Have a catch 22

[sean83]

I've been getting really depressed over things lately, one of the main reasons is that i'm 24 and never had a girlfriend, i've read lots of intention manifestion and prob think I could manifest a girlfriend.

But the only problem is I don't fully respect myself, I spend alot of time procrastinating over the things I want to do in life, such as setting up internet affiliate websites, learning to DJ. I can't help but get thoughts like i'm a hopless loser, i'll never even get a girl, even thoe i've had interest and compliments from girls in the past!

I remember one really sexy looking girl a few month a go said I looked like a certain celebrity, most guys would see this as a certain cue to make a move, but I never acted upon it, thinking at the back of my mind because of my little experience with girls for my age I simply would mess it up. As you can imagine this makes me really depressed, mainly because i'm just lost at what to do, i've read lots of dating advice sites, but I think most of them just assume you've had previous girlfriends but did'nt know how to keep them and get girls on a regular basis. I'd be happy just to get into a relationship rather that get girls and be some sort of player.

So i've been thinking of manifesting other things, like becoming a DJ and a steady income of money, I think if I manifest my main goals I'd appreciate and believe in myself more and would find it easier getting a girlfriend. But the problem is I can't stick to these intentions throughout, without still getting depressed of never having had a girlfriend and I get the same old reoccuring sabotaging thoughts like i'm a loser, I hardly know any girls etc.

I think theres probably apart of me that just thinks no girl would be interested in a relationship with me, as I probably would'nt have the experiece of any previous relationships anyway. But this area of my life is really frustrating because its holding me back in the other areas of my life due to the depression it causes, then I get depressed over not manifestion any of my other manifestations. I just feel pretty lost with my life at the moment.

Anyway sorry if this a long post, thanks anyone who has any good advice to offer!

[Max Power]

Playing victim is very comforting, we're actually actively encouraged to do it through society's programming. Media, peers, even family and friends mostly want us to be average and ordinary.

So then we just keep sliding until we hit rock bottom.

To get out of being a victim, you have to accept two things.......

1. You got yourself where you are. We can blame everyone and society and there is some blame to be placed there, but we sucked it up and integrated it into our life. It's all of your creation.

2. It's not real. I know it looks and smells and feels real, I know it's dense and touchable, but your physical reality is output of thought. Everything in the history of humanity has started as thought, good, bad and ugly. So to change your world, you first have to change your thoughts, then your reality will change.

Whatever you say and think and feel, will output into reality. You can change in a heartbeat and then see that change in your world. Start small, smile, laugh, look at the problems and see that are actually good things, because they are the seed to the best life posible.

Sometimes the only way to get what you want is to get what you don't want first, then you see that sucks big time and then you choose to create something better.

Max

[cylon]

In addition to what Max said, I'd have to add that you're putting the cart before the horse. A girlfriend isn't going to take away all the pain inside you're trying to cover up by having one. If you can't be happy without a girl, you won't be happy with a girl.

And as you know, being down on yourself, thinking you don't have much to offer, that you can't handle life.... chicks can smell that from a mile away dude. It's not attractive. You need to snap out of it and start taking some responsibility for your life, and it has nothing to do with the outside things like your job, or if you did this website or whatever... because all that comes from who you are inside to begin with. Luckily for you all you need is inside as well.

[torilink]

There is a difference between thinking of our desires and thinking from your desires.

If you can get from a point of thinking of...what you desire to becoming or assuming the desired state, then manifestation becomes a breeze.

What this means is thinking about a girlfriend or success, or "Intending" with thought can backfire if your beliefs are in opposition to those affirmations. You choose the thought, "I have a steady income" or "I am sucessful", but if you don't believe it - you manifest zilch.

Instead you need to uproot all those negative beliefs about yourself, and at the same time assume the state of being what you desire to be. How does a sucessful person behave, how would you feel, act, think if you were all ready that person you wish to be. There is the focus of your thought, that is the secret ingredient to get you where you desire to be.

[sean83]

Thanks for the replys everyone, I agree about putting the cart before the horse, I need to get myself sorted inside. I have read and analyzed my own post, and I noticed throughout I mention words like I can't, I will never etc.

I thought about starting of with this simple affirmation, I fully believe in myself, I can do whatever I put my mind to and I am incharge of my life. I think my main problem is I don't believe in myself, my friend was saying that my major weakness was being over critical of myself and he said that i'm good at talking to girls. But I was thinking he was just saying this to make me feel better and give me confidence.

Anyway what do you think the affirmation I have given myself, do you think this would be good?

[torilink]

words are just words.

Images - start with that. Create a mental image of yourself as you desire to be. Imagine yourself as the person you want to be. Then in your imagination, embody that state of being.

Can you see yourself as that person?? if you can't then you need to work on your beliefs about yourself. If you can see it, then hold fast to those images of yourself, and know that is who you truly are inside, and the outside will fall in line with the inside.

We create from the inside out, all that you think and feel inside is manifested as your current reality - fix the inside first, be inside the person you desire to be outside, live it within yourself now.

[cylon]

Great posts torilink!

The more I spend time here, and read books like the Power of Now, the more I see how everything seems to be in the future or in the past. Having a girlfriend, success, health, whatever.... it's like "first I do this then that then maybe I'll be at the point where I can etc."

But, of course it's ALWAYS in the future at that point, which doesn't exist, and if now is all that exists, then what you want doesn't exist either, (at least not on a practical level), if it's in a place that isn't real, that you can't experience.

Damn I think the whole world is living in the future. "Working for the weekend". Then when the weekend comes you're thinking of monday. Then when Monday comes you're thinking of the weekend.

Same for everything I guess.

[torilink]

yes, I find that my ego based thinking tends to hold all things out and away from me - in the past or future, and it is so limiting!

Wanting is simply acknowledging what you don't have now. Avoid wanting at all costs - because it prevents you from attaining.

Try instead to focus on the experience of having what you desire, and through the very act of imagining ourselves experiencing it now, we create it now. It may take a bit of time for our physical reality to catch up with our thought creations, but it is already in existence on some level, we just need to be faithful to our creations and remain within that state of experiencing the desire fulfilled now.

[cylon]

I am going to do this, now. This should be fun.

[sean83]

Originally Posted by torilink

yes, I find that my ego based thinking tends to hold all things out and away from me - in the past or future, and it is so limiting!

Wanting is simply acknowledging what you don't have now. Avoid wanting at all costs - because it prevents you from attaining.

Try instead to focus on the experience of having what you desire, and through the very act of imagining ourselves experiencing it now, we create it now. It may take a bit of time for our physical reality to catch up with our thought creations, but it is already in existence on some level, we just need to be faithful to our creations and remain within that state of experiencing the desire fulfilled now.

This confuses me, I mean if I desired a girlfriend, how would I experience it now when I don't have one?

[torilink]

it is always about you - inside yourself. The focus on something outside of self and in the future or past is just a way to keep experiences away from yourself.

It isn't about you wanting a girlfriend, it is about the experience of having a girlfriend.

I know it is, in Maxs' words, a "Noodle baker", but tis true. You must internally envision the experience within your imagination and perceive it before it is manifested outside in "Reality" for the body to experience physically.

this is why it is a catch 22 - you must envision or perceive it with the mind first - with no physical proof of its existence. Yet, thinking from the body, we have no validation therefor cannot invest it with belief.

You must step outside of what you believe to be "Reality" first, and know that everything begins with thought.

[sean83]

Originally Posted by torilink

it is always about you - inside yourself. The focus on something outside of self and in the future or past is just a way to keep experiences away from yourself.

It isn't about you wanting a girlfriend, it is about the experience of having a girlfriend.

I know it is, in Maxs' words, a "Noodle baker", but tis true. You must internally envision the experience within your imagination and perceive it before it is manifested outside in "Reality" for the body to experience physically.

How would you do this correctly without it being a fantasy thoe? I mean I use to have all sorts of imaginations when I was younger, I remember when I kid I use vision myself all the time being the striker for my favorite football/soccer team. I would imagine it every night before I went to bed, I would act it out in my garden with a football. But I never became a striker for a football team, not even my school, I never became that good at all.

So do you think there is a danger of completely deluding yourself?

[torilink]

as long as you believe it is delusional, then it won't work for you.

When we are children we are invested with pure wonderful imagination - and that is powerful, but belief and emotion are also required. You can envision yourself doing anything and call it fantasy, but if that vision is combined with belief and positive feelings of attainment, it becomes reality.

there is nothing delusional about envisioning yourself as you desire to be.

[opinestle]

I fully believe in myself, I can do whatever I put my mind to and I am incharge of my life.I think that is a good affirmation.

Originally Posted by sean83

I think my main problem is I don't believe in myself

Stop thinking that....it defeats the purpose of your affirmation.

Originally Posted by sean83

my friend was saying that my major weakness was being over critical of myself and he said that i'm good at talking to girls

It seems that your thought process revolves around the chickadees....try to change your thought process by eliminating the "want"for said chickadees.That "want"seems to really bring out your negativity.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it seems like the proverbial cat chasing its' tail.You think about girls,and then you say you don't believe in yourself.


Work on your website.

Do your DJ stuff.

Repeat your affirmation to yourself everyday.

Have faith that you will not let yourself down.

If a negative thought pops into your head,turn the tables on it by taking action.Prove your negative thoughts wrong.


Good luck,sweetie!!!!


opinestle

[Red Willow]

What seems to work for me is to figure out what I really want out of an intention. You say you want a girlfriend, but maybe what you really want is to feel loved, interesting, desirable and connected (or maybe not, dunno ). The good news is you can be all those things without an actual girl right now.

I mean, if you think you are boring, lame, unproductive or whatever, and you think girls aren't into guys like that, then what do you expect to happen? Yup, the girls probably won't be flocking to your door.

Erin wrote in her blog awhile back--I'll have to look for the linky--that you ideally want to get to a higher vibration before getting into a relationship. Once you raise your vibration, you'll attract similar people--high vibration girls.

If you don't have a high opinion of yourself, you're likely to attract a girl who you also don't have a very high opinion of. You will settle. This isn't what you want.

Think of this time as a blessing. You are free to work on becoming the awesomest babe magnet ever. Just do it already!

[Max Power]

Originally Posted by sean83

So do you think there is a danger of completely deluding yourself?

Why is it deluded?? Because science can't prove it? or we can't yet use the five senses to sense our desired manifestation?

The whole premise of humanity is founded on thought....the most unphysical, untouchable thing we have, it's the very foundation of our entire exsitance and yet most people deny it has any power, any value, so we use it against oursleves and then wonder why our lives suck.

Today is your only day, it's the only day you have to focus on and it's where all the truth, thought, choice and power is.

Observation is actually creation.........as you observe it, you are indeed creating it....it is so simple, but people just don't buy simple, we fear simple, because we crave self worth and our society implies self worth with struggle, hard work and denial.

Max