Overcoming sex/pornography addiction?

[rob312]

I'm curious does Steve ever post here? What would you recommend, Steve, or anyone else?

[Trustme]

Just curious, of how many hours each day are we talking of?

[Josip]

To avoid pornography, it works for me to have a lot of sex with my wife.

To avoid sex, hmm, why anyone on the world wants that?

[crankymonk]

I was wondering when this topic would come up. Porn addiction seems to be a growing problem on and off the internet today, due to its easy availability.

[Trustme]

well, I'd say it gets really serious when you start at your workplace


Here goes the same as for other internet addictions as well. A 30day trial with a challenging but not too extreme limit. Something like no porn after 8pm for 21 days. Of course you can say none at all but if you are really addicted you will break it at one point. And cheating means back to the start otherwise the whole trial-concept doesn't work (at least not for me).

Regards
Volkmar

[Michael Chui]

An addiction is bad, but an addiction to porn doesn't sound like something I'd expect to happen. Addiction to sex is... more common.

But, as a response: energy is energy. If you're putting too much energy into one thing, then one of the most effective ways to counter it is to channel that energy elsewhere. Try taking up martial arts.

[Trustme]

woman degrading porn

Now it gets a little ridiculous. I don't think the poster wants to correct his political uncorrectness or feels guilty because he is doing but the problem is it's a waste of time to look at naked breasts for hours every day. Hours that could be spend with more important stuff.

My 2 cents
V.

[smallstar]

This has less to do with political correctness and more about your inner attitude towards women.

The human body (not just the female one) is a miracle, and a beautiful one to watch and study. If you've ever tried drawing live models, you know what I'm talking about. Leonardo spent 100+ hours in studying just one smile in order to get it just perfectly right. You begin to study, appreciate, and love the perfect beauty of the subject. You might even take courses in photography or painting, and transform your "wasted time" into art.

[Polonius Funk]

Originally Posted by Trustme

woman degrading porn
Now it gets a little ridiculous. I don't think the poster wants to correct his political uncorrectness

It's not about political correctness - a lot of porn (I'd go so far as to say 98%!) has the intent of objectifying and/or dehumanizing its subjects. And consuming that is most definitely NOT a higher level of consciousness.

There is a spiritual aspect to sex (in a lot of ancient Mesopotamian cultures, the temples employed prostitutes, implying that they saw a connection between sex and divinity) - but I think humankind has always been wrestling with it! (THAT'S something I would like to hear explained from the great beyond.)

I do agree that it's time that could be spent doing more important things, and that seems to be the original poster's problem. Could you replace it with exercise? Human interaction?

[Scott B]

Ahh, subjective reality. I was going to post this topic today and it's been done for me. I am actually on day ten of a thirty day exemption from pornography. There is a major difference between admiring the beautiful human form and seeing it as a work of art compliments of Gaia and viewing people in intercourse for the sole reason of arousal. The latter is the one where dependence emerges. Sex fills your body with endorphins and when you're using porn to escape, as I did, it acts like a drug. In my situation, it was my intimate outlet. Several childhood traumas left me feeling unloved and a burden to society so I introverted and escaped. Having viewed porn since the age of 11, I was burnt. Porn made me angry, tired, I had less confidence sexually and otherwise, and my girlfriend was less sexually attractive to me. I've known this to be a problem for several years and it took my antithesis-of-addictive girlfriend's viewing of porn to make me realize I needed to moderate. I gain control through cold turkey and eventually I'm able to absolutely prevent a recurrence. So now I'll be able to handle porn without becoming dependent again. I feel more energized, less angry, more confident, and more sexually attracted to my beautiful girlfriend. If you feel you have a problem, cut out what's causing it.

[ScottLee]

The first question I'd ask is, are you sure it's an addiction?

The way addiction is usually defined is something that you can't stop that is harmful to you in some way or preventing you from carrying out your everyday functionality.

Domai is a great site - I personally go there once a day, just to keep the sight of nudity a common thing in my life. The great thing about the site is that it's not inherently sexual, it's simply nudes with a common theme.

In order to figure out why you might be addicted to pornography or sex - what are you beliefs about sex? Is what you're doing wrong? Do you think sex is wrong? It's odd, but some people start carrying out an action simply because they believe it's the wrong one, or they feel guilty for something. Porn and/or sex is not a bad thing for you unless it is causing harm. The bottom line: Is it causing harm? Is it taking you away from things you should be doing instead?

You might also try reading about naturism. It's astonishing how many people don't know about the concept. Most of the time people view porn not because of sex itself, but because of the visual stimulus presented, and much of the time - it's simple nudity in a sexual context. People build an assocation of nakedness with sex, but this association is distorted and unnecessary. While sexuality will always be a part of human nature, there is no need to obsess over it. Check out Nudist - American Association for Nude Recreation, to start off with, for reading up on naturism. A lot of people have the experience of being disgusted and repulsed by porn after they've spent time for hours themselves in the nude, as well as seen lots of others nude - in a nonsexual context. It truly is an interesting, strange treatment, and from a conservative view, the exact opposite of what you might believe to be effective.

But why not give it a shot? Instead of looking at porn, start looking at non-sexual images of nudity for a while. If you're 'addicted' and you figure you're going to be looking at it for a long time anyway, just start shifting it to something different, but something where you're confronted with breaking your old association.

[Redhatlady]

Have you asked the following questions. I am not asking to post any answer just to think about yourself.
Have I thought of any kind of professional sexual counselling?
Am I in a relationship that is consentually sexually satisfying?
Am I substituting looking at porn to get rid of sexual tension?
Can I stop buying magazines or looking at the internet and if not why not?
Can I use my sexual energy up by exercise?
Am I doing it because its a naughty thing to do I think?
Am I at risk of having non censentual sex- and if so I need urgent help- where can I get it fast?
Are there other problems from my past, abuse, violence, that I need to deal with fast.

[Akashic_Librarian]

I like Porno but I am trying to cut back, its embarassing really. I had loads of videos (Damned Limewire) and I deleted them but its really bad because I don't have a girlfriend I can vent my sexual urges on...

[YouseffTheSheep]

"Masturbation is self-improvement." ~Fight Club

It's always good to challenge yourself in ways other people thing are foolish. You want to give up watching pornography and things like that? Obviously you do, simply because you're asking this question.

I've talked to a few people about this subject, being a some-what healthy person both psychologically (Uh, I think anyway) and physically this issue has come up with me and some friends of mine.

Now, if you're watching porno just to watch it and think it's a waste of time. Start cutting down on it, start getting rid of any tapes/dvd's you have of it, and start trying to watch it less. That's the first step to everything. Form your environment so it can assist you in doing whatever it is you want to do. After that fight through it, until eventually you only watch it very infrequently, once a month or less, or you don't watch it at all.

If it's an issue of masturbation, that's a similar but different subject. If you're watching them to masturbate and then that's it, it's relatively a common thing. If you think you are masturbating too much, then you shouldn't masturbate so much. Another one of those things you have to work on by getting rid of the things you use to masturbate not limited to videos/tapes.

It's not a bad thing that you are doing it, anyone who tells you it is is a fool. It's a bad thing to continue doing something that you REALLY want to stop. If that's the case, then you owe it to yourself and not to anyone else to stop it. Try limiting yourself, challenging yourself. I won't watch it/do it for a day, two days, three days.... Then continue extending it. If you slip up, that's fine.

Try going outside instead of staying inside and being bored (That's a common factor in why it happens). Keep yourself "busy" doing other things that are fun/healthy. Maybe going outside and exercising, and admiring nature?

[ahimel]

Originally Posted by Josip

To avoid sex, hmm, why anyone on the world wants that?

Because your wife's sex drive isn't as high as yours, and when she turns you down, you become angry or depressive, leading you to emotional blackmail and/or rape.

He doesn't say he wants to avoid sex; he says he wants to avoid addiction to sex. And if you aren't able to be understanding and compassionate about sex, it can become a real problem in the relationship.

[Trina]

I've never dealt with a sex addiction, but I have overcome a drug addiction, and it took taking a good hard look at my life and where it was going to get me over it. I saw how disgusting I was and how pathetic my life was and got so angry with myself that I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't need 12 step groups or drug counseling. I just needed some clarity.

How you get clarity, I have no idea. LOL. Just ask yourself over and over where exactly you think this behavior is going to lead you. Ask yourself why you aren't strong enough to control yourself. Ask yourself what kind of person your wife or you family would think you are if you let it progress. Ask yourself the hard questions until you can see what you are and what you are doing more clearly. No one wants to see their own faults, especially not through the eyes of someone disgusted with what they are doing, but sometimes that's what it takes.

Of course, this worked for me but may not work for anyone else. Just sharing my own experience.

[JJP]

Originally Posted by rob312

I'm curious does Steve ever post here? What would you recommend, Steve, or anyone else?

Sup dude, I masturbated to porn habitually for about 8 years. I was ok with it when I was young, but eventually I got really into spirituality and meditation, and I lost interest in porn and masturbating. I actually now think that masturbating by itself is fine, it's just porn that is unhealthy.

Well, what worked for me was that everytime I started thinking about looking at porn I would say to myself "I am now choosing to honor my sexuality" or "I order the universe to heal my sexuality" and just move on to something else and trust in the universe to guide me to where I intended to go. Also, regular meditation can help. Overall I'm glad I stopped beating off -- now my aura is healthier and I feel comfortable around women.

Porn addictions, unhealthy masturbation and the like are generally signs that your relationship/sex life with real women sucks, so... work on improving that.

[Lonewolf]

There's no doubt that it is fun and exciting to view loads of porn and I doubt that you replace the variety and sexual titillation with anything else. Why not set a timer and keep your porno viewing to 10 minutes a day? That should give you time to wank while satisfying your craving and not interfere much with the rest of your life.
I think porno cuts down on the desire to have affairs outside of relationships and balances out unequal sex drives between partners.
It's a sad truth though that most women do not look anything like the images you get in playboy, penthouse or anything else; and these fantasies may give you unrealistic expectations. Either you learn how to attract women of similar quality or perhaps you are going to feel disatisfied with "ordinary" girlfriends/wives etc.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by rob312

I'm curious does Steve ever post here? What would you recommend, Steve, or anyone else?

Rob, I feel the porn is a distraction not an addiction. The next time you check out some porn, make a note of what you could be doing at that moment or just got done doing.

[ScottLee]

Originally Posted by JJP

Overall I'm glad I stopped beating off -- now my aura is healthier and I feel comfortable around women.

Porn addictions, unhealthy masturbation and the like are generally signs that your relationship/sex life with real women sucks, so... work on improving that.

I completely disagree with this. Porn addiction and masturbation both have nothing to do with your relationships or sex life. There are people with outstanding sex lives and still are addicted to porn, and then there are countless people who have terrible sex lives, and are addicted to porn. Whatever the condition of your sex life with women, it has nothing to do with your porn addiction.

[King Of All Cosmos]

I think that there's a lot to argue on the merits and downsides of porn and masterbation. Either way, this thread was created in order to find ways to break the addiction. Let me offer some methods that may or may not work, but are probably worth trying.

First, amass reasons as to why you want to stop your behavior. Research how the effects of masterbation may be bad for you, or at least not in your best interest. Maybe draw on some personal experiences or beliefs. Imagine what it would be like to be free of this controlling addiction and to regain/create conscious control for yourself. Write down your reasons and reconnect with them everytime you even think of porn (there are detailed methods of connecting two thought patterns, such as the one right one this website). Make specific guidelines for what you do and don't want. You could even make a promise to a trusted friend. This is your purpose, this is what can provide motivation whenever you need it.

Next, use the idea of applying overwhelming force (we all know of this, right? Well, just in case). Maybe you could generally spend less time at the computer or spend your time at the computer more efficiently? Maybe you could visit a website promoting non-sexual nudity like someone else suggested? If you're really commited, dump all your porn right away and never look back. Do all that you can to prevent yourself the opportunity to masterbate. Mingle with people more, go to bed earlier, and most importantly, don't think about it!

As they say, resistance is futile (but redirection is more powerful). Mentally, connect porn to disappointment instead of pleasure in any way you can so your body isn't attracted to the feeling. Try developing the habit of doing a certain ritual before you allow yourself to masterbate. Maybe run around your house, briefly connect with someone and review your purpose you created? You could even make this a chance to be productive in another area, like forcing yourself to play the piano before you masterbate. If you are into playing music, you'll probably end up distracted, which is the goal here; giving your focus to something besides porn. At the end of the day, be sure to congradulate yourself if you've made it through successfully. Be proud that you're changing your life for the best! If you fail, pick yourself up and use that failure as more motivation to keep trying until you win. If porn enters your mind, get excited about the opportunity to overcome it and improve yourself!

While everything is potentially going your way, be sure to create some type of habit to quell that need that masterbation once provided. Redirect the energy, as they say. Sexual energy can probably be expressed in physical energy, so be sure to have a opportunities to run and exercise yourself. If you previously had time for porn, you should have time for this (replacement).

I really don't know you and I don't know what will work for you; you need to decide and make plans yourself. As you read this, why not start now? Right now, commit yourself to making plans to overcome the addiction of porn and follow through with them! If you take all the steps you can to reach your goal and still don't achieve it, come back here and tell me I'm full of crap. I've spent some amount of time on this post trying to offer my help so I'd really appreciate it if you took this advice to heart and tried it. You owe it to yourself and partly to me. Immediate success or failure, try using this thread to keep track of your progress. We're all rooting for you here, whatever your goal may be!