How to get 'rid' of negative factors?

[jwz]

I have read alot up on LoA and I/M for over a month now, and today I watched 'The Secret' which was a good supplement to what I have read so far.

'The Secret' made me smile all day even through the negative factors I currently experience in my life.

At least for a couple of months, I have to live with my parents and my little sister (who is in her puperty atm), and as far as I can see, at least my parents, have a very negative attitude towards most things.

It feels like a big brake which is brought upon me whenever I attempt to live my life by the good and positive feelings I have inside.

Most of the time, their problems doesn't concern me, but they affect me somehow when I can hear them talk to (almost bully) my little sister and each other. They don't seem to be able to see that the exact things they don't like about each other, are the very things that they have in their personalities themselves.

Is there a way to 'shortcircuit' my thoughts and feelings in those events?

Please help.

-Jan

[dorothy hanna]

Can you video tape them? Somethimes, people are not aware of how they appear, and they have a completely different idea, of what they are protaying from what other people are actually seeing.

I've seen people completely change their mind, after viewing their own ways on film. They say things like, "I had no idea, how I sounded, or what a bully I was".

I had that happen, to myself, only, in a positive sense. I was in a vidoe, as I was walking away, and when I saw the vidoe, I was astonished at how I walked. I was so graceful, and beautiful. I had no idea, I moved like that. I was poetry, in motion, so the effect can work both ways, as far as opening someones eyes, as to how they appear to the world.

[Max Power]

Originally Posted by jwz

They don't seem to be able to see that the exact things they don't like about each other, are the very things that they have in their personalities themselves.

It's up to you to show them, don't try to ignore it or not observe it, you can help them, by changing the way you interact with them. It won't be easy, but growth never is. You can change the world, when you change the way you look at the world.

Enjoy!
Max Power
"Inspect, accept or reject"

[jwz]

As far as I know (by having lived with these people for years) they would get mad and avoid realizing the truth in my words/video if I showed them my point of view.

They would be fighting for their 'right and will', and would be hostile proportional to the level of emotions I touch inside of them with my words.

I was like that once too (or at least partially), and I only became aware of it later thanks to a person who came into my life.

I wouldn't have become aware if someone in my family, or someone that I knew had a similar personality tryed to show it to me. I think that I would have gone into 'alert-mode' and would have rejected all that he/she said.

I feel sorry for them and truly understand them as I see a nearly vanished part of myself in them.

-Jan

[Kaspian]

For my own sanity, I had to give up on changing my parents a long time ago. Not only did nothing work, but it wasn't good for me either.

Now I focus on my own personal development and assume that if they ever decide to change on their own, that perhaps I will have paved the way and made it easier.

[jwz]

I think that you are right, Kaspian.
Didn't mean to be bitching about my surroundings, but thought that some of you might have some idea about how to aviod too much negative energy/feelings from your surroundings.

For now, I can't see how I should be able to change my surroundings so maybe I will just have to try to accept how they can be and feel sorry for them instead of feeling bad about it.

Either way, I will be moving out in a couple of months, or 1 year max.

Thanks for your replies.

-Jan

[Angela]

Originally Posted by jwz

...Most of the time, their problems doesn't concern me, but they affect me somehow when I can hear them talk to (almost bully) my little sister and each other. They don't seem to be able to see that the exact things they don't like about each other, are the very things that they have in their personalities themselves.

Rather than shortcircuiting/avoiding/changing/feeling sorry/feeling bad, how about really being present?

What I'm saying is, it's easy to see how other people mirror each other, but it takes some real presence to see how you are doing it yourself. Since this issue "affects you somehow", that sounds like a great signpost for a growth opportunity for you. You can't see it if you don't have it.

Your first reaction might be, "well, I used to be that way, that's why I can recognize it", but I invite you to look a little closer and see what in yourself is "nearly vanquished" but is still being activated by the interactions you see in your parents (and probably elsewhere in your life, too.) Whatever the button is that's getting pushed, it's a huge gift to you from them -- be grateful!

Trying to change someone or feeling sorry for them rarely makes a difference in their lives. But really connecting and being present can make a tremendous difference for them, for you, for everybody.

Best wishes to you in this.

[Kaspian]

Other considerations:

Focus on the positive. If you see them treating each other well, comment on how great it is that they respect each other.

As much as you can, operate from your own sense of wellbeing. Though it can be challenging to maintain that when you're frequently reminded of the way you used to be, tell yourself that's not who you are anymore. Yes, it's easy to see the negativity because your family's behavior still resonates a little, but you don't have to devolve back to old habits and patterns. Edit: Angela's paragraph about the patterns being "nearly vanquished" is also spot-on, even if her advice is somewhat different than mine.

Spend your waking time elsewhere. At age 15 or so, my sister realized what a negative influence Mom was on her, and her solution was to be home as little as possible. She figured if she spent all day at school and filled her late afternoons & evenings with work and/or friends, she'd be better off than if she were home a lot.

I wish you the best of luck!

[jwz]

Thank you Angela. :-)

I AM very very grateful for the wit and love I was brought up with from my parents.

I have thought about this, and you might be right. I will try my best not to jugde them in any way, not even in my mind, but to be positive and happy when I am around them. That might set the snowball on the top of the hill in motion. :-)

And yes, it actually makes me grateful when they show me how I used to be and letting me know that I am on the right track when I feel something about their occasional behaviour. It makes me a better person.

Kaspian: One of the main problems here is my dad. I am ½ greenlandic, my dad is greenlandic.
Not being very emotionally open is pretty common among native greenlandics. And he probably grew up with some odd traditions. The oldest son has priveleges. Never answer against your parents. etc etc.

To make the long story shorter, it's hard to get emotional around him, and to tell him that "ooo. you did well. :-) good for you".

Regarding getting away from it all, I am 24 yrs old, many many of my friends have left the town. The places I CAN go, I don't find very interesting, so I prefer to sit in my room and make goals or doing something constructive.

-Jan

[Angela]

Originally Posted by jwz

it actually makes me grateful when they show me how I used to be...

Jan, look a little closer. In a way that's difficult for you to see, they're showing you what you ARE.

[jwz]

In a way, yes.
I have been trying my best to pay attention to how I act upon myself and others lately.
I have found times where I ALMOST say or do something stupid/not nice.
(and yes, I know that I feel that way when they behave like that because I see something in myself).

Wouldn't this be keeping me away from being REALLY happy and grateful?
To truly apply the LoA to my life?

I mean. Yes. I get to be happy more than once every day. And yes, that energy is by far enough to keep me happy and grateful all day.

But the negative feelings that I get are a bit hard to push away, and I feel that it will take some time until I can truly talk with my family about good/bad things and about our feelings.

Well, I will be thinking about this for a couple of days, noticing how I/my family behave, and try to see all aspects of the things I encounter.

(Thanks Angela, this thread went another way than I intended, but it feels like its something I need to work on)

-Jan

[Angela]

Originally Posted by jwz

...this thread went another way than I intended, but it feels like its something I need to work on)

Well, I guess that's powerful YOU creating something using the Law of Attraction!

I look forward to reading about what comes up for you.

LoL (that's lots of love, not laugh out loud)
Angela

[jwz]

lol. :-)
Thanks. You guys are great here at this forum.

-Jan