LOA, heartbreak and divorce

[cbreeze]

After a misfortunes which left my self worth marred, I felt that there must be something good I emanating, for my husband; loving, faithful, great chemistry, a little too good looking and confident, I feared what was on my mind constantly even though he gave me no reason to fear he'd ask for a divorce, he did last night. We were renting and about to move into a home, but living with this tension was unbearable knowing he looked for every lame excuse for this not working. I got what I feared. He said it wasn't another woman, just that after a year we were going in two direcxtions i.e., him positive, me negative thinking. He's a narcissist, self centered, judgemental jerk, who on the other hand, great looking and tenderhearted whom I knew loved me. Obviously not. I runs a crew of electricians and I told him to go look for his blonde bombshell he found ludacrous. I found it exhausting and not worth allways looking my best from day wear to pj's. He picked up on my low self esteem and I demanded the truth over all the lame excuses. I'm still in love with his good side, but feel alleviated no longer dealing with such a Shallow Hall. I need to rev up my self esteem.

[Shamou]

annah... this is what you posted awhile ago...

"Have much negative blocked energy hard to release and negative thoughts controlling my mind/life/body materializing awful material landscape. After going through a series of traumas that I've overcome however I'm exhausted. BF thinks I'm out looking for job and working out while I am in my apt. in bed watching tv all day and reading self help articles yet inconsistant. REALLY dislike myself. Feel lazy/defeat and have NO motivation. Could anyone suggest what martial art would tone body and tone down thoughts? thanks"

It seems that there are some conflicts in your story here...

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[cbreeze]

Thanks for the effort.

[NotesMaeve]

Honey, is he your boyfriend or your husband? The stories conflict.

[Max Power]

Originally Posted by annah

He's a narcissist, self centered, judgemental jerk, who on the other hand, great looking and tenderhearted whom I knew loved me.

The whole thing depends on how much you love one part and dislike the other. No one is perfect, the person you love usually has traits that you dislike for a reason, as long as the annoying things are minor and liveable, then it's acceptable.

Often people want to change the part of the other person they dislike, but mostly it's the part of them they dislike reflected in the other person.

Max

[cbreeze]

Indeed, you stun me with your inner wisdeom. Legally, he's my husband, but I had my gut feelings he wasn't whom he portrayed to be, and i was right. think i'm heading for the ocean finally. desert not the inner outer landscape i want to remain in. it's over and glad i found out early what i knew was lurking. = need to change my "now". He liked, pursued, demanded perfection and full of himself to the point of getting sick - his last name,well known, seems to demand following it. He'll never be happy, will always want more. the pressures off. need a comfy cozy human to be my life mate, not a 24/7 tony robbins. i miss him, the good, fun side to/of him, etc. But, it's the past as hard as it is and I'm learning what it was all about. Getting claustrophobic in this little studio and i miss the house more than his ego. will not live in past. have an extraordinary day Max.