Very much out of alignment with love

[nin64]

I can easily identify that I am out of alignment with love.
Truth, I believe is my favourite principal. So, it's my strongest. I am very much fascinated by science and to see the miracles it have provided to the world.

I can easily see that my actions will influence other people, we are somehow connected (mental aspect of oneness). If I encourage a person now, it might produce a significant difference in 1000 years time. If somehow I can go back, my little actions can bring big difference in the long run. If I eat a burger, I can see that in the long run it will bring destruction to this planet.

But something isn't right. I know the people out there are somehow connected. Each and every one of them possess mix of qualities that will never be repeated in history, before or since. But somehow... I don't feel that feeling.
Although, I must confess that over the past few weeks, a girl caught my attention. Her smile bring me feeling like nothing I've ever experienced (or maybe I just forgot them). Maybe this is what they call love. I spent the whole day, uplifted. Strange, I must say. Very strange. I went through the whole day excited and motivated. It fade of course.


So, what do you think? What advice can you give me?

I want to make contribution like my favourite scientists, artists, engineers... For years I repressed this desire, saying I'm not good enough and many other self talk. But, things happen, and I accept my desire.
But, however I see them (my idols), they really are connected with all truth love and power. Take Tesla for example, he loved humanity so much that he discover truths upon truths, and developed discipline to introduce to the world his inventions.
Micheal Faraday, work in a job he hated, but as he aligned with truth love and power, he was able to make contributions to the world.

[ArthurHung]

If I may, let me begin by deeply appreciating the courage and authenticity of this post. This kind of realization and commitment is huge, and I would like to make a comment that I have personally come to realize, that life is kind, or intelligent enough if you'd like, to provide a sign of significant difference a little faster for a conscious individual than 1000 years later.

That out of the way, I will give you some feedback on a possible particular incongruency of belief that may be hindering your results. Those idols of yours did not begin with "contribution" in itself, in mind as they created their inventions and masterpieces. At least not in the beginning. They started by figuring out their passion, coming from their natural inclination. And then they logically applied that in a way that would support them and ensure their good life in old age, and that comes from connecting with other people through their role, coming from who they deeply are inside. Those people knew who they were, a lot deeper than others, and what they were here to do.

About the girl, with whom your emotions have faded so easily, I would definitely call that love. But only in the sense that love is everything, and your example showed a very small degree of it.

I suggest taking more risks, and showing more fearlessness in your actions, the element you neglected to mention in your post. In doing so, you will greatly improve your capacity for love and contribution at the same time. Next time a girl incident happens, simply go up to that girl and say hi, and perhaps start up a convo.

Next time you have any inkling of something or other, before you let your positive energy and emotions "die out" like that girl example, do something, anything related to it that feels right, especially aiming at choices that would lead you to opportunities that you are not used to, that feel uncomfortable.

[nin64]

What the... I never described myself as authentic... but now that I think about it, I'm becoming less fake and more genuine. Oh well. Still, if my survival is threatened, I think I'll throw this quality away.

Anyway, thanks for the reply.

Figuring out your passion, huh... the thing is, I am what you might call a dilettante.
For example from my own life, when I started learning physics (modern physics to be more specific), I learn about all those Maxwell equation, relativity and other. Believe me, these topics I studied wasn't in my test or exams. I was interested by Einstein's Relativity, worked my way backward and somehow learned electromagnetism.

After that, I was interested in electricity (my major right now). Then, I discovered electronics and all the wonderful LEDs, diodes and such. I learned about semiconductor. I learned how semiconductor worked and how they are made, before I know it, I was learning chemistry and doing electrolysis experiments (easy to make in your room. An extremely remarkable experiment. Can't believe electricity can even do that.)

Then discovered digital electronics. I got curious how sounds and pictures can be converted to digital, so I learned electrical communication...
On the side, I also learn art, drawing from life and such. I'm learning composition and human anatomies right now. But I can see in the long run, I'll be learning architecture and biology... and then back to chemistry...

Did I mention that I also seriously devouring materials to be an entrepreneur? That was in my 2nd year... I got caught up to the idea that I need to make lots and lots of money and survival... yeah, that dream was shattered. At least I learned statistics and accounting. Students's t- distribution have a fascinating story behind it.

Busy life, busy life... I got 2.99 last semester, but I don't think I care much. But now, I'm planning to get a Master's Degree in... ... ... (my god! Why can't they make a course to learn everything!! I have this same trouble when applying for a course in university.)

I can go on and on... the thing is, when I learned one thing, I discovered it overlaps on other knowledge. Then I quickly move on to it. This cost me lots of time obviously, some social problems as well, and money (especially when doing my own electronics experiments and simulations)...

Failure is inevitable. I destroyed some electronics components, and I think I almost electrocuted myself after seeing my equipments make a cracking sound and left a nice black mark on the floor. yikes.

Sometime my friends saw what I was doing and asked me why the hell do I do these stuffs because it obviously will not come in the exams.
Sometime, I also asked myself the same question, have I done anything meaningful? Have anything really been done? Am I a credit to my society? Is my work worth it? Have I been deluded? Can anyone benefit from my work? I guess I was too concerned about contribution.
I reached the point where I destroyed all of my notes, I thought they are useless to the world (shouldn't have done that.)


Phew... after that, about the girl. yeah. I kind of reach my maturity late. When I was 15 (I'm 20 now), I don't know what a vagooo is, I thought girls have the same thing... But when my friends showed me that video... I was stupefied. I don't think I was able to sleep for a week.

Sure, my feeling for her fade out after not meeting her for days. But when I see her smiling at me again, yeah, that kind of uplift me.


Wow... wall of texts... I typed them... can't believe it... maybe I really need a social outlet.

[ArthurHung]

Originally Posted by nin64

my god! Why can't they make a course to learn everything!!

They have one, and it's free and available for one and all. It's called life

Originally Posted by nin64

Failure is inevitable. I destroyed some electronics components, and I think I almost electrocuted myself after seeing my equipments make a cracking sound and left a nice black mark on the floor. yikes.

Good! "Either do nothing—just go to school—or do something nobody else does". A good life motto to live by, of many a remarkable men.

Originally Posted by nin64

I reached the point where I destroyed all of my notes, I thought they are useless to the world (shouldn't have done that.)

Destruction is the beginning of creation. I went through the exact same phase, in almost the same way, including the burning of my notes, even with the regret part after. Years later, I realized my foolishness, the notes I can create "In The Now", as is said, are so far more advanced than my previous self even yesterday, or even half an hour ago, that I am only glad I had done so.

Originally Posted by nin64

Wow... wall of texts... I typed them... can't believe it... maybe I really need a social outlet.

It's good that you've wrote it then, eh? A deeper understanding of what you currently need, and what it would take for you to live an even more authentic life.

[Ekb]

Originally Posted by ArthurHung

Destruction is the beginning of creation.

Nice, too nice.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by nin64

I can easily identify that I am out of alignment with love.
Truth, I believe is my favourite principal. So, it's my strongest. I am very much fascinated by science and to see the miracles it have provided to the world.

I can easily see that my actions will influence other people, we are somehow connected (mental aspect of oneness). If I encourage a person now, it might produce a significant difference in 1000 years time. If somehow I can go back, my little actions can bring big difference in the long run. If I eat a burger, I can see that in the long run it will bring destruction to this planet.

But something isn't right. I know the people out there are somehow connected. Each and every one of them possess mix of qualities that will never be repeated in history, before or since. But somehow... I don't feel that feeling.
Although, I must confess that over the past few weeks, a girl caught my attention. Her smile bring me feeling like nothing I've ever experienced (or maybe I just forgot them). Maybe this is what they call love. I spent the whole day, uplifted. Strange, I must say. Very strange. I went through the whole day excited and motivated. It fade of course.


So, what do you think? What advice can you give me?

I want to make contribution like my favourite scientists, artists, engineers... For years I repressed this desire, saying I'm not good enough and many other self talk. But, things happen, and I accept my desire.
But, however I see them (my idols), they really are connected with all truth love and power. Take Tesla for example, he loved humanity so much that he discover truths upon truths, and developed discipline to introduce to the world his inventions.
Micheal Faraday, work in a job he hated, but as he aligned with truth love and power, he was able to make contributions to the world.

Hey nin64,

I'm very aligned with truth, but I need to develop my own personal power, and learn to love people as well. I love my art, for one, but I think I'm going to learn to connect.. I've just bought the book. I think I'm going forward..