The "Oneness" Concept vs. the Real World

[Shoes]

Steve, how will you teach "Oneness" to your daughter while also ensuring her safety from those who would take advantage of her?

It's easier for a man to embrace Oneness. Emotionally, there is some risk of rejection. But women have that same risk PLUS the risk of physical harm.

Seriously, imagine your daughter at age 16. Following your concept of Oneness, she is open and friendly to everyone she meets. Do you think she'd be able to recognize a predator when one smiled back at her?

You say on page 230, "If I get a cold response, I move on." As a woman, if I show a WARM response to a man's opening line (even something as innocent as, "Hi, I'm Steve") I can guarantee you at least one in ten will misinterpret that warm response as an invitation to come on to me. It's very sad, but true. That's just the way some men think -- they assume a smile means "I think you're hot!" And when you try to correct their misinterpretation, it pisses them off. Most will just walk away, but some will not; they may even become dangerous.

Obviously, you do not want your daughter to be in that position.

So, how will you teach her to be open and loving and embrace "Oneness" without putting herself at risk with the (unfortunately) REAL world of predators?

[InterfaceLeader]

I don't think there's as many 'predators' out there as you think. Misguided and badly socialised men, yes, but you'd be surprised how far genuine honesty and lack of games can go.

As for the rest, well, be sensible. Don't go someplace dark and alone, and always let someone know where you are.

I worked in a bar for several years, and can honestly say that even men who initially may have come across as creeps became surprisingly respectful if you treated them with respect rather than belittlement or fear, and provided clear boundaries.

[supertom]

in your mind you have a equal value, so they cant pay less, it doesnt mean being a push over, just s win-win. Also remember that there no equal value that you would both agree on.

[seeker5]

I've met in person at least two women whom I knew were truly into Oneness and exemplified the principle. Both of them seemed to have no problem with staying safe.

[Rose of Cairo]

I'm (generally) open and friendly to everybody, I always make eye contact with strangers on the street, and if they don't look away I smile at them and often say "hi!" to them. I do this with all kinds of people, old, young, men, women, little kids, dogs... And yes, some guys misinterpret this as a pick-up invitation. However, when I correct their interpretation they don't get pissed-off. Most of them leave with a smile and a nice day wish, some even with a compliment.

If you piss them off, I guess you probably radiate aggressivity, or fear, or contempt in that moment. That's not aligned with Oneness

I very much agree with InterfaceLeader here, setting clear boundaries while remaining respectful is key. Those guys are worthy human beings no matter what their behavior is. They are you Most of them are just socially awkward, not dangerous. You can smile and be loving even when saying no. And you can clearly say no even when being open and friendly. Oneness doesn't mean weakness.

From what you wrote you seem to live in fear. I'd say stop watching TV

Remember that you attract what you focus on, and that your reality is a reflection of your beliefs. If you believe in predators and resonate with fear, you'll attract predators to scare you. But changing your beliefs will also change your reality. In my REAL world, I go for walks in the middle of the night, always alone. I talk to strangers, walk through dangerous neighborhoods, am friendly with men, and nothing happens. This wasn't always the case. I can tell, shifting our beliefs makes a huge difference.

Second, remember that potentially dangerous guys look for victims. Their preys generally are girls who are scared, no matter whether they show it or not. That's something they just can feel even if you play tough girl on the outside. But they generally don't molest truly self-confident, mentally strong women. At least that's been my experience so far. So, work on transcending your fear and stop being a victim in your own eyes, and such guys just won't approach you anymore.

Third, a policeman once told me that statistically, most sexual aggressors are: partner, family members, friends, and coworkers of the victim. Not strangers on the street. Which means that for Steve's daughter, the most dangerous man mathematically is Steve himself



PS: I make no direct eye contact with dogs, they don't like that.

[Rose of Cairo]

Hey, something happened tonight that reminded me of this thread. I went for a walk in the middle of the night, as I often do, and met a very friendly exhibitionist. At first I wasn't nice to him (I was in an awful mood before meeting him), but then I was and it was awesome. We spent several hours walking together through the city and talking a lot. It was a great experience! It helped me feel connected again. (And of course he did nothing to me, although we went through lots of dark lonely places.)

Hmmm... In fact it's worth writing more about it.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Hey, something happened tonight that reminded me of this thread. I went for a walk in the middle of the night, as I often do, and met a very friendly exhibitionist. At first I wasn't nice to him (I was in an awful mood before meeting him), but then I was and it was awesome. We spent several hours walking together through the city and talking a lot. It was a great experience! It helped me feel connected again. (And of course he did nothing to me, although we went through lots of dark lonely places.)

Hmmm... In fact it's worth writing more about it.

Ha?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by ellie

Ha?

Hm yeah, sorry, I realize my post wasn't very clear

Here, I wrote the whole story down, and it was so much that I posted in on my blog: Meeting an Exhibitionist.

I'm so thankful to this guy!

[schola]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Hm yeah, sorry, I realize my post wasn't very clear

Here, I wrote the whole story down, and it was so much that I posted in on my blog: Meeting an Exhibitionist.

I'm so thankful to this guy!

That was quite a story! Ha. I enjoyed reading it.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by schola

That was quite a story! Ha. I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks!

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by schola

That was quite a story! Ha. I enjoyed reading it.

Ditto! Rose, you must lead an interesting life!!! I'm happy for you!

[Daffy Duck]

I think being open and friendly with someone doesn't mean you always agree to hopping in the back of their van when they offer you candy.

Bad things like rape and murder do happen. A person would have to be delusional to deny this. But as has already been pointed out, statistically, rapes occur by people the victim already knew.

The old rule of "don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned" also applies well. Sure, you could walk in a dangerous neighborhood at night for ten years and never run into any trouble. This happens all the time. Than again, you might be taking a jog down the street and be attacked. This happens all the time.