Practicing the Presence

[ChildOfNone]

As I wrote in my thread Courageous Dreaming I received the message that I needed to work on "feeling", to raise my "vibrational level" (as Wayne Dyer says). Until recently I lived a life with an omnipresent anxiety/fear present. This has clearly interfered with my I/M process or more acurately it has lead to manifestations which I did NOT intend but felt or expected into being.

Setting my intention and will towards a different outcome brought many coincidental bits of information to me about "feeling". The concept was not new to me but I had not set it out as a priority - until now.

In fact, in a book which came to me last month in a synchronistic event, uses the phrase "Practicing the Presence." I like that. It resonates with me.

So I am going to take a sidestep from Courageous Dreaming to focus on Practicing the Presence. I find post here beneficial. It gives the intention which I hold in my mind a kind of concreteness. It strengthens my focus and enhances the power behind the intention.

I plan to share thoughts, events and whatnots that grow this Presence. My goal is to lift the raft I am on and see the rudder grow so that when I return to the Courageous Dreaming I not only have greater I/M power/focus but steering ability that will allow me to set my direction.

Meanwhile, I am none-the-less able to use Intention to Manifest things. Some of the small, all of them encouraging. But I am ready to move on to the big stuff. And this step will move me in the direction for that to begin.

I look forward to feedback and encouragement along the way. Thank you.

[ChildOfNone]

I have had a maor setback today in direct oppostion to the outcome I am intending for. No question that the manifestation can still occur but it appears that it may take even stronger I/M ability than I currently exhibit.

What happens to me is that I find myself slip into a physiological state that is where I have previously operated from. I would like to find some techniques to use that will allow me to detach from emotionally negative reactions so that I can maintain a rising energy vibrational level.

I intend to learn about and practice some detachment techniques.
I intend to manifest the money I need to pay the debts I owe in timely fashion - to prevent the addition of fees and added costs of time, money or inconvenience.

I intend to manifest the bes attorney for the legal issue that must be addressed and I intend to manifest the money needed to pay the associated costs.

Thank you universe for provided this money in the timely fashion.

[ChildOfNone]

I awoke yesterday with the pharse "Not good nor bad but thinking makes it so." on my mind. Though familiar, I don't know where that phrase is from but I do know that it is the right message for me.

There is more than one way to disconnect from emotional reaction. There are forms of training and then there is direct physiological interference. I think I may try to go at it from both directions.

Today I am going to give a number of things a try in suppressing the anxiety surges: minchex, kavakava, chamomille tea, magnesium taurate and maybe even my favorite - tequila.

Clearly, the valuation of acts and things around (attaching valences) sets up emotional reactions and interferes with I/M. "ATTACHMENT" knocked on my brain yesterday. "ATTACHMENT" The proverbial light bulb illuminated along with the thought that those things which I need most and long for most heartfelt are those which I struggle most with I/M.

Time to detach. Who has a tried and true method?

[mariazeyn]

I found this technique that helps me to concentrate and keep my mind in the present:

Lock your hands by crossing your fingers. Close your eyes, relax and start rotating your thumbs but do not let them touch each other. Try not to think about anything. These moves will help you to concentrate and divert from your thoughts.

[richest]

I still don't get it. What present moment has to do with manifesting?

[ChildOfNone]

Practicing the Presence is a phrase and concept that I borrowed from an author named Gloria Benish. My interpretation is to put myself in the presence of God. By doing so I find that the things that hold me back do not flourish but dissipate and my ability to feel the reality of the manifestation is not impeded but actualized.

So richest that is how I correlate Presence with I/M.

For me, the great obstacle is fear and doubt which is fed by memories and associative triggers. Perhaps Mariazeyn's suggestion will keep me in the present and out of the past where the triggers lie. Being in the present as in out of the past could be a wholly beneficial place for me.

Cheers!

[ChildOfNone]

I will say this - I have become a significantly happier person through this process. That shift has manifested wonderfully. I take that as a sign of more to come. It all makes it much easier to be thankful which in and of itself will boost the manifestations.

I read more in the Neville tome that I downloaded and just the right entries. From one in particular I was able to shift into a feeling the is what I have been hoping to experience. Immediately I had a name for it, "fulfillment." It felt much like a feeling that I was able to shift into about a year ago which I called, "Determination." During the day I kept practicing it and felt stronger and stronger. At moments when the anxiety knocked I called on this "fulfillment" and "determination" and was able to shift again.

It is a great feeling. I cannot wait to see what it brings tomorrow.

I am growing stronger and stronger and the confidence which comes along with it is something to behold. It already has begun to feel like a dream come true. I am looking forward to see what tomorrow brings.

[ChildOfNone]

Practicing the Presence is getting stronger and stronger.
In the morning hours when I first awake, before I rise, I feel the strongest.

I am finding that this work is much like the work I did when I was in a deep clinical depression. Each day I would use techniques to get my mind in the right place and then I would work hard to keep it on the right setting and out of the depression mode. Over time this did indeed bring me out.

Today, I am finding that I am working to get my mind in the right place and then keep it in the place where I connectt with God's assurances that those things I intend are done.

I find that I am using a "meta" intention to manifest the doubt and fear free mind.

As today is Monday, I am beginning a clean up process at my home. Seriously. Living in fear and doubt has led to a manifestation of such a mess and the fear and doubt interfered with altering it. Today the reversal will begin to manifest.

I find that it takes work to put my mind in the right place but that when it gets there, even tangentially or just barely there, then the things I intend do come into being without effort.

This line between effort and ease is a conundrum to me.

As I practice the presence I intend to manifest a plan for bringing order to my home and my life and my finances. Thank you for this gift. I have long, longed for such a plan and such order and I am grateful that it is now mine.

I am reminding myself to stay in a state of gratitude. I am staying in a place of imagining what it feels like to be in order and to have a plan and to have the money I need to pay my bills and provide for my family and restore my home.

Just a note - small signs are coming my way to keep me encouraged. Without intending I received tickets to see a Broadway musical for my child and me and then he made a new friend and had a wonderful experience with a new cub scout group. All of these are encouragements. I have received a new pupil to tutor and others are seeking double sessions so that income has increased. I am thankful and excited to see what will come my way today.

Moving out of a state of being frozen by fear and into action and manifestation. TBTG (Thanks be to God.)

[ChildOfNone]

two things happened today to encourage me on my path: a) I lost my car key and was looking on one floor and stopped to use I/M, imagining and fully feeling the experience of gratitude at having the key back in my hand when I heard a call from someone on the floor above who at that moment had come across my key in a most unlikely place and the person was not looking for it; b) minutes before that I bumped into a friend who is highly developed (at least more than the average bear) in spiritual ways. He said that I had a radiance that he has not seen in me before. We have known one another for 8 years. I took it as confirmation of a progression. It was a great encouragement.

[ChildOfNone]

Bonadea's "When things get too exciting" thread has been on my mind for a couple of days because its essence applies to me.

As I began this work recently, I have been directed and redierected into the work I need to do to be unattached and grateful. I was ready and excited and looking forward to a steady progress and forward movement after many years of stagnation and living in a kind of paralysis out of sublimated fear and overwhelming internalized critical voices.

But I have hit a kind of wall. And this calls to mind Bonadea's thread title. Doing this work has conjured up all the ghosts of past emotional baggage, it has awakened it from the dead, stirrred it up and the miserable pain associated with it.

It is precisely this pain which sent me underground in the first place. Now I must find a way to persevere, keep beleving and make that shift from the pain and fear that it triggers and fear that I will be stuck in this pain yet again. I have to persevere to get to that place of "feeling" that I have already transcended it and gotten to where I intend to be.

I could use some encouragement or words of wisdom. This place is flowing with words of wisdom. I open my heart to receiving some for me. Thanks.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by ChildOfNone

I awoke yesterday with the pharse "Not good nor bad but thinking makes it so." on my mind. Though familiar, I don't know where that phrase is from but I do know that it is the right message for me.

Hamlet.

[ChildOfNone]

Thank you thank you.

Interesting as Hamlet has been in my thoughts as I have been going through this process. I recalled that as a young student Hamlet connected with me. I completely tuned into the "melancholy" Dane and recognized that quality in myself.

That melancholia is not/ was not who I am/was but is a mantle that I took on. (and have subsequently, unwittingly suppressed) and not yet shaken off. [ I intend to loose it from my shoulders and leave it behind.]

The irony of that phrase coming from the literature that I strongly connect with melancholy is speaking loudly to me.

I see my current bout with acute anxiety as a step in the process toward developing I/M. I was unaware of my barriers and the universe has made it abundantly clear.

Now I must address this state that I had suppressed. No real progress until this is taken care of. And marvelously I am receiving direction here on this forum about how to move forward: recognize it, acknowledge it, perhaps even intensify it.

I dread this process but I long for the results.

Courage - feeling fear and doing it anyway.

[ChildOfNone]

I have to remind myself "outloud" that I am still manifesting important things while I go through this "skin scraping" process of refinement. One of my posted Intentions was to make connections. This is happening on a daily basis on-line and in person. Connecting with others has been a enormous and painful void for some time. So this manifestation is qute significant for me.

It also serves to encourage me to push forward during this most difficult time. While the volume of the anxiety is so loud it is definitely difficult for me to keep the feeling of the M being completed but I am compensating by being thankful and holding on to the gratitude.

I now recognize this pain as a necessary cleansing process in order to move forward and I am sincerely thankful for that.

[ChildOfNone]

Back into the I/M. This is an excellent process, purging obstacles to the process. Today, I want to manifest an attorney to help with an important law suit.

I have been putting it off, stymied by anxiety. Now I have some more healing in that area though I may have more to work. But I am finding that as I Intend the areas that need work pop right on up. So I am ready to move forward again.

I intend to get a return call from a particular attorney and have him agree to take the case. I hold that success in m heart and mind. Can't wait to post the success.

[ChildOfNone]

Yesterday was one of my best days. I was in the right feeling for manifesting and for living the life I want.

Last night I had a series of dreams which were back in the "rejection" anxiety place. So today again, as in Sunday, I will be using the technique that came to me about creating a match between mood and a high energy vibration.

Dr. Jeffery Schwartz' latest book, "You are Not Your Brain" elucidates his 4 step process which he introduces and describes in his previous two books: Brain Lock and The Brain, The Mind.

You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life, Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D. and Rebecca Gladding, M.D.
Four Steps

re-label anxious thought
re-attribute not real me- rutted brain
re-focus match with light of Christ
re-value Impartial Spectator (neither good nor bad but thinking ....)

*****
According to Schwartz in The Brain, the Mind by practicing the 4 steps for 11 weeks you can change your brain. So I am committing to practice these steps on a daily basis for that length. Today is Day 3 of Week 1.

Week 1 Day 1 - I repeated a phrase that "intended" a match of my state, my mood with a higher vibrational energy - the Light of Christ. When the dark stuff invaded, when anxiety took over, I repeated the concept and held a visual image. By nightfall I was in a good place.

Week 1 Day 2 - I awoke with a drive to create order. It was a good day. As the day went on there were a number of things that demanded something of me, minor conflict, experiences that usually evoke "I am not good enough." Feeling overtxed I did not frequently return to the 4 steps.

Week 1 Day3 - awoke after a night of a series of dreams evoking rejection. Felt inadequate and failing and condemnation. Time to refocus and revalue. Committing day to 4 step practice.

[ChildOfNone]

Day 3 manifested the lawyer we needed. One sibling on board, Intend for other sibling to join.

Day 4 manifested the check I have been waiting for. Bt even better. I received a call from the bureaucrat yesterday morning to alert me that it was available enabling me to drive 90 miles to get the check and get it in my acount before the close of business. The banker offered to help me clear up some of the insufficient funds charges. But more keenly, I used the driving time to focus on awareness of the necessay shift into a higher energy all too good efffect. As a consequence I was able to tackle two actions that in the past would have induced crippling anxiety.

Day 5 - I am feeling stronger today than in a very long time. This adds to my confidence in the process. In fact, today, the switch between anxiety and dark inner voice messages is much easier to switch. All I can say it THANKS. This is work I am willing to do. Even the portion which entails opening up the buried wounds and sources of such pain. There is surely more to come but each day of opening up helps move forward. REcognizing that the pain, rejection, failure, sense of inadequacy is of this earthly realm and outside the scope of Reality is such a new experience. Seeing the differrence between Reality on the spiritual level and reality on the solid level is surprising - ineffible really.

[ChildOfNone]

I am in a whole new phase.
The electrical charges coursing through my blood, ignited by anxiety have quelled but oddly the anticipatory dread still remains.

I do feel quite different but it is something I am totally unaccustomed to. I will consider it progress. So now my work will be two-fold:1) to match my feeling with that of the highest vibrational energy and 2) set clear, delineated goals.

[ChildOfNone]

Practiced Ho'oponopono yesterday.

This is "something" 2 of my journey - (step, level but not exactly, technique (maybe)). AS I used it several things happened. I was driving up to my mother's home. Her nextdoor neighbors and she do not jibe. I accepted responsibility as I pulled in. There before me coming down the street were the neighbors and some friends and children. Dread replaced the "responsibility" automatically, I consciously returned to taking responsibility. I saw two or three of the adults laughing. I repeated the phrases. One spoke up, complementing my mother's new house paint color, and then another and another concurred. I thanked them and then I thanked Piano Performer, this place and the universe. Another sign that I am on the path. Thank You.

My child and I took my mother to see Cirque de Soleil. My elderly mother is on a walker and I had a dialogue with the TicketMaster clerk about the need for handicapped seating. He said it was available. We get to the venue and the seats require descending 10 or more steps, tiny steps, unnavigable by a walker. Uncharacteristically, I remained calm, found an usher, described our delimna and the solution was set into motion. This usher kindly, patiently and ssuredly sent me to the next person who guided me to the next and on it went until an exceptional, accessible seating arrangement was manifest.

And so the day went and so the days are going.

People are speaking, doors in the days events are opening, barrriers are falling and this is only the beginning of week 2.

[ChildOfNone]

worked on clearing yesterday.
It was a long day.
More to do.
I am all in.
Shifting from victim and blame to taking responsibility.

I noticed how odd it is to experience these life long blocks without the anxiety. It is kind of miraculous. I am drawn to the next stage where these blocks are eliminated. It will be life-giving - all around.

Last night my child was upset about something another child had said and done during his first meeting at a new cub scout pack. As he revealed his anger and hurt feelings to me during the meeting I repeated the 4 phrases of ho'oponopono. He did calm but did not let go of his frustration completely but I did and I felt great compassion for him.

I am on the fence about whether to move out into more manifestations , physical, material ones or to stay with these inner shifts for now. I have more to do in this realm. And this work will clearly make for better results. To do them together or serially?

This work makes me hunger for more - more clearing, more results, more relief.

[ChildOfNone]

For a brief interlude yesterday evening I felt a reprieve from the other shoe drop dread. I continue to use ho'oponopono.

Today it is time to push forward.
walk the dogs
clean the dishes
deliver the gift

[Zenn]

Hi ChildOfNone, as I was lurking here, your posts in this thread struck me in several ways so I hope you don't mind getting some feedback and encouragement from a new member.

Firstly, I find your name really sad and lonely. Maybe it has a good meaning to you. If not then it would not help you in IM to self identify with a not so positive feeling.

You stand out to me as a very literate and thinking person, deliberate in finding ways to work out your issues. However, you may be thinking too much and depending too much on your own brainy resources, closing out inspirations and assistance from outside yourself that are not presented as conceptually inspiring messages. What I mean is your thinking seems to get so focused that you may get boxed in. In you IM, you devise solutions and try to manifest them rather than keeping the ultimate goal in mind and open up to different ways of achieving that goal. E.g. You have a legal issue currently so you figure you need a good lawyer to fight the case so you IM the best lawyer and also the financial means to retain this lawyer, plus organizing the others involved. Why not IM for the issue to be simply resolved, or better yet, dissolved, or even evolve into something positive, however this may happen? If it would come by way of a good lawyer, good, but the Universe may simply change the mind, or circumstances of the other side, or the solution may be manifested in one of a million possible ways. There is no small or big IM as far as the Universe is concerned. If you seek help from the Universe with IM, why the need and insistence to do things the hard way, i.e. your way?

I too find staying in the presence very calming. I tell myself and others who are stressed out that most of the time you really only have to deal with or face your troubles for a few minutes, why torture yourselves for hours and days? Why do the work for those who want to bother, stress or pressure you? They themselves don't even spend that kind of energy to stress you, especially if it's not personal, just doing their job, for example. Most of the "now" moments of the day and night, nothing bad is happening and you can enjoy the time, use it to relax, or look for things in your life to be grateful for instead of dreading, rehearsing, or making arguments in your head. Worries are simply worst case scenarios you make up in your mind about the future, which does not exist. Since you control your mind, why not make up the best case scenarios instead and enjoy them? In a way, that is IM, n'est ce pas?

[waizen]

Zenn: sounds like you've been influenced by Eckhart Tolle.

[Zenn]

Originally Posted by waizen

Zenn: sounds like you've been influenced by Eckhart Tolle.

I only became aware of Tolle recently and read one of his books. What I expressed above has been my realization for a while now.

[ChildOfNone]

Zenn - thanks for your thoughts. I have actually written two different replies but when I tried to post them either my computer or my internet connection went haywire. (Hmm, wonder what that means.) So I am going to simply post this and try to edit it with more substance later.

Here goes. I have thought about your commets about the moniker I am using. Quite frankly I don't recall what was in my mind when I selected it. I have used other names here at different times but lost the password and no longer had access to old email accounts. So on thinking about your point it would make sense to change it. I'm wondering if that is possible.I would offer that Child of None does not necessarily have a negative connotation. I see a strength in it as a child of none is a person who is untethered or unbound to a preset determinism.

I am wondering how I What you write about being caught in the rational realm certainly rings true to me.

What I mean is your thinking seems to get so focused that you may get boxed in.

No doubt. I definitely get boxed in by my thinking, in ways that I suspect you did not even intend.

So I will set an intention to get out of my own way, to receive inspiration and assistance from the universe in whatever way it should come. Thanks for your input Zenn!

[ChildOfNone]

As I progress I see more aspects uncovered that have lain hidden for a long time. Each bit of progress also reveals more work to be done.

This week I plan to continue to use the Ho'oponopono to clear more and more. The word "Clear" makes me think of the leaves gathering in the gutters and as they are swept away other bits of nature might be revealed.

Ever present is a layer of fear that clearly is an interference in what I intend to achieve and to be. But this fear is something that was programmed into my mind eons ago and with awareness and presence, it can be replaced, overcome.

It is certainly and clearly my intention to live with direction and purpose moving forward.

[ChildOfNone]

from Chris Cade's website:

"The only way to get what you want is to risk being uncomfortable. The greater your gratitude for discomfort, the greater the opportunity."

I am certainly ready and willing to move further into the uncomfortable. I got to the place I am moving aaway from by trying to avoid the uncomfortable. It brought more discomfort, not less.

As I move through this process I uncover more and more yuck. One pile of yuck I am uncovering is my fear of not having enough strength to clear it all. That ties in with what I have been working on in recent dqys, taking responsibility. While the truth is that taking responsibility is empowering, I recognize that unconsciously I have feared it and that was in part because I have a greater fear of inadequacy.

My dilemna is whether to work on these entangled fears all together or separately. Until I have larity I will plunge ahead and focus on this sence of inadequacy. Much is tied to it and much surrounding it needs to be loosed.

The feelings around it are merely false feelings. Knowing this I have the courage and strength to practice Schwartz' 4 steps on this topic as I intend to shift from the unconscious state of feeling inadequate to living in the presence of having all that I need - material and emotional and spiritual.

1. Relabel - the resistance if fear of inadequacy
2. Reattribute - this impulse is a false one programmed years ago - a brain malfunction
3. Refocus - All I need is available to me
4. Revalue - devalue the sense of inadequacy and give value to the truth of abundance

[ChildOfNone]

Feeling afraid but doing it anyway.
Opening wounds to the light even though past experience has been receiving salt rather than light. Different time, different vibration.
Feel the fear but do it anyway.

Every day is progress. Each week is significantly noticeable.

Clearing more and more with the intention of better and stronger I/M work.

[ChildOfNone]

I was looking for my dream thread and can't find it. Maybe it was moved. So I'll post here about a dream I had last night. I was looking for someone in a vacation home. There were three homes and the middle one belonged to Val Kilmer. I was looking through the windows for someone whom I thought belonged there. He said I had the wrong house and then helped me look for the correct one. Meanwhile I was on a chute that traveled exeptionally quickly, much like a bobsled. I made all of the correct turns, leaning just the right amount and making all the curves in great time. Things were really flowing.

What a great feeling. Such a departure from the feelings around most of my dreams. I take it as representative of the rising vibrational energy in my life.

I intend to function on a high vibrational frequency, like that of healing light.
Still clearing and moving towards the light.

I intend to manifest a restoration of the broken relationship with my oldest brother. And then I intend to manifest an orderly home, inside and out (as a reflection of my internal order.)

I intend to manifest a purposeful life with a business that gives and receives value from my input and others.

[ChildOfNone]

Continueing the work. Connecting here is very comforting.
From the moment of waking, I am practising Schwartz' 4 steps, bringing my mind back into alignment with the present moment. In just the fews days I have been practicing this I have grown significantly stronger. By this morning I find it much easier to shift out of the "dread" into the "light".I am beginning to be able to visualize what I want my life to be, what it is like to be strong, purposeful and successful, connected with loving relationships and belonging.

[ChildOfNone]

I received support and confirmation from two people about the work yesterday. Then this morning I experienced something during meditation that was yet another boost - up yet another level.

Detachment, detachment, detachment

came through like a mantra.
the post-traumatic paralysis that I lived with for some years now was glowing like some neon in black-light.

Detachment and self-observation can go hand in hand.
observing the mind
observing the doer v the being
creates just enough space between the traumatic response and the detached.

Practicing the presence
for me today is being aware, returning to the awareness of my state of attachment (or non-attachment) and using the 4 steps to return to detachment. Detachment is present in the now.

The language for this sounds so much like mumbo-jumbo but it merely points at what is being done on another plane, matching what goes on on this material, physic world to the spiritual realm. Language can only point to it rather than be fully descriptive.