic. Maybe I need to be more clear in my intention.

FW

[artic123]

Most people don't having this overwhelming feeling to exercise. They do it in the morning before even brushing their teeth and then get on with the day.

A lot time in the am. Don't think about it. You said you like tai chi, get a dvd and get started.

Good luck.

S

[NotesMaeve]

See, I disagree. You have to be passionate and motivated. No one becomes fit "just because."

I enjoy having a "model body." Sure, it's a vain reason. I like being able to put on clothes and not worry about unflattering areas like muffin tops or bat wing arms. I like the fact that most of western civilization would agree that I look good in a mini skirt.

I like feeling good. The dopamine released after you finish vigorous exercise feels awesome. I feel totally at peace and relaxed.

When I do other things, like hike or have sex, I'm able to perform at a better level because of my endurance. It makes it more enjoyable.

Doing it like a mindless herd animal is pointless and will lead you to quit.

[AtriumGuy]

Hi Freelance wanderer--

Great question and post. I think the answer lies in your chosen methods for living your dreams (or achieving your goals). What I mean is, yes, you have a vision of yourself as this healthy, athletic and fit person, but the practices you are choosing to make this a reality are not motivating you....and you have to ask why.

If I were you, I would take a close look at your internal desires for Kung Fu, Tai Chi, Karate and ask yourself: "Am I forcing martial artis on myself"? Perhaps there a better, and more appealing way you can spend your time exercising and maintaining health...one that vibes more succinctly with your internal wisdom and will motivate you more?

I bet you there is, somewhere deep within you...its just a matter of asking the right questions!

Anyway, I hope this helps!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by FreelanceWanderer

I dream of becoming someone who exercises for fun and is fit and strong, with impressive athletic skills

Does that dream inspire you? which part inspires you the most: being fun, being fit, being strong, being impressive? Or is there something deeper you would "have" if you were being all or any of those things? (like: being powerful, or being visible, or being vital, or being a hunk.)

If you can narrow it down to what you really want, you might be moved to find a way to express it and generate it other than the obvious roads to being an athlete. People here might be able to point you towards unusual and exotic ways of getting what you want.

Are you willing to look and see what that deeper desire might be? I would love to hear what it turns out to be!

[MatthewRoberts]

I consider myself very athletic and of above average fitness... but I absolutely hate to train.

All I do is things that I enjoy - like riding my bike, waterskiing, gymnastics etc.

All my activities I do just because they are fun, and the fitness and athleticism come from doing them often.

When it comes to actually training for these, my motivation suddenly drops. It's something that I need to deal with though as I need to start training if I want to progress further in these sports.

I understand that there is a huge age difference between us, but basically, I recommend that you find something you absolutely love doing that also keeps you fit. (You mention kung fu and tai chi, do you do them because they are fun or because you want to get fit?)

By all means you can keep training at the gym and all, but if motivation is really that low, I recommend you try more to incorporate fun physical activities into your life. After all, the best exercise program is the one you enjoy and stick to.

(I hope all that made sense).

Matthew

[FreelanceWanderer]

Thanks for all your thoughtful replies! This gives me a lot to think about. I do take kung fu and tai chi because they're fun AND because they're good exercise/stress reducers (I have problems with anxiety and stress). I want to keep doing them, but I wish I were motivated to practice more! I'll consider all the things everyone pasted here.

(By the way, I'm a woman. I think some posters assume I'm a guy!)

FW

[Angela]

Originally Posted by FreelanceWanderer

(By the way, I'm a woman. I think some posters assume I'm a guy!)

FW

Guilty! Sorry about that. I guess when you said you want to become something that you are not, you weren't talking about a sex change! (My gender references were wrong, but my questions don't change.)

[Halcyon]

You want to be someone who enjoys working out and being athletic in general.
You have always made up excuses on why NOT to exercise. (gym class)

Now you pay money so you will have to be accountable to a place and time to work out.

Your going about this the wrong way but I do give you kudos for trying your best.

Find out what your really desire from being "athletic". Of course a fit body and peace of mind and stress relief, but obviously thats not enough to motivate you. My guess is that you dont want to take responsibility.

Perhaps find a picture of what you desire and focus on it each day. Watch something that motivates you to work out. Take some music with you to the park or wherever.

[z1freeride]

Originally Posted by FreelanceWanderer

...


Have you been through this? Any suggestions?

FW

This is from Robert Anthony:

Many people think they can change their lives through sheer will power. This is not true. Negative ideas in the imagination cause such persons to defeat themselves. Regardless of how hard they try, it's no use. They have accepted a false belief as if it were fact. All their ability, good intentions, effort and will power are of no avail against the powerful false belief they have accepted as truth.

We aren't what we think we are. What we think, we are. FW, you may not be aware of your false belief. But it is there...

Rehabilitate your thought patterns and your emotions and actions will follow. I'm not talking about positive thinking.... Read some articles here and you'll see what I mean: http://www.HowToBeMotivated.com.

[FreelanceWanderer]

Angela, no problem! I didn't mean to signle you out...it was just a feeling I was getting from the posts. And my handle is gender-neutral, so how can anyone know?

Thanks to everyone for these additional interesting thoughts. z1, I was reading that site yesterday and thought it was very well done.

FW

[konmai]

talk about the influence of mental & social conditioning. i also thought you were a guy as i think most here are guys unless they have an obvious handle like angela.

i've also been into kungfu & tai-chi but somehow i dislike training in them. the only reasons i like them is b/c i think they're cool, lol. like what's been suggested in this thread, i'm looking for physical activities which may resonate with me more or maybe there's something in my belief system that's really resisting.

i'll be excited to learn what works for you!

[m18pak]

You could try the "70 times 7" technique.

1. Write down a short positive statement such as: "I can become a fit and healthy person"

2. Read the statement aloud to yourself in your head and think about it.

3. Write down the first thing that pops into your head in response.

4. Repeat steps 2 & 3 for 70 times.

5. Do this every day for 7 consecutive days. If you miss a day, go back to day one.

At the end of the week look over what you have written and see if you can gather any main themes. You should get some sort of clue as to what your underlying beliefs in regard to the issue are.

[Freelancer]

Let me give another viewpoint;
For me excersizing is enormously enjoyable and a week or even a day without doing something physical (even if its a fast walk) is a day where I didn't live. Now I've always enjoyed physical things (male and everything hehe) but lately I've turned it up a lot to get myself in even better shape.

Now to me it really became enjoyable when I made it a habit to 'excersize' every single day of the week for atleast an hour. I now play soccer 4 times a week (3 trainings and a match) and the other days I walk atleast for an hour. Now the first 2 weeks this was tough for a while, I try'd several things like jogging and taekwon do but none of them seemed to stick. Walking however seems to fit with me right now so thats what I do when I've got time over. My suggestion is the following;
Make sure that you do any kind of excersize EVERY single day for atleast a month to build the habit. Make this a absolute commitment and every time you deviate from it you start over again. This sounds a lot harder than it really is actually. After the first week or so you'll probably start to look forward to your daily excersize. The important thing is to do it daily and find something enjoyable, it doesn't really matter how physically exausting it is just get used to moving daily.

Once you have that habit in place you can work on making it more exhausting etc.


Edit; You stole my name you biatch !!

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by FreelanceWanderer

Why would we have dreams that don't match up with our actual desires? Or maybe the question is, how can we change our desires so they match up with our dreams?

I'm sure many others have the same problem: They want to be great scholars but don't want to study, want to reach the top of their company but don't want to put in the hours. It seems like this is more than a case of simply needing to get motivated.

Have you been through this? Any suggestions?

FW

YES. You defined a lot of things which have been on my mind lately too, and I think we all go through this.

Perhaps it is best not to complicate the issue and just say it comes down to self-discipline and time.

However, it could be more complicated than that, as it could be a goal you are just attached to and your ego won't let you give it up and let it go. This creates the struggle. For the longest time I took music classes: piano, guitar, violin. I never really knew why, but I didn't want to give up on them. I kept on achieving goals and sounding better, but I was never really happy with it. Still, I had this obsession to stick with it and did so for 8 years of my life, till last year I finally dropped them. I feel really great doing that, I hardly miss it, I now enjoy focusing on other aspects of my life. I don't really regret all the time I spent on music, as it did help me as a person, but I am glad I recognize it as something I don't really want in my life... I find that it can be very difficult to find this out, when perhaps we all think it is easy to know what we want.

The best method might be to simply try many many things until we find a passion that we can work towards with no doubts.