LOA When Relationships Go South?

[kenny r]

The relationship I'm in seems to be heading south, despite my efforts to bring my best to the matter. My partner is becoming unreasonable at times and then saying I'm demanding (desiring reciprocation in any relationship is not a demand as far as I know). Whether I should try to work things out with her or not, I'm wondering how my thoughts and worries contribute to the matter and..

What can I do by the LOA for the "best" outcome?

Seek to control negative thinking, feelings?
Try not to think about it at all?

[Federer]

Originally Posted by kenny r

The relationship I'm in seems to be heading south, despite my efforts to bring my best to the matter. My partner is becoming unreasonable at times and then saying I'm demanding (desiring reciprocation in any relationship is not a demand as far as I know). Whether I should try to work things out with her or not, I'm wondering how my thoughts and worries contribute to the matter and..

What can I do by the LOA for the "best" outcome?

Seek to control negative thinking, feelings?
Try not to think about it at all?

Looks like you're unconsciously projecting your expectation on her. This is limiting your Attraction vibes. Love her qualities and what she makes for yourself. Does she love you? I feel she is trying to go far from you. Do you feel love for her? I mean, can you give love to her effortlessly like you were giving her when you both were just connected with each other.

See, may be this is not your partner or you need to learn let her go. Believe and have patience that you will get right partner for yourself. I said this because you look like attracting negative thoughts when you remember her.

[Tom Booth]

Originally Posted by kenny r

The relationship I'm in seems to be heading south, despite my efforts to bring my best to the matter. My partner is becoming unreasonable at times and then saying I'm demanding (desiring reciprocation in any relationship is not a demand as far as I know). Whether I should try to work things out with her or not, I'm wondering how my thoughts and worries contribute to the matter and..

What can I do by the LOA for the "best" outcome?

Seek to control negative thinking, feelings?
Try not to think about it at all?

Ummm....

I have a few thoughts, though I'm afraid I may do you more damage than good by expressing my opinions, but here goes:

In my experience, when a partner starts nit-picking, it is usually due to some indiscretion of their own. Not necessarily cheating. Just something they feel a little guilty about. Maybe putting you down or complaining to a friend or who knows what little thing.

Finding fault about someone you have wronged in some way makes one feel less guilty about whatever it might be that they have said or done.

Ummm... you might try asking her if there is anything she wants to tell you that you don't know about.

Something like that, if there is anything you don't know that she doesn't want you to know... well, try to be delicate, not accusative, but communicating about it with HER.

Communication is usually good, though it may wind up in a fight before anything can be resolved.

Maybe try confessing some minor wrong you did to her to begin with might allow her to reciprocate.

In my experience many women complain about their partners to one another, guys too. Then they feel bad about it, like it is a "secret" thing between friends they don't really want their partner to know about, but then they feel a little bad about it and start nit-picking to justify it.

Like you might tell her you've been complaining about her on these boards behind her back. LOL...

Both "coming clean" as it were often helps mend a relationship. Just don't expect it to be smooth going necessarily.

[sorter]

In my experience, trying to decide whether or not to break up doesn't help.

Usually, we break up, then after a few days we both realize that we don't want to break up and figure out some ways to deal with our issues.

Sometimes one or the other decides. That can be tricky.

When it's really time to quit, it happens on it's own.

[sorter]

Originally Posted by Tom Booth

In my experience, when a partner starts nit-picking, it is usually due to some indiscretion of their own. Not necessarily cheating. Just something they feel a little guilty about. Maybe putting you down or complaining to a friend or who knows what little thing.

Finding fault about someone you have wronged in some way makes one feel less guilty about whatever it might be that they have said or done.

Hmmm. I've thought that nit-picking was more about revenge for my (perceived) transgressions.

Usually I would think your points are too analytical but it struck a cord with me.

Now I'll probably get drunk and make phone calls I'll regret.
Thanks a lot!

[kenny r]

Originally Posted by Federer

Looks like you're unconsciously projecting your expectation on her. This is limiting your Attraction vibes.

Well I definitely expect affection and reciprocation in some form, if that's projecting then I must be.

Does she love you? I feel she is trying to go far from you. Do you feel love for her? I mean, can you give love to her effortlessly like you were giving her when you both were just connected with each other.

She did but now I cannot say with certainty. I did and do.

[kenny r]

Originally Posted by Tom Booth

In my experience, when a partner starts nit-picking, it is usually due to some indiscretion of their own.

She lives more than an hour away. There's no way for me to know what she does outside of work and being at home or asleep. I don't suspect anything but it does occur to me there could be something.

Your suggestions would be interesting to try. I don't know if I could word it in a way that will elicit anything from her, other than an argument. We talk infrequently and at the moment I'm leaving it up to her if she wants to communicate since I don't know what to say to her.

[Tom Booth]

Originally Posted by kenny r

She lives more than an hour away. There's no way for me to know what she does outside of work and being at home or asleep. I don't suspect anything but it does occur to me there could be something.

Your suggestions would be interesting to try. I don't know if I could word it in a way that will elicit anything from her, other than an argument. We talk infrequently and at the moment I'm leaving it up to her if she wants to communicate since I don't know what to say to her.

Oh. I had assumed you were at least living in the same place.

I had a friend a while back who always complained to me about her partner.

They did live together, worked two different jobs. but it seemed they never talked to each other. I was always amazed when I'd ask her some simple question about him and she wouldn't know. It was like, outside the bedroom they were just total strangers.

I'd forget about what I said earlier. It sounds like you just need to work on communication period. Why leave it up to her ?

I suppose it may end up in a fight, but you can always look forward to making up.

[Matthew Cluff]

When working things out with another individual, you must remember that they have all the same powers as you and that they have a will of their own.

You should focus on putting as much good out into the universe as possible. This doesn't mean only into your relationship, but in all aspects of life.

Givers gain, and make sure that when you give, you give unconditionally. If you give all you possibly can in your relationship, never expect any compensation for your efforts. Often, we create a certain picture of how we should be rewarded for our giving, but it doesn't necessarily work like that. When you've stuck yourself on an image of how you'll be rewarded, you may miss all of the other wonderful things that the universe is sending your way (but you're just not noticing, because you're expecting compensation in another form).

Originally Posted by kenny r

What can I do by the LOA for the "best" outcome?

For the "best" outcome, I would recommend visualizing the relationship that you'd like to have. Beyond that, if you wanted, you could go deeper and visualize the attributes of the person whom you'd like to be in a relationship with. While these attributes may be geared toward those of the woman whom you're currently in a relationship with, if things don't end up working out, by holding this image of the woman you want, a woman with such characteristics will be attracted into your life. Just make sure you increase your awareness to notice this!

Seek to control negative thinking, feelings?
Try not to think about it at all?

I would merely increase your awareness of the situation at hand, but do your best to stay emotionally in control of yourself -- control your outer circumstances; do not let your outer circumstances control you!

Continue the visualizations suggested earlier, and let things just unfold how they are. Go by the principle of "everything just is." Nothing has a good or negative connotation until you choose which one you want to perceive. Adding onto this, there's something called the Law of Polarity which decrees everything that's bad has something equally as good (and vice versa). What this deals with is the perception of the situation. Ultimately, though, if "everything just is," then you can look for the good in everything and then be influenced in a positive way by all of your outer circumstances.

Hope this helps!

To Your Success,
Matthew Cluff

[Richful]

The relationship I'm in seems to be heading south, despite my efforts to bring my best to the matter. My partner is becoming unreasonable at times and then saying I'm demanding (desiring reciprocation in any relationship is not a demand as far as I know). Whether I should try to work things out with her or not, I'm wondering how my thoughts and worries contribute to the matter and..

Here's a little something I learned while dealing with similar issues.
One partner will want more attention than the other and who it is changes over time.
Example:
Person 1 I---I Person 2
distance between them

I>-I Person 1 gets closer to person 2

I---I> Person 2 feels smothered moves away

<I----I Person 1 (feeling unloved) moves further away

I-<I Person 2 feels unloved moves closer....
.... and so on, dynamic and changing. It's not a perfect model, I'm sure there are a lot of holes. I have seen it operate with myself and friends and such

[kenny r]

Originally Posted by Tom Booth

I'd forget about what I said earlier. It sounds like you just need to work on communication period. Why leave it up to her ?

We were communicating a lot prior. She seems to be pulling away from my attempts to talk or interact more. She feels pressure if I keep trying to talk to her about it so now I'm leaving her to decide if she wants to do anything about it or not. Last time this happened I left her alone and on day 2 she was already missing me. Thanks.

Originally Posted by matthewcluff

Often, we create a certain picture of how we should be rewarded for our giving, but it doesn't necessarily work like that. When you've stuck yourself on an image of how you'll be rewarded, you may miss all of the other wonderful things that the universe is sending your way (but you're just not noticing, because you're expecting compensation in another form).

Thanks I understand. I don't have a specific reward in mind, but I thought relationships work best when there is an effort to reciprocate from both partners. I can keep giving, I have up to this point, but I don't desire to be involved very long with any person who only takes.

@Richful Thanks. I am moving away at this point. When I did this before it happened just as your example, so now it's a matter of wait and see.