being positive all the time?

[sarahsarahsarah11]

Is it really possible to be positive and have a good attitude all the time? Do you personally have a good attitude all the time?

Is it possible to have incredibly good intentions and then see them fall flat? For example, is it possible to have a strong intention of a positive outcome, but then get the negative outcome instead?

I want to hear people's personal experiences.

[judge45]

It's more about beliefs than emotion. A rock steady fundamental core belief with over ride any happy thought or positive intention.

A constant steady flow of determination with occassional bursts of happytime is better than a roller coaster of emotion.

HTH

Jeff

[Nneka]

Hi Sarah, I think it's absolutely possible. Am I doing it? No.

If I remain present to all the activity that is going on around me and all the things I'm involved in, I can catch myself before my reactions to them. At that moment, I can choose to react lovingly, neutrally, in joy, angrily, or nonchalantly. The key is that I am present enough to choose. Sometimes I choose to get po'd. It's not what you would consider enlightened, but it works for me.

The question now is how present am I. Well, honestly, about 60% of the time. Sometimes, I catch myself running away with an emotion or line of thought. The moment I catch myself, I'm present. The moment I'm present, I can choose.

It's not so much about willing yourself to feel something you're not comfortable feeling as it is an awareness of what's going on in your life and how you choose to be with it.

In Spirit,
Nneka

[starlet]

I am in a positive state at least 95% of the time. I lapse into negative states, but can flip it back very quickly. I like being happy, I spent nearly 24 years miserable and depressed, and it takes so much less energy to be happy and free.

[Chloe]

^ I have also spent 24 years being miserable! It is only since discovering the LOA that I have seen the light. I'm in early stages so I find that I have to constantly remind myself to be positive/have a great attitude. I hope that continually making this re-affirmation will ultimately change my internal belief system for good. I guess it just takes a little bit of time to re-program the mind.

[starlet]

It does, but as positive thoughts are more powerful then negative, I was able to take 23 and a half years of damage and fix the majority of it in about four months. I suggest finding your "happy place." What is the one thing that never fails to bring a smile to your face?

I am going to embarrass myself here and say it is Right said Fred's song I'm Too Sexy. Nothing makes me start laughing harder then when I'm sining to myself "I shake my little tush on the catwalk" and I'm actually doing the tush shaking! Either that or Amy Grant's Baby Baby.

I also suggest putting comedy into your life. Watch sitcoms, rent funny movies. My personal favorite is watching Whose Line is it Anyway?, that show is the only thing that kept me going throughout my life and I love it. Hysterical. I adore improv comedy and now I go to live performances. I also watch old Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis movies...those guys were the kings.

Or go do something that you've always wanted to do but have feared you might embarrass yourself. Go bowling and hit gutter ball after gutter ball. Go minigolf and keep missing the hole. Go ice skating and freeze your tush as you spend the majority of the time on the ice. Go to Disneyland and spin yourself sick on the teacups. Go to a karoke bar and sing something by the Spice Girls (especially if you are male!) Make a fool of yourself. Rediscover that life is fun and suddenly that happy state will become natural.

[Chloe]

^ what you say is very inspiring starlet. I think within a few months I will be worlds away from what I was last year and the many years before. I completely agree with you about finding your 'happy place'

[Smokefish]

I think it is possible. I'm positive 99% of the time. As others have posted, I also spent a lot of time being depressed, feeling like I was a worthless screw up and my life sucked. One day when I was sitting around doing my usual thinking that my life sucked, that it always sucked and always would, I stopped and realized that thinking that my life sucked was an expectation, it was a choice that I was making and if I wanted something different I needed to choose different thoughts and expectations. I decided then that I would be happy. It took some time and work and moments of falling back into old patterns of thinking, but I can honestly say that I've been happy since then. I occasionally allow something to annoy me or irritate me, but it doesn't last long before I change it around. I hope that this is helpful to you! Happy Thinking!

[BelleEnchanted]

Good question. I do always tend to experience more positive feelings than negative, but I think it becomes easier with practice.

For me, it's about always being aware of how I'm feeling.

And having a less than positive feeling isn't something to beat myself up about. I find that it's more than okay to sit with that feeling for a while, accept that that's where I am, and then reach for the better feeling thought.

Having a negative emotion isn't a bad thing. It's more like a signpost, telling you to be aware of which way your thoughts and feelings are headed.

Abraham-Hicks likes to use the concept of "happy stickering" - putting a happy sticker on things doesn't work. It's like Starlet says - it's good to have a list of things that put you in the "happy place". Because sometimes you'll be faced with a situation in which no amount of "positive thinking" is going to change how you feel.

When that happens, I don't try to feel better about the situation. I reach for something totally off-topic that makes me feel even a fraction better.

I think that's why being aware of how I'm feeling all the time works for me. I know that I have the choice as to how I'm feeling, and being aware of how I'm feeling helps me to remember to exercise that choice towards the better feeling.

[thestral]

I am. This does not mean I do not go off-track sometimes, I do. But my EGS (emotional guidance system) alerts me with a sinking feeling in my stomach, and I get back on track. I usually either try and find the good in the situation, or I forgive the person I am annoyed with, or pull up a happy memory.

[yamayama]

I'm not positive all the time but I'm trying. Everytime I catch myself thinking of upsetting things I clear my head stop thinking of it, otherwise I get caught up in a loop of bad thoughts and my day is ruined.

I think that there is zero benifit in pursuing thoughts that make you angry or sad. One good thing for me is that I no longer suffer pms.

[Andy Mills]

My hole life I've tried to be posative. But eventually you can't take it any more. It hurts. You feel nothing. Other than your bottled up emotions that get filled day after day. Nobody loves you. You have nobody to lean on, nobody to love, nobody to hang out with. Nobody likes you. You cant make friends. You think you are normal but for some reason you cant be yourself at times. I dont know why. Some people take your kindness for weakness. Theres a hole in my heart. Ive been told I dont feel as though I am loved, but jesus always loves you. I have a hole in my heart. THey say Jesus is supposed to fill that hole. They say I will try to fill that hole with lovers, video games, or pornography. But Jesus cant help me. My father has foresaken me. When life shits on you enough times then you give up on looking for Jesus. God doesnt even love me? The hole in my heart is to big for Even jesus to fill anyways. What about the missing peices of my heart from my family not loving me, or not having any good friends, nobody to talk to. I don't trust to many people anyways. I am lonely. How am I supposed to survive without feeling loved. I dont feel loved? Why??? Is ther something wrong with me??? Sometimes I hate life. Im sick of everything. Sometimes i want to get up and leave my scheduled life. Go somewhere far. But then I realize Im not going to find anything. I have no place. The worlds exhistence would not change if I died. I think of suicide. I would never commit suicide. But I think what's the purpose. NOBODY LOVES YOU??? Ive loved others. Ive been loved. Ive been knocked down. I get back up. And I keep doing so. But sometimes I wonder whether or not to get back up. nobody loves me. I hate life! Is this just a phase? But nothing is going to change so I am miserable

[thestral]

Originally Posted by Andy Mills

My hole life I've tried to be posative. But eventually you can't take it any more. It hurts. You feel nothing. Other than your bottled up emotions that get filled day after day. Nobody loves you. You have nobody to lean on, nobody to love, nobody to hang out with. Nobody likes you. You cant make friends. You think you are normal but for some reason you cant be yourself at times. I dont know why. Some people take your kindness for weakness. Theres a hole in my heart. Ive been told I dont feel as though I am loved, but jesus always loves you. I have a hole in my heart. THey say Jesus is supposed to fill that hole. They say I will try to fill that hole with lovers, video games, or pornography. But Jesus cant help me. My father has foresaken me. When life shits on you enough times then you give up on looking for Jesus. God doesnt even love me? The hole in my heart is to big for Even jesus to fill anyways. What about the missing peices of my heart from my family not loving me, or not having any good friends, nobody to talk to. I don't trust to many people anyways. I am lonely. How am I supposed to survive without feeling loved. I dont feel loved? Why??? Is ther something wrong with me??? Sometimes I hate life. Im sick of everything. Sometimes i want to get up and leave my scheduled life. Go somewhere far. But then I realize Im not going to find anything. I have no place. The worlds exhistence would not change if I died. I think of suicide. I would never commit suicide. But I think what's the purpose. NOBODY LOVES YOU??? Ive loved others. Ive been loved. Ive been knocked down. I get back up. And I keep doing so. But sometimes I wonder whether or not to get back up. nobody loves me. I hate life! Is this just a phase? But nothing is going to change so I am miserable

Hon, I've so been there. Slapping a smile over a broken heart is like putting a band-aid on a broken bone - it does no good. I spent my entire life depressed, attempted suicide countless times and did self-abuse. You cannot expect others to love you until you love yourself. Forget everyone else right now. Start by focusing on yourself, your needs, what you love to do. Fall in love with yourself and the world will follow.

It took me a long time to realize this, when I would cry and wonder why I was on this earth simply to be a scapegoat. Then one morning I yelled that I was not taking this bull anymore, I was going to be happy come hell or high water. I started doing thingss for me, and realizing that all my "flaws" were what made me so perfect.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Andy Mills

My hole life I've tried to be posative. But eventually you can't take it any more. It hurts. You feel nothing. Other than your bottled up emotions that get filled day after day. Nobody loves you. You have nobody to lean on, nobody to love, nobody to hang out with. Nobody likes you. You cant make friends. You think you are normal but for some reason you cant be yourself at times. I dont know why. Some people take your kindness for weakness. Theres a hole in my heart. Ive been told I dont feel as though I am loved, but jesus always loves you. I have a hole in my heart. THey say Jesus is supposed to fill that hole. They say I will try to fill that hole with lovers, video games, or pornography. But Jesus cant help me. My father has foresaken me. When life shits on you enough times then you give up on looking for Jesus. God doesnt even love me? The hole in my heart is to big for Even jesus to fill anyways. What about the missing peices of my heart from my family not loving me, or not having any good friends, nobody to talk to. I don't trust to many people anyways. I am lonely. How am I supposed to survive without feeling loved. I dont feel loved? Why??? Is ther something wrong with me??? Sometimes I hate life. Im sick of everything. Sometimes i want to get up and leave my scheduled life. Go somewhere far. But then I realize Im not going to find anything. I have no place. The worlds exhistence would not change if I died. I think of suicide. I would never commit suicide. But I think what's the purpose. NOBODY LOVES YOU??? Ive loved others. Ive been loved. Ive been knocked down. I get back up. And I keep doing so. But sometimes I wonder whether or not to get back up. nobody loves me. I hate life! Is this just a phase? But nothing is going to change so I am miserable

Well, Andy. I once knew someone who sounded a lot like you. In addition, he was recovering from schizophrenia. I did not know him that well, but when I knew he was in trouble, I offered friendship and a helping hand.

It went well for some time, but abruptly he cut himself off, disappeared and his last contact with me was an email where he told me not to contact him again and added that if he would no longer be checking this email account of his.

And that was that. I don't know where he is.

Looking back now, and from a LOA perspective, I think that I was unable to help him because he was thinking too many negative thoughts. He distrusted people and perceived his own circumstances as dark & bleak. Under such conditions, I could not continue to play any role in his life.

His thoughts shape his reality, and his thoughts left no space for someone like me to exist in his life.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that if you keep thinking thoughts like "Nobody loves me" and these thoughts are dominant for you, then by the Law of Attraction, your life will reflect those things. No one who might possibly love you will be able to enter your life, for your life, as always, is a perfect reflection of your thoughts.

[yamayama]

Originally Posted by Andy Mills

My hole life I've tried to be posative. But eventually you can't take it any more. It hurts. You feel nothing. Other than your bottled up emotions that get filled day after day. Nobody loves you. You have nobody to lean on, nobody to love, nobody to hang out with. Nobody likes you. You cant make friends. You think you are normal but for some reason you cant be yourself at times. I dont know why. Some people take your kindness for weakness. Theres a hole in my heart. Ive been told I dont feel as though I am loved, but jesus always loves you. I have a hole in my heart. THey say Jesus is supposed to fill that hole. They say I will try to fill that hole with lovers, video games, or pornography. But Jesus cant help me. My father has foresaken me. When life shits on you enough times then you give up on looking for Jesus. God doesnt even love me? The hole in my heart is to big for Even jesus to fill anyways. What about the missing peices of my heart from my family not loving me, or not having any good friends, nobody to talk to. I don't trust to many people anyways. I am lonely. How am I supposed to survive without feeling loved. I dont feel loved? Why??? Is ther something wrong with me??? Sometimes I hate life. Im sick of everything. Sometimes i want to get up and leave my scheduled life. Go somewhere far. But then I realize Im not going to find anything. I have no place. The worlds exhistence would not change if I died. I think of suicide. I would never commit suicide. But I think what's the purpose. NOBODY LOVES YOU??? Ive loved others. Ive been loved. Ive been knocked down. I get back up. And I keep doing so. But sometimes I wonder whether or not to get back up. nobody loves me. I hate life! Is this just a phase? But nothing is going to change so I am miserable

I've been there too. Depression is like a downward spiral that's harder to get out of the deeper you sink into it. You forget what it's like to be happy and you don't have the energy to pull yourself out of the funk.

I say go see a doctor and get some anti depression medicine.

This helped me.

God does love you. Hold onto that thought. Take care of yourself. Do things that make you happy and don't hurt anyone. Watch funny movies and laugh damnit. Force yourself to think about what you want your life to be like. Make it like a movie in your head that you can revisit anytime. Help people when ever and where ever you can, this helps you get out of your own head. Be friendly to everyone and smile.

Although all this sounds like a bunch of band aids it all helps.

[Sarek@Vulcan]

I also was unhappy before and I know why. Since I was a kid, since I can remember I was very negative and pessimist. I can remember saying things like "nobody loves me" many times. Of course now I realize that was like affirmation, a belief and I projected more of that. In primary school pupils always made fun of me cose I was different, made a lot of time fool of myself and was depressed cose I didn't have a girl. I had a belief that i can't find i girl cose something is wrong with me...
Now I don't have such problems, it was all my beliefs and me projecting them. Wonder when that started, in what year of my youth did i became so negaitve.
Now I'm trying always to look positive on things, not that I can always do that but intention is what matters

[Andrew Michaels]

Originally Posted by starlet

I am in a positive state at least 95% of the time. I lapse into negative states, but can flip it back very quickly. I like being happy, I spent nearly 24 years miserable and depressed, and it takes so much less energy to be happy and free.

How did you make the switch?

[madgeylou]

for me, it's a lot easier to be positive about things when:

* i've exercised/broken a sweat recently
* i'm well rested
* i'm eating nutritionally dense foods much more than crap

if those 3 items are in place, then i can handle almost anything. for me, this is square one, and i have to remind myself to not let myself get too tired, lazy, or full of grubby food, or else i'll have a hard time being positive about anything.

[The Coronet]

same here! Tiredness is the biggest killer for my positivity!

[Billy]

The balance between happy and sad is nothingness, the void, there can be no happiness without some reciprical sadness.

[Andrew Brunelle]

There is a certain amount of joy I get from taking action towards doing whatever it is I want to do. If I am doing something I want to do, am working towards, there is no comparison to how joyous I feel. But when I have to do my taxes or fill out meaningless paperwork, I make the best of it. You can maintain a positive mental attitude whenever you wish, but it takes practice and possibly a massive lifestyle change. You must no longer be attached to outcomes or possessions that may or may not have a significant bind on your emotions.

[Lychee]

It's not possible to be positive all the time in this world. These obstacles are integrated in the program of life which exists to present problems and to push you to the limit, which often means that you will experience negative emotions in your life. I don't believe it's very productive to be happy 100% of the time, or to force yourself to be happy all the time. Sadness is a part of life, and you are denying yourself something meaningful by trying to exclude it from your experience. Being sad all the time is not good, as is being happy all the time. Balance must be maintained between the two.

I do believe it is possible to have good intentions and then experience negative outcomes. There is a greater plan for all of us. If our intentions, no matter how good they are, do not line up with that plan we will experience what we perceive to be negative results.

[thestral]

Originally Posted by Lychee

It's not possible to be positive all the time in this world. These obstacles are integrated in the program of life which exists to present problems and to push you to the limit, which often means that you will experience negative emotions in your life. I don't believe it's very productive to be happy 100% of the time, or to force yourself to be happy all the time. Sadness is a part of life, and you are denying yourself something meaningful by trying to exclude it from your experience. Being sad all the time is not good, as is being happy all the time. Balance must be maintained between the two.

I do believe it is possible to have good intentions and then experience negative outcomes. There is a greater plan for all of us. If our intentions, no matter how good they are, do not line up with that plan we will experience what we perceive to be negative results.

See, I don't believe that. I believe sadness has its place, for showing me what I DON'T want, so can put my mind on what I do want. But as a brief passing feeling.

And of course if you believe positive intentions will sometimes yield negative outcomes, that's what you'll get. I don't believe that. I do believe that sometimes it may seeem that way when you are asking for something that conflicts with what your inner self really wants. I also do not believe in some "greater plan." There is only here and now.

[NDelMoore]

This is my first post.. but I have found from life experience that the higher percentage spent thinking positively, the higher the chance is in order to participate in a positive experience! Just a thought

[Spiritual Wealth]

Sure you can be positive all the time, Being Positive all the time is more a state of mind and attitude to life, than just a way of thinking.

It about facing challenges and see the opportunities and gifts you receive as you grow through these experiences. Sure sometimes you get tired and maybe you do complain. It doesn't mean you are being negative it jut a coping mechanism as you work though and progress into a higher evolutionary order.
I would say don't sweat yourself. Work with the flow, refocus your perspectives and all else will fall into place.

Namaste

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Andy Mills

My hole life I've tried to be posative. But eventually you can't take it any more. It hurts. You feel nothing. Other than your bottled up emotions that get filled day after day. Nobody loves you. You have nobody to lean on, nobody to love, nobody to hang out with. Nobody likes you. You cant make friends. You think you are normal but for some reason you cant be yourself at times. I dont know why. Some people take your kindness for weakness. Theres a hole in my heart. Ive been told I dont feel as though I am loved, but jesus always loves you. I have a hole in my heart. THey say Jesus is supposed to fill that hole. They say I will try to fill that hole with lovers, video games, or pornography. But Jesus cant help me. My father has foresaken me. When life shits on you enough times then you give up on looking for Jesus. God doesnt even love me? The hole in my heart is to big for Even jesus to fill anyways. What about the missing peices of my heart from my family not loving me, or not having any good friends, nobody to talk to. I don't trust to many people anyways. I am lonely. How am I supposed to survive without feeling loved. I dont feel loved? Why??? Is ther something wrong with me??? Sometimes I hate life. Im sick of everything. Sometimes i want to get up and leave my scheduled life. Go somewhere far. But then I realize Im not going to find anything. I have no place. The worlds exhistence would not change if I died. I think of suicide. I would never commit suicide. But I think what's the purpose. NOBODY LOVES YOU??? Ive loved others. Ive been loved. Ive been knocked down. I get back up. And I keep doing so. But sometimes I wonder whether or not to get back up. nobody loves me. I hate life! Is this just a phase? But nothing is going to change so I am miserable

It's quite simple. You have to learn to love yourself. It starts from there.

If you don't love yourself, it's because you believe that you yourself are un-loveable.

If you believe that you are un-loveable, then nobody will love you. Even if someone did, you wouldn't realise it, because your mind would block that perception out.

[Willworker]

Depends on the definition of being positive. Is it possible to have a good attitude 95% of the time? Absolutely.

Consider this experiment. To be negative, start by focusing on everything you lack. Think of how you don't have that BMW you would have wanted; think about how you'll never get to fly a fighter jet because your father told you not to join the air force; think about how that game you purchased didn't run for you, like it did for millions of others. Everything sucks. The universe hates you. You are either a doomed loner or a miserable loser, depending your POV.

You'll be utterly miserable, very quickly(though if you have an excellent self-concept, this state won't last - you'll need, um, practice to plant it into your subconscious.). You'll notice that you'll be less capable of acting in a productive manner, physically weaker, etc, etc.

Now, to be positive, start by focusing on everything you have. You don't think you have anything? What about all ten fingers? What about the ability to walk? Hundreds of thousands of people are missing legs or feet, or have nerve issues - God has thought that you have a reason to be able to walk! Maybe God intends you to run a marathon? Think about how you have a car - not the best one, but the freedom it offers you is immense compared to a lot of the world's population. With that freedom, you can do more than you realize. Life is full of possibilities. The universe is trying to help you. God loves you. You are a hero or a villain in this story, but someone important and capable of causing change.

You'll be happy, quite quickly as well(though if you have bad self-esteem, this state won't last - you'll need practice to put it into your subconscious). You'll become more productive, accomplish more, be physically stronger, etc, etc.

[themaster]

Is it really possible to be positive and have a good attitude all the time?

I think this is a interesting subject.. because there's a type of person out there that is happy no matter what.. yet in their happiness it feels like a delusion for them..

Like they fake, it or force it.. those type of people I usually have disdain for.. ohh yah back to the subject.. (I sometimes refer to these people as abraham forum members )

Absolutely it's possible.. your imagination tell you thus..

Do you personally have a good attitude all the time?

Mostly.. when I go/get negative.. I usually call it a annoyance.. does it happen often.. not really? I spend almost every hour of the day doing what I want mostly..

Is it possible to have incredibly good intentions and then see them fall flat?

Sure, why not.. the question is why did they fall flat? and there comes our blame system for LOA "beliefs"

For example, is it possible to have a strong intention of a positive outcome, but then get the negative outcome instead?

Well, depends on your definition of negative.. you see negative is a choice on perspective.. it's possible to have a strong intention for a positive outcome and get negative outcome.. that another person would call that negative.. a positive

[Landi Star]

Another vote here for YES!

I can say from my own experience that it IS possible to be continually and enduringly positive
(but ‘positivity’ can also embrace a dash of ‘negativity’ now & then!).

One key for me, as others have noted, is awareness of my feelings/states/thoughts; i.e., being present to what goes on in me.

Through that awareness, I’m able to sense if I’m starting to go into a negative state (or I can catch the thoughts that may result in negative feelings) and quickly swerve out of that and back to a more feel-good place.

I’m always cognizant that thinking certain thoughts, or thinking in certain ways, leads to certain states… Meaning that thinking a certain way about things or events or your day can make you tired or frustrated or disappointed or upset, etc.
For example, I don’t get tired and always have energy because I don’t think thoughts that make me tired!

Again, the key is awareness and choice.
In response to any life-event, you can choose how you react; how you’re going to think about the event… whether you’re going to think in a way which gets you down or upset or frustrated… OR …in a way which supports your personal power, wellbeing & good-feelings/vibes... and a good outcome, of course.

Knowing that you are at-choice or at-cause in life (rather than at the effect of events or circumstances or your thoughts) is the crux of LOA.

I occasionally even choose to go with a little ‘negativity’ (like being a little grumpy)… perhaps for ‘contrast’, ‘release’ or just 'cos it feels right/good to live that out.
By myself this feels/is harmless and even enjoyable… but if it’s around someone and directed at them (like at my partner) it can wreak havoc. So I’ve learned to beware (be-aware) of the temptation to ‘get negative’ with another.

In general, I’ve learned to tune-in to my vibes/energies and to encourage feel-good vibes as much of the time as possible. It feels like an effortless thing, like something you get the hang of as you more and more tune-in to and play with your energies/state.

It also helps to have ‘joy-triggers’ and to always have something exciting brewing, such as a big manifestation ‘project’.
Additionally, I sometimes play with “altered states” and feel-good affirmations/self-talk.

I’ve had a lot of success with LOA throughout the years, perhaps because of this awareness and ‘inner control’ I’ve cultivated which allows me to focus (without head-clutter) and steer my energies/states toward conducive states for effective manifestation.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Landi Star

Knowing that you are at-choice or at-cause in life (rather than at the effect of events or circumstances or your thoughts) is the crux of LOA.

I'm with you, Landi Star! I would go so far as to say that living at-choice and at-cause is the crux of living a life you're in love with.

How do you think your life would be if, like Landi Star, you practiced recognizing that your attitude in any moment is a matter of your choice, and that no matter what anyone else does, says or thinks -- and no matter what other external circumstances are present -- your inner state is yours to choose? Would you choose a slightly less positive state every once in awhile, for contrast, like Landi Star? Would you indulge in annoyance at people who believed things you thought were stupid, or would you grant them the freedom to think anything they like, and choose feeling good for yourself?

Would you be a leader in the face of challenging or painful circumstances and make a positive difference for yourself and for others, or would you think thoughts of how unlucky and powerless you are?

Would you allow negative states to run your body, and leave yourself vulnerable to all kinds of stress-related illness and pain, or would you choose thoughts that have you feeling a little more calm and confident, or better able to cope with the pain?

If your incredibly good intentions fall flat, would you choose to believe you are a failure, or would you choose to believe you've just gotten some valuable feedback about what to choose next?