Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Stolper · 06-24-2010, 06:07 PM

From "Conversations With God" - Neale Donald Walsch

"Leaving esoterics aside, if you look to what is best for you in these situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue."

"This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds that his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?"

zabjoa · 06-24-2010, 06:20 PM

A friend of mine told me yesterday that you are not allowed to be that nice when people treat you that poorly, I have found a way to easily see how people are treating you.

Take a look at how they look at other people, for instance many of my familiars say that other are only using me, and by this they are telling me that they are using me.

So, relax, smile, and find your own.
Its all very easy.

Jersey · 06-24-2010, 09:23 PM

Everyone is different but speaking from the "childs" point of view, I grew up in a very similar household. So I just wanted to throw out my perspective.
Growing up in a house where unthinkable things happen behind closed doors, abuse, violence, etc. Inside I would beg my mom to take us away, away from my father. But...she never did. I lived with it my whole life and it has made me the person I am today, but sadly I hold onto much resentment for my mother for allowing it to take place and not be strong enough to leave. No even for myself, because I think I am a stronger person for it....I know now what kind of life I DONT WANT. I'm sad and disappointed in her and resentful for allowing us to grow up in that stressful and abuse environment. So...if you wont do it for yourself, do it for your children. Because they are being imprinted with the worst life lessons that will take a life time to overcome. And by the way...my father eventually committed suicide by shooting himself while we were all downstairs. Your not being completely honest with yourself by staying.

MOTHER · 06-24-2010, 11:19 PM

Thank you for sharing Jersey...
We must have found each other for a reason...
I have been waiting for you...

Firstly (((((HUGS)))) for how I know you must feel...

I am being honest, when I say that I do feel fearful of his suicide...
I am trying to overcome it.
But that fear speaks to me daily.To "un-think" it feels impossible...but I know i must try...
May I ask, did you also repeat the cycle?(Did you marry another abuser also?)
If yes, were you fearful of the same result???
I did not resent my mother...then or now
...i fully understood her fear, and "unspeakable" is a very good choice of wording...She was too scared....and then when she did stand up, the result was his death...she still feels remorseful that it was somehow her fault.
I share that with her, in that i WATCHED, and was too scared to do anything...I was only a child...I have forgiven him, and myself for it .

To Stolper Thank-you...I have listened to that book on CD, and you have reminded me....funny how we can forget lessons....
To Zab Thank-you, well put! i must write that on my ceiling!
To James...can you give me a link? I am interested.....

Bless you all,
Mother

Acting Like Godot · 06-25-2010, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOTHER

i fully understood her fear, and "unspeakable" is a very good choice of wording...She was too scared....and then when she did stand up, the result was his death...she still feels remorseful that it was somehow her fault.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOTHER

The last words out of my fathers mouth were "Do you still love me?" to my mother. She left the room, telling him exactly that...That She would no longer tolerate his abuse. He put the gun into his mouth and shot.

Think of it this way.

The man was abusive and had a gun.

If she had permitted him to carry on with the abuse, one day he might have killed her, instead of himself.

Angela · 06-25-2010, 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Think of it this way.

The man was abusive and had a gun.

If she had permitted him to carry on with the abuse, one day he might have killed her, instead of himself.

Or YOU.

MOTHER · 06-25-2010, 04:36 AM

I suppose it could have happened that way, yes.
I believe we were surrounded by angels that night,

I had to STOP a thought tonight...like I said I'm a student here
...We ran out of milk..the store in our little town closes at 10, and
now, there will be no milk/bread for breakfast...
My first FEAR/thought was not about the milk...
My first THOUGHT was Oh NO...he's gonna be MAD.

I worked until ten, and missed the store...he is golfing, yet
I am fearful of his reaction to this when he gets home.
Thoughts are sometimes hard to change, but I caught myself, and said out loud : "Too Bad, we will get milk tomorrow"
I am trying to re-think how I think...

By the way , my kids are big... it isn't the same as running out of milk when they were little...!!! it will be no big deal to them, so I'm not a bad mother!

siryessir08 · 06-25-2010, 05:14 AM

You need to conquer this fear.

The solution is simple.

First you have to want, to truly, genuinely, want the fear to be gone.

Then you have to tell the fear to go away. The fear will say, "No", and you have to scream at the top of your lungs, "YES! GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE" over and over. Drown it out. Three times and it has to listen. It'll come back later, but all you have to do is spot it and say "No." Eventually it'll give up and never come back.

Fears have no power over you. They only have the power you give them.

MOTHER · 06-25-2010, 02:30 PM

I will do that!
DROWN IT.

Thanks

seekng4truth · 06-25-2010, 11:19 PM

You give the children a pen and a ladder. .... give yourself a ladder, and climb out of this hole. You are here cause you're at a crossroad. Turn the corner. I sense he knows your background and feeds off your fear. I also went through a deep pit of hell as a kid..one time while my dad was kicking my brothers ass...and had put his face through the drywall (he was 13 I was 9) my mom punched my dad square in the nose drawing blood. He stopped. .he told her. You ever do that again I'll kill you. She said I'm not giving you the chance. ..we're leaving. She put us on a bus and we left from indiana to Tucson Arizona. I eventually came back to live with my dad for my high-school years. ..worst 4 years of my life. ... left @ 19
....Dad has since heald. ..but overcame a lot of demons the past 20 years. Your man will get over it. . Climb your ladder.

JamesKnochel · 06-26-2010, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOTHER

...
To James...can you give me a link? I am interested.....

The official Energy Medicine site is Innersource.net. Most libraries have a copy of the book... Some free resources are available at this link:

Energy Medicine with Donna Eden | Handout Bank | Energy Medicine with Donna Eden

Or you can download this ebook (based on the Eden Energy Medicine material, but NOT by Donna & David) for free: Energy Medicine for Today-FREE E-BOOK

-James

Jersey · 06-27-2010, 04:01 PM

The best advice I can give you is to take care of YOURSELF first...then you can see your way out of the situation. You need to feel better about yourself which in turn will make you stronger and then you can move on. To be blunt, its not going to get better. Your husband has issues which have nothing to do with you or your kids. You can't make someone change, it comes from within. You may "love" him...but your not getting the "love" you deserve in return.

In fact, by staying your helping to perpetuate the situation. If you leave and he harms himself, thats not on you. Everyone has choices.

I never repeated the cycle of abuse and I never will. I always considered myself as learning from the situation and growing stronger because of it. I really went in the opposite direction...I am a pretty calm and easy going person. But I would never stand for someone mistreating me or anyone I care about. That being said, I have a lot of internal work around areas of self worth and abandonment issues that I am just now 30 years later dealing with. Whether your children are younger or older, THEY are being (or have been and may still be...) affected by his behavior and your response to it. In my case, I harbor resentment towards my mother (another issue) for allowing herself to be so weak and subjecting herself and myself to that type of life.
You know deep down, that its no way to live a life. Be honest with yourself....what do you truly desire in life? If its to be happy which I am betting thats in there somewhere...then move towards it. Take the steps to get there. And its not easy but the weight that comes off your shoulders will be worth it. Its not about him...its about YOU.

06-25-2010, 05:14 AM	#38 (permalink)
siryessir08 Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cleveland, Ohio Posts: 205	You need to conquer this fear. The solution is simple. First you have to want, to truly, genuinely, want the fear to be gone. Then you have to tell the fear to go away. The fear will say, "No", and you have to scream at the top of your lungs, "YES! GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE" over and over. Drown it out. Three times and it has to listen. It'll come back later, but all you have to do is spot it and say "No." Eventually it'll give up and never come back. Fears have no power over you. They only have the power you give them. Last edited by siryessir08; 06-25-2010 at 05:22 AM.

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06-24-2010, 06:07 PM	#31 (permalink)
Stolper Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 9	From "Conversations With God" - Neale Donald Walsch "Leaving esoterics aside, if you look to what is best for you in these situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue." "This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds that his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?"

06-24-2010, 06:20 PM	#32 (permalink)
zabjoa Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Norway Posts: 160	A friend of mine told me yesterday that you are not allowed to be that nice when people treat you that poorly, I have found a way to easily see how people are treating you. Take a look at how they look at other people, for instance many of my familiars say that other are only using me, and by this they are telling me that they are using me. So, relax, smile, and find your own. Its all very easy.

06-24-2010, 09:23 PM	#33 (permalink)
Jersey Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 51	Everyone is different but speaking from the "childs" point of view, I grew up in a very similar household. So I just wanted to throw out my perspective. Growing up in a house where unthinkable things happen behind closed doors, abuse, violence, etc. Inside I would beg my mom to take us away, away from my father. But...she never did. I lived with it my whole life and it has made me the person I am today, but sadly I hold onto much resentment for my mother for allowing it to take place and not be strong enough to leave. No even for myself, because I think I am a stronger person for it....I know now what kind of life I DONT WANT. I'm sad and disappointed in her and resentful for allowing us to grow up in that stressful and abuse environment. So...if you wont do it for yourself, do it for your children. Because they are being imprinted with the worst life lessons that will take a life time to overcome. And by the way...my father eventually committed suicide by shooting himself while we were all downstairs. Your not being completely honest with yourself by staying.

06-24-2010, 11:19 PM	#34 (permalink)
MOTHER Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 40	Thank you for sharing Jersey... We must have found each other for a reason... I have been waiting for you... Firstly (((((HUGS)))) for how I know you must feel... I am being honest, when I say that I do feel fearful of his suicide... I am trying to overcome it. But that fear speaks to me daily.To "un-think" it feels impossible...but I know i must try... May I ask, did you also repeat the cycle?(Did you marry another abuser also?) If yes, were you fearful of the same result??? I did not resent my mother...then or now ...i fully understood her fear, and "unspeakable" is a very good choice of wording...She was too scared....and then when she did stand up, the result was his death...she still feels remorseful that it was somehow her fault. I share that with her, in that i WATCHED, and was too scared to do anything...I was only a child...I have forgiven him, and myself for it . To Stolper Thank-you...I have listened to that book on CD, and you have reminded me....funny how we can forget lessons.... To Zab Thank-you, well put! i must write that on my ceiling! To James...can you give me a link? I am interested..... Bless you all, Mother

06-25-2010, 04:36 AM	#37 (permalink)
MOTHER Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 40	I suppose it could have happened that way, yes. I believe we were surrounded by angels that night, I had to STOP a thought tonight...like I said I'm a student here ...We ran out of milk..the store in our little town closes at 10, and now, there will be no milk/bread for breakfast... My first FEAR/thought was not about the milk... My first THOUGHT was Oh NO...he's gonna be MAD. I worked until ten, and missed the store...he is golfing, yet I am fearful of his reaction to this when he gets home. Thoughts are sometimes hard to change, but I caught myself, and said out loud : "Too Bad, we will get milk tomorrow" I am trying to re-think how I think... By the way , my kids are big... it isn't the same as running out of milk when they were little...!!! it will be no big deal to them, so I'm not a bad mother!

06-25-2010, 02:30 PM	#39 (permalink)
MOTHER Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 40	I will do that! DROWN IT. Thanks

06-25-2010, 11:19 PM	#40 (permalink)
seekng4truth Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 81	You give the children a pen and a ladder. .... give yourself a ladder, and climb out of this hole. You are here cause you're at a crossroad. Turn the corner. I sense he knows your background and feeds off your fear. I also went through a deep pit of hell as a kid..one time while my dad was kicking my brothers ass...and had put his face through the drywall (he was 13 I was 9) my mom punched my dad square in the nose drawing blood. He stopped. .he told her. You ever do that again I'll kill you. She said I'm not giving you the chance. ..we're leaving. She put us on a bus and we left from indiana to Tucson Arizona. I eventually came back to live with my dad for my high-school years. ..worst 4 years of my life. ... left @ 19 ....Dad has since heald. ..but overcame a lot of demons the past 20 years. Your man will get over it. . Climb your ladder.

06-27-2010, 04:01 PM	#42 (permalink)
Jersey Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 51	The best advice I can give you is to take care of YOURSELF first...then you can see your way out of the situation. You need to feel better about yourself which in turn will make you stronger and then you can move on. To be blunt, its not going to get better. Your husband has issues which have nothing to do with you or your kids. You can't make someone change, it comes from within. You may "love" him...but your not getting the "love" you deserve in return. In fact, by staying your helping to perpetuate the situation. If you leave and he harms himself, thats not on you. Everyone has choices. I never repeated the cycle of abuse and I never will. I always considered myself as learning from the situation and growing stronger because of it. I really went in the opposite direction...I am a pretty calm and easy going person. But I would never stand for someone mistreating me or anyone I care about. That being said, I have a lot of internal work around areas of self worth and abandonment issues that I am just now 30 years later dealing with. Whether your children are younger or older, THEY are being (or have been and may still be...) affected by his behavior and your response to it. In my case, I harbor resentment towards my mother (another issue) for allowing herself to be so weak and subjecting herself and myself to that type of life. You know deep down, that its no way to live a life. Be honest with yourself....what do you truly desire in life? If its to be happy which I am betting thats in there somewhere...then move towards it. Take the steps to get there. And its not easy but the weight that comes off your shoulders will be worth it. Its not about him...its about YOU.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums