Rockchick thread and.. "nothing works for me"!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

That may or may not be a good thing. It's good that you accept them, concerning that you don't think you can do otherwise.

Well I'm just a big believer in track records. If someone has a history of not doing something, it doesn't look too promising that they'll do it in the future.

Two years is nothing--try 16. I'm sorry, that sounded invalidating. All pain is valid--all reasons to experience it are valid. Dissolving those layers helps with that your attitude...and it's completely possible--if you let go of attachment to your victim hood, if only temporarily.

16 years?! You have my sympathy! Oh my, I've never even heard of anyone being depressed that long! I thought that once you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. But how can someone be at rock bottom for that much of their life?!

I'm talking a very specific high-vibe. Empowerment. 100% responsibility.

You don't seem to want it. Consciously, yes. Unconsciously, no.

I wasn't aware that our conscious can even want something that our unconscious doesn't. Because everything that I've been reading says that 95% of everything we know is in our subconscious, and it gets filtered through there first before we are even aware of it.

Why not start with the small things. Work on dissolving the layers, your beliefs, etc. make the unconscious conscious, and be absolutely, utterly honest with yourself--no point in lying to yourself.

I always feel like I'm being honest with myself, actually...otherwise I wouldn't be saying anything bad, I mean who wants to admit bad things about themselves! I feel like I've learned so much about myself in the last few years but at the same time I've dragged myself into a lazy apathetic state while doing it.

[themaster]

Hello, Rockchick

Good to see you again

We were actually just talking/thinking about you.. hmm.. what a *coincidence* no?

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I wasn't aware that our conscious can even want something that our unconscious doesn't. Because everything that I've been reading says that 95% of everything we know is in our subconscious, and it gets filtered through there first before we are even aware of it.

Actually, as I understand it we are 80% unconscious.. perhaps more so in your case..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Yeah, I try to remember that. But after being in this experience for so long, it really wears down at your soul. It's all fine for a week or a month but almost 2 years?! Then you're getting so far gone you can't help yourself because you keep adding more layers to the problem.

Speaking of soul rockchick.. have a read of this.. see if it *works* on you

In The Arms Of Your Soul

(to be clear works means.. has a emotional reaction.. not fixs you! )

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well as some of you predicted, my high hopes were only temporary. I don't even know why I'm bothering to post in here now because I'm probably going to lose my internet soon.

Your just reacting to our thoughts Thanks!

Remember, rockchick we do care about you.. some of us

[themaster]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

So yeah I lost my desire for the personal chef thing just like everything else. For the last month, I've pretty much been in a state of "I don't care". I haven't even been thinking about what career I should do. I pretty much gave up. Then in my internet surfing, I found a page about people who were recluses. And this caught my eye because I am always fantasizing about living alone on a deserted island having no contact with anyone. Well, it was a depression site I stumbled on, and all these people were saying the same things I have been saying, so, I took a few depression tests online and both of them said I was on the high end of the scale, just a few points away from "severe depression". This really made me think, and I looked at my life again, and realized, why didn't I see it before? I'm depressed! It's so obvious. I avoid contact with people, I sit on the internet 16 hours a day if I can, I can't make decisions, I've lost interest in things I used to love, I have no energy or motivation to do anything, I cry for no reason, I've gained weight, I run to the kitchen to eat when I get upset, and I can't hold conversations with people who are happy because it makes me feel even worse. The other day I was watching a show where the guy was in a mental institution and he said he liked it because he didn't have to make any decisions, and I actually thought that would be a nice place to live.

Rockchick, it sounds like you've just been working with that "wave" of empowerment going round.. I really don't think of anything you described here as "bad"

Your just living your life best you can.. if you need a freight train to hit you! (mothers couch?) to give you the change and shakeup you need.. don't worry one is coming right through your very walls

BTW let me offer/remind you coming to MN again! (November! yah, shocks me too.. if you're up at your mothers and you have not too much fear to meet me.. then give me a PM and I'll hook you up in person with some free wireless internet from your neighbor.. yah, I do that kind of thing )

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Then today I found out I won't be getting unemployment anymore, AND they are telling me I owe them $500 now! I don't have that! I've pretty much spent this whole day on the verge of throwing up and crying at the same time.

My sister is in MN as you may or may not know.. anyway she quit her job and she's was using "workers comp" or whatever it is.. and she too got told to pay out $500, I wouldn't be bothered with there telling you this..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, I couldn't do that to my parents. I will most likely just end up sleeping on my moms couch and lose my sanity even more and end up getting sick and probably dying that way. I really have no hope for my future, I thought I did, but I had hope for every day but then every day passes and I feel worse, I can only predict how bad it'll be in the future.

I think as I said before your just creating a freight train.. you have created what you resist.. so let it come to pass.. it can actually only get better from here!

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I don't even know what I'm expecting by writing this, I guess I just had to vent and update everyone but I'm not asking for help, because as I've proven, I can't get myself to use it. I just didn't want people thinking I was going on to be a personal chef and all my problems were gone, because that will probably never happen.

You know TiffyLove? (maybe not)

During your thread's heyday (maybe back again? )

She wrote me and said she wanted to be like you.. does that inspire you a little?

Make big changes in a sweeping way.. since then she found out her boyfriend/man she was going to marry's been cheating on her.. and I think based on her posts here has made some real progress (even if I don't tell her much! )

I understand rockchick, you want people to know you haven't progressed much.. but if you ask me! (as usual) You have!

This thread is a wonderful testament to your progress.. all you ever need is time rockchick, to sort "who you are" from "what you are not" I think you've been sorting rather wonderfully.. but that's just my opinion and I don't count

[aabbcc]

Please don't confuse being a recluse with being depressed. Yes, depressed people may want to hide away from the world, but it really isn't the same thing. I am quite reclusive, always have been, and I am not the least bit depressed. I am a very happy and optimistic person who simply likes being alone. Every once in a while I get a hankering for companionship, but I've noticed that when I do need to socialize [which isn't often], I prefer to do it away from my home. I really don't like people coming into my house.

It does sound though like you might be feeling depressed. Sometimes life gets to us. You might find it useful to talk with a good friend or a therapist. Two other things that can be helpful in alleviating depression ... 1. Don't oversleep - set your alarm for an adequate number of hours and then get up and go about your day. 2. Go outside every single day and get as much natural light as you can. This one is particularly good for people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

Rockchick, it sounds like you've just been working with that "wave" of empowerment going round.. I really don't think of anything you described here as "bad"

How can you not think those things are bad? They're all signs of someone who is depressed. I know I'm not strong enough to come out of this, if a miracle doesn't happen I really am scared of who I'll become.

Your just living your life best you can.. if you need a freight train to hit you! (mothers couch?) to give you the change and shakeup you need.. don't worry one is coming right through your very walls

Living at my moms is not going to suddenly make me figure out what to do. I will shut down even more, at least here I am alone. Whenever I'm around people I shut down and just wanna hide. I don't see how I could pick myself up out of that situation.

BTW let me offer/remind you coming to MN again! (November! yah, shocks me too.. if you're up at your mothers and you have not too much fear to meet me.. then give me a PM and I'll hook you up in person with some free wireless internet from your neighbor.. yah, I do that kind of thing )

Well my mom has the internet, I could use her computer when she isn't on it. I am not against meeting you though!

My sister is in MN as you may or may not know.. anyway she quit her job and she's was using "workers comp" or whatever it is.. and she too got told to pay out $500, I wouldn't be bothered with there telling you this..

Wouldn't be bothered?! You mean I should just ignore it? Did she pay them back? I'm afraid if I don't, they'll charge me a penalty, cuz there is something on there about a fee or something that gets added to it, I'm assuming if you wait too long.

You know TiffyLove? (maybe not)

During your thread's heyday (maybe back again? )

She wrote me and said she wanted to be like you.. does that inspire you a little?

Make big changes in a sweeping way.. since then she found out her boyfriend/man she was going to marry's been cheating on her.. and I think based on her posts here has made some real progress (even if I don't tell her much! )

I don't remember her offhand, what exactly about me did she want to be like? I can't imagine anyone wanting to be like me, well maybe to like the same things I like but not to BE like me. Well anyway I'm glad at least she has made some progress.

I understand rockchick, you want people to know you haven't progressed much.. but if you ask me! (as usual) You have!

This thread is a wonderful testament to your progress.. all you ever need is time rockchick, to sort "who you are" from "what you are not" I think you've been sorting rather wonderfully.. but that's just my opinion and I don't count

You think i'm taking steps forward? I dont even know what to say, to me it's like seeing a ship sinking and someone saying "That is going to be a fun cruise, I can't wait!"

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by aabbcc

Please don't confuse being a recluse with being depressed. Yes, depressed people may want to hide away from the world, but it really isn't the same thing. I am quite reclusive, always have been, and I am not the least bit depressed. I am a very happy and optimistic person who simply likes being alone. Every once in a while I get a hankering for companionship, but I've noticed that when I do need to socialize [which isn't often], I prefer to do it away from my home. I really don't like people coming into my house.

Well the wierd thing is, I've never been reclusive. I used to constantly need to be around people. It's only changed since I lost my job and started going downhill 2 years ago.

It does sound though like you might be feeling depressed. Sometimes life gets to us. You might find it useful to talk with a good friend or a therapist.

I've actually been trying to find free therapists for months now. I don't want to tell anyone about this though, I don't want anyone talking about me saying I'm weak, I don't want my family finding out. My online friends don't seem to take it seriously. One friend's roommate has been going to depression meetings for a while now so to him, nobody is as depressed as his roommate. Another friend just keeps bringing up her own life as if her problems are equal to mine. Two other friends haven't talked to me in a few months. I have been talking to people on the depression forum though, that seems to be the best place anyway, at least I'm around people who understand and who I can say things to without worrying about anyone in my real life finding out.

Two other things that can be helpful in alleviating depression ... 1. Don't oversleep - set your alarm for an adequate number of hours and then get up and go about your day. 2. Go outside every single day and get as much natural light as you can. This one is particularly good for people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I can't avoid going outside (for work and visiting people) so I'm ok there. I'm also good with the sleep because I have to get up at 9 am for work, and I'm never tired at night so I don't go until I absolutely have to.

[Lionman]

This thread needs a conclusion.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Lionman

This thread needs a conclusion.

Yeah the conclusion is I'm giving up and we won't have to keep this up anymore. It was just a neverending cycle of me asking for help and slowly realizing I can't get help from anywhere other than myself, and whoever that is isn't able to do it.

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Yeah the conclusion is I'm giving up and we won't have to keep this up anymore. It was just a neverending cycle of me asking for help and slowly realizing I can't get help from anywhere other than myself, and whoever that is isn't able to do it.

I was gonna say we were getting somewhere and then you said that last phrase!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

I was gonna say we were getting somewhere and then you said that last phrase!

Do you feel like I'm getting somewhere too, like Themaster said? Cuz I honestly can't see it.

I ordered this book called Getting Unstuck: Break Through Your Barriers To Change. Whenever I read I walk around my apartment so I am not just sitting. I grabbed my book and started walking & reading. Literally like 5 minutes later almost without knowing how it happens I just find myself sitting back down in front of the computer. Most of the time when I do this, I end up answering an email or a forum post (such as this) or getting involved in a conversation on Twitter or msn, and there sits my book with the bookmark in it, and it could be days before I pick it up again.

And I also have this new problem with my legs, if I sit too long, they get numb and tingly, but if I walk around, they get sore and tired and I have to sit back down. Also in the mornings when I get up, my feet feel swollen and they hurt to walk on for like the first few hours I'm awake.

I know that was random but I'm just thinking out loud, it might be incoherent but I don't care. I am probably just thinking of things to type just so I don't have to get back up again. But my legs are going numb again so I'm gonna try walking again.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Living at my moms is not going to suddenly make me figure out what to do. I will shut down even more, at least here I am alone. Whenever I'm around people I shut down and just wanna hide. I don't see how I could pick myself up out of that situation.

I think you have to be at your mom's to stop HIDING!

You're not the only HIDER rockchick.. I qualify.. I still hide.. still!

Rockchick, I'm not creating your life (well, in a way I am) you are creating your life!

So what are you creating??

You tell me.. of course if you don't accept responsibility for what's going on in your life.. then you're actually not consciously creating.. then you're in DEFAULT.. and only your "inner self" is guiding what you came to do here..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

How can you not think those things are bad? They're all signs of someone who is depressed. I know I'm not strong enough to come out of this, if a miracle doesn't happen I really am scared of who I'll become.

Okay, well there's either 2 things you're doing here.. "either" you are not strong enough to come out of this and you really know it!

Which in which case really means to me your "dying" (not a bad thing)

Or your just creating a re-enforcing delusion.. that you're not capable of changing your reality! (remember, a statement is a manifestation.. how you think is who you are in a way.. )

If you think that you're never going to have fun, joy, excitement in your life every again.. then I'd suggest your dying.. (it's not a bad thing!) lots of people are dying.. many can't make it the next 5-10 or 20 shift years.. so this might be you.. if it is, I'd accept and embrace it.. and remember "death is optional" you can change anytime..

But I don't think your that sort rockchick, I just think as usual you haven't taken to much ACTION/steps to turn your life around..

What did I tell you 5 months ago?

I said if you would invest in the SPIRITUAL JOURNEY your REWARDS in all things would be better.. and remember why we created this thread?

It's there on page 1 it was so we could share with people the information.. (like Tiffy ) the thread you were supposed to participate in was "workout buddy" the idea being your given a excuse to exercise your "spiritual" muscle not your physical muscles

(it's not too late to revive this thread or start a new one )

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well my mom has the internet, I could use her computer when she isn't on it. I am not against meeting you though!

Your call.. I'm coming in early november my teacher has conference I think on like the 5th, 6th and 7th.. (it's the actual last conference.. I think )

See before you didn't want to meet me? Now it's okay.. what's changed..? "hider"

I am consciously somewhat aware of my hiding.. I know about it.. hell just did it 1/2 hour ago..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Wouldn't be bothered?! You mean I should just ignore it? Did she pay them back? I'm afraid if I don't, they'll charge me a penalty, cuz there is something on there about a fee or something that gets added to it, I'm assuming if you wait too long.!

No, I wouldn't be bothered.. but that's just my way of "thinking"

I am very relaxed, mello, yes?

What I'm saying is what are they going to do to you..?? likely nothing.. maybe, they'll put a imaginary mark on your credit score.. not much else I think they can do..

If it makes you feel more at "ease" to give them the money you don't have.. by all means do so!

Here's a interesting approach.. mail them a "monopoly" $500 bill write on the back "I owe you $500" when I'm working again..

You never know maybe the lady in the mailing office will take "pity" on you or feel like helping you and erase your "debt" magically from the computer..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I don't remember her offhand, what exactly about me did she want to be like? I can't imagine anyone wanting to be like me, well maybe to like the same things I like but not to BE like me. Well anyway I'm glad at least she has made some progress.

This is what she said about you.. I'm just going to share it cause I think "TiffyLove" won't mind..

Notice her tone vs. your renewal post in this thread?

I'm just asking you to notice.. not "judge" yourself.. observe! Take a place of observation and compare what tiffy says here to what you said above..

[themaster]

Originally Posted by TiffyLove

I spent a great deal today reading through your posts with rockchick.

I am sure you don't have the time or energy to be my "workout buddy" but I feel some what similar to here but of course different in many ways.

I have tried countless things and I do see growth and I do see how much I have changed and improved my emotional and mental state. However my "life circumstances" don't change and can still see me repeating some very painful patterns. I also am well aware of most of my beliefs that cause me to suffer and manifest the life I do, however I have no had much success in "cracking", let alone changing those beliefs.

I don't expect months of messages and your time like you did with rockchick but any guidance would be appreciated.

Tiffany

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

You think i'm taking steps forward? I dont even know what to say, to me it's like seeing a ship sinking and someone saying "That is going to be a fun cruise, I can't wait!"

Rockchick, sometimes a "sinking ship" is real change..

How did "TiffyLove" feel when she found out her boyfriend was cheating?

But she did accept responsibility?? Did she choose to feel good? (best she can) yes..

Rockchick, I think you're like the "Titanic" and you need to sink so you can build yourself a better ship.. it's a not a mean thing.. but sometimes growth requires "ripping apart a unstable foundation" so a stable one can be built..

Do you understand?

Originally Posted by Lionman

This thread needs a conclusion.

Does life have a conclusion?

Come on now.. we are all works in progress!

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Yeah the conclusion is I'm giving up and we won't have to keep this up anymore. It was just a neverending cycle of me asking for help and slowly realizing I can't get help from anywhere other than myself, and whoever that is isn't able to do it.

This isn't absolutely correct.. only you can help, yourself!

But also you can ask for help and have it sent.. that is a way of "helping yourself"

But I agree the cycle of people giving you advice and you not "following through" or not being able to use it DOESN'T WORK!

This seems to go for 99% of the books you READ!

You can't break a cycle till you admit you're in it.. and say.. I'm going to try a different approach now..

Your current approach: life sucks, I'm doomed forever, I'm dying, this is hopeless (least that's what I read!)

There's actually nothing wrong with this approach.. it can work quite well once you turn/steer your ship into the light again..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Do you feel like I'm getting somewhere too, like Themaster said? Cuz I honestly can't see it.

Rockchick, I have now twice said to you.. "I see change in you" you may not consciously see it.. but it's there.. the 1 I remember is how you were "somewhat" fearful to meet me..

That's change.. you seem to have removed some of that "fear"

And the other was something to do with talking with you before in February or so and then talking with in you April or so.. I noticed ohh.. yes I remember consciously now!

I suggested to you in "February" that we label your problems differently.. we call them "unique challenges" do you remember? Maybe you don't re-read that if you can..

But I didn't hear you acknowledge (in text) that idea until April..

So those are changes I've seen in you to my knowledge.. (and the text of this forum )

You've also glossed over a suggestion I gave you above.. (the soul) did you read that URL.. did it have a effect on you?

I'm just curious.. (no right or wrong answer)

[Anagogy]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I ordered this book called Getting Unstuck: Break Through Your Barriers To Change. Whenever I read I walk around my apartment so I am not just sitting. I grabbed my book and started walking & reading. Literally like 5 minutes later almost without knowing how it happens I just find myself sitting back down in front of the computer. Most of the time when I do this, I end up answering an email or a forum post (such as this) or getting involved in a conversation on Twitter or msn, and there sits my book with the bookmark in it, and it could be days before I pick it up again.

Rockchick, I apologize if someone has already given you this suggestion, but it seems you have some consciously acknowledged desires for your life to be different, but the motivation is just not there unconsciously. Perhaps it is time to attack the problem from an unconscious angle. Have you ever seriously looked into hypnotherapy? Have you ever been hypnotized?

Provided you get a competent hypnotherapist and you can enter the state with relative ease (a competent hypnotherapist should help considerably with this part), it can be an amazingly effective strategy for some individuals to change their lives in powerful ways.

Anyway, like I said, I apologize if someone has already suggested this to you.

[Lionman]

Originally Posted by themaster

Does life have a conclusion?

Come on now.. we are all works in progress!

Ok carry on. Just seems like wanking mixed with a savior complex to me... 84 pages of it!!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

I think you have to be at your mom's to stop HIDING!

You're not the only HIDER rockchick.. I qualify.. I still hide.. still!

I'm not saying i'm the only one, but nobody else's problems matter to me when I'm only experiencing mine and I can't even handle my own, it makes you not care about anything else. And I don't see how living at my moms will help me come out of hiding, it will only get worse, it does every time I live there or every time I'm there for too long.

Okay, well there's either 2 things you're doing here.. "either" you are not strong enough to come out of this and you really know it!

Which in which case really means to me your "dying" (not a bad thing)

This is truly how I feel, that I can't get myself to want to live at my moms and I can't get a job because the economy sucks. I can barely do my current job, today I was so lethargic from not sleeping and not eating, I dragged my ass and had to stop 3 times to cry. Oh wait, I didnt tell you the bad news yet. I wasn't online yesterday, so I have to update you:

I got a hold of unemployment to ask them why I wasn't getting any money. They said I'm on a new account and my weekly amount is now only $115 (it used to be $350). And, since I'm working part time, that money doesn't even count because I don't get it if I earn more than that in a week. So basically what they're saying is all I'm gonna get to live is about $500 a month. That is a joke considering I need $1300 just to break even with my bills. And I have to pay this $500 back by Sept. 20th or they start adding interest and penalty fees. So, if I pay them back now, there goes most of my rent for October. So what do I do, keep racking up an even higher bill, or get kicked out of my apartment? Why is my life always full of options that are all horrible?!

But I don't think your that sort rockchick, I just think as usual you haven't taken to much ACTION/steps to turn your life around..

Looking for a job is my main priority, and I've been doing that every day. I'm doing all I can. When you're depressed you dont have any energy or ambition to take a shower, and my job is really physical and it takes everything out of me and then some. I have absolutely nothing left inside.

I said if you would invest in the SPIRITUAL JOURNEY your REWARDS in all things would be better.. and remember why we created this thread?

I have been on a spiritual journey for the last 3 years! And coincidentally my life has gone downhill that entire time. Being spiritual doesn't make things magically work out for you. I know i'm being harsh and I can't help it, I'm being one-track minded and negative but I can't help it because my mind is just mush and I can't think straight anymore, I can't even work anymore without breaking down. I just can't think of what to say anymore.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

Rockchick, sometimes a "sinking ship" is real change..

It is change, but what good is change when it leaves you worse than before? Right now I am independent and free, if all this goes down like I'm afraid it will, I will be dependent on my mom (and who knows who else), and I will be a captive, I won't be able to leave there unless I have gas money and I will be forced to deal with my family every single day. OH MY GOD I CANT DO IT.

Rockchick, I think you're like the "Titanic" and you need to sink so you can build yourself a better ship.. it's a not a mean thing.. but sometimes growth requires "ripping apart a unstable foundation" so a stable one can be built..

Do you understand?

I understand that, yes, IF the Titanic is falling apart and needs to be rebuilt, but I was independent and free and had money and had a cellphone, and internet and cable, my own place, why do I have to lose all those things and have to work harder to get them back, when I already had them? They weren't faulty, you wouldn't tear down a perfect good house to build another one, would you? I'm not a faulty house, I should be able to build UPON myself right now, there should be no need to destroy a perfectly good house only to have to build the same one back up. That makes no sense.

Your current approach: life sucks, I'm doomed forever, I'm dying, this is hopeless (least that's what I read!)

I am not even saying "forever" because there are many more decades to come, and I can't believe I would be stuck like this for that long. I mean, when my parents die I'll get money, and that will get me out of my hole.

My whole point is not that it's so horrible cuz I won't get anywhere in life ever again, that's not the problem. The problem is what will happen to me emotionally and mentally (and physically, as a result) of me having to go in reverse. I've already been at a standstill and that's hurting me, so going in reverse is only going to speed the process. It would be ok if my mom had a room there for me, and if my brother and nephew weren't there every day. But i'm going to be forced to sleep where there is no privacy, forced to find the energy to entertain a 4 year old kid for hours every day, I'll probably end up going insane and running away and then I'll die cuz it's going to be winter here pretty soon.

Rockchick, I have now twice said to you.. "I see change in you" you may not consciously see it.. but it's there.. the 1 I remember is how you were "somewhat" fearful to meet me..

That's change.. you seem to have removed some of that "fear"

I don't have a fear of meeting you, I don't recall ever saying that. I wasn't against meeting you before, I just don't know what purpose it would serve. I honestly don't feel like anyone can help me, whether it's online or in person.

You've also glossed over a suggestion I gave you above.. (the soul) did you read that URL.. did it have a effect on you?

I'm just curious.. (no right or wrong answer)

I didn't gloss over it, I just forgot to reply, my memory is getting worse every day and my mind isn't functioning right anymore. I read the page but I just can't get into anything anymore, I just read it and, nothing. I don't know.

Oh and about Tiffy's post...nowhere in there did she say she wanted to be like me, I read that she just wanted you to be her workout buddy like you were with me. I didn't see her say anything good about me, really, that's what I thought you meant.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Anagogy

Rockchick, I apologize if someone has already given you this suggestion, but it seems you have some consciously acknowledged desires for your life to be different, but the motivation is just not there unconsciously. Perhaps it is time to attack the problem from an unconscious angle. Have you ever seriously looked into hypnotherapy? Have you ever been hypnotized?

Provided you get a competent hypnotherapist and you can enter the state with relative ease (a competent hypnotherapist should help considerably with this part), it can be an amazingly effective strategy for some individuals to change their lives in powerful ways.

Anyway, like I said, I apologize if someone has already suggested this to you.

No I don't think anyone has mentioned it before but I couldnt afford to do that anyway. I've looked into stuff like that, many many times, and in fact the other day I thought maybe I should get hypnotised to see what my problem is, but I don't even have money for food and bills, I simply can't afford it.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

This is truly how I feel, that I can't get myself to want to live at my moms and I can't get a job because the economy sucks. I can barely do my current job, today I was so lethargic from not sleeping and not eating, I dragged my ass and had to stop 3 times to cry. Oh wait, I didnt tell you the bad news yet. I wasn't online yesterday, so I have to update you:

I got a hold of unemployment to ask them why I wasn't getting any money. They said I'm on a new account and my weekly amount is now only $115 (it used to be $350). And, since I'm working part time, that money doesn't even count because I don't get it if I earn more than that in a week. So basically what they're saying is all I'm gonna get to live is about $500 a month. That is a joke considering I need $1300 just to break even with my bills. And I have to pay this $500 back by Sept. 20th or they start adding interest and penalty fees. So, if I pay them back now, there goes most of my rent for October. So what do I do, keep racking up an even higher bill, or get kicked out of my apartment? Why is my life always full of options that are all horrible?!

You see problems, rockchick I see opportunities..

I mean that's just the truth.. It's true I'm not you.. and I haven't made the decisions you have to get where you are.. but I don't think it's as bad as you made out..

If you were complaining say 400 years ago.. you'd be complaining about your upcoming execution and lack of food.. not a place to live, moving in with your mom and no funds..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I'm doing all I can.

I'm sorry, rockchick.. but I don't really believe you.. I think you’re doing what's best for you.. but all you can?

Sorry, nope!

I've been talking with you a long time.. if you were doing all you can.. you'd be a lot better off..

- You won't make your life more important than your dads! (that's a can)
- You won't practice any kind of spiritual daily workout

Can is not correct.. your just looking at "new age" and then going back to your life.. when you do "new age" it may be different.. but until then, I don't believe you.. I validate your truth but don't believe for a second your incapable of changing your life..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

When you're depressed you dont have any energy or ambition to take a shower

Sorry, rockchick.. I understand calling yourself "depressed" or claiming yourself "depressed" could be helpful for you..

But I also believe you choose how you feel, you COMMAND your reality.. even if you are depressed you could move up to anger.. and then rage.. and then annoyance.. you can climb the emotional scale.. you can choose to be a "better" you.. that's your choice..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

and my job is really physical and it takes everything out of me and then some. I have absolutely nothing left inside.

Rockchick, everyone says this about their job! Everyone!

And you wonder why I've told you before.. a JOB wouldn't fix your problem(s) and you want another one?

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I have been on a spiritual journey for the last 3 years! And coincidentally my life has gone downhill that entire time.

Really, that's odd.. there are so many people here who have been using/on a "spiritual" journey to make their life better.. I wonder why you’re the "odd" one out?

I believe that's it cause you don't "practice" that's what I think.. rockchick!

I still say that's evidenced by 2 things.. 1 lack of use of the "work out buddy" thread and too much focus by you on "complaining" rather than letting go..

See rockchick, I also know that talking with you.. seems to ENABLE your problems.. it's like if we let you talk about them with ME/US.. it just gives you a EXCUSE not to look at them.. (that's what it seems like in 6+ months of conversation with you)

How many times have I said to you.. drop what you’re doing and go do this!

How many times..?? and how many times have you acted? My guess is 0 (as of this writing! )

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Being spiritual doesn't make things magically work out for you.

I never said it did..

But it actually does get easier/better once you let it..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I know i'm being harsh and I can't help it, I'm being one-track minded and negative but I can't help it because my mind is just mush and I can't think straight anymore, I can't even work anymore without breaking down. I just can't think of what to say anymore.

There's nothing to say.. in fact "silence is golden"

Maybe you need to say "less" more.. because if you can't think or write you can't criticize yourself or life as much..

I'm not telling that anything your doing is wrong, rockchick.. but I would like to help you turn your life around.. I don't spend words on you to be mean.. I do it help

Perhaps, I can talk with my teacher and see if he can help you out with a little personal time.. (and yes, I know your broke and have no transportation.. these are problems that people who wish to "help" will overlook)

Also there will be many healers at his conference.. perhaps we can find a local to help you change your life around.. if you’re up for it.. I'll ask him.. or I'll ask the ma group..

You see I'm really offering you a real hand.. real physical presence and people.. just as I offered you 4+ months ago.. I'm not a mn local anymore.. but I know a few.. their kind nice people.. perhaps we can find a real spiritual solution for you to end your misery.. and help you take the REIGNS of your life..

It's all up to you rockchick, if the idea of the "workout buddy thread" doesn't motivate you.. but meeting some *weird* new age people does.. then I'm offering you a hand..

You never know what can happen until you try..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

It is change, but what good is change when it leaves you worse than before?

Rockchick.. when the caterpillar becomes the butterfly.. is it worse off cause it has to sit in a "cocoon" for a while and rebuild itself..???

Sometimes we need to "let go" of things that don't serve us.. so we can finally focus on the things that do.. what's not serving you rockchick?

I got it poverty, no job, the government, animal crackers, save the whales

[themaster]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Right now I am independent and free, if all this goes down like I'm afraid it will, I will be dependent on my mom (and who knows who else), and I will be a captive, I won't be able to leave there unless I have gas money and I will be forced to deal with my family every single day. OH MY GOD I CANT DO IT.

Rockchick, I could do it! And you can too..

But there is another option.. you can try the homeless street life, maybe you can even travel with me..?? (yah, know if you don't go crazy about living in your car and rare showers.. )

You know I was shocked to find out today.. I have $66,000 I thought had gone on a massive spending spree (travel) and was below $59,000 but nope this cheapskate still has all the money he was given to build/buy a house + more (technically though.. I've loaned out about $11k though ) so $66,000 cash it is not.. with the loans paid back

That's really actually a impressive amount of money for me who has rarely worked.. travels all the time, lives and paid his teachers tuition which is high $2k+

Anyway, I'm not trying to boast or make you jealous.. cause I know we've talked about that you have said you are.. I'm pretty sure if you had that same amount of money as me.. you'd be even more a tightwad and afraid to spend it

I bet you'd say "anagogy, I got $66k in the bank but I really can't afford a hypnotist right now"

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I understand that, yes, IF the Titanic is falling apart and needs to be rebuilt, but I was independent and free and had money and had a cellphone, and internet and cable, my own place, why do I have to lose all those things and have to work harder to get them back, when I already had them?

Don't ask me.. rockchick, this is your life and your creation!

Perhaps you didn't appreciate them enough.. or.. and this is another "new age" piece of information.. this is our LAST chance to get things right.. to try and FIX the things we came here and said were going to fix..

Perhaps this is your manifested opportunity to fix "how you feel about life and lack etc." to learn to be a optimist.. to be willing to look at yourself.. and to accept responsibility for your reality

Rockchick, do you accept responsibility??? Do admit right here in this moment that you have created all the circumstances in your life up to right now?

That you have been in full control of every moment?

Or are you a victim.. of the government? of crappy jobs and poor wages? of family members?

I mean who are you, rockchick? Are you empowered creator or a flea on the back of a dog??

I am a empowered creator rockchick, I accept 100% responsibility for the reality I've created (and my emotional self says, hello!)

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

They weren't faulty, you wouldn't tear down a perfect good house to build another one, would you?

Yes, I f#cking hell would!

I would tear down a house if it had "faulty" wood.. cheap furnishings and fixtures.. smelled funny.. had a mold problem.. was built on sand!

That's what I'm telling you rockchick, your life is not built on a SOLID foundation.. you’re really not happy the way you are.. or were! Even when you could play the optimist on this thread it was just a "facid" a "mirage"

Who you really are seems to be right now a "complainer" "ohh woe is me" I've hit you up on this a number of times.. I really did think for a while though you were a optimist.. but maybe you were just playing the part..

Can't be a fake optimist, have to be a real one in your heart!

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I'm not a faulty house

Ohh, but I disagree..

Rockchick, you are and are not a faulty house!

It might help a lot here if you liked yourself.. or loved yourself.. a lot of people say.. I like myself (no, they actually don't or they like about 1%) a lot of people say they "love thereself" but no, not really..

When you love who you are rockchick.. you don't need cable internet, computers, phones, apartments, electricity or moms.. you can live without all those things.. if you really loved and like yourself.. you would be capable of living with your mom, you'd be capable of living without..

But that's the thing.. you don't like a lot of the parts of yourself.. there in your way.. to being happy.. so why don't you let them go?

Pretty, please with whip cream cherry on top?

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I should be able to build UPON myself right now, there should be no need to destroy a perfectly good house only to have to build the same one back up. That makes no sense.

It may make no sense.. but this is your life!

This is your creation.. it makes sense to you.. even if it only registers consciously to the "higher" you..

You are creator god, rockchick.. you are not a FLEA on a dog.. you can do anything! Do you HEAR ME???

I said ANYTHING!

You are capable of anything!

Would you acknowledge that you have power?? That you can change? That you’re not a victim???

What feels better being a victim.. or feeling empowered?

You tell me it's your life..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I am not even saying "forever" because there are many more decades to come, and I can't believe I would be stuck like this for that long. I mean, when my parents die I'll get money, and that will get me out of my hole.

You can make them die a little quicker?? All you need to do is wave that magic finger of yours?

Honestly, as I told you before.. you are making them die quicker.. your dad sounds highly negative.. to tell you what I know.. he won't be around much longer.. all negative people who can't carry positive "love" vibrations into the future are LEAVING! Soon! NOW! Right away..

Some people just can't sort themselves out (like you? ) and they have to go rockchick.. cause it's easier to DIE! Then it is to carry the vibration of love and work themselves out.. and you most desperately want to do it.. but just won't do it!

[themaster]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

My whole point is not that it's so horrible cuz I won't get anywhere in life ever again, that's not the problem. The problem is what will happen to me emotionally and mentally (and physically, as a result) of me having to go in reverse.

Rockchick, you are taking the lack perspective on this.. there is another perspective you know?

See it as a "unique challenge"

What happens often enough.. for all of us that "hate" to do something and somehow get forced into it is we find out it wasn't so bad.. we find it wasn't as bad as we thought..

Think about how many times you've thought "I'd hate to live with my parents/mom" now take your brain logical as it is.. and apply "law of attraction" to that equation.. now look at what your creating?

I'm pretty sure you have created this by ranting 200 times "I'd never live with my parents" law of attraction only understands what you FOCUS on it doesn't understand the things you don't want.. it thinks cause you THINK about it.. you must want it..

So.. walla..

You can still stop this manifestation.. but it may be well grooved into it's tracks..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I've already been at a standstill and that's hurting me, so going in reverse is only going to speed the process.

Stop seeing it as reverse! Start seeing it as a cocoon for a butterfly..

In 2003 or so rockchick, my family had low money.. I've always considered myself better then low paying wage jobs like "mcdonalds" "gas stations" etc.

Still in 2003 with lack of money in our family.. when offered a job at "conoco" by a mutual friend I said "yes" and never regretted it.. it was at conoco that I made my business thrive and started my project for the "holodeck"

You could do the same thing.. however that's up to you..

I used a low level paying job.. to propel me to new heights.. again, you could do the same thing with your family.. if you choose too..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

But i'm going to be forced to sleep where there is no privacy

That's great.. I see that as a real positive for you to let go of some of your "social anxiety" that you have reported in this thread..

Stuff like that and your "depression" and your bathroom problems and your list of on and on neurosis’s.. should really be "let go of"

And I would use said opportunity to do so..

See every time you say to me.. it's raining.. notice how I always say.. "hmmm.. I see a rainbow.. don't know what you’re talking about..??"

That's my optimist.. positive and loving and living and bright.. (emotional self popped out for a second)

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

forced to find the energy to entertain a 4 year old kid for hours every day.

This is great rockchick! You could learn a lot from this kid really..

Once again all I see is opportunity.. and all you see is "storm clouds"

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I'll probably end up going insane and running away and then I'll die cuz it's going to be winter here pretty soon.

lol this is such a EGO statement..

If you do, that's a fine enough life rockchick.. you tried, you gave it your best.. and that's fine

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I don't have a fear of meeting you, I don't recall ever saying that. I wasn't against meeting you before, I just don't know what purpose it would serve. I honestly don't feel like anyone can help me, whether it's online or in person.

Rockchick, I have made you a very special offer.. one I've never made to anyone.. your welcome to take it..

What could it hurt right?

The offer is good for early November in person.. but yah, never know maybe we could do something for you by phone.. even earlier.. your call?

(what you said about fearing to meet me is buried in this thread rockchick.. but I’m pretty sure my memory is not faulty.. you did say you were afraid)

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I didn't gloss over it, I just forgot to reply, my memory is getting worse every day and my mind isn't functioning right anymore. I read the page but I just can't get into anything anymore, I just read it and, nothing. I don't know.

Well, thanks for telling me.. I appreciate it..

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Oh and about Tiffy's post...nowhere in there did she say she wanted to be like me, I read that she just wanted you to be her workout buddy like you were with me. I didn't see her say anything good about me, really, that's what I thought you meant.

She did want to be like you.. in trying to work out her issues..

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by Lionman

This thread needs a conclusion.

Wow, I totally agree with you! Lol

[Jonathan Browne]

to "The Master".

My god man, your writing novels over here, I cant read all that.

Here's my take on ms. rockchick

Your in a dark night of the soul. It's part of a spiritual journey. You have to see it through.

It seems to me like your getting to much new agey hyped up advice.

I think the most helpful thing for you would be to relax, take a break from trying to fix yourself, and start adding some exercise into your routine. The most fun form of exercise is dance. Go get a exercise dance dvd or look up some youtube videos. It's hard to be depressed if your dancing. Moving your body around is key if your on the computer 16 hours a day.

and look, your not motivated and you don't know what to do. That's 90% of the world. Your just hyper-aware of it. Just chill the f out and do things you find fun or somewhat interesting with no guilt of "oh I should be doing something that makes me better" and you'll stumble upon things your really passionate enough to be motivated about.

Blog about the whole thing and I guarantee you could get a lot of traffic. how about www.depressed-and-unmotivated.com

Just write what your feeling like you are here, and at the point when you eventually surpass it you can turn it into a humorous twist and you'll be a tremendous source of advice and inspiration for people who've been in your shoes.

Your just looking at it like it's hard and requires some kind of spartan work ethic or something. thats the problem.

Just do what comes to mind.

Perhaps you should look into getting your hands on some gingseng too.

That stuff is a powerful mood booster. You can pretty much go crazy with it too without adverse effects. Within reason of course.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by Jonathan Browne

to "The Master".

My god man, your writing novels over here, I cant read all that.

Actually, you can.. but I can understand if you don't

Interesting post time.. 10:10 a.m.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

You see problems, rockchick I see opportunities..

The only opportunities I can see out of this mess is that I can go back to living like a child again. But I don't want that! What 38 year old would? I could also sell everything I own and buy a tent and hike around the country (in the south, where I won't die from the cold), and scavenge for food. I know I said I wanted to live more free, but that is an extreme. I want to be free to do what I want, not be free as in not have anywhere to live. I still want structure, but I want freedom within that structure. I will have NO structure when I lose my apartment, I will be at the mercy or my MOTHER. Ugh! No amount of spiritual growth is going to make me happy about being a 38 year old child again.

If you were complaining say 400 years ago.. you'd be complaining about your upcoming execution and lack of food.. not a place to live, moving in with your mom and no funds..

You can't hold that against someone, of course ANYONE'S problems are nothing compared to what they would be if we lived that long ago. But that doesn't mean my problems aren't awful for me.

I'm sorry, rockchick.. but I don't really believe you.. I think you’re doing what's best for you.. but all you can?

Sorry, nope!

I've been talking with you a long time.. if you were doing all you can.. you'd be a lot better off..

- You won't make your life more important than your dads! (that's a can)
- You won't practice any kind of spiritual daily workout

Can is not correct.. your just looking at "new age" and then going back to your life.. when you do "new age" it may be different.. but until then, I don't believe you.. I validate your truth but don't believe for a second your incapable of changing your life..

I'm not living for my dad, if I was doing that, I would have moved home with my mom back in Feb. 2009 and I would have applied for only factory jobs. I have been rebelling AGAINST what my dad says to do. Every time we talk he repeats, "I don't know why you didn't just move in with your mom last year! If my parents were alive I would have done that if I had to!" I have to listen to that all the time. And I am trying to avoid doing that.

As for the spiritual workout stuff...I don't do a lot of it because it isn't going to bring money in and help keep me independent. One thing at a time. I've always felt like if I could just relax and not worry about a job and bills and rent, then I would be able to do things like that. I have to keep reminding everyone that I am constantly in a state of trying to figure out my problems. There is no relaxing for me. I can't get my brain to work correctly when I'm stressed out and I have been stressed out for the last 500 days (give or take).

Sorry, rockchick.. I understand calling yourself "depressed" or claiming yourself "depressed" could be helpful for you..

But I also believe you choose how you feel, you COMMAND your reality.. even if you are depressed you could move up to anger.. and then rage.. and then annoyance.. you can climb the emotional scale.. you can choose to be a "better" you.. that's your choice..

I was actually thinking about this at work today, I didn't break down and cry today but instead I felt angry. So I must be moving up the scale. Then I thought, all these people (including you) who tell me I can choose what I feel, I don't believe that's 100% true, it is true to some degree and maybe more for others, but for me, I've always experienced the emotions I should feel until I naturally move on to the next one. It's normal to go through stages of grief/depression, and everything else. When somebody dies, you don't say "Well I'm going to choose to skip over the grief part and go right to happiness" it's just impossible, and if you can do it then you're either not human or you're such an enlightened being that most people would think you're not human. Anyway, emotions and feelings are necessary, and I went through sadness (probably still am a little bit, as I have no appetite and couldn't sleep again today), and anger is slowly creeping in. One of these days I'll probably move into the survival mode and I'll do anything I can to make this work out for the best. Right now I'm just in shock about it all and I don't know what to do first. I've halfway thought up a plan in my head, that if I don't get a full time job or another part time one by Sept. 30th, that's the day I'll have to put my 2 month notice in to move out Dec. 1st. Then, I'll take my 401k money out (because that's all the money I have left) and make that last til then so I at least won't get kicked out of here prematurely, and assuring that I will be able to rent again with no problems. Then I'll probably try harder to get another job and then if I get one in that time, I'll have to move anyway but at least then I'll be able to get a cheaper apartment or live at the B&B. I can't really do that unless I have another income so that's why I haven't commited to that option yet.

Rockchick, everyone says this about their job! Everyone!

No, I never said that about any of the jobs I've had in my life before this one. At the factory, I could sit at a lot of the jobs, and some days it was extremely easy work, just moving your fingers. At the shelter, the work wasn't hard and I would usually get done early and get to sit and watch tv for hours! This job at the B&B, I can't sit, I can't even take a break (6 hours straight with no break), I have to basically clean up to 8 rooms a day (and I don't even clean my entire apartment more than once every 6 months or so!), I also can't eat, and I'm sweating the whole time. This is the hardest job physically I've ever had and it's harder than any job anyone in my family has ever had.

And you wonder why I've told you before.. a JOB wouldn't fix your problem(s) and you want another one?

How would it not fix my problem? I need money, and I can't wish for it and have it appear unless I work for it. I had that magical belief that I could just want it enough and it would come, but I've learned that's a crock of crap. From talking to other people on other forums about that very subject, I learned that I need to work for the things I want in life or I'm just going to end up mooching off people and becoming a burden to society.

Really, that's odd.. there are so many people here who have been using/on a "spiritual" journey to make their life better.. I wonder why you’re the "odd" one out?

It's only because I can't find a full time job. I really enjoyed it back when I had my main job, but didn't get to enjoy it for very long. Cuz after that my priority became money, not personal growth. I have to be secure before I can relax.

See rockchick, I also know that talking with you.. seems to ENABLE your problems.. it's like if we let you talk about them with ME/US.. it just gives you a EXCUSE not to look at them.. (that's what it seems like in 6+ months of conversation with you)

I thought we proved it wasn't your fault Because I quit posting on here for a while, and things didn't change, in fact they got worse. My life circumstances are entirely independent from what happens on this forum. When I can talk on here though, it helps me vent and brainstorm and see things differently, but it doesn't help my situation at it's core.

Perhaps, I can talk with my teacher and see if he can help you out with a little personal time.. (and yes, I know your broke and have no transportation.. these are problems that people who wish to "help" will overlook)

Also there will be many healers at his conference.. perhaps we can find a local to help you change your life around.. if you’re up for it.. I'll ask him.. or I'll ask the ma group..

You see I'm really offering you a real hand.. real physical presence and people.. just as I offered you 4+ months ago.. I'm not a mn local anymore.. but I know a few.. their kind nice people.. perhaps we can find a real spiritual solution for you to end your misery.. and help you take the REIGNS of your life..

You mean take me to like one of those healing seminars? I'd gladly do that if I didn't have to pay for it, but how would we arrange that?

Rockchick.. when the caterpillar becomes the butterfly.. is it worse off cause it has to sit in a "cocoon" for a while and rebuild itself..???

Sometimes we need to "let go" of things that don't serve us.. so we can finally focus on the things that do.. what's not serving you rockchick?

The butterfly analogy isn't the same as what's going on with me. All caterpillars change into butterflies, it's just how they were made. But not all people have to move in with their parents at age 38 and start over. It's not growth, it's moving in reverse, and there is no set time on how long until you emerge again, it could be decades!

To answer your question though, about what is not serving me, my lack of money is not serving me. Because it limits what I can do and it causes me stress and panic and worry. I know you are going to say something like "quit blaming it on money", but it's what it always comes down to, every time. OR being able to have my own place somehow, either by inheriting it or winning money or getting married to a guy who has money, whatever.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

But there is another option.. you can try the homeless street life, maybe you can even travel with me..?? (yah, know if you don't go crazy about living in your car and rare showers.. )

I don't want to be homeless. I love my daily showers

You know I was shocked to find out today.. I have $66,000 I thought had gone on a massive spending spree (travel) and was below $59,000 but nope this cheapskate still has all the money he was given to build/buy a house + more (technically though.. I've loaned out about $11k though ) so $66,000 cash it is not.. with the loans paid back

That's really actually a impressive amount of money for me who has rarely worked.. travels all the time, lives and paid his teachers tuition which is high $2k+

Anyway, I'm not trying to boast or make you jealous.. cause I know we've talked about that you have said you are.. I'm pretty sure if you had that same amount of money as me.. you'd be even more a tightwad and afraid to spend it

I bet you'd say "anagogy, I got $66k in the bank but I really can't afford a hypnotist right now"

That's funny, but not true. I spend money I don't have, so I would surely spend money I have. The most I ever had saved up was $3000 and I used that to buy a car, I didn't even need the car, I just wanted it.

Perhaps you didn't appreciate them enough.. or.. and this is another "new age" piece of information.. this is our LAST chance to get things right.. to try and FIX the things we came here and said were going to fix..

That is still not making sense. The things I am talking about are a place to live, food, a phone, car insurance, and gas to get around. How are those things flawed, so that I'd have to fix them? They are things that everyone has, (or at least is trying to get), they are things people need.

Rockchick, do you accept responsibility??? Do admit right here in this moment that you have created all the circumstances in your life up to right now?

That you have been in full control of every moment?

Or are you a victim.. of the government? of crappy jobs and poor wages? of family members?

I mean who are you, rockchick? Are you empowered creator or a flea on the back of a dog??

It isn't entirely the government's fault, or my dad's fault, or the economy's fault...but it isn't entirely mine either. I probably had the possibility to rise above all this, given all the crap I was given, but that is what I'm saying, how I am a weak person. Left to my own devices, I get lazy and only want to do things I want to do. That is not a strong person if you ask me. I've always tried to take the easy way out of every single thing I've ever done in life. It isn't like I used to be strong and now i'm weak...it's just that my life circumstances have allowed me the chance to get weaker and I took it because I always take the easy way out.

Yes, I f#cking hell would!

I would tear down a house if it had "faulty" wood.. cheap furnishings and fixtures.. smelled funny.. had a mold problem.. was built on sand!

Wait, you are agreeing with me! I said I wouldn't tear down a perfectly good house and you said yes but then you said you'd tear down a faulty house. I agree that I would tear down a faulty house too but not one that has nothing wrong with it

That's what I'm telling you rockchick, your life is not built on a SOLID foundation.. you’re really not happy the way you are.. or were! Even when you could play the optimist on this thread it was just a "facid" a "mirage"

The only thing I wasn't happy about before was that I didn't have enough money to do the things I wanted. I HAD what I wanted (my own place, a car, money for gas, and bills), I just didn't get to DO what I wanted because I was only getting enough money to survive. Now I'm being stripped of the basics, so that the things I want to DO are getting even farther and farther from my reach.

Who you really are seems to be right now a "complainer" "ohh woe is me" I've hit you up on this a number of times.. I really did think for a while though you were a optimist.. but maybe you were just playing the part..

I am an optimist when things are looking up, but I am a pessimist when they're looking negative. I would never complain if I suddenly got offered a job I loved and had enough extra money to do all the things I want to do and get my own place and not have to worry about bills anymore. But, I'd be complaining again the minute any of that got taken from me. I don't know anyone who wouldn't act like this. I don't think anyone is ever a 100% pessimist or optimist. It all depends on how things are going.

It might help a lot here if you liked yourself.. or loved yourself.. a lot of people say.. I like myself (no, they actually don't or they like about 1%) a lot of people say they "love thereself" but no, not really..

When you love who you are rockchick.. you don't need cable internet, computers, phones, apartments, electricity or moms.. you can live without all those things.. if you really loved and like yourself.. you would be capable of living with your mom, you'd be capable of living without..

But that's the thing.. you don't like a lot of the parts of yourself.. there in your way.. to being happy.. so why don't you let them go?

I think we're talking about totally different things here or something, I can't figure out how the things I'm talking about have anything to do with self esteem. Everyone on this planet wants to have a place to live, even if they're homeless, I bet they WANT a place of their own. That doesn't mean everyone doesn't love themselves. And as for those other perks (phone, internet, cable), I'd say 99% of people have at least one of those things. Maybe not all over the world but in the US. So are you saying almost everyone in this country doesn't like themselves cuz they want to have a cellphone??

You are creator god, rockchick.. you are not a FLEA on a dog.. you can do anything! Do you HEAR ME???

I said ANYTHING!

You are capable of anything!

Would you acknowledge that you have power?? That you can change? That you’re not a victim???

If I was a creator God, I would make money appear where I will find it, and I would be visiting England right now, and I would be planning a bunch of concert road trips with all my new awesome friends, and I would have a boyfriend too, and a perfect body. *looks around* It doesn't look like I'm a creator God.

What feels better being a victim.. or feeling empowered?

Well obviously feeling empowered does, but that's like saying to people in the hospital, "Why are you sick!? Doesn't it feel better to be healthy? Just get up and go home!" Or asking every woman on the street to love you when they don't even know you. You can't just make someone feel something if they aren't feeling it.

Honestly, as I told you before.. you are making them die quicker.. your dad sounds highly negative.. to tell you what I know.. he won't be around much longer.. all negative people who can't carry positive "love" vibrations into the future are LEAVING! Soon! NOW! Right away..

My dad has been negative forever, if what you're saying is true he should have died as a child. He didn't even die when he had his heart attack. How funny you should say I'm making him die quicker, because he told me I'm the reason why he had the heart attack in the first place!

Some people just can't sort themselves out (like you? ) and they have to go rockchick.. cause it's easier to DIE! Then it is to carry the vibration of love and work themselves out.. and you most desperately want to do it.. but just won't do it!

Exactly, it's like I want to be strong and powerful and alive, but I'm just too lazy and tired to put forth the effort. I've always been this way though.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

Rockchick, you are taking the lack perspective on this.. there is another perspective you know?

See it as a "unique challenge"

What happens often enough.. for all of us that "hate" to do something and somehow get forced into it is we find out it wasn't so bad.. we find it wasn't as bad as we thought..

Think about how many times you've thought "I'd hate to live with my parents/mom" now take your brain logical as it is.. and apply "law of attraction" to that equation.. now look at what your creating?

I'm pretty sure you have created this by ranting 200 times "I'd never live with my parents" law of attraction only understands what you FOCUS on it doesn't understand the things you don't want.. it thinks cause you THINK about it.. you must want it..

It isn't like I'm totally guessing how I would feel living at my mom's, I KNOW. I lived there until I was 26 and then I lived there again when I was in my early 30's. But that was before my nephew was born so I was able to get my old room back. That was also when I was working full time so I had somewhere to go every day and I had money to drive there. All of those things changed since then. Me and my mom argue when we're together too much, I'm not making that up either. I'm also older now so it will be worse just for that reason. I feel like I'm already behind on life, at least before I only lived at home cuz I knew I was buying a house shortly. This time I'd be moving home cuz I have nowhere else to go.

I used a low level paying job.. to propel me to new heights.. again, you could do the same thing with your family.. if you choose too.. That's great.. I see that as a real positive for you to let go of some of your "social anxiety" that you have reported in this thread..

Stuff like that and your "depression" and your bathroom problems and your list of on and on neurosis’s.. should really be "let go of"

And I would use said opportunity to do so..

Well I guess I have no choice, really, because if I'm going to live there, those things will have to get dealt with, I just don't think they'll go away, I think they'll get worse. If someone is allergic to peanuts you can't just say "Well if you work in a peanut factory maybe it'll help you get over your peanut allergy", it doesn't work that way.

See every time you say to me.. it's raining.. notice how I always say.. "hmmm.. I see a rainbow.. don't know what you’re talking about..??"

That's my optimist.. positive and loving and living and bright.. (emotional self popped out for a second)

Well you don't have a problem with my situation, I do, so of course you can see it positively. Maybe you think your life sucks sometimes but I might think 'how can it, you have all that money and you can go wherever you want!', because I am not in your situation personally so I can't think it's negative.

This is great rockchick! You could learn a lot from this kid really..

It isn't about learning things from him, I don't care if he has all the answers to life, I still don't have the energy and the pep to deal with a child. All I feel like doing right now is moping, sitting around, listening to music, sleeping, anything but being active with a little kid that doesn't understand that people are not up to being around other people at the moment.

The offer is good for early November in person.. but yah, never know maybe we could do something for you by phone.. even earlier.. your call?

I probably won't even have a phone in November. I wish you were coming NOW. I feel like by then it'll be too late, I will already be in the middle of whatever my next step will be.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Jonathan Browne

It seems to me like your getting to much new agey hyped up advice.

I feel that way too. I know it's all good and helpful, but right now I can't do anything "extra curricular", so to speak. I need to SURVIVE. I need to keep my life structured and not lacking in basic necessities first and then I can work on improving myself.

I think the most helpful thing for you would be to relax, take a break from trying to fix yourself, and start adding some exercise into your routine. The most fun form of exercise is dance. Go get a exercise dance dvd or look up some youtube videos. It's hard to be depressed if your dancing. Moving your body around is key if your on the computer 16 hours a day.

OH trust me I've been trying. I used to dance all the time. But then my depression slowly creeped in, and I lost energy. Sometimes I get on my trampoline (where I dance) and I can barely muster up enough energy to lightly bounce up and down without even jumping. I think, 'i should dance, i haven't done it in months'...but then I just get this overwhelming tired feeling and the only thing that makes me feel better is sitting down.

and look, your not motivated and you don't know what to do. That's 90% of the world. Your just hyper-aware of it. Just chill the f out and do things you find fun or somewhat interesting with no guilt of "oh I should be doing something that makes me better" and you'll stumble upon things your really passionate enough to be motivated about.

I have enough things I'm passionate about, actually too many things! That's part of my whole problem, if I only I had just one thing I wanted to do. It's much easier for a lion when it ignores the whole herd and just goes after one sheep. Same thing here. I am overwhelmed with options and it paralyzed me. And now I don't even have the means to go after any of them, so, that problem has been put on hold for now.

Blog about the whole thing and I guarantee you could get a lot of traffic. how about www.depressed-and-unmotivated.com

Just write what your feeling like you are here, and at the point when you eventually surpass it you can turn it into a humorous twist and you'll be a tremendous source of advice and inspiration for people who've been in your shoes.

I do want to have a website again, but not one about this! I don't want to be known as the depressed unmotivated person. I don't even tell my family and friends about this. This is NOT something I'd want half the world to know.

Your just looking at it like it's hard and requires some kind of spartan work ethic or something. thats the problem.

Well, my other website was hard and did require a spartan work ethic That's why I stopped doing it (and because I didn't have the money anymore to keep paying for the domain). Anytime I start doing a project, it automatically feels like too much work.

[Jonathan Browne]

Anytime in the past that you've started a project it felt like work. This isn't guaranteed to keep happening forever.

Anyway your being inconsistent. Your revealing your problem in detail here and making some of the most detailed posts i've ever seen.

Make your blog www.overcome-depression-get-motivated.com

You've certainly been able to drum up a lot of interest with these posts, clearly people want to contribute to this sort of topic. There's two forces working for you.

1. People like to give money and help for people who need help

2. Other people are deperately searching for solutions to overcoming depression and getting motivated.

Why don't we all band together and get SBI for her? If you learn internet marketing you can make sites about all your interests and profit off them. You are the perfect candidate. You are on the computer a lot, your a great writer, and you are intimately familair with a profitable niche.

Would it really be hard work for you to write about your depression and lack of motivation? Your already doing it.

You could use SBIs content 2.0 and it could be like a question and answer for your posts about how and why you feel depressed and unmotivated. There could be multiple answers. Hell i'd moderate that for you.

I hope you choose to be flexible enough to not be an endless river of excuses.

Your the one who has the power to decide to seize opportunity or tell yourself "I just cant do it cause its in my nature to be unmotivated"

Nah. BS. You can do it if you put your all in.

Also about your mother, as long as you can continue to have access to a computer, move back in with her. That's what you need to do - you are not happy with your current situation but even worse it drains your energy and robs of your most valuable resource time.

You may not be happy or satisfied at your moms but you'll have one critical advantage.

Time, and a goal worthy of achieving!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Jonathan Browne

Anytime in the past that you've started a project it felt like work. This isn't guaranteed to keep happening forever.

Anyway your being inconsistent. Your revealing your problem in detail here and making some of the most detailed posts i've ever seen.

Oh I'm not saying I can't write a lot or write detailed stuff, the problem with my website was that I just lost the energy to do it after a while. I lose the spark with everything I start. I had 2 websites actually, and couldn't keep either of them going. Everything I've tried I quit after I lose interest in it. I might have ADHD or something, I am only interested in something long enough to learn about it and then I move on to the next thing. That's probably why I have about 20 possible careers I want to try. But with my track record, I know I'd lose interest after about a month.

You've certainly been able to drum up a lot of interest with these posts, clearly people want to contribute to this sort of topic. There's two forces working for you.

I think people are so interested only because I'm kind notorious on this site for having a whole bunch of problems and I can never fix them. I think it's just like this thing that everyone wants to see fixed so they don't have to deal with my posts anymore!

Why don't we all band together and get SBI for her? If you learn internet marketing you can make sites about all your interests and profit off them. You are the perfect candidate. You are on the computer a lot, your a great writer, and you are intimately familair with a profitable niche.

If I couldn't make a music site on SBI work, (when music is my favorite thing), how could I ever make it work for a different subject? This kind of stuff is like my diary, my therapy, and I don't want that spread all over the world. I certainly don't want my family and friends reading it. If they found out I was this depressed, it would make me want to hide even more. I am really surprised I'm able to be this open on here, if I knew anyone from my real life was on here I would stop immediately and ask to have all my posts removed.

You could use SBIs content 2.0 and it could be like a question and answer for your posts about how and why you feel depressed and unmotivated. There could be multiple answers. Hell i'd moderate that for you.

Well, it costs extra money for that. People suggested it to me many times with my music site, and I said even if I didn't have to pay, I didn't want anyone else writing my content for me otherwise it wouldn't be my site anymore.

Your the one who has the power to decide to seize opportunity or tell yourself "I just cant do it cause its in my nature to be unmotivated"

Nah. BS. You can do it if you put your all in.

About the only thing I am motivated in life to do is go to concerts Seriously, when I think back, all the best times in my life were when I was going to a concert or going on a trip to see a concert. I've done things I would never do for any other reason, but it was for a concert, so it was worth it.

Also about your mother, as long as you can continue to have access to a computer, move back in with her. That's what you need to do - you are not happy with your current situation but even worse it drains your energy and robs of your most valuable resource time.

Well she has a computer but anything I do on there she will see, not to mention she'd be sitting right next to me cuz it's in the livingroom right next to the couch where she sits. I would go hide in my room and do nothing but stare at the wall before I'd use her computer right next to her.

[MagicalRealist]

(I wasn't going to respond to this. I do think this thread needs to die, and I cringe at the thought of contributing to it again. But at the same time, there are things you've said that I feel the need to respond to, even if it's only because you're mirroring something for me that I need to see in myself.

So I'm going to write my answers anyway, and at the end I will either hit "Submit Reply"...or not.)

That said, you've brought yourself to a position where you have nothing left to lose--or at least you'll be in that position very soon. Unemployment has effectively run out. Your apartment will soon be gone, along with many of your belongings. You'll be a homeless couch-squatter at your mom's. You're only marginally employed right now, and I get the impression that's always subject to change--you could be laid off or have your hours cut at any time.

And I understand how terrifying and depressing all of this is; my life went into a similar collapse a long time ago. I even ended up homeless for a couple of months after a bad relationship went bust.

I was on a spiritual path then, too. And I was tremendously angry and hurt and bitter, and wondering why it had led me to this, when it was supposed to make my life better, easier, and more prosperous.

What I didn't see at the time, in the midst of all my fear and anger at external circumstances, was that I was at an important crossroads on that spiritual path. In order to continue I had to release a tremendous amount of physical, psychological, and spiritual baggage I'd been dragging along. I had to stop clinging to things and beliefs that were holding me back.

But those things and beliefs were familiar, comforting, and important to my external identity and internal sense of self. You know how little kids will cling to a ratty stuffed toy or scrap of their blankie that is filthy and falling apart? It was just like that. My ego desperately needed them to survive. My emotional equilibrium (such as it was) depended on them.

I'd had plenty of previous chances to release them, but refused every single time. I wanted my life to change, I wanted to grow spiritually--but I wanted to hang onto these things and beliefs, too.

But I couldn't do both. And neither can you. It's impossible.

So my higher self/soul/whatever you like to call it made the decision for me. It took me out to the deepest water, in the middle of the darkest night--into the situations I feared most--and shoved me and all my cherished baggage overboard. And as terrified as I was, I realized then that I had a new choice to make: panic, cling to my baggage, and drown--or face my fear, release my baggage, and start swimming.

You are in that exact same position right now.

You've been given (have given yourself, actually) the chance to transform your life. You're still giving it to yourself on a moment-by-moment basis. At any time, you can drop the things and beliefs you've been clinging to, and choose a different life for yourself. You can start swimming, unencumbered.

But you have be willing to be afraid and uncomfortable, first. The water might be cold. It may be a long time before you see the shore. And you have to drop all the baggage you've been hauling along, because it will only pull you under.

This is what so many people have been trying to tell you in this thread. It's what your soul has been trying to tell you.

You can have the life of love, joy, freedom, expansion, abundance, fulfillment that you long for--but in order to have it, you have to stop making fear-based decisions, and letting fear rule your life.

Recognize your fear, yes. But don't let it stop you. Because what you fear? It's not a wall; it's a door in disguise. Walk through it. You won't believe how much things will change once you do.

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Why is my life always full of options that are all horrible?!

Because horrible options are the only ones you create for yourself.

As long as you continue to let fear run your life, your options will all be horrible. If you want better options, start doing what scares the crap out of you. Keep doing that, and your life will transform itself in ways you cannot begin to imagine.

[cont'd]