Things fall apart?

[moonrambler]

I would like to look at this from an I/M or LoA lens, as that's the focus with which I have pursued my financial goals over the past few years.

My income started going steadily up about a year into this pursuit (well, not steadily, more like two steps up, one step back, two steps up, one step back, and so on, but still excellent progress). By this summer, everything was completely on track to pay back all the money I owe, which is a lot, but is a whole lot less than it was a few years ago.

Then, blam, my work supply ran out this fall. And my income got cut by about 2/3, and I have not figured out a way to boost it back up substantially.

During all this, my house is a mess. I have taken very little time to clean, and it's very cluttered, and I haven't paid much attention to stuff that needs maintenance or repair or replacing, because there hasn't been the extra money to deal with it.

In addition, sometimes things seem to "just happen." I had one of those this past week. There was maybe nearly an electrical fire connected with the washer/dryer combo, which I was not running at the time. My friend who lives closest and also has a lot of experience in home renovation rushed over. I had already shut off the circuit breaker, and he went to unplug the dryer. When he did that, there was a power surge and all the lights went stadium and I said holy crap. Then the breaker box started humming and buzzing, and he rushed over and flipped off the main switch.

Something is screwed up in the wiring that unleashed the 220 voltage from the dryer into the 110 wiring. There's another breaker box for the addition, basement and garage, so I still have electricity in part of the place.

The house also needs a new roof and now I don't have a functioning washer/dryer. And I'm out of propane, so can't run the furnace. I've got space heaters, but can only run them in the area where there's electricity! The kitchen electricity is off, so now my refrigerator is functioning as an icebox with bags of ice.

Anyways -- in an I/M or LoA lens, I have been really wondering WTF.

There is one nagging aspect to all this. I got way behind on the mortgage in 2007/2008 or thereabouts, when I got into the financial trouble. So now there's always back payments owed that I don't seem to be able to clear up. The bank (not the servicer) does not do any modifications on any mortgages whatsoever. The servicing company and I have been working on this all this time. They put me on repayment plans and I manage it for awhile but then something (like this latest debacle) screws it up. They set up a modification under the government plan a couple years ago and we did the three-month trial, but the bank wouldn't go for that either. This year, I have been getting so mad, that I had a running thought for awhile that I would just stick it to them and walk away.

It makes me wonder if, seemingly out of my control, my subconscious mind or whatever is working very hard to fulfill this mission and make sure the bank is really stuck . . . with a house that needs a new roof and doesn't have any heat and now 3/4 of it doesn't have electricity either.

I don't know where to go with this. I have felt so defeated and beaten down this week.

[lycan]

You spoke a lot about what is happening in your immediate sensory world, what your natural eyes see. What happens in your imagination?

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by lycan

You spoke a lot about what is happening in your immediate sensory world, what your natural eyes see. What happens in your imagination?

Well, that is actually a very interesting question.

In the interest of keeping the house, I've been visualizing spring/summer 2012 here. I'm prone to insomnia, so one technique I've used is visualizing sitting out on my deck with a good friend after dinner, drinking Yellowtail Shiraz and playing word games. We've had a fair bit of spring-like weather here lately, so when I'm driving in my neighborhood I pretend it's spring and I feel happy that everything worked out so well. I love spring, so that feeling is easy to conjure up when it's spring-like outside.

I realized this week, though, that I seem to be conjuring up something else that's related more to a fantasy life than to my visualizations about real life. I have an active fantasy life, which is typical for me. In it I'm usually somebody else who I've made up. My fantasy life for several years often involved "starting over" as I was trying to get my act together. Like I would be driving home from somewhere and I'd pretend I was somebody moving to a new town and a new place and so on. I've started that again lately, I guess as a way of coping with all of this latest financial b.s.

One recent imaginary scenario was meeting a guy who just bought a mansion to renovate into a Bed & Breakfast, and getting involved with him. This, I guess, is a way of coping with my house that's falling apart and there's clutter and it needs cleaned bad. One day IRL I got home and it was cold in here but I was having a bunch of fun with my imaginary scenario and how certain rooms in the B&B are cold because of the renovation. Then within a couple days the electrical problem occurred here IRL.

It did freak me out, thinking I conjured it by fantasizing about a happy situation involving a new romance in a place under renovation!

[Moriarty]

Not sure what I/M is, but it doesnt matter.

One can focus the conscious brain, but what's hidden in the sub-conscious has a way of poking its head out at times to remind us?

Do you carry a belief that you feel powerless, have little structure, safety or security?

Whatever internal energy one holds to be true, manifests externally.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Moriarty

Not sure what I/M is, but it doesnt matter.

I/M is the name of this subforum

One can focus the conscious brain, but what's hidden in the sub-conscious has a way of poking its head out at times to remind us?

Do you carry a belief that you feel powerless, have little structure, safety or security?

Whatever internal energy one holds to be true, manifests externally.

I was wondering about the 'powerless' too. When describing the problem, I've avoided saying "I lost power in the house" for that reason.

I feel powerless in regard to that stupid bank, that's for sure. And yes, I feel like there's no safety net. I mean, I have people who are my safety net, and that rocks. But it would be cool if I could provide a financial safety net for myself.

[Zenn]

Yeah, it sounds like you manifested the home situation, powerlessness and all. It seems you have been unhappy with your home situation and tried to escape it via your fatansies. Guess what, maybe things are happening to get you out of the house you really wish to get out of. The only trouble is you don't have a better place to live in yet.

If you have loved your house, appreciated, enjoyed, and feel grateful for it, it would probably be serving you well. You would have been better off to have vividly envisioned a better place to live in while staying appreciative of your current residence.

It is what it is. You have to start from what is to get what you desire. Clear your mind to start over from NOW.

[Angela]

You know, in addition to choosing better feeling thoughts, I would also look boldly at how you've been at cause in creating now as it is -- what choices have you made both consciously and unconsciously that has life occurring the way it does now?

I was just thinking about my hernias, when they were first diagnosed, I was very WTF? about the whole thing? How did I create this? And when I looked for the root cause, I saw that for the entire year or so before my diagnosis, I had been springing leaks all over the place -- there were "holes" at the core of my life: my car, my apartment, my bank account all seemed to have holes in them that I left unrepaired and leaking. And going back even further, I had a hole in my relationship with Danger Man -- a "rip" that occurred that I didn't take care of right away, but hoped it would take care of itself. Right around the time when the Danger Man rip happened, that was when I had the very first tiny symptoms of what were the first of the hernias, and I didn't do anything to repair those, either.

So eventually, the "symptoms" of the holes in my life kept getting more and more dire until the learnings got through my thick skull, and I did what it took to heal those holes, a little at a time, and finally when all those other little holes were repaired, *POOF!* the money for my surgery showed up out of the blue -- completely unexpected, out of thin air. It was one of those blue feather moments.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Zenn

Yeah, it sounds like you manifested the home situation, powerlessness and all. It seems you have been unhappy with your home situation and tried to escape it via your fatansies. Guess what, maybe things are happening to get you out of the house you really wish to get out of. The only trouble is you don't have a better place to live in yet.

If you have loved your house, appreciated, enjoyed, and feel grateful for it, it would probably be serving you well. You would have been better off to have vividly envisioned a better place to live in while staying appreciative of your current residence.

This isn't the case. I realized at some point a year or two ago that I wasn't appreciating and feeling grateful enough to my house and wasn't expressing the love I felt for it. I had let all that fall aside in my panic over money problems. I then consciously began telling the house I loved it, and every day doing something nice for it.

Of course, once I got on the fast track money-making machine, I got all absorbed in that and paying back all the money I owe, and taking care of the house again got sidelined.

It's like you really love your partner, but other stuff gets in the way.

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I/M is the name of this subforum



I was wondering about the 'powerless' too. When describing the problem, I've avoided saying "I lost power in the house" for that reason.

I feel powerless in regard to that stupid bank, that's for sure. And yes, I feel like there's no safety net. I mean, I have people who are my safety net, and that rocks. But it would be cool if I could provide a financial safety net for myself.

ah..sub forum..

hmm..okay..so the bank is stupid only because your unable to repay
debts you alone accrued..thats cool
As for safety net...its nice to know you have a crutch to hold you up when the going gets tough. It'd be great if we all had those. Could this knowing perhaps cause you to be a wee bit irratic about going 120% gusto to re-structure your full independance? Meaning, it could be a sub-conscious thought....like..."oh it'll be right, i have a safety net to catch me if i want to give in a little"? Do you ever think about what its like to be homeless and not knowing when your next meal will come? I have...and it gives me the drive to take responsibility for my security..as little as it is.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Moriarty

ah..sub forum..

hmm..okay..so the bank is stupid only because your unable to repay
debts you alone accrued..thats cool

The bank actually is stupid. Even our hard-headed friends in the business . . . subforum agree. I understand, however, that I created my situation.

As for safety net...its nice to know you have a crutch to hold you up when the going gets tough. It'd be great if we all had those. Could this knowing perhaps cause you to be a wee bit irratic about going 120% gusto to re-structure your full independance? Meaning, it could be a sub-conscious thought....like..."oh it'll be right, i have a safety net to catch me if i want to give in a little"? Do you ever think about what its like to be homeless and not knowing when your next meal will come? I have...and it gives me the drive to take responsibility for my security..as little as it is.

This doesn't fit the I/M or LoA lens, I don't think. Does it?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

It makes me wonder if, seemingly out of my control, my subconscious mind or whatever is working very hard to fulfill this mission....

It sure does sound like it!

If you're feeling defeated and beaten down, through an IM/LoA lens, it seems like a pretty good vibrational match that things would look like they're falling apart and a mess.

I don't know where to go with this. I have felt so defeated and beaten down this week.

I would reach for a better feeling thought, perhaps one step up the emotional guidance scale from "defeated and beaten down." What would that be for you: a draw, maybe? Or if that's too big a leap, how about anger? Would being really pissed off feel a little better than feeling defeated and beaten down?

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Angela

I would reach for a better feeling thought, perhaps one step up the emotional guidance scale from "defeated and beaten down." What would that be for you: a draw, maybe? Or if that's too big a leap, how about anger? Would being really pissed off feel a little better than feeling defeated and beaten down?

I was doing pretty well with gratitude, I thought. My neighbor buddy keeps saying when I'm all bummed out, "The house is still standing!" Yes, it could have been much worse. And, I'm very glad there's a second breaker box so I have a cozy living room.

But --

(Oh crap. I just thought of something.)

But -- like this morning. I woke up, the space heater's running, I switch on a light. Within 30 seconds the space heater starts losing power bad. Neighbor Buddy told me to watch for this sort of thing in case there's further wiring issues. ♥♥♥♥! It recovers. Does it again. ♥♥♥♥! I call Neighbor Buddy. He's discouraged. He caves and calls an electrician he knows who works at the electric co-op to see if the guy can come over here on a Saturday morning. The electrician says we don't have to worry -- that some substations in the area lost power and a bunch of people in the area totally lost power, which is why the electricity sort of winked on and off here a couple times.

Okay, that's good, I'm exTREMEly relieved, but by then, also drained and exhausted from the previous short tailspin of pondering moving all my stuff into storage and packing up the cat and going to live in somebody's spare bedroom.

(The 'oh crap I just thought of something' was wondering if I conjured up a situation where I would feel grateful and relieved, because that's the level I'm at.)

Really, it felt like the universe was yanking my chain. Wasn't so funny on this end.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

(The 'oh crap I just thought of something' was wondering if I conjured up a situation where I would feel grateful and relieved, because that's the level I'm at.)

Sounds like how I mess up my shoe closet, just for the pleasure of organizing it again.

Well, grateful and relieved does feel good; would you like to reach for thought that has you feeling even better than that, and practice moving your default comfort zone up a little? What would feel better than grateful and relieved?

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Angela

Sounds like how I mess up my shoe closet, just for the pleasure of organizing it again.

Well, grateful and relieved does feel good; would you like to reach for thought that has you feeling even better than that, and practice moving your default comfort zone up a little? What would feel better than grateful and relieved?

Peaceful and content. I have even reached that feeling on occasion in the past few days. That seems to be my equilibrium that I try to get back to. And I can get to peaceful and content when I realize my living room actually is cozy and now my office is moved in here and that's where I'm spending a lot of my time, at the computer in the living room, and that Neighbor Buddy expects to have the kitchen up and running by Monday, and he is such a wonderful friend.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Peaceful and content. I have even reached that feeling on occasion in the past few days. That seems to be my equilibrium that I try to get back to. And I can get to peaceful and content when I realize my living room actually is cozy and now my office is moved in here and that's where I'm spending a lot of my time, at the computer in the living room, and that Neighbor Buddy expects to have the kitchen up and running by Monday, and he is such a wonderful friend.

Wow. I feel good just reading this. Thank you.

[AngelPsychic444]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I would like to look at this from an I/M or LoA lens, as that's the focus with which I have pursued my financial goals over the past few years.

My income started going steadily up about a year into this pursuit (well, not steadily, more like two steps up, one step back, two steps up, one step back, and so on, but still excellent progress). By this summer, everything was completely on track to pay back all the money I owe, which is a lot, but is a whole lot less than it was a few years ago.

Then, blam, my work supply ran out this fall. And my income got cut by about 2/3, and I have not figured out a way to boost it back up substantially.

During all this, my house is a mess. I have taken very little time to clean, and it's very cluttered, and I haven't paid much attention to stuff that needs maintenance or repair or replacing, because there hasn't been the extra money to deal with it.

In addition, sometimes things seem to "just happen." I had one of those this past week. There was maybe nearly an electrical fire connected with the washer/dryer combo, which I was not running at the time. My friend who lives closest and also has a lot of experience in home renovation rushed over. I had already shut off the circuit breaker, and he went to unplug the dryer. When he did that, there was a power surge and all the lights went stadium and I said holy crap. Then the breaker box started humming and buzzing, and he rushed over and flipped off the main switch.

Something is screwed up in the wiring that unleashed the 220 voltage from the dryer into the 110 wiring. There's another breaker box for the addition, basement and garage, so I still have electricity in part of the place.

The house also needs a new roof and now I don't have a functioning washer/dryer. And I'm out of propane, so can't run the furnace. I've got space heaters, but can only run them in the area where there's electricity! The kitchen electricity is off, so now my refrigerator is functioning as an icebox with bags of ice.

Anyways -- in an I/M or LoA lens, I have been really wondering WTF.

There is one nagging aspect to all this. I got way behind on the mortgage in 2007/2008 or thereabouts, when I got into the financial trouble. So now there's always back payments owed that I don't seem to be able to clear up. The bank (not the servicer) does not do any modifications on any mortgages whatsoever. The servicing company and I have been working on this all this time. They put me on repayment plans and I manage it for awhile but then something (like this latest debacle) screws it up. They set up a modification under the government plan a couple years ago and we did the three-month trial, but the bank wouldn't go for that either. This year, I have been getting so mad, that I had a running thought for awhile that I would just stick it to them and walk away.

It makes me wonder if, seemingly out of my control, my subconscious mind or whatever is working very hard to fulfill this mission and make sure the bank is really stuck . . . with a house that needs a new roof and doesn't have any heat and now 3/4 of it doesn't have electricity either.

I don't know where to go with this. I have felt so defeated and beaten down this week.

I'll take a shot at the electrical problems you had, since I had some heavy duty problems with my ABS computer that controls the breaks in car. The problem with my car was the wires in the electrcal system had just gone crazy and it cost me alot to get it fixed. I had sat down to ponder this whole thing, since in the past I've noticed that car problems for me very often reflect some type of inner change going on.

As it turns out, I did have alot of stuff going on with me as far as ascension changes in my body and mind, which were very hard to handle since it felt as if someone was upgrading my body electric, sure enough right after that my car problems showed up.

In light of what I just said, try to figure out if these problems seem to reflect any inner changes you're going through or perhaps some inner upgrades (DNA changes) which I think just about everyone here on the board is going through. I know this doesn't play into the LOA stuff... but I do think "high strangeness" lately in many people's lives is VERY directly related to inner changes and the new ascension energies.

Even your loss of income could be some type of massive restructuring of your outer life, in preparation for something new to come to you, which is very similar to how ascension changes take place.

I see this happeneing to many, many people these days, so what you described in your post is very "fitting" if you ask me with the current energetic climate we're going through.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by AngelPsychic444

Even your loss of income could be some type of massive restructuring of your outer life, in preparation for something new to come to you, which is very similar to how ascension changes take place.

That made me feel emotional. I actually am pretty burned out with the type of freelance work I'd been doing. It would be awesome if something new and wonderful is just around the corner.

I just kept thinking, if I'm burned out, why can't some new and awesome wonderful thing happen without having all this chaos happen first?

I see this happeneing to many, many people these days, so what you described in your post is very "fitting" if you ask me with the current energetic climate we're going through.

Interesting, especially since the electric problem here involved too MUCH power rather than too little. There was so damn much power we had to shut the whole breaker box down.

[moonrambler]

Here's what I've been doing.

Visualizing the propane delivery guy coming in November (visualizing the picture on the November calendar when he arrives). Counting out money in my mind (which I used to do, but haven't in many months). Staying in a trusting, relaxed calm, content state as much as I can.

Thursday night, I also had a meltdown after I broke a hard plastic lampshade while tripping over various cords lying around on the floor. It wasn't about the lampshade; it was about everything. I cried and wailed and spent about a half hour sweeping up the lampshade pieces, as of course it had shattered into a zillion shards. Then I went to bed. On the couch, because no heat in the bedrooms.

The next morning I woke while it was still dark and I asked God, Jesus, the guardian angels and the universe and any other benevolent spirits who might like to help, to help me with inspired action for more income. That I would trust when I don't have busywork to generate immediate income, I can pursue inspired action work. I asked for when I woke up later in the morning to have some ideas.

Neighbor Buddy and Chuck the Electrician had spent a couple hours here Tuesday night investigating the wiring situation and the three breaker boxes. I set up a lamp in the kitchen and did dishes and did some cleaning. I was thinking it was weird that I was feeling rather content to be doing housework in a room where it was 52 degrees, but there was that sense of doing something to take care of my house and make the house happier. I didn't even feel a need to fantasize about the B&B under renovation.

But Friday morning I felt that I needed to get some heat in here or I would lose my mind. As mentioned, the living room could stay relatively warm with space heaters, but that meant I couldn't run lamps off those same outlets and get light anywhere else in the house. Also, every time I went into another part of the house it was REALLY cold. I felt like I couldn't stand it anymore. I was ready to go pawn jewelry.

Friday morning I got an abundance of work projects that would keep me busy all weekend. That was cool. I called the propane place to find out pricing for this year and tell her my story; long story short, she said I could post-date two checks for the next two following weeks and they'd come deliver some LP. I was so excited I called Neighbor Buddy and he said "WOW." I could swear I had asked them once before about post-dating checks and that she refused.

(It wasn't November anymore, but I had forgotten to change the November calendar over to December )

Today, Saturday, Chuck the Electrician called and said he had figured out what the problem was. He came over and within about 90 minutes he had the electricity back on in the entire house. It's all sort of jimmy-rigged with (non-live) wires running along the ground from the garage to the crawlspace, but it's jimmy-rigged by a licensed electrician who works for the local electric company. He says come spring he and Neighbor Buddy will put everything together the way it should be.

It's so very weird that last Wednesday morning everything looked so dire and 11 days later everything is okay again, and within one 30-hour time frame I got heat, electricity and work.

I wonder if I needed this to take a good hard look at what's actually been going on with me -- work, house, money, attitude.

[Criseyde]

Awesome!! I'm really happy for you.

I've wondered that too, about myself -- you might know that I was unemployed for about 6 months. I didn't talk about it TOO much on here, but it was really bugging me. I'm employed now (though I'd still like to improve my income) and I feel like things are looking better overall, but SO much happened during those 6 months, internally -- it makes me wonder if I needed it in order to sort of figure everything out. I think life does that to you sometimes.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Criseyde

Awesome!! I'm really happy for you.

I've wondered that too, about myself -- you might know that I was unemployed for about 6 months. I didn't talk about it TOO much on here, but it was really bugging me. I'm employed now (though I'd still like to improve my income) and I feel like things are looking better overall, but SO much happened during those 6 months, internally -- it makes me wonder if I needed it in order to sort of figure everything out. I think life does that to you sometimes.

I knew you were unemployed but I didn't know it was bugging you a lot, although I can imagine that it would be. It's cool that it turned into a chance to help you sort of figure everything out.

I guess one can look at it either way -- that universe/God creates these situations to give us insight, or we manifest the situation ourselves and wonder why in the world it happened.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I knew you were unemployed but I didn't know it was bugging you a lot, although I can imagine that it would be. It's cool that it turned into a chance to help you sort of figure everything out.

I guess one can look at it either way -- that universe/God creates these situations to give us insight, or we manifest the situation ourselves and wonder why in the world it happened.

Oh yeah, it was bugging me really badly, and I was SO stuck. I couldn't even get hired by retail places, even though I've worked in them before. But, I actually ended up having an experience kind of like yours! I decided I was going to just relax, visualize when I felt like it, etc... within two weeks I had like four things turn up (whereas before I had NOTHING), and one of them worked out. Funny, that...

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Criseyde

Oh yeah, it was bugging me really badly, and I was SO stuck. I couldn't even get hired by retail places, even though I've worked in them before. But, I actually ended up having an experience kind of like yours! I decided I was going to just relax, visualize when I felt like it, etc... within two weeks I had like four things turn up (whereas before I had NOTHING), and one of them worked out. Funny, that...

I don't know though if I can say this came about because I relaxed. In fact, it seemed more the opposite. Everything came together when I felt like I couldn't stand it anymore and started crying and wailing and planning to borrow money at a pawn shop.

[moonrambler]

You see, it is a pattern of nearly my entire adult life, and I really, really want to make a new pattern.

[moonrambler]

What if it's not about money?

What if the money issue is a symptom of something else?

What if it's a need to continuously be in a state of chaos, near-crisis, and having to avert a crisis?

[Zenn]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I would like to look at this from an I/M or LoA lens, as that's the focus with which I have pursued my financial goals over the past few years.

This is your opening statement in your OP in the IM forum. That's why I keep responding to you from that perspective. I'm not saying to just drop your income producing work, unless there is a very strong inspiration to do so, or if you're forced to do that as it sometimes happens in the process of manifestation. Add to your work/action the vivid imagination and certainty of the outcome you desire, not the process. Trust that it's done and do not bother with when or how.

Let me change to a different approach. This is what I often advice those who sought it: examine all your easy successes and all your hard earned failures. However, instead of looking at the external factors, look into your mindset, emotions, and feelings in each case and try to find the commonalities. Your goal, I hope, is to replicate your feelings when you were achieving your easy successes and avoid those during the long hard downward spirals. You might have been very lucky at a certain project but it was the state of your mind that drew the luck, so you met the right people at the right time at the right place. Vice versa for the hard earned failures.

It does take faith, belief, and confidence, which was why I suggested you try to manifest something unimportant to you that you wouldn't be attached to or put up resistence against. Successes at these experiments would raise your level of faith and trust so you can apply the process to the important issues in your life.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Zenn

Add to your work/action the vivid imagination and certainty of the outcome you desire, not the process. Trust that it's done and do not bother with when or how.

Let me change to a different approach. This is what I often advice those who sought it: examine all your easy successes and all your hard earned failures. However, instead of looking at the external factors, look into your mindset, emotions, and feelings in each case and try to find the commonalities.

Just thinking off the top of my head, I'd say a common thread in "easy" successes would be loving (or really liking) what I was doing. When that wasn't the case, then a certainty that I was excellent at what I was doing and so it was inevitable I'd succeed.