Manifestation and Fear/Doubt: Can anyone help?

[delias]

I have been thinking a lot about these ideas that Slick put out there that really hit home for me: 'It does not matter what the exterior circumstances are because there is no exterior, it's all you.' And his example of having manifested a relationship with another person the way he desired and imagined it to be.

I took his example under the 'You always SUCCEED' thread, and tried to do something similar. I imagined this person saying a couple of very specific phrases, tried feeling good while imagining it and tried knowing that it would happen. Then I spent time with this person. After I while I started to think it wasn't working. Then, right at the end of our time together those two EXACT phrases came out of their mouth. So it appeared to work. Our time together on this day was fantastic: laughing, hugging, smiling, love, appreciation, talking about fun things to come in the future.

But today, I wasn't feeling so good. Our time together didn't go well. I found myself consumed with fear and doubt. I had all these fears, 'What if it won't work? What if they won't/don't want what I want in our relationship? what if it won't work because we are 'two people' in the relationship, with differences, and no matter how much I imagine or feel good about something with them it won't matter?' The abraham teaching say that another person's beliefs or feelings can only affect yoru reality if you allow what they say or believe make you feel bad. I'm having great difficulty letting go of these limiting beliefs around this.

Another hang-up I have uncovered is this: I want it to be REAL. The whole 'it doesn't matter what the exterior circumstances are because there is not exterior, it's all you' idea at first made so much sense. Then I got scared about it because I have this feeling like I want our relationship to be real, like I don't want the other person to just be a puppet, I want them to really truly feel and share with me as I want to share with them. According to the theory that it is all an illusion and a dream world that we dream up, their resistance is a mirror of my resistance. Them saying 'we are two people in this', or 'there are too many what if's that could happen', or 'what if I hurt you or change my mind', are all reflections of my own inner fears of them doing that or of those things happening. I am having great difficulty letting go of these fears.

Does anyone have any ideas or helpful advice for how to overcome this? I ask that the ideas and advice that come to me are non-judgemental, and come from love because I can't give all of the details of the situation and I know that it might raise alarm bells for a lot of people. I believe deep down, underneath all the fear and limiting beliefs that this person does genuinely love me, and 'if things could be different', would want what I want because she had said so. It is the apparent 'what if's', and 'rules and regulations' of the outside world that seem to be obstacles. I would also like to add that this has nothing to do with a romantic relationship.

Delias

[SethWilliams]

Oh you poor thing. The amazing thing about yhis created reality, is that it will always appear as real as it does. Even though everything is subject to change, everything and every9ne is exactly as they were before, but you discovered that you have a much deeper connection with them. I hope this perspective strengthens your relationships,

Love Seth

[Lionman]

In dreams things are highly symbolic. So the way your brother died in a car crash in the dream is a symbol as is every other little detail. I was considering working through the symbols but it does take ages, so instead I'll give you a link to Dreammoods where you can search the database for dream symbols. They're not all %100 but it does give you a good idea.

Also it's good to realize that when you're awake you're still kind of dreaming so the symbols still apply to but to a much more limited extent. Like how you ended up living near a railway in real life could be meaningful in some way.

[era1213]

Delias, I think the be deficient in your situation is peace of mind. Peace of mind is very significant element to visualize wht you really want and how you want it. Without this key element you will find it hard to really visualize your desire. The negative thoughts are blocking your aspiration. No matter how much you may desire a specific outcome, if you don’t believe it will happen, it simply will not happen.

[hilar]

Originally Posted by delias

I want it to be REAL.

what does this mean? to me it sounds like "REAL" in this sense means "created by a power outside my self". Are you afraid of being responsible, not having the strength to create it all? just guessing. seems like you're oscilating between the stages of "outer reality" and "empowerment". just keep on going. this all is a process and it's fun to explore. you will not be able to get back and forget about the realization that it's all within your self. just focus on and enjoy the feelings, whatever they might be. being on your path is just as beautiful and as right as anything could be. each and every feeling you enjoy – whether it be good or bad – is magnificent in its appearance. just accept and love yourself as the perfect creator you are and beauty will reveal itself in every moment.

wow. did i actually write this?

just as a quick note on what i just said: I've created some really intense experiences in the past month, and some of them would usually be judged as "negative" or "bad". But I enjoyed them a LOT. just acknowleding my body being flooded with adrenalin and all other sorts of body drugs gave me a rush. feeling the feeling without judging it and basically enjoying the sensations happening in my body was ace.

[delias]

Originally Posted by hilar

what does this mean? to me it sounds like "REAL" in this sense means "created by a power outside my self". Are you afraid of being responsible, not having the strength to create it all? just guessing. seems like you're oscilating between the stages of "outer reality" and "empowerment".

Yes, you did write it and you are absolutely right. I still have a part of myself that wants these things the I desire to be given to me rather than me creating them, and it gets me a bit stuck. I think it is the wounded child within (I suffered a lot of abuse, torture, and neglect as a child, in just about every way you can think of in relation to those words). The result was that I was always in different kind of reality, naturally, sort of teetering between the real and the 'unreal', and I guess it was a blessing in that it made me think a lot about myself and how real I was, and it caused me to see things in a different way--including my physical reality, even my own body, not looking real. It caused me to look at my own hands, a lot, for example, and I would look at them and think this is so strange they are my hands but, they aren't really ME. I'm in here somewhere but it's like I'm in some machine or vehicle, but it isn't ME it's just what I'm being carried around in.

You are right. The responsibility of being a creator is scary. It puts all the responsibility in your lap. That also makes me feel kind of alone. Like it felt better somehow to believe there was some force or god with you looking out for you and loving you. So that is one part. Another part is fear of not being able to create for myself what I desire and without sounding too conceited, what I darn well deserve. I deserve a happy ending, I deserve to overcome the first half of my life, and to create a new one now with all the things that I wished for when I was a kid, but didn't get and instead got the opposite being in the hands of some really 'sick', or really unaware adults. Still that little part of me wants someone else to do this for me. To give me the gifts and blessings I desire. I can see the good in my abusive history because it lit my fire, so to speak--made it really clear to me what I desired in life and what my values were, and inspired me to wake up more fully to all of this knowledge.

So, yes the responsibility is scary, and a little bit disappointing that it doesn't work in the way that someone else will just come along on their white horse and give these things to you, or there is a God who will wave a magic wand and do the same thing.

And yes, I am afraid that I don't have the strength to create it. In the same breath having the strength to create makes me feel guilty in a way. Like I don't want to feel like I'm 'casting a spell' on someone and causing them to feel or do something that they wouldn't have in themselves anyway to do. Even if the person says if the 'obstacles' were removed they would want the same thing, which they have said, I still fall back onto the negative and think, 'what if they are just saying that to make me feel better', etc etc.

I recently read about the power of secrecy in creating your innermost desires, how speaking of them lessens the creative energy that has built up and releasing it in words before it has actually happened in physical reality decreases its power in the same way speaking about a problem with someone lessens the built up energy and pressure. It makes me feel guilty to keep secrets.

I guess I still have a lot of fear and guilt. Like why should I get to have something so wonderful (a family, or being adopted) for example, when other people don't get to? A lot of people desire things like lots and lots of money, or a new car. My desires are of a different nature. And I know there are a lot of people out there like me who would desire the same things but don't get to have them, so my guilt comes in and those voices start going:
'What makes you so special? Others don't get to have it so why should you? That isn't fair.' And so on.

It's quite challenging.

Delias

[delias]

I just had a thought this morning concerning the whole issues of things being 'real'. If you try to get something to happen backwards to how things are really created by trying to make it happen from the outside-in, then that can't be real. But if you allow it to happen by feeling it on the inside and then it comes to you, that is actually more real than trying to force it, and that is when it is really yours. So feeling it on the inside and letting it happen IS REAL, and it is silly to be afraid that allowing it to happen that way would make it not real. When it is natural, it is real, and natural laws, or universal laws, and everything that is, happens naturally from the inside out, not the outside in. I think I'm starting to understand this.

[nowgirl]

Originally Posted by delias

I just had a thought this morning concerning the whole issues of things being 'real'. If you try to get something to happen backwards to how things are really created by trying to make it happen from the outside-in, then that can't be real. But if you allow it to happen by feeling it on the inside and then it comes to you, that is actually more real than trying to force it, and that is when it is really yours. So feeling it on the inside and letting it happen IS REAL, and it is silly to be afraid that allowing it to happen that way would make it not real. When it is natural, it is real, and natural laws, or universal laws, and everything that is, happens naturally from the inside out, not the outside in. I think I'm starting to understand this.

If your life made you happy, would it matter if it was "real." What does "real" actually mean? Is anything "real"? Is everything "real"? I understand feelings and vibrations and states and happiness because they make visceral sense to me, but "real" sounds like an intellectual concept. Which is well and fine, but it's self-imposed. Your definition of "real" will be defined by you. Mine will be defined by me. (And yes, we're all the same life force or whatnot, but since we're busy appearing fragmented, so are these ideas.)

To me, real simply means "I am seeing it in the physical realm." It has very little meaning on a deeper level. I think many things are happening that are not yet "real." But that doesn't mean my definition works for you. My definition works for me because I'm not so concerned with "realness." I'm only concerned with what I'd call "happiness," (which is also defined by me; everything is defined in its own way) or at least I try to be.