Things fall apart?

[Angela]

Moony, I thought of you when I was coming home from the hospital and I saw this big sign on the side of a big mac truck: "Things Fall Apart."

Neither Lol Man nor I could figure out what the purpose of this truck was, so I decided its purpose was to tell me I'm with you.

Of course I was really stoned on narcotics, but still.

[moonrambler]

Maybe the truck carries around stuff for people to Put Things Back Together?

Or maybe the truck carries around stuff for people to Make New and Even Better Cool Things after Things Fall Apart?

[Criseyde]

Things Fall Apart is a novel by Chinua Achebe, which has won a lot of critical acclaim. It's also a 2011 movie starring 50 cent (not based on the book), which... has not quite won so much acclaim?

There's also a book by Pema Chodron called When Things Fall Apart.

Maybe you're meant to be checking those out, moon.

[moonrambler]

I want the book called Things Come Together!

I want the book called [subtitle: In An Easy and Relaxed Manner, in a Healthy and Positive Way] All My Financial Problems Are Cleared Up By The End of 2011.

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

You see, it is a pattern of nearly my entire adult life, and I really, really want to make a new pattern.

I believe that you DO want to form a new pattern. Sometimes its difficult to know where to start. Sometimes, we flounder for a while. Sometimes, it all seems too unfair and one-sided. Sometimes, it seems all the energy left to muster is just enough to languish in one's own man-made mud pool. Sometimes, its too hard to see the forest for the trees because we're too emotionally charged and consumed by it all. And sometimes, we find whining about it all and creating a circle of sympathetic ears is enough to chug us through without having to muster any more energy to move us beyond our own demise.

I'm not saying you are any of these. Im simply stating facts of life and the traumas we invest in. Most of us have been there in one way or another. Those that have, and have found a way out, are usually the ones to step forward quickly to support and advise.

Some carry their burdens on the quiet, until the load is too heavy to carry anymore. Some step up to the challenge and fight their way through to a better way. Some just give up and have no incentive or drive to want to help themselves...relying on the stronger ones to carry them. Some are so steep into their pity-pots that nothing can shake them free of it.

Perhaps this thread is your way of voicing your thoughts out loud to work your way through it all...not a bad thing! But this is the way I see it....

Sometimes we are so stuck in our own self-pity that there's no room left to notice that around every corner there are 200 times more people worse off then ourselves. The focus is bent on self, and for good reason! If one cannot take care of oneself, then no one else is going to do that for them. People will earnestly step forward and give everything they have towards help & support for that person they deem in need, but in the long-run, unless they are rewarded by their efforts in seeing improvements, they will eventually throw their hands in the air and give up and see it all as a lost cause.

I know this! Im speaking from down-to-earth experience. No loa...no BS..nothing but fact in a reality we are bound to live by. I have a parent who refuses to grow-up and step up to the responsibility plate of being a mother and mentor to her children. Shes 80 now and all hope of this happening is false and will only lead to disappointment. In her whole life she has never been able to see or want to accept the position that was rightfully hers. Its led the family to bitterness, frustration, disappointment and devastation. All because she was unwilling to acknowledge her weaknesses...to brave moving beyond fear to find there was nothing to fear in the first place...to find enough love within her to want to go beyond her self-indulgent world...to fight and sacrifice for the children she bore...to be that person her children needed to look up to, learn from, and teach to their own children (her grandchildren..which also, she does not acknowledge).

To be honest....i see parts of you in her and it is from the depths of me that I pray telling you this will in some way, help you to step up to that plate you speak of and take up its challenge. Not for me. Not for anyone. Only for yourself, because in the end, it is only you that suffers along with those close enough to care about you no matter what.

I pray that in some way, something ive said here will spur you on to the responsibility that is yours alone and that something ive said, will shift you from the cocoon youve woven tightly around yourself to inhibit your desire to action the wishes to stop the bs and get on with it.

In no way have i said any of this to make you feel bad or guilty. Ive said it all in 'love' and in the hope that it will make a positive change in your world. Bless.

[moonrambler]

Thanks Moriarty. A lot of what you've said there is what I've been trying to express as far as my frustration with myself and my situation.

I don't want this thread to come off as a pity party, although I'm sure it can. I keep searching for the epiphany, the key, the eureka moment. I even thought your post there might have been it. I started out the morning with such a good attitude, then something happened and I let myself get completely demoralized, because as you said in one of the descriptions up there, I'm exhausted. Then I was basically frozen much of the rest of the day.

I am so totally willing to work. This is where I keep searching the LoA idea, because it seems like no matter how willing I am to work and how many hours I put in, I wind up back in the same situation eventually. When things were going well, I thought maybe I had at last blasted through whatever psychological crap was holding me back, and now it's all a big mess again.

(It's interesting how wide-ranging responses in this thread are, from encouraging me to take responsibility to encouraging me to walk away and embrace freedom. )

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Thanks Moriarty. A lot of what you've said there is what I've been trying to express as far as my frustration with myself and my situation.

I don't want this thread to come off as a pity party, although I'm sure it can. I keep searching for the epiphany, the key, the eureka moment. I even thought your post there might have been it. I started out the morning with such a good attitude, then something happened and I let myself get completely demoralized, because as you said in one of the descriptions up there, I'm exhausted. Then I was basically frozen much of the rest of the day.

I am so totally willing to work. This is where I keep searching the LoA idea, because it seems like no matter how willing I am to work and how many hours I put in, I wind up back in the same situation eventually. When things were going well, I thought maybe I had at last blasted through whatever psychological crap was holding me back, and now it's all a big mess again.

(It's interesting how wide-ranging responses in this thread are, from encouraging me to take responsibility to encouraging me to walk away and embrace freedom. )

bahhh...freedom is never what we imagine it to be. Freedom is freedom of self...the rest then follows through. I could go on, but I'm sure you already know about anything I add.

I cannot offer you steps to resolving without personally knowing you, your thoughts, your life. I can only offer things from my own experiences which are never another's.

[moonrambler]

Today I got my settlement from the eBay vs. somebody or other class action lawsuit. It was 24 cents! And I have to split it with Neighbor Buddy, because the only reason I got it is because he bought some stuff on eBay Motors through my eBay account!

So I called Neighbor Buddy to tell him what the amount was, and he let out a huge laugh. We talked for a little while, plotting what to do with our 24 cents, and while we were on the phone, I got an e-mail that I sold one of my articles I had up for sale on a content website, for $24!

Perhaps this is an alpha reflection!

I also noticed something about attitude today. For awhile I had been having such a difficult time writing articles for the other content site and it felt like drudgery. I told myself it didn't matter -- that I had to just be a robot and sit there and do XYZ amount per day. I was never getting XYZ amount at all when I did that. Then the electrical problems happened and everything really got out of whack.

Last night I was writing an e-mail and found myself typing something about working my magic in my writing. I liked that. So this morning I approached work with the idea of working my magic. And hey -- it wasn't drudgery at all. It was fun! And I had a lot more energy today than I've usually had lately.

[Balbrae]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Today I got my settlement from the eBay vs. somebody or other class action lawsuit. It was 24 cents! And I have to split it with Neighbor Buddy, because the only reason I got it is because he bought some stuff on eBay Motors through my eBay account!

So I called Neighbor Buddy to tell him what the amount was, and he let out a huge laugh. We talked for a little while, plotting what to do with our 24 cents, and while we were on the phone, I got an e-mail that I sold one of my articles I had up for sale on a content website, for $24!

Perhaps this is an alpha reflection!

I also noticed something about attitude today. For awhile I had been having such a difficult time writing articles for the other content site and it felt like drudgery. I told myself it didn't matter -- that I had to just be a robot and sit there and do XYZ amount per day. I was never getting XYZ amount at all when I did that. Then the electrical problems happened and everything really got out of whack.

Last night I was writing an e-mail and found myself typing something about working my magic in my writing. I liked that. So this morning I approached work with the idea of working my magic. And hey -- it wasn't drudgery at all. It was fun! And I had a lot more energy today than I've usually had lately.

Wow. Awesome and humorous. Just how the world works, huh?

[Zenn]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I also noticed something about attitude today. For awhile I had been having such a difficult time writing articles for the other content site and it felt like drudgery. I told myself it didn't matter -- that I had to just be a robot and sit there and do XYZ amount per day. I was never getting XYZ amount at all when I did that. Then the electrical problems happened and everything really got out of whack.

This is forced action.

Last night I was writing an e-mail and found myself typing something about working my magic in my writing. I liked that. So this morning I approached work with the idea of working my magic. And hey -- it wasn't drudgery at all. It was fun! And I had a lot more energy today than I've usually had lately.

Here you inspired yourself!

You can't seem to rid the idea of working or taking action to have money to solve your problems. You wrote in an earlier post asking the Universe what inspired action to take to make the money. When you're inspired, you know. Otherwise no action is necessary. You do what you know with faith. It may not take money to solve your problems and it may not need your action to receive money. As both Abraham and Neville Goddad said, you are absorbed of coming up with the "how". It's not your job but the Universe's as far as the means are concerned. Your job is to believe it is already done. You are frustrated as your mind keeps reacting to your reality instead of leading/creating it.

Give faith a chance.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Zenn

You can't seem to rid the idea of working or taking action to have money to solve your problems.

See what I mean, that you and Moriarty seem to have opposing viewpoints on all this. He is basically saying "Be an adult!" While you are saying "Have faith everything will work out!"

I'm continuing to work because I continue to have bills that need to be paid. Are you suggesting I shouldn't do that?

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

See what I mean, that you and Moriarty seem to have opposing viewpoints on all this. He is basically saying "Be an adult!" While you are saying "Have faith everything will work out!"

I'm continuing to work because I continue to have bills that need to be paid. Are you suggesting I shouldn't do that?

He is a She

Im not so much saying 'be an adult'...more like 'responsibility', which has no age limit. Life is how it is...what is dished out according to thoughts & reactions. How one reacts to what life serves up and how one deals with that.

Today I was landed with the news that my partner smashed up my show car. A car that shouldn't even be on the road being driven for every-day use. An rare import car that ive spent a lot of my savings on doing up for car shows. Now its been involved in a car accident which wasn't even my partners fault. The insurance company may decide to write it off, or the police may decide its no one's fault. A custom paint job and panel work later and bam! down the drain!

My point is....how will I handle this? Where will my thoughts lead? Will I cling to a material object and get all twisted about it, or see it as an opportunity to start afresh and hold thoughts towards a positive outcome? There's nothing I can do now to change what has happened...its in the past. I can only move forward from here. How I approach it, will be the outcome I alone will create. Right now, Im letting my thoughts ride. I refuse to indulge them.
I feel a little sad for what has happened and for what is yet to follow, but I am working at composing myself and trying to stay as positive as possible.

If that's what you call 'an adult approach', then so be it. I only see it as the world i'm about to create and being totally responsible for that.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Moriarty

He is a She

Ahhh . . . Okay . . . I get that sometimes too!

Yes, there seems to be a significant difference between "take responsibility" and "You keep seeing work as the answer -- let go of the 'how' -- have faith!"

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Yes, there seems to be a significant difference between "take responsibility" and "You keep seeing work as the answer -- let go of the 'how' -- have faith!"

That takes total faith! No background 'what ifs'. No wanting to control it in any way. No slipping back into the same pattern. No doubting!
It means being able to absolutely let go and allow. To trust that, no matter what the outcome, its in your best interest.

At the same time, it also means doing what your already doing. Being guided to apply for work. To action anything that moves you one step closer to your ideal outcome, yet not control steering it...simply stepping forward.

[moonrambler]

What if it's not about money?

What if the money issue is a symptom of something else?

What if it's a need to continuously be in a state of chaos, near-crisis, and having to avert a crisis?

[Zenn]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I would like to look at this from an I/M or LoA lens, as that's the focus with which I have pursued my financial goals over the past few years.

This is your opening statement in your OP in the IM forum. That's why I keep responding to you from that perspective. I'm not saying to just drop your income producing work, unless there is a very strong inspiration to do so, or if you're forced to do that as it sometimes happens in the process of manifestation. Add to your work/action the vivid imagination and certainty of the outcome you desire, not the process. Trust that it's done and do not bother with when or how.

Let me change to a different approach. This is what I often advice those who sought it: examine all your easy successes and all your hard earned failures. However, instead of looking at the external factors, look into your mindset, emotions, and feelings in each case and try to find the commonalities. Your goal, I hope, is to replicate your feelings when you were achieving your easy successes and avoid those during the long hard downward spirals. You might have been very lucky at a certain project but it was the state of your mind that drew the luck, so you met the right people at the right time at the right place. Vice versa for the hard earned failures.

It does take faith, belief, and confidence, which was why I suggested you try to manifest something unimportant to you that you wouldn't be attached to or put up resistence against. Successes at these experiments would raise your level of faith and trust so you can apply the process to the important issues in your life.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Zenn

Add to your work/action the vivid imagination and certainty of the outcome you desire, not the process. Trust that it's done and do not bother with when or how.

Let me change to a different approach. This is what I often advice those who sought it: examine all your easy successes and all your hard earned failures. However, instead of looking at the external factors, look into your mindset, emotions, and feelings in each case and try to find the commonalities.

Just thinking off the top of my head, I'd say a common thread in "easy" successes would be loving (or really liking) what I was doing. When that wasn't the case, then a certainty that I was excellent at what I was doing and so it was inevitable I'd succeed.

[Balbrae]

Originally Posted by Angela

Moony, I thought of you when I was coming home from the hospital and I saw this big sign on the side of a big mac truck: "Things Fall Apart."

Neither Lol Man nor I could figure out what the purpose of this truck was, so I decided its purpose was to tell me I'm with you.

Of course I was really stoned on narcotics, but still.

Too funny, Angela! When I first read your post, I thought you were quoting a McDonald's Hamburgers advertisement of the "Big Mac" Sandwich, depicted on the side of a truck. It totally made sense in my mind, imagining that some advertising agency cleverly devised an ad slogan that depicted a "Big Mac" Sandwich literally falling apart (two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, all on a sesame-seed bun!) because it was so "massive" that it couldn't be constrained! Then I read further and determined you meant a "Mack Truck," as in an eighteen-wheel, tractor-trailer. Then, of course, I just had to laugh! Thanks for the chuckle! And of course, thanks to MoonRambler for setting up the possibility for such a misinterpretation-joke to "manifest!"

[moonrambler]

So I was standing there at the gas station Thursday in the midst of averting another potential crisis, when I got that idea about how I have set my life up to be in a near-continuous state of chaos and near-crisis, and wondering if I need that for some reason. I really felt a resonance with that . . . one of those, "Wow . . . so that's what this is all about."

The opposite of all that would be a life that's peaceful, calm and serene. I've been affirming that to myself ever since.

This is interesting to me because for such a long time I'd see recommendations on the IM forum about instead of intending for money, to affirm for whatever it is behind the desire. There would be suggestions about intending for a house or a vacation, rather than intending for the money. My problem has been that since I owe money, I need money to pay it back. So I've kept intending for money all along.

I couldn't even really intend for "freedom," because I could get freedom by defaulting, and that's not at all what I want. But perhaps "peaceful, calm and serene" is more the answer.

I always related to Stevie Nicks' lyric, "Never have I been a blue calm sea. . . . I have always been a storm." But I think I've had enough of the storm.

[Angela]

@Balbrae, so funny! A big mac truck!