setting intention but I don't know what for

[ria]

I spent the afternoon writing a long post which divulged a lot of my life story. But it seemed a little pathetic so I've created a quick Q version.

I need some help. After years of seeking, I now know that setting intention, affirmations, mantras and visualisation are the key to moving in your life and manifesting what you want, material or otherwise. Especially if you have very very low self belief. Because I have not known what I want and not believed or felt deserving of anything, I have created the situtaion I'm in today: 28, no job, living with parents, crappy career, in a country I hate. I don't like socialising and feel like a walking dead person. Except I make it look ok and nobody knows really.

But what if you don't know what you want? I have no idea what I want, how I feel. And for the few small things I know I want, I can't seem to stick to doing the things that I know intellectually will help (the above). I start for a few days and then something makes me feel bad and bam I'm back to no discipline. I know I want to be a happier person around other people, less emotionally unstable, more enoying of things I do.

I'm tired of everything in my life being driven by willpower. Everything i do, even what people think are 'fun' things, I have to make myself do. I spend a lot of time staring out into space, dorwned in thought. I'm unmotivated, emotionally clueless, but driven to make my life what I want. I lack confidence chronically but don't show it.

I've spent the last year not working due to life circumstance, spending all the time figuring out what I want in life (career appointments, self help, etc etcetc) but no closer. How do I set intention if I don't know what I want. And then stick to what is good for me.

Thank you for any help you can give.

[curiouslyrandom]

Perhaps it's not so much about setting an intention, as it is about letting go of everything else. Drift. Allow yourself to discover where you are and where you want to be. Sink beneath the surface... there's a lot down there to discover.

FWIW, I've spent the last 2 years drifting since my parents died. One year for each parent. Now I'm ready to head on to other things. If I had forced myself through to find some direction (and I did try a few times), I might be somewhere else now, but not where I really want to be.

[impaul99]

Often times I find people spend too much time trying to plan out their entire lives before moving forward, as if they need to know the end game before taking a step forward.

A simpler and much more effective method I use is to simply do the following:

(1) Make a list of the top 10 things which you DO NOT LIKE about your life, which you DO want to change.

(2) Create an intention for the exact opposite of them.

A lot of times when I coach people and ask them what they want, they say "I don't know", but then if I say "What is the biggest thing bugging you in life right now?" they immediately say something like "Oh I hate my job, I don't want to work for someone else anymore."

So then I say, "Ok, so if you don't want to work for someone else, then what DO you want?"

"Well, I want to work for myself! I want to run my own business!"

And then I say "Ok, so there is ONE thing you want..." and they are amazed at how I helped them figure it out.

It's so simple, but most people dismiss this very simple strategy.

Figure out what you DON'T want and go after the opposite.

Remember, you don't need to "fix" your entire life all at once. If you don't like the country you're living in then make it your primary goal to leave that country somehow. If you don't like living with your parents, then make that your primary goal, etc.

[ria]

Thank you for your replies both. The ideas in them resonate with me.



Curiously random - I try too hard, I've been told that. Constantly trying to plan too much ahead and trying to figure it all out that I think it becomes a pattern. I've somehow deeply ingrained the belied from somewhere that you make of yourself what you will. So I've thought about this concept of letting go lately and just don't know how life will move forward if I let go. This dichotomy of letting go and simultaneoulsy moving forward with what you wnat throws me. And I don't know how to do that. But I know it's a key answer. Becasue the sucessful people I know drift. Well they go with the flow. Yet they are where they want to be and everything has come to them. Interesting about you drifting and that you wouldn't be where you are now. I have a clock is ticking time is running out aspect hat if I don't establish myself now I forsee my life being a total disaster. I see every choice as good or disaster. I'm scared if I don't make the right choices now I'll turn 30, still have no career and be at the age when I'd like to start thinking about having children. But I need to take that time aspect away and that belief that I must do all the things I want now...because if i drift i could end up in a better place in a few years than i could ever have imagined.

iampaul - thank you for your comment too. I've started to do this, this is hard too but eaier than writing the things I want! It's hard to write what I want, or don't want, materially or exactly but i will work on this. A lot of my 'don't wants' are vague. Will intention provide for me if I don't set intention for very fixed specific things?

Thank you both...

[UpwithDawn]

Hi ria,

I'm sorry to hear the anguish in your post. A few disjointed thoughts ...

Very few of us know everything we want. The fact is that you do know some of what you want.
For the few small things I know I want
So you DO have some goals. And there is no small or big first step, just a first step.

I start for a few days and then something makes me feel bad and bam I'm back ...
And this is perfectly normal and this is the exact point at which you should set your jaw and tell yourself that this is making you stronger and try a bit harder. It doesn't take long and you'll "pop" out the other side feeling much better. Plus do more than "start for a few days". This makes it sound like you are doing a small project that ends soon when in reality it's ongoing every single day. When you do fail (again, normal) and find yourself not on track chalk it up to experience and get right back on track as soon as you can. Not next week.

I want to be a happier person around other people
"If you would create something, you must be something." Act like the person you want to be.

Hopefully when you speak to people you don't use these words from your post: crappy, hate, don't like, feel like a walking dead, unmotivated, clueless. Maybe stop using them with yourself as well.

Finally, knowing is not enough. Knowledge is useless until you take action. Decide today which thing you most want to change and do one thing towards making it happen. Today.
"Duty is carrying on promptly and faithfully the affairs now before you.— It is to fulfill the claims of today."

Best of luck,
Dawn

[ria]

hi dawn

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.

You're right - we don't known any everything. Its just the few things that I think I want are vague wants, not concrete ideas of how things manifest in life/work etc. But there is no reason for me not to start with these.

You're spot on with the cycle of 'failure' as not so much failure but the natural flow and ebb of human life. I need to accept this more. I need to practice that art of stepping back, even though it's very hard to not drown in low thoughts and remember it's higher purpose. Its a matter of pratice yes.

I don't use those words too much with others. I'm actually an adventurous person taht sees so much beauty in life, but drowned by obstacles at the ground level and negativity about my abilities - DEEP down.

thank you dawn x

[Showtime]

Originally Posted by ria

I know I want to be a happier person around other people, less emotionally unstable, more enoying of things I do.

Just go for that. Your subconscious mind/the universe (however you wanna look at it) already knows what you want. You don't have to intend anything, you've already done that all your life.

Once you start moving in the direction of more positive emotions, the stuff you've been intending all your life (we're always intending, aligning is a different story) will start popping into your life.

Just intend to live a happier life, and let the pieces fall where they may. I promise they'll be good.

As you start moving to better feeling emotions you're definitely gonna start getting manifestations. So just think of it as a goody bag full of random good stuff.

How to be happy?

> Do more of the stuff you enjoy doing
> Do less of the stuff you don't enjoy doing
> Figure out a way to somewhat enjoy the things you have to do but don't like doing.
> Try to develop a more positive outlook.

"The How of Happiness" is a good book, "Psycho-Cybernetics" as well. There's also "Happy for no reason"

I mean, you may be suffering from depression as well. I know this goes against a lot of LoA/IM teachings, but you may want to go see a doctor and get prescribed medication until you can figure out what specific mental stuff is causing it. I'm not suggesting that that should be the be-all-end-all solution for you, but you can use the medication as "crutches" until you can sort out the mind stuff. I know people that have gone on medication and they say it really makes them feel more alive.

[Tom Booth]

Originally Posted by ria

...Especially if you have very very low self belief. Because I have not known what I want and not believed or felt deserving of anything,...

...And for the few small things I know I want, I can't seem to stick to doing the things that I know intellectually will help (the above). I start for a few days and then something makes me feel bad and bam I'm back to no discipline.

I'm tired of everything in my life being driven by willpower. Everything i do, even what people think are 'fun' things, I have to make myself do. I spend a lot of time staring out into space, dorwned in thought. I'm unmotivated, emotionally clueless, but driven to make my life what I want. I lack confidence chronically but don't show it.

... How do I set intention if I don't know what I want. And then stick to what is good for me.

When you say: "not believed or felt deserving of anything,..." "something makes me feel bad" "dorwned in thought" "I lack confidence chronically" etc.

It sounds to me like maybe you do know what you want, at least to some degree but when you try to think about that this "something" that it seems makes you feel undeserving of anything overwhelms the effort.

I had a lot of similar negative reactions when I first started trying to think about what I wanted in trying to apply this "setting intention, affirmations, mantras and visualization" type stuff.

I found that there was so much of this negativity coming from my past that it overwhelmed me to the extent that it all seemed just a big jumble of negative thoughts and doubts too jumbled and confused to sort out or identify.

What I did that helped a great deal was to try to do some visualizing again. It doesn't really matter much what. Whatever small thing you can come up with...

...but this time have a pen and notebook on hand.

Instead of letting all these thoughts overwhelm and drown you - try to just observe them, each thought that comes up, one by one as far as possible and just write them down without thinking about them, just record them on paper like you were a stenographer taking dictation.

As if you were writing down what someone else was saying.

Don't try to stop the thoughts or figure them out or try to make sense out of them - just let them come and write them down and let them pass.

You may have to write rather quickly to keep up with it all.

Try not to interrupt or interfere with the stream of thought, just get it down in writing - as much as possible. You may not be able to catch everything.

Just write down as much as you can and don't worry about it if it all seems like a bunch of nonsense or doesn't make sense. Don't try to make sense out of it yet, just write it down and record it.

Probably each thing you write down will be something in you that you haven't dealt with that you really need to look at. When we try to "think positive" all the negative things; memories from our past, disappointments, things we have been told, things we have learned, feeling of unworthiness and so forth tend to well up and come to the surface. This is stuff that needs to be addressed and dealt with.

The problem is it is such a jumble of confusing, probably senseless contradictory - mostly baseless nonsense that it is so overwhelming we don't even know what it is.

Writing it down, it is then possible to look at it later. When we have more courage. Don't try to figure it out while it is happening.

Later, look at each thought or feeling that has been written down and just examine each one - ONE AT A TIME.

Now it isn't one big jumble and it is much easier to evaluate rationally and possibly resolve.

There is no real possibility of resolving anything if there is just so much and it comes on so fast that it is just so overwhelming its like drowning and doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

I know the feeling.

What you write down will probably include what it is that makes you feel bad, why you feel undeserving, why you lack confidence etc.

Don't try to tackle it all at once. Go through what you wrote down and pick out one thing that is easiest to deal with first. After you feel you have successfully dealt with that one thing and feel that you can cross it off the list, actually do cross it out and then, and not until then, find the next easiest thing to confront and then work on that until you feel it has been resolved and cross that off the list - then go to the next easiest thing and work on that.

Don't try to tackle the really big issues or anything that seems too overwhelming or difficult to deal with until after you have crossed out all the little more or less inconsequential things. That way, by the time you get to the really big or difficult issues you will have already gained back a great deal of confidence clarity and motivation to be able to better handle the big issues.

Eventually you want to go through the whole list. Everything you wrote down and be able to have it all crossed out.

Once you've crossed everything on that list out, try visualizing again and do the same thing.

Make another list of all the new thoughts that come up and deal with each one in the same way. Probably that list will be a LOT shorter.

If it seems necessary, repeat the exercise again, as many times as necessary until no new thoughts or feelings come to the surface.

If your only "thought" is some vague "feeling" try to put that feeling into words and write that down as well, dealing with it in the same way.

Doing that whole process more or less worked miracles for me.

It wasn't particularly easy. It took several days. I had filled several pages with this stuff that had previously been bothering me but was just too jumbled and confused to evaluate rationally.