The Secret - conflicting info about affecting someone else's behavior with LoA

[Bitsy]

Hello,

I have been watching The Secret a lot and trying to figure out things that I don't understand, for example, regarding the effects your thoughts/awareness have concerning an individual person in your life.

Specific quotes relating to my confusion:

Esther Hicks:

"People will say, 'Well, shouldn't I focus upon that? That is real!' And we say, 'That is like saying because someone gave their attention to something they did not want long enough that it has manifested, I should do it too.'..."

This means, logically, that you can make that thing cease to exist entirely if you never give your attention to it. If you apply this principle in the context of a personal relationship, it seems to indicate very clearly that by specifically ignoring, for example, a habit of lying that your partner or loved one might have, and only focus on and are aware of the things you love and feel thankful for about them, that their habit of lying to you will actually cease to exist - they will simply stop lying to you...?

Also, from the book Ask and It Is Given I found this quote on the Internet:

"If you've got somebody's aspects in your experience that you don't like, there's only one reason they're there. You keep evoking them with your attention to them. Without knowing about Law of Attraction, you have -- through your old habit of observation -- achieved vibrational harmony with the parts of them that you do not like, and you keep summoning those parts from them by your constant vibrational offering of them."

This says that, if I have a husband who lies a lot to me, by observing his lying, I evoke it. That logically means that if I stop noticing that he is lying, or stop thinking about it and fill my mind with the things I love about him, that lying aspect of him will cease to exist. I notice the word "aspect" and I am not sure if that means that aspect of our relationship will cease to exist, meaning he will stop lying to me, or if he will continue to lie to me and I just won't be aware of it...

Regardless of the meaning of "aspect" in that quote, the first quotation does imply that if you starve something of your attention, it will really cease to exist and that person will really change their habit and how they treat you.

And then there are people, including Esther Hicks, who say that you cannot affect another person's reality or their behavior towards you.

P.S. As those on The Secret do not mention "Subjective Reality," which would explain this question, answers using subjective reality as an explanation would not be useful - what would those only concerned with LoA answer?

[Dietrie]

Two thoughts that come to my mind.

First is that, if a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound? How can you really be sure that the tree fell at all? Do you automatically assume it makes a sound because your past has taught you that if you are standing right there watching the tree fall you are hearing a sound?
Wether or not the tree ceases to exist is basically whatever reality you choose to make for yourself. I mean, if you are living your life consciously, does it really matter if the tree falls and makes a sound? No, because in your reality, regardless of wether or not it does and what affect it might have, it won't affect your reality. Why? Because your reality is focused on other things.

Secondly, if I'm experiencing trouble in my relationship, I take the time out to redirect my thoughts, and focus on everything I am greatful for in that person, and as well as that, I look inwardly and try and figure out how to build myself up to make all my experiences positive. I usually find that when trouble comes around is when I have neglected a part of myself.
One thing I tell myself everyday, is that I will treat myself how I want others to treat me. Makes a world of difference. It is not so much affecting others behaviour as attracting it.

I don't know if this has helped in anyway. If I think of anything to add I will come back later.

[ChrisC]

Neale Donald Walsch, in his book Conversations with God, mentions two principles that might apply here. The first is the familiar "what you resist, persists", and the second is a new one for me that is a bit difficult to fully grasp "what you look at, disappears".

What you resist, persists
This is easier to get. If you resist something, you are acknowledging that it exists, and you end up giving it more power. By acknowledging its existence, you are, in fact, creating it. So in your example of a mate who lies to you, the more you focus on that aspect of your relationship with emotion and intensity, and the more you try to fight against it directly, then the more it will be an issue in your relationship.

What you look at, disappears
This is also applied to something that you want to remove from your life. "Looking at" is in the sense of really looking at a situation in order to recognize it as your own creation. As such, it really doesn't exist on its own, and you can then choose to accept or reject it from your experience. We all have that choice.

So how does this affect someone else's behavior? Your mate might still lie to others, but his lying will cease to be an issue in your relationship, because you have chosen to remove it from your experience. Have you affected his reality? I don't believe so. I believe you have merely shifted yourself to an aspect of his reality that is in harmony with what you have chosen for yourself.

But the best gage of this principle is to try it yourself and see what results you get. Good luck!

[dor]

Originally Posted by ChrisC

Neale Donald Walsch, in his book Conversations with God, mentions two principles that might apply here. The first is the familiar "what you resist, persists", and the second is a new one for me that is a bit difficult to fully grasp "what you look at, disappears".

What you resist, persists
This is easier to get. If you resist something, you are acknowledging that it exists, and you end up giving it more power. By acknowledging its existence, you are, in fact, creating it. So in your example of a mate who lies to you, the more you focus on that aspect of your relationship with emotion and intensity, and the more you try to fight against it directly, then the more it will be an issue in your relationship.

What you look at, disappears
This is also applied to something that you want to remove from your life. "Looking at" is in the sense of really looking at a situation in order to recognize it as your own creation. As such, it really doesn't exist on its own, and you can then choose to accept or reject it from your experience. We all have that choice.

So how does this affect someone else's behavior? Your mate might still lie to others, but his lying will cease to be an issue in your relationship, because you have chosen to remove it from your experience. Have you affected his reality? I don't believe so. I believe you have merely shifted yourself to an aspect of his reality that is in harmony with what you have chosen for yourself.

But the best gage of this principle is to try it yourself and see what results you get. Good luck!

how does this 'gel' with aversion therapy? which helped me effectively quit smoking 12 years ago.
lets say you wanted to stop having a nightly glass of wine -you imagine a wine glass filled with squirming maggots and smelling like decaying flesh.
you also think about all of the benfits of not having it....

[ChrisC]

Originally Posted by dor

how does this 'gel' with aversion therapy?

Aversion therapy is just another way of deciding that you do not want something for yourself. You have created the maggot-filled glass and have chosen to reject it. You could have done the same thing with the glass of wine if you first realize that it is your own creation, which you are free to accept or reject, based on whether the wine serves you or not.

This is different from "resisting", in the sense that with resisting, you are trying to resist a desire for wine. In doing so, you are guaranteeing that the desire will always be there.

[dor]

Originally Posted by ChrisC

Aversion therapy is just another way of deciding that you do not want something for yourself. You have created the maggot-filled glass and have chosen to reject it. You could have done the same thing with the glass of wine if you first realize that it is your own creation, which you are free to accept or reject, based on whether the wine serves you or not.

This is different from "resisting", in the sense that with resisting, you are trying to resist a desire for wine. In doing so, you are guaranteeing that the desire will always be there.

Ahhh. Thanks that' clears up something i have been confused about. Its funny on the surface the idea is simple but the application can get a bit messy...