Overcoming sex/pornography addiction?

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Stephen

FFS

Porn IS NOT REALITY!

Escapism is what you are engaging in: nothing more nothing less.

To break the cycle of porn, what you have to do is preempt the urge by either challenging the addiction face on and telling your demons that you will not be a slave to bullshit, or to get rid of the blue balls by one way or another.

For me I think porn is just porn. Its a niche for the deprived and lonely, for the desperate and wanting.

Its just ************ really.

Or get more in touch with the females in your life (not just physically, although that's good too!)

I don't know about you, but when I started having more and closer female friends, my view of porn drastically changed, all by itself. It helps get you a reality check real quick.

[rob312]

Originally Posted by Stephen

FFS

Porn IS NOT REALITY!

Escapism is what you are engaging in: nothing more nothing less.

To break the cycle of porn, what you have to do is preempt the urge by either challenging the addiction face on and telling your demons that you will not be a slave to bullshit, or to get rid of the blue balls by one way or another.

For me I think porn is just porn. Its a niche for the deprived and lonely, for the desperate and wanting.

Its just ************ really.

I agree! It's just a fantasy place for me. It's something I do to escape.

Right now, I'm trying to break the addiction. But I'm also in the process of redirecting my negative self-talk to positive self-talk. I'm on my way to gaining new friendships and more confidence. I have the knowledge of what I need to do. I just need to get off my butt and apply it!

Right now, I am somewhat deprived and lonely...but that will change! It's no quick fix. Everyday, I'm learning to tell myself positive things...I will gain confidence! I'm starting to do it. I feel that a lot of changes are happening and are going to happen. I've never been this consistent/determined before.

[rob312]

Originally Posted by Alvin

Or get more in touch with the females in your life (not just physically, although that's good too!)

I don't know about you, but when I started having more and closer female friends, my view of porn drastically changed, all by itself. It helps get you a reality check real quick.

Yes, I agree! I very much need to work on that because I've never really had a relationship with a female.

I've research A LOT within these past two years about the female psychology. I've always thought that I needed to impress them to get them to like me...but I know different. I know the type of person I need to be... confident, be my own man, ambitious, fun to be with.... Deep inside I am all of those qualities. I just need to take my guard down... gain some confidence.

[Ali]

Rob312

I have a suggestion that might sound dumb but hey, its a suggestion. The problem that you seem to have as what Stephen wisely explained it .. “Escapism is what you are engaging in: nothing more nothing less. “ You are bored and you have a door of pleasure that is OPEN right in front of you at any time to ESCAPE to it leaving your boring life behind. I have a rather physical suggestion than mental. You can actually purchase a software that blocks adult content to stop you from accessing it. One might say but you can enable it anytime, however you need to share your problem with someone who can help you with this, someone who has the owners details of how to unlock that software. Hence you do not have access to it and that someone WON'T give it to you.

There is a second part to the suggestion .. you need to sit down and think hard of something you like to do and engage init a lot as you mentioned may be playing your guitar. Therefore when you are alone in your room and you get bored you can't access porn and you will have this space inside you to fill then you will be FORCED to engage into the other activity i.e guitar or other.

Its a suggestion, it might not be an inelegant suggestion but it could work .. Steve’s article about shifting your thinking can effect the change of your mentality greatly while this process is taking place.


Thanks

Ali

[Ali]

By the way

Alvin is dead right here .. you do need get more in touch with the females in your life, it will make a big difference

[Erock]

Yeah, I don't know. Porn is not really an addiction for me at all, but masterbation is. I don't really know if masterbating every other day for a 17 year old is an addiction or just natural??

I wish I could have some girls in my life, but I'm in kind of a weird place right now because my parents and I have never talked about girls, and I always just figured that I would wait until I was at college and be completely away from them, but I'm halfway into my senior year now and I'm kind of anxious.

Anyway, I can understand you wanting to stop looking at porn, if you think it is degrading to women-which it is, but for me personally it would be almost impossible to give up masterbation, especially because I have to go to school everyday and see such beautiful women.

Erock

[srf99]

To all the men on here,

If you heard another man say "I just look at porn to masturbate. It's a fact, that men need visual stimulation. I can't masturbate without it." Would you agree?

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by srf99

To all the men on here,

If you heard another man say "I just look at porn to masturbate. It's a fact, that men need visual stimulation. I can't masturbate without it." Would you agree?

#1 No. The imagination is more creative than any porn director will ever be.
#2 Women also masturbate so why exclude them from the question?

[supman]

Originally Posted by Stephen

#1 No. The imagination is more creative than any porn director will ever be.

Actually I think porn dulls the imagination - if I look at it a lot my powers of fantasy just don't work because the mind becomes so reliant on being a passive consumer of visual stimuli.
That said, my thoughts on porn are that it can't be inherently wrong to watch sex unless it's wrong to watch football because you like football.
It's how we relate or react to it that defines how good or bad it is for us.
Finally..sex is one of those things that for some reason..(maybe someone here could explain why)...seems to be a difficult area for both women and men and porn is not to blame for that.

[rob312]

Originally Posted by supman

Actually I think porn dulls the imagination - if I look at it a lot my powers of fantasy just don't work because the mind becomes so reliant on being a passive consumer of visual stimuli.
That said, my thoughts on porn are that it can't be inherently wrong to watch sex unless it's wrong to watch football because you like football.
It's how we relate or react to it that defines how good or bad it is for us.
Finally..sex is one of those things that for some reason..(maybe someone here could explain why)...seems to be a difficult area for both women and men and porn is not to blame for that.

So, ethics and morals are relative to each person? What is moral to one person may be immoral to someone else and vice versa? Does that apply to all moral issues? If not, where do you draw the line? And who draws the line? And who gave that person the authority to draw that line?

[supman]

Originally Posted by rob312

So, ethics and morals are relative to each person? What is moral to one person may be immoral to someone else and vice versa? Does that apply to all moral issues? If not, where do you draw the line? And who draws the line? And who gave that person the authority to draw that line?

good point....i think religion, society and government draw the line, in that order perhaps. Again, I think each individual relates to each of those 'authorities' in their own personal way. some people don't care about what religion, society and government thinks is right or wrong, they'll make their own minds up - others are exactly the opposite and of course there's everybody else in between.

[JJP]

Originally Posted by rob312

I like what you said. It inspires me! Tell me more about your meditation...what kind of things you do. How long did it take you to stop viewing porn or masturbating? I know there is no such thing as a quick fix but I'm want to change. Thanks JJP. I look forward to reading your comments.

I'm in my early twenties and I've never been on a date. Sure, I'm shy...that's part of the reason why I haven't dated. I never really spend more than 30 minutes at time viewing porn. Usually, I go for a few days and then there's a trigger...seeing a scantily clad woman on tv is usually the trigger. I've started porn/masturbation since I was about 12. It's not something that I sit at home and watch at hours on end. Sometimes I do it out of boredom. Sometimes I do it to feel better about myself. Sometimes I do it once I see a trigger... my mind shuts off (even though it really doesn't. That's just how I feel) and I just have to do it.

After the 20-30 minutes are up, I trash the pictures/movies and I'll be porn-free for another 2-3 days.

Some of you may believe that there is nothing wrong with viewing porn and masturbation. That's fine that you believe that way. I'm not here to argue with you.

I have learned for myself that is not good for me to do. I simply ask for anyone's advice to help me in achieving something that I want to do - breaking my porn addiction.

I think it is hurting my relationship with women. Subconsciously, I think I do look at women as mere sex objects. Although, consciously I completely disagree with objectifying women that way.

I do have several hobbies and I'm in school full time. But I always manage to find some time to surf the net.

Thanks, I'm in my early 20s too, I know what you are going through exactly because it seems like I went through a similar thing: there would be a "trigger" and then I felt like masturbating quickly on the internet for a few minutes, then I felt guilty and got rid of the porn and then promised myself I would stop, but didn't, and all the while I had no real romantic life with real life girls. It was a big headache for me, definitely.

I will tell you what I realized and what I did to change, hopefully it will help a bit. And I also think you are going through a rise in consciousness, that's what it seems to me, so believe in yourself that you will make it, too.

First of all, I have no problem with porn itself and people who choose to make it, sell it, watch it, etc. It is their choice to make it, your choice to watch it. However, porn only shows you one side of relationships, which is the "nasty, raw, sexual" side... which is nice and exciting, but it does NOT show you intimacy, love or "heart" energy, between a man and a woman. Obvious, right? Therefore, if you manage to become addicted/dependent to porn (like masturbating to it just cause you are bored, to feel better, or using it as your exclusive outlet for sexual energy) it can become easy to be sort of "poisoned" by it, poisoned in the sense that you may only become able to relate to all women only in that "sex object" way and relationships as just a way to "get off".

If you end up objectifying women and relationships that way, even though you didn't mean to, you might completely lose the ability to appreciate a real woman for anything beyond nasty sex and the quality of her individual body parts... and you are surely, I bet, a GOOD guy who does NOT wish to view women that way and is genuinely at some level ashamed that he does, so OF COURSE you feel too SHY to date!

There is also a lot of stuff related to chakras, energy, imbalances, etc. involved, but I won't bore you with it. But think about, the pornstar women that you jerk off to, well, I can't help but think that a lot of them do it because they need the money, and maybe they also have emotional/psychological problems, family problems, low self-esteem, drug and alcohol problems, etc. Energetically/etherically speaking, do you really want to be a part of that low-consciousness type energy, or contribute to it by masturbating to it and "giving away" to it your creative energy (which is what sexual energy is.)?

So, you might want to try a couple of things if you want to change. Remember, this is simply a habit that you learned at a lower level of consciousness, and now you need to move to a higher level of consciousness to go beyond it. Observing yourself will help you do that. So, observe -- that is what meditation is. Observe yourself when you start going toward the porn. Observe yourself when you are sitting with your pants down in front of the computer and note in your mind "I am now sitting in front of the computer, looking at a porn site, with my pants down, and my hand around my *bleep*, and I'm about to masturbate" or whatever it is you're doing. That alone will get you pretty far in building awareness.

Then if you want, when you catch yourself, say "I now order the universe to heal my sexual energy" or whatever it is you intend to happen. Then maybe pull your pants up and direct that energy to a different outlet more relevant and useful to you, like going to work on that shyness problem directly. Go to your library or bookstore and get some books about overcoming shyness, search the net, and also see if your school's counseling services has a personal development group or something along those lines that you can join to guide you in overcoming your shyness.

The bottom line is that you need to do everything you can toward improving your relationship to real women, to learn to relate to them as complete & unique human & spiritual beings, and to learn to love them with a higher consciousness on a "heart level." It sounds tough, but it's worth it, because when you do this you will no longer be shy, you will no longer be ashamed, and you will be proud of how you can relate to women.

Don't worry about how long it takes, just be easy on yourself and trust in the universe to handle what you order it to, as long as you do your part.

You might also want to look into chakra balancing and chakra meditation if you are so inclined.

[ImOpen]

Oh my God. Some of you should really relax your morals.

Masturbating is normal. Watching pornography is normal.
And if you are addicted it doesn't matter if it's immoral or not - it is an addiction! What I think you should do is going from: video ---> pictures ---> erotic short stories ---> writing your own short stories. That's what we call turning a liability into an asset.

[febflake]

Hi rob312!

First things first: I believe/think/know (pick up you favourite word to describe a conviction based on research and personal experience) that pornography is fundamentally wrong in every way. There are a lot of signs and backups from therapists and doctors who strongly suggests it's as addictive as hard drug. In a physical way. I also strongly believe it's socially wrong. People in the porn industry (actors and actresses) are victims as much as prostitutes are victims. But it's not this post's purpose.

Unfortunately porn addiction is something you are never going to totally get rid of. Sorry but it's the way it is. It'll always come and tempt you in a way or another. Now there are steps you can take to become a better/more free person and not suffer from pornography.

First: get rid of every porn material you own. Every picture, every phantasms, every model portrait, or just cute girl not even showing a piece of skin. Every movies downloaded from the internet, every books or magazines you own or dvd vhs or whatever. Everything.
Two: Start to give yourself 10ç or 1$ or even 1ç for every day you don't look at porn material (unintentional ads don't count of course). Do this until you fail. You will fail. But don't worry about that. When you fail, give the money you collected to a charity of your choice. If you can do this for a month, reward yourself with the money and buy something you wouldn't normally have. See this as a bonus, a reward gift.
Three: Start again with a longer period if you feel like it (maybe a week, a month, two months). Give to charity when you fail, reward yourself when you succeed.
Four: don't blame yourself if you fail, you are a patient, you are a victim. Pornographers are drugs dealers. See it that way.

Other steps: counselling? sports? meditation? group? antiporn software? friend confidence? everything that can help you. But don't see pornography addiction as a symptom of a deeper problem that once solved will magically get rid of your addiction. This war has many front lines. Pornography addiction might be a side effect at first but it's a problem of its entire own.

Right now you are walking down a street, and every time you watch pornography you fall into a hole in the ground and can never climb up. With time you'll be able to climb out, then climb out faster, then sometimes you will even notice the hole before you but will still fall, then maybe once in a while you'll see the hole and be able to jump over. To better fall in the next one. But you'll learn to avoid holes much better with times. You might even think at one point you can stop looking for holes in the ground but then it's only a matter of time before you fall again. Everyone walks different street. Yours has pornography hole in it and you have to watch after them. Not fair, but you can make it. Some people can deal fine with pornography and never get addicted. You are not one of them and will never be, but you can fight it and find peace. But you'll always have to fight more than some.

What I wrote is a short version of a longer text I found a long time ago. I am currently digging my favourites and the net to find the original text, as soon as I got it I'll post the link. It did help me.

I hope you are going to find resources and strength to fight it!

[JJP]

Originally Posted by Alvin

Or get more in touch with the females in your life (not just physically, although that's good too!)

I don't know about you, but when I started having more and closer female friends, my view of porn drastically changed, all by itself. It helps get you a reality check real quick.

That's right on man, I find the same thing in my own life

Get that shyness handled, work toward being comfortable in the presence of real females.

[zop]

hiyas. this was the thread that made me register.

alot of great advice really. much of it boils down to Sublimation.

and to bad for religious programming. there's nothing inherently wrong with any of this.

but for me personally, and it seems Steve hit it (tho someone actually said they disagreed); it's the aura or energy levels. this is Everything...

it is for this sole reason that i'm concerned. when i get in a real heat session...i'm literally exhausted for days. just from (over) mastubating. it's Much worse than a hard day at work.

this does'nt just make me tired. this has a very negative effect on both my ego cognition and imaginative/intuitive creativity. i simply have none at these times (and i look like a junkie, at these times).
i love music...yet when i've had my self fling...i actually can't appreciate it - even my favorite cd's. so i'm literally trashing (luckily for the short term) my higher psychic functions by doing this.

now as far as relations, that's another story. i've been single and celibate for 25 years. indeed. i realized i had a problem with females in kindergarden.
no, not gaydom but this innate sense of self worthlessness/rejection. way back then. and nothing has changed (and women have'nt helped much).

for me, the worst part of all this - tho Only when i'm at low energy levels. again, this is Everything - is knowing that other guys/gals get it all the time.
while others never do.
a doctor told me once that it's much worse for ugly women.
i'm attractive...but that has'nt helped me one iota in getting a girlfreind.

so all this can involve emotional deficits.

last night i (being not a "spiritual" seeker but a what's really going on? seeker) asked myself if i did'nt have something deep down that was just as good if not better than other's (positive) experiences.
this sounds weird as it's rather hard to convey what i mean exactly.
but i'm talking Brass tacks; it's looking within to find your true power...where you can rise above all Externals. ie, the great work.
tho in this you can have times where you might think or feel...gee, i've really nothing inside. but the more energy you have the less likely you will think this, imo.

then i play the Maya game or everything is illusion; next time you see a hottie, picture her bald and in a bad mood (having just got off the toilet etc).

actually, That is the way things really are.

but lastly, i do find it incredulous that the industry finds So many willing models. are they all willing tho? there are millions!
so i end up thinking, geez, these girls do all this but shun the "nice guy".
something's wrong here.

oh, i agree that it's better to use one's own imagination in arousing oneself.

thanks