Intending a romantic interest...

[tfahkry]

So i work in a complex with other companies which also has a cafe which we all frequent (i work as a personal trainer in a gym within the complex). About 9 months ago i started seeing this girl in the cafe who caught my eye. I new which company she worked for and since one of my clients was the marketing manager of that company, i asked about her.

My client had approached her and told her that i was interested in her. She told my client that i should introduce myself to her, although i did come to my attention that she was dating someone at the time. I didn't approach her since i felt the timing was not right.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when my client is leaving her building and runs into this girl. It turns out that she tells my client that she's breaking up with her boyfriend. My client tells her that would be of good news to me, which drew a smile from the girl i like.

I subsequently introduce myself to her over the coming weeks and we start to run into one another at the same cafe. This week i bit the bullet and approached her inviting her for a coffee while (as i later found out) she was in a meeting with other colleagues in the cafe. I caught her off guard off course and she responded as best she could telling me that we'd catch up next week at the cafe.

Anyway. My question is how does one remove himself from the outcome (detachment) of wanting to be with this person? I understand that if one focuses on the subject then you freeze the possibility of that occurrence to become reality. I like this girl and I feel that it is difficult to not think about her often.

I have read some interesting posts from Secrets of Mind and Reality - MindReality.com, though have found ambiguous meaning in some of the posts that relate to intending/desiring things in your life. How does one remove himself in relation to thoughts about this person, since i am finding it difficult when my emotions get the better of me.

[kgiuliani]

Just let it go and know that the perfect person is looking for a relationship with you as much as you are looking for her.

I met a guy last year and I was crazy for him. We went out a couple of times and messaged back and forth on myspace. I thought he was the one I had been waiting for. Turns out he was only part of the future.

You see, I had been involved with an abusive, controlling person and was having a hard time ending it with him even though I had left him 5 years earlier. This guy was there to help me end it with the abuser.

Fast forward to January - I met the most wonderful man. I really believe that HE is the one I've been waiting for. The first guy was wonderful but was much more casual than I like - I am very intense and don't like being treated casually. My BF is very intense and I find everything about him intriguing.

So, my answer is to let go of expectations and know that a perfect relationship is out there for you - one that will teach you more about yourself than you expected!

[cylon]

A good rule of thumb is to avoid being the rebound guy. Many guys get involved with girls who have unfinished business with previous men, only to get dumped when the girl has dealt with her issues properly. You end up being thought of as part of the past, since you are coming in so close to that past event. You help her get over the guy, and once she's over the guy, she's over you too. Sucks, but that seems to be the way it goes.

It's best to let the girl get over her past relationship, give her some time. You don't want to be the shoulder to cry on. You want to be the interesting guy she isn't sure is available or not.

I agree with kgiuliani, just affirm to yourself that the girl for you is out there. She's already yours, and the universe is aligning itself to bring you two together.

You have to be ready for it though. You have to clear away your own baggage. And you have to be open to the fact that it may not be the person you are desiring right now. It could be anyone! There is so much abundance out there.

[Sean.M.Connelly]

I try to avoid focusing on one girl. I might not be the best guy to get relationship advice from :-P.

If I catch myself obsessing over one girl, then I remind myself that I'm not really obsessing over the GIRL... I'm obsessing over the ideas I've allowed to flood my head - which is completely separate from the GIRL. I remind myself that I don't know a lot about the girl, and usually try to find some things that I don't like. This keeps me connected to the reality of the situation, and balanced. Then I look at other girls at the same time.

A great book, imho, on relationships is Open Heart, Clear Mind, by Thubten Chodron. It keeps it real.

~Sean