Oneness and Relationships

[Halffull]

Just finished up Steve's book. REALLY great stuff, I especially loved Steve's views on oneness and religion...really opened my eyes. Steve, if you're reading this, thank you.

My question is about oneness and personal relationships. I'm wondering how it's different when you say "I love you" to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, and when you say "I love you" to a person you come across on the street. I love the benefits that I have gained from realizing and practicing this mindset, but I'm worried that when I eventually get in a loving relationship, and she asks "do you love me?"... yes won't be nearly as meaningful as it would have before.

The reason it worries me is because I have experienced a similar problem before. I took an open relationship frame. I was pretty much having sex with all my female friends before I got into the relationship, and continued throughout the relationship (with various experiments on both sides with both closed and open relationship frames). I loved the increased sense of closeness I got with my female friends through sex, but, I perceived a void of intimacy with my partner... the sex was always special of course, but it wasn't AS special. The main feeling of specialness came from the fact that I loved her unlike anyone else... which I feel may go away with oneness.

So I guess my question is how do I reconcile the concept of oneness with the concept of personal relationships. How does saying "I love you" to a love one factor in when he/she knows you could go to any person or object in the universe and say the exact same thing?

Any advice, guidance, or wisdom on the subject would be greatly appreciated.

[seeker5]

Hi Halffull, welcome to this forum!

Great question, I look forward to what people may say about this.

By the way, I sent you a private message.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Halffull

So I guess my question is how do I reconcile the concept of oneness with the concept of personal relationships. How does saying "I love you" to a love one factor in when he/she knows you could go to any person or object in the universe and say the exact same thing?

Is that a problem?

One thing you might want to keep in mind is that your lover's love for you is not yours, it's hers. What she loves about you is an aspect of herself that she sees mirrored in you, you lucky dog. And vice-versa, of course.

Some people might fret about that: "Oh, oh, my loved one is so special, I could love only him! To think that I could love anyone and everyone is such a lonely feeling!" Which is pretty damned amusing, if you think about it.

But it really is special that people find such perfect mirrors in their romantic relationships -- every time! It feels very magical to me; something to be very grateful for and in awe of. We never fail to pick exactly the perfect person to be drawn to romantically. (although I doubted that when I was going out with Mr. Heroin Addict Rockstar, believe me! but even he was absolutely perfect.)

When you are a Love Generator -- that is, you are loving unconditionally, as opposed to being a Love Dribbler -- one at a time, please! -- you actually attract other Love Generators, and Love Generators tend to be MUCH better romantic partners: more generous, loving, peaceful, connected, joyful, free, and best of all, 100% responsible for living a life they love. So it really is special, you see, and something to be grateful for, when at least one of the partners is generating love unconditionally, and not doling it out like Scrooge McDuck. It really is special when you find someone who assists you in the incredible process of being in a romantic partnership -- when you choose each other and declare that you will focus on being the most generous and generating partner you can be. And when BOTH of you are Love Generators -- watch out!

So when your lover says, "I love you" not only to you but to the world (and to herself!) rejoice! Congratulate yourself that you are hanging out with a higher companion. And congratulations to you if YOU are the generator of love.

Did you know that the word "generous" comes from the French word for "of noble birth"? I just read that. Interesting, don't you think? A generous person really is a higher companion, a person of noble birth.

[Halffull]

Thought with Steve's recent posts there might be some more discussion on this... any takers?

[Bliss Sage]

Halffull, I was pondering a similar question a while ago. Eckhart Tolle has a very good explanation, one I like and accept:

Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.

(I recommend the book I got that from, The Power of Now)
Clearly any person who has ever experienced true love for a partner, or even a family member, knows unequivocally that it is not the same quality of love you feel for all humanity. But you don't have to sacrifice any love in order to gain another.

In case you want to read specifically what I was wondering, here's the thread link:
Love - selective or not? Eckhart Tolle's answer

[polyfulcrum]

There are different aspects of each love that I share that make it special and important to me. When I "love" on a general level, I am improving my surroundings and helping others connect to the availability of love in their world. When I love my child, I am showing her that she is worthy of loving, that she can share that with others, that love sometimes means guidance and boundaries. When I love my spouse or other partners, I am opening myself up and sharing, both to facilitate my growth and to help them in their learning in life.

Each person is unique in where they are, bringing different facets of love to the surface. If there is acceptance of who and what is available to share, there can be no diminishing in importance or specialness, despite sharing love with more than one, sharing with all.

[Halffull]

Originally Posted by Bliss Sage

Halffull, I was pondering a similar question a while ago. Eckhart Tolle has a very good explanation, one I like and accept:




(I recommend the book I got that from, The Power of Now)
Clearly any person who has ever experienced true love for a partner, or even a family member, knows unequivocally that it is not the same quality of love you feel for all humanity. But you don't have to sacrifice any love in order to gain another.

In case you want to read specifically what I was wondering, here's the thread link:
Love - selective or not? Eckhart Tolle's answer

Thanks man, I love that answer... love the book too. Obviously it'll be time for a reread soon .

I think the own answer that I've come to with this, which is really just a reframe of Ecky's answer, is "Love is not the same thing as compatiblity."

Love the response.