Loa help- how do I change focus?
 

Hi all, I currently have a live-in nanny and she isn't as good as my last one, she is a little lazy and a bit cheeky. But she's young and she's not that bad. I just seem to have little tolerance. Although in speaking to friends who have had nannies/aupairs, sometimes I feel I'm too nice. However, I can not help but focus on all her faults and am convinced I am attracting more of it. I have started to complain to my friends and I can't bring myself to be nice this morning which is ridiculous as she isn't that bad at all and it is escalating. The reason I am writing this is because, I can see a pattern of negativity towards others in my life and I just can't seem to change it. I know that what you focus on you attract. I'll read a book (abe/tolle etc) and feel better for a few days/weeks then not notice results (i.e new/better people coming into my life) and go back to my old ways. I feel like my nanny is here to teach me something. I know, the reach for a better feeling technique, gratitude, be in the present..but none of it seems to stick. It's making me unhappy. I feel that I cause myself unecessary pain. I am frustrated that I am still obviously stuck in my old pattern creating what I don't want (the nanny just an example) and unable to move forward or manifest what I desire. So I guesd my question is: where am I going wrong with all this Loa/IM stuff and how can I make the changes I understand are necessary but seem out of my control? Thanks

Get a piece of paper and list the 10 things that are good about your nanny, these can be as simple as you like the color of her shoes, or something like that, or perhaps she smiled nice one day... and you liked that.

Each day begin your day by listing 10 new things about her you like or find positive. Keep doing this everyday, you can even focus on these things when you start to think badly of her later in the day. Keep doing this day after day....I'm sure it's what Abe/Hicks would recommend ( I read all the books).


You'll start to see positive changes in her eventually.

Thanks AP I will try this with my nanny, but she is just an example. I just seem to always focus on the things that annoy me about people. I have previously tried something similar, wrote lists on all the things I like about friends, and for a short time felt better but don't think anything externally really changed. Maybe because it wasn't what I was really feeling. Eventually things just returned to normal. Am thinking of reading zero limits (as per pianoperformer's post) but having just read Busting loose feel like it's yet ANOTHER book. I quite liked the feeling of none of this really matters as it's all just an illusion, maybe I should re-read and implement that, but not sure if it 100% resonated. Am just getting fed up of trying to 'get' everything, nothing seems to just fall into place. I would really like to attract some other people into my life, but think I'm probably vibrating lack in this area.

Are you saying it only works for so long? That even tho you read a list of the good in people, you still
look at the bad? Or that you stop reading the list, and go back to your old thaughts?

What I would try is... When you find yourself thinking negatitavily about anyone... Stop, tell yourself this isnt who I choose to be... Think something positive about them, then think about something else, something happy. Like a vacation or something. Dont expect to change overnight. Expect to do this a million times everyday for the first week. Keep with it. Old way can be hard to change.

One more thing. Some people are not good people. They might be toxic, or downright evil. Ive learned to trust that little voice. Dont try to override it all the time.

WOW, this thread is really hitting home, I have the same issue and then newkaren really brought up a good point, what if that person is just not a good person, toxic and evil is the BEST description for my "person", LOL. I def trust the little voice, but if thats the case what should we do? Lets say we work with this person and they are temporarily living with me too, haha.

Hi newkaren, yes it only works whilst I'm writing the lists but who wants to write lists the whole time? It's not natural. I have gone through many weeks where I stop the thought and after reading Tolle managed No Thought which was great but none of it lasts, am back this week feeling and thinking the same old things. I.e. This person never gets in touch, this one needs a social life, this one is a bit of a liar...on and on about nearly everyone I know. I do have loving thoughts about these people too and if you knew me you certainly wouldn't think I had a problem as have lots imof friends and am v social, that's why this is so difficult to explain. I am left wishing for different friends and or a better social class (I feel like a snob and ashamed to say this). I wouldn't say any are toxic particularly (one does bs a lot though and everyone says that!) but just not always my cup of tea and leaves me with nobody I can get really very close to. What's worse is that I am starting to not really care. I don't ring people and see them as much as I find my expectations are always too high of people so just can't be bothered anymore. And at the same time long for someone to be good friends with. Reading this I can hear how it sounds. In a nutshell I feel that my thoughts about others are blocking me from manifesting the right people into my life, I have tried appreciation etc but as I say it was temporary and I never really saw anything change. Maybe I need to persevere.

Sorry guys I sound like a broken record on this forum. I know what I'd like to attract, have visualised it, written it down very specifically for years been working on this but think the Universe knows I am just not aligning for some reason?!
The live in person was just an example of me concentrating on the stuff that annoys me and it expanding. I want to change!!!!

Honestly I would keep my distance from anyone I believed to be toxic or evil. I realize you work with this person, and im not sure why they are living with you, but as soon as i could *politely* get them out of my house I would. At work I would advoid them as much as I could.

Sponge, I think we all do that to a point. When I find myself thinking ill of people, I stop, and think about the good in them.

Thanks NewKaren I think you're right everyone does it but I get the feeling I do it and it spirals out of control and them leaves me wanting better friends in my life. My expectations are high and I'm sensitive if people say something they shouldn't...it plays over and ovet in my mind and the good stuff gets forgotten about. I really thought I was making progress with all this but today it doesn't feel like I have.

Try not to let it bother you. I know I've BTDT. Someday just are not as good as others. Even if its 3 steps forwrd and 2 steps back, your still moving forward.

Hi Sponge,

3 things come to my mind to do to manifest new relationships and that is:

1) Sometimes to create the new, you need to let go of the old, outdated and what is not working in your life or serving your highest good. The universe loves it when you create a vacuum and let go of the old. So if any of your friends (or even the nanny) is not working out and you feel like the relationship has served its purpose, then release it and let it go to create new, happier relationships.

Be sure to write down on a piece of paper all the qualities of the new friends you are trying to attract. Make a vision board with happy pictures of you and your new friends doing fun stuff and view it every day and believe what you are seeking is seeking you as well. You would not have this desire within you, if it was not meant to be in your life.

2) You need to forgive and release all past and even present relationships to let in the new. Hating or having any anger or negative feelings towards past or present people in your life, just draws into your life the same people. Until you forgive and release a person, experience or situation, it will just keep coming back into your life until you forgive it and release it with love. Love is truly a healing balm for everything, whereas hate just creates new problems.

3) You need to love yourself in order to manifest new things (this is now something I am doing and I am going to be starting a new thread about this because it is so important to manifest anything in your life). Having any feelings of unworthiness and/or underserving feelings will not allow you to draw new and better things into your life. If you feel you are unworthy or underserving of happy things or receiving your hearts desires - how can you attract it? If you did manage to attract it, more than likely you would find a way to get rid of it since you did not feel worthy in the first place. I believe this is why so many lottery winners win big money and then in a few years they are broke again.

Also, sponge I am going to PM you some additional info so check your inbox :)

So true thanks will keep working on it. These are great points to consider.