Alexjstrandberg

'Treat others the way you want to be treated' is also to be kept in mind when creating this list. How would you treat your girlfriend? Do you want that same treatment? Do you believe you deserve to be treated that nicely? (deserving is an important aspect to get a hold of)

Alex

The truth is, the more spiritually you grow the more open your heart will be and the more sensitive you will become. When you become the Dali Lama you can take loads of disrespect and have it not affect you but you (or I) are not there yet. Between now and then any disrespect or cheating will cause us considerable amount of pain. You will feel it in the solar plexus and then you will feel it in the heart.

In the past before you knew any better about spirituality or opening up you could get lied to and not even feel it because of being very numb. But since you are opening up more and more you feel every little lie ten times as much as you would before.

To find your line think of what you would and would not tolerate from someone. Forget acceptance and tolerance for a second when you are coming up with this list. If you could have a great girlfriend who loved you enough to be kind and gentle to your heart what would she do or not do?

ANYTHING that breaks these "rules" is not tolerated one bit. If I were to let my girlfriend or any person for that matter break the rules I am being a doormat.

Look at it this way, imagine your relationship was a business where you were the boss. Would you tolerate disrespect from an employee? Would you allow an employee to lie to you? Your girlfriend flirting and cheating on you is the same as an employee getting paid by you and sitting at the computer looking for another job. Would you accept that?

Probably not but you would accept it from your girlfriend or a friend or anyone else in your life.

Hey man,

There should never be tolerance of something in a relationship. Tolerating something can still piss you off-that's not acceptance or unconditional love. If it makes you upset (like she gets random calls from guys or has too many girls nights out) it needs to change or you need to rethink your relationship.

If on the other hand it's something that she can't really change and it's part of who she is but it still pisses you off you should still reconsider the relationship because it will always bother you.

It should either be loving acceptance or something needs to change. The line is different for every person but the line for me is simple because it's based off of the values I set for my life and my relationships. They are:

-we are here to help, not hurt, one another
-be nice or be gone
-respect/honesty is not an option

Hi Alex,

Another question:

where is the line between tolerance and 'being a doormat' ? Maybe you already answered this question in a different form..but the question is still lingering. Thanks again for your time.