a little help, please?

[curiouslyrandom]

I've manifested quite a lot of really wonderful and positive things in my life over the years, so I know it works, especially when there's no time limit involved. One of the things I manifested over the past year is the house I'm now living in.

Thing is, I still haven't made my rent for this month. Both of my kids have had to go to the emergency room this month, and I'm commuting a LOT now, which means spending more money on fuel.

Before the move, I didn't have to drive very much and lived in a rent-free situation for two years. The move was entirely necessary and I really like the place I'm in now, having dreamt about it for months. I do NOT want to leave!

What is it I'm missing? I feel almost no fear about the money situation, but my head keeps telling me something needs to change soon. I'm just not sure what else to do.

Taking on another job would only work if it's freelance, anything else is not possible due to my current schedule. I already have two freelance jobs that bring in what little income I make, and I am very happy with those jobs. Maybe I need to make them bigger?

Feedback? Suggestions? Keep it positive and helpful, please.

[valentino]

Well this is great you actually have to make some changes. So your focus must be on the amount of money you need in order not to miss the rent payment first and foremost and then on making sure you're not in this situation again. Focus less on what you do NOT want before you start. Work out your finances EXACTLY to the penny, working out exactly what you want as a figure, so okay maybe you want an £500 extra a month coming in or whatever it might be, when you are clear on the exact amount of money and you are certain you simply HAVE to get this amount of money without failure, the ideas for acquiring it will come flooding in and you'll have a choice of possibilities.

[curiouslyrandom]

Thanks, Valentino.

I do know exactly how much I need, and I'm nowhere close to it right now. That may change tomorrow, I am aware. The nature of my income is that it fluctuates wildly, so while I acknowledge that the money I need might arrive suddenly, I feel some insecurity because I can't rely on that happening.

I don't want to let my kids and landlord down. I'm perfectly happy to be a nomad much of the time, but they'd all rather I settle down!

[curiouslyrandom]

Any other input, suggestions or ideas?

[ssandra]

The only input I have for you is that I've noted you talked a lot on the forums about "I don't have my rent yet".

Maybe you've been focusing on the "not having it yet" too much and now the universe is giving you some more "not having it yet"?

[Lauxa]

Could you qualify for a bank loan? Don't know how your credit is, but a friend of mine got a couple of loans to apply to rent. You could also survey your friends, find out if one is willing to be your loan shark this month. Or you could try selling some of your stuff on eBay.

What are your freelance jobs? How much time do they take and do you have any extra time you could devote to taking on more? Maybe we can help you brainstorm.

[VinceG]

It's been my experience that the universe always provides, and sometimes it provideth by takingeth away. You can't rely on the universe to let you keep your apartment. You can rely on it providing endless possibility. If it's your apartment you want, well, you have to hold on to that yourself. Sometimes, yes that involves a little anxiety. But learning how to deal with our anxiety is but another lesson we need to learn.

[Salem86]

Some people say that before a bigger manifestation their situation gets a bit worse. So for example, we have a person named Sally. Sally is manifesting a new car. But after a while, her current car breaks down, but a few days after that, she gets the very new car she wanted.
If your major manifestations work this way too, then maybe your current lack of money is just a sign that you'll get a large sum of cash soon.

[Andrew Gubb]

You could try constant content. It's not a super short term solution, I think you may need to find something else for this month's rent. But maybe for next month's rent, it can help you out a lot. Buy Website Content, Order Articles - Constant Content

[helpfulone]

Read Robert Kiyosaki's book "The Business of the 21st Century" I would have to say that may help you out more than you think! Its a "spare time" way to make an extra 500-1000 a month!

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by ssandra

The only input I have for you is that I've noted you talked a lot on the forums about "I don't have my rent yet".

Maybe you've been focusing on the "not having it yet" too much and now the universe is giving you some more "not having it yet"?

I know!! and I kick myself every time I say that phrase out loud.

Andrew, I signed up a few days ago via your affliate link.

Salem, I do get the feeling something is coming. It's the not knowing what or how that is irritating.

Let me put it this way: I need to generate $2000 to pay my rent in ten days. 100% of my income so far this month has gone to moving costs, food, gas, other bills and emergencies. I should be making more, but my business took a downturn over the past two weeks, which has been distressing.

[ssandra]

2000 dollars will arrive to you within 10 days

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by ssandra

2000 dollars will arrive to you within 10 days

LOL! Thanks ssandra, I do believe that.

What I'm seeing in myself, especially in this case, is my glaring impatience. This has been an issue for a long time, but only recently have I started to make changes. Still learning, still growing.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

LOL! Thanks ssandra, I do believe that.

What I'm seeing in myself, especially in this case, is my glaring impatience. This has been an issue for a long time, but only recently have I started to make changes. Still learning, still growing.

You can see this as an amazing learning experience Starting next month you can start saving up so you'll always have a month or 2 of rent just in case of incidents like these...

[curiouslyrandom]

I had enough saved up to pay for half of August, all of September, and a deposit. That was $4900. I figured out how much I needed to make every day to have enough to cover rent by October 1st, and settled in.

At first I was making my income targets just fine and I thought "this is good, things are working out"... then the money stopped. "I can fix this," I thought. "I'll do more work, ask around, promote my business, find other options". Some of it worked, some of it didn't. Then the kids ended up in the ER, my business expenses went up (need to restock!), and I've fallen way behind.

Everything I had saved up went to cover all the other bills that cropped up, some of them unexpected ones. The physical, emotional and financial stress of caring for both of my kids while they've been ill or injured has taken a lot out of me.

I keep feeling like the money is there and I shouldn't worry, but I can't see it, so I get frustrated.

[rei]

Have you looked into a Craigslist gig for helping with this month?

This topic is interesting to me as I continue to consider self-employment.

I do know sometimes I-M works best from a place of surrender. Maybe you haven't quite let go of the intention/desired manifestation just yet? (A question I ask because I know how I, myself, have sometimes hit that block for financial manifestations.)

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by rei

Have you looked into a Craigslist gig for helping with this month?

This topic is interesting to me as I continue to consider self-employment.

I do know sometimes I-M works best from a place of surrender. Maybe you haven't quite let go of the intention/desired manifestation just yet? (A question I ask because I know how I, myself, have sometimes hit that block for financial manifestations.)

rei, I was thinking "oh no, what if rei sees this and thinks I've just been blowing smoke with all my being happy about self-employment stuff"?

Most of the year I love what I do and it pays the bills. Every now and then I have a month where things just go belly-up for whatever reason. September has been one of those months financially, but it's been amazing for me in other ways, like learning about myself.

I've been unpacking boxes today and thinking that I move too much to be successful. It's rough on my kids and my business. I don't know what it is that keeps me moving and stops me from making a decent living. It's like some part of me really doesn't want to because if I did, I'd have to stop moving and settle. To me, settling = stagnation.

Something needs to change.

[curiouslyrandom]

AHA! moment just now:

I was wondering if the problem is I just feel entitled to things in this life, but that's not it (it was a few years ago, I'll admit). The feeling I have is that I want to do something for the world, but I'm not sure where I'm needed and how I can best give of myself. Is that a lightworker issue?

Maybe I'm stuck while things are adjusting and realigning? Or maybe I just needed to voice my intention? Hmm. Things to think about tonight.

[rei]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

rei, I was thinking "oh no, what if rei sees this and thinks I've just been blowing smoke with all my being happy about self-employment stuff"?

Most of the year I love what I do and it pays the bills. Every now and then I have a month where things just go belly-up for whatever reason. September has been one of those months financially, but it's been amazing for me in other ways, like learning about myself.

I've been unpacking boxes today and thinking that I move too much to be successful. It's rough on my kids and my business. I don't know what it is that keeps me moving and stops me from making a decent living. It's like some part of me really doesn't want to because if I did, I'd have to stop moving and settle. To me, settling = stagnation.

Something needs to change.

Aha, and yes I was thinking to myself about the move and wondering if perhaps your kids had those experiences as a kind of ... energetic... way of reacting to the move. A kind of 'mommy, help, this hurts' thing. (I don't have children myself.) I do think that would potentially be hard on younger ones. Their systems are often still pretty sensitive to life. I may have no idea what I'm talking about!

Creating roots doesn't HAVE to be settling, does it? Aren't there other ways you could view it? Me, I love to just relax and have a stable home base because otherwise my endearing level of spazziness can get a little overboard

Are you running from yourself? From yourself as it expresses in an important other? Or do you move a lot because you are continually chasing something? Do you move to get away or do you move to get closer to [ ] ?


(I know that we all have the occasional divide between theory and practice, and I know this sort of thing can happen among the self-employed, so it did not really sway me and I did not see this as a sign of double talk. If I were to go this route, I would try to have a nice and healthy emergency fund first. And if it were me, I would probably not be moving quite as much since it can get expensive especially if you're renting with the first/last/deposit and new utility hookup cost and all. Or, I'd have to either be really tired or energetically sick of the current environment - or be moving to be closer to someone who knocks my socks off well past the infatuation phase - for me to find it worth the hassle. That's me, though. You're you )

[rei]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

AHA! moment just now:

I was wondering if the problem is I just feel entitled to things in this life, but that's not it (it was a few years ago, I'll admit). The feeling I have is that I want to do something for the world, but I'm not sure where I'm needed and how I can best give of myself. Is that a lightworker issue?

Maybe I'm stuck while things are adjusting and realigning? Or maybe I just needed to voice my intention? Hmm. Things to think about tonight.

About wanting to do for the world, I'm not sure that's a lightworker issue. It may be an energy issue. Do you often feel scattered and not-quite-so-centered? Lose your keys a lot? Start a million little things and often not follow through to completion?

(A couple different options for this. One, have you heard of scanners? Two, how often do you do things to ground yourself into yourself? I saw you mention intuitive energy work (that post sparked my friend request, btw), so I'm guessing you get what I mean by grounding.

I've focused more on grounding lately, and I've noticed that I still have my desire to engage in projects for multiple interests, and I am still my free spirity self, but I am also more centered and feel more naturally aligned with ... stable type stuff ... even as I'm still tapping into spazville, it's just like I moved to a healthier version of spazville rei, or something. Flying with roots (in the earth, and in myself, not anywhere in particular) instead of just flying. That analogy didn't work very well.

[rei]

Oh yeah. Just saw your post in st33med's thread and now I get it. The moving. Yes, this is kind of based on assumption. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Your story touched me and moved me in a deep way. Never a right thing to say. I do hope you've found resources through the years that have been supportive to you in handling all of that.

I hope you continue to attract and cultivate as much inner peace as you'd choose for yourself.

(btw, I went through traumatic loss as well. Somehow it affected me a little differently, regarding movement. Maybe because I was totally frozen in denial to survive after the world came crashing down for eight-year-old rei. There is something so fascinating about how we all respond to stuff that we experience.)

[ssandra]

I used to want to move a LOT. Being in the same place, being in the same job all that after a while would feel like it was holding me down.

I've never in my life (after I left home at the age of 19) lived anywhere longer then 2 years. Most of the time less then 1 year actually...

For me it came from the thrill of starting over. If you move (change jobs) it is as if all your old mistakes are erased and you can just start with a clean slate. I really felt like I needed that before.

Now... ? I'm not so sure. I've lived in this current apartment less then 6 months and in this city for less then a year. I can see myself living in this city for the rest of my life (if I get enough LONG vacations to other places), but in this apartment not much longer then 2 or 3 years. Although I absolutely LOVE this place..

But... I am sure that if I move it is not for wanting to start over again. It will be for entertainment and for improvement.

How did I stop this need for starting over? I am not sure. A combination of a LOT of things, including a session with Angela and Rose of Cairo. Both have helped me be more steady in myself and have less need for change.

[curiouslyrandom]

Ah, rei and ssandra, you are both so amazing. I am listening, I really am.

rei, the kids definitely manifest their reactions to moving in interesting ways. My daughter usually gets very ill with each move, including fevers and even hallucinations. She needs far more stability than I am capable of giving her. She always needed a father, and I completely f***ed that up.

My son rolls with it pretty well. He has few possessions and most of his friends now are people he plays games with online. I can relate.

Part of me really wants to settle down, raise chickens, plant a mini farm garden, and have a live-in lover who will take care of me when I'm sick or just need someone else to cook dinner for once. Someone I could care for and read books with and laugh with. I think that would be nice.

I feel as though I've missed so many chances to become something more than what I am right now. I'm not sure where to begin at my age, and I'm only 38.

[curiouslyrandom]

Getting back to a few of your other questions, rei.

Yes, I am a scanner. Loved that book.

Are you running from yourself? From yourself as it expresses in an important other? Or do you move a lot because you are continually chasing something? Do you move to get away or do you move to get closer to [ ] ?

I run for different reasons. Sometimes it's because of a breakup, or other life change. This time it was because we're selling the family house and I had to leave, no choice. I took the place I'm in because it was the right place to be, but now that the money has dried up, it's a worry. There's nowhere else I could go that would be any cheaper without being far too small for three people and one dog. My friends and family were amazed I got this place at all, as it's ideal for my work and the price was pretty decent for the area.

I get bored with places sometimes. I also settle into places and it becomes difficult to move or change. What I need now is someplace where I can really be home, then travel the world just so I can come back.

[curiouslyrandom]

Another AHA today. This idea has been creeping up on me, and today I really challenged it and took it on:

I don't want to be rich because rich people are a**holes.

It's not true, of course. There are jerks in every level of economic strata, but I grew up in an affluent community and have always found "rich people" to be the sort of people I didn't want to turn into. I saw them as aggressive, pushy, me-first types who would step on others to get to the top, then look down from their ivory towers.

Okay, I admit, I'm still clinging to pieces of that belief, but at least I can laugh at the absurdity of it now. I've started picturing myself owning a Mercedes, a nice new one--the color and model, amenities, etc.--because that car always symbolized "rich people" to me when I was growing up, and I hated it.

I have to be able to embrace the possibility that I could be wealthy and NOT be a total jerk, just like many other people, and that it's okay to have nice things. It's a start.

[smartile]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

Feedback? Suggestions? Keep it positive and helpful, please.

Hey curiouslyrandom,

the language you used to describe your situation seems to have this theme of "not enough money." And that "not enough money" always relates back to the feeling of lack or not having enough.

You obviously feel that there is not enough money to go around... And that feeling of lack is attracting your current conditions.

If you want to change your conditions change your vibration. This is a feeling Universe so find a way to feel abundant. Find ways of thinking and acting that make you feel abundant. Start feeling abundance... Get into the feeling of having more than enough... even 5 minutes of this practice every day will go a long way to improving your current situation.

Steve