Rockchick thread and.. "nothing works for me"!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Catch up on her reading? Waitaminit, wasn't that from her to-do list of July 2009?

Yes, and in the meantime, new books must be found on how to change one's circumstances rather than changing one's self -- do you realize how much TIME that's going to take? Not to mention The Artist's Way -- you don't have to just write 3 pages of nothing every day, you know; you have to READ the assignment every day, too. Oh, god, I'm feeling faint just thinking about all the time and effort that will take!

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

What's fascinating to me is we've gone 54 pages into this thread and here's the insight achieved.

Indeed. I am truly astonished by it.

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I DID change, over the last 3 years or so, but those ways I changed don't have anything to do with the things I can manifest. What I need to do is change how I practice the LoA. I am fine the way I AM, I just need to change how I do things (or don't do them).

I am telling you, heal yourself. I couldn't get LoA to work for me to save my life. I couldn't use it deliberately/consciously the way everyone else can. I understood enough to guess that there was a lot of negative emotional energy from painful things in my past that was attracting, for example, the most evil guys to me.

I still can't use it deliberately, because I never want the same thing 2 weeks in a row, or I want a few different things that seem to be contradictory paths, or I want things, but just not badly enough. I am wishy-washy and indecisive, and see so many paths that I can't decide which path I want to take--or if I decide, I manage to stick to it for...maybe a week, or until the next crisis or thing happens to throw my will off balance and shifts my attention to something completely different.

But here's what: I told you I focused on the reiki healing for 2 years. This spring I decided that there is one thing I really want from my life: love & marriage. That is all I had ever wanted since I was little, but it got all covered up by the horrible, lying, cheating, betraying men I kept attracting. I felt nauseous at the thought of a man, so my desire got covered. The reiki released my pain from the bad men and the bad family I had and this spring I decided to put aside all the other desires that were confusing me and I decided I WANT THAT MAN! (whoever he was who could give me the love and marriage I wanted)

Now I found him. I didn't deliberately/consciously attract him, in fact, he was already in my life since last summer, but I was hell-bent on getting rid of him (because during this healing, I was hell-bent on getting rid of any guy who looked at me sideways--I was ADAMANT about not getting involved again until I was good and ready (like 1-2 years)). Since the spring, I gradually began to open up to him and now every day I discover how even more wonderful he is than I knew the day before. And every day I am deeper in love and more thankful that I opened up to him...and am really happy looking forward to our wedding night--which was always a big part of my marriage and love dream.

HEAL YOURSELF and the rest will come.

As for the reiki: I don't recommend getting treatments. I recommend learning it yourself and doing reiki on yourself every day on different issues you have--including indecision and confusion. But it is most necessary for releasing energetic blocks which are causing the LoA to work against you.

I recommend getting at least up to reiki 2 level certification. The certification should not cost more than $400 and it's a one-time fee for a lifetime of self-healing (and the option to heal others, of course). If you did it, and I'm still around, I would offer to help you set the best intentions for your healing sessions and answer your questions.

[Rockchick26]

I knew you'd be back!

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

it is impossible for you to get another job.

This is a good example of how you exaggerate. I NEVER said it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to get another job.

there's no way you'll ever be able to see any of your favourite rock bands perform again;

Only if I never had money ever again, but I doubt that'll happen.

On the plus side, the world will always have too many books for you to finish them all.

I don't consider that a plus. I WANT to be caught up on my books.

Farmer Tom, in the year 2067. Died in 2063, still waiting for the love of his life to show up.

Maybe I didn't get Tom because I was supposed to be with George!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Days Elapsed: EIGHT!

("So the days became weeks, and the weeks became months ....")

Action Steps Taken:

(1) Signed up online to join WWOOF, an organic farming website
(2) Shortlisted possible farms to volunteer at.
(3) Went through 1/3 of apartment and identified items to sell at garage sale.

Next Steps:

(1) Prepare for garage sale to raise some money. (1/3 done, two-thirds left to do)

********************************

Previous Questions We Pondered:

(1) What on earth will Rockchick do with WWOOF, after paying money to become its member?
Answer: Uhh, absolutely nothing. So far, anyway.

(2) What might Rockchick do with her shortlist of organic farms, after shortlisting them?
Answer: Uhh, absolutely nothing. So far, anyway.

(3) When will Rockchick complete her garage sale preparations? (Only two thirds of her apartment, left to go!)
Answer: Uhh, no news so far. However she did water her plants.

(4) What baby steps might Rockchick possibly take today, to fulfill her intentions of being a writer; getting a better camera; or finding a job?
Answer: Uhh, no news so far. However she did take a shower.

(5) What might Rockchick do on Tuesday nights, to fill the gap left by the end of Lost?
Answer: Uhh, no news so far. However she probably WILL eat on Tuesday.

To find out, stay tuned for the next episode of "Rockchick's Life Story".

How can anyone read this and think you are trying to help? You may be trying to help me in your own way but this is like laughing at a person in a wheelchair because they can't walk. Those aren't even my answers, you came up with those, mine apparently weren't good enough. I feel even more inclined not to tell you if I do anything now because it won't be acceptable to you and you'll just ridicule my attempts.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Catch up on her reading? Waitaminit, wasn't that from her to-do list of July 2009?

"So the days became weeks, and the weeks became months, and the months became ____ "

Yes it probably was on my list 2 years ago, because I like reading! And whether I read or not is not going to mean things can't happen in my life.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

And of course, you'll proceed with this program with as much enthusiasm as you did, with your shortlist of organic farms. Right?

Actually I did, I paid for the newsletter, because that's how they let SERIOUS people in to get the information, you have to pay for it. (Their words, not mine!)

Seriously, housekeeping isn't for you. Look at the state of your own kitchen.

The state of my kitchen has NO bearing on how well I do my job. I've gotten many compliments at ALL 3 of my jobs with things that I do slobbily at my house.

And most people do want their housekeeper to stick to a schedule - I certainly would. If my maid said, "I like to be unstructured and spontaneous, I'll clean your bathroom when I feel like it, it could be tomorrow, or next week, or maybe around Christmas, I'm not sure", I'd sack her in a jiffy.

Oh come on, is that how you think I would be? You think i'd finally get a job I like, and I would go in there with that attitude? I can't believe you would seriously think that.

As for pets, they might bite - and notice that animals were never included in the list of your passions and interests (bear in mind that unlike most people, you're a different kind of human being and you absolutely cannot bear to do anything falling outside your list of passions and interests).

Cats are in my list of interests, I just didn't write it down because it's a thing I like, not a career I want to get into. Although I do have a catsitting profile on a caretaking site. I've had cats my whole life, and even if I didn't, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to take care of them.

And if you work at retreats/B&B, you'll have to meet and talk to customers. We already know that you can't do things like that. You're too shy, you can't talk to people etc etc. Remember?

I'd be doing the same thing there that I'm doing now, cooking, doing laundry and cleaning. But if I had to to work the front desk or something, I'd at least try it, at least it would be a more laid back relaxing place than a fast food resteraunt, I'd probably be able to handle it much better.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Bliss Sage

I still can't use it deliberately, because I never want the same thing 2 weeks in a row, or I want a few different things that seem to be contradictory paths, or I want things, but just not badly enough. I am wishy-washy and indecisive, and see so many paths that I can't decide which path I want to take--or if I decide, I manage to stick to it for...maybe a week, or until the next crisis or thing happens to throw my will off balance and shifts my attention to something completely different.

This is exactly my situation too! This is probably a huge reason why I don't get the things I want either, the universe is probably confused! (And it would make sense, because so am I!)

As for the reiki: I don't recommend getting treatments. I recommend learning it yourself and doing reiki on yourself every day on different issues you have--including indecision and confusion. But it is most necessary for releasing energetic blocks which are causing the LoA to work against you.

I recommend getting at least up to reiki 2 level certification. The certification should not cost more than $400 and it's a one-time fee for a lifetime of self-healing (and the option to heal others, of course). If you did it, and I'm still around, I would offer to help you set the best intentions for your healing sessions and answer your questions.

I have a book called Your Hands Can Heal You, which was supposedly one of the best self-healing books out there (it was recommended to me specifically AND all the reviews were amazing). I got it and have only read about 1/3 of it but some of the things I tried were pretty cool, not healing-level stuff but just simple energy exercises. Is that the same as Reiki? Basically using your hands to feel and move energy?

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

But if I had to to work the front desk or something, I'd at least try it, at least it would be a more laid back relaxing place than a fast food resteraunt, I'd probably be able to handle it much better.

No, not possible. You can't even make small talk with another person. There's no way you could handle it. As you said yourself:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

And anytime I'm making small talk with someone I always say something stupid or wrong and feel like an idiot. I'm going to be known as the town idiot before too long!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

No, not possible. You can't even make small talk with another person. There's no way you could handle it. As you said yourself:

That was referring to small talk with strangers out in public, not when I am at work. There are always things to talk about at work, it isn't like being out in public with strangers where you have no reason to talk to each other.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

That was referring to small talk with strangers out in public, not when I am at work. There are always things to talk about at work, it isn't like being out in public with strangers where you have no reason to talk to each other.

No way ... You couldn't talk to customers when you were working at MacDonald's, so you wouldn't be able to talk to customers at the front desk of a bed & breakfast place.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I have a book called Your Hands Can Heal You, which was supposedly one of the best self-healing books out there (it was recommended to me specifically AND all the reviews were amazing). I got it and have only read about 1/3 of it but some of the things I tried were pretty cool, not healing-level stuff but just simple energy exercises. Is that the same as Reiki? Basically using your hands to feel and move energy?

You won't succeed at learning this. As you've repeatedly said, you're alread overwhelmed with the 15 different things you're pursuing in your life right now, which leaves you utterly lacking focus.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Oh come on, is that how you think I would be? You think i'd finally get a job I like, and I would go in there with that attitude? I can't believe you would seriously think that.

What do you mean? Are you trying to say that you are actually able to follow a plan and a schedule to get things done? That's unbelievable - it goes against what you've been saying again and again and again in this thread.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Actually I did, I paid for the newsletter, because that's how they let SERIOUS people in to get the information, you have to pay for it.

It will do you no good. As you've said before, to get to an organic farm, you'll need to have your own car and drive it there. And you just can't.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

The kind of plans that I am good at executing are like, vacation plans! Or music related. Or plans with friends.

Even when I know I need to do something and I plan to do it at a certain time, that time comes and goes and I just say "I'll do it later, I always have the time." even if it's something small like cleaning my apartment or meditating for 5 minutes or going for a walk! So it isn't that I can't follow through because a plan is too big, because small ones haven't been any easier, it's that I can't follow through when I'd rather be doing something else, or it's not exciting enough. And I know I always have more time to do it later because I don't have a full time job. And a voice steps in to tell me it's ok because this phase is only temporary anyway. I kind of feel like I have permission to be lazy now while I can be because after I get a job, I won't be able to be lazy anymore.

in other words you see no value in being able to follow through on plans, except for the music related ones. then you don't need my suggestion to help you practice executing plans.

however, you might want to practice following through on those little plans as practice because you are lying to yourself when you don't.

and you have said you wished to be more true to yourself - well making a little plan and then not following it is lying to yourself.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

No way ... You couldn't talk to customers when you were working at MacDonald's, so you wouldn't be able to talk to customers at the front desk of a bed & breakfast place.

I never said I couldn't talk to customers there, I just hated it. I couldn't work the cash register, that was the main problem. But at least if I work the register at a B&B, I'm only dealing with a few people at a time, who aren't starving and impatient for their food and lining up all the way to the doors. I could at least think of things to say to them, unlike customers at McDonalds, you don't really talk to them anyway because you're too busy trying to get their order together and their change counted out right!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

You won't succeed at learning this. As you've repeatedly said, you're alread overwhelmed with the 15 different things you're pursuing in your life right now, which leaves you utterly lacking focus.

Well I can focus on it after I get my other books read. I purposely didn't finish it because I wanted to save it for when I can focus on it. That really can be true of all my books, actually. That's the beauty of having books, they aren't going anywhere!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

What do you mean? Are you trying to say that you are actually able to follow a plan and a schedule to get things done? That's unbelievable - it goes against what you've been saying again and again and again in this thread.

You're talking about a JOB. I know how to work. I've worked since I was 15. I've always been good at my jobs (minus the cash register part! )

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

It will do you no good. As you've said before, to get to an organic farm, you'll need to have your own car and drive it there. And you just can't.

Well you could just say I'm leaving it up to the universe to show me how, that's the right way to do it anyway, correct? I know I don't have the money to fly anywhere and back home again, and I can't drive much farther than an hour or two, so lets see what solutions the universe comes up with for me!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

in other words you see no value in being able to follow through on plans, except for the music related ones. then you don't need my suggestion to help you practice executing plans.

I guess I just have an easier time doing things I want to do, things I enjoy the most, things that are possible at the moment, and things that matter.

however, you might want to practice following through on those little plans as practice because you are lying to yourself when you don't.

Practicing one plan would be nothing like practicing another plan. It isn't that I don't know how to carry out a plan, I don't need to learn how to do it so I can do it when I have to, I already have done it.

and you have said you wished to be more true to yourself - well making a little plan and then not following it is lying to yourself.

I dont see it that way, to me not following through on a plan I've made just shows me how I am and once I'm aware then I can figure out why I am like that. Basically it shows me what I care about the most.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I never said I couldn't talk to customers there, I just hated it.

Exactly. Earlier in this thread, you have already said that you are not suitable for any customer service job. Therefore you couldn't possibly work at the front desk of any B&B place.

I couldn't work the cash register, that was the main problem.

And that will still be a problem. That's why such a job is not suitable for you.

But at least if I work the register at a B&B, I'm only dealing with a few people at a time, who aren't starving and impatient for their food and lining up all the way to the doors. I could at least think of things to say to them, unlike customers at McDonalds, you don't really talk to them anyway because you're too busy trying to get their order together and their change counted out right!

Customers at a B&B will expect a higher level of service than at McDonalds. They ARE paying a lot more than the cost of one Big Mac, fries and coke.

If you could not handle the McDonald's job, there's no reason why you would be able to handle the B&B front desk job.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well I can focus on it after I get my other books read.

That will never happen.

[Bliss Sage]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

This is exactly my situation too! This is probably a huge reason why I don't get the things I want either, the universe is probably confused! (And it would make sense, because so am I!)

Yeah, I had this dilemma. I still have it in every other area of my life (outside of love). One funny thing is, though, I was even more confused about 2 weeks ago, and in a moment I just did some reiki on myself--after a few minutes I became clear on which of the things to do that I had been considering. I have to do some more reiki to get clear on what I want, because now I'm confused on another issue, now that my choices and circumstances have changed and I think I've found the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

Being indecisive will not bring good stuff via the LoA. Even if you don't heal yourself, you need to take a "vacation" to determine desires, or at least one desire, that you will want long enough and strongly enough. Going back and forth is eternal limbo. Actually, I wanted a guy who would pick up the slack for me in my indecision . And he will . He knows what he wants and I love it when he tells me what (he wants me) to do and I usually love to do it. He himself is happy, upbeat and positive, specifically never focuses on negative, and, even though he has never heard of the LoA, he has been using it to his benefit all along. So, I figured if I align myself with him and let him guide our lives, my life will become charmed like his. It's so much easier to just surrender to someone else's will when you don't identify a definitive preference, as long as you don't feel any red flags going up.

Problem is, I see all potentials and sides to a desire and what it might bring. I don't know how I'll change once I get something, if I'll be happy, what the other factors or people involved in the desire will do (all a result of bad experiences of mutated manifestations of desires I had in the past)...so some scenarios are good and I'd want them, others, not. And even if there were only good scenarios...it's likely that I won't be able to sustain a passion for the desire, because stuff always happens in my life to demand my attention elsewhere, or else, like through reiking myself, a desire I am passionate about today will fade.

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I have a book called Your Hands Can Heal You, which was supposedly one of the best self-healing books out there (it was recommended to me specifically AND all the reviews were amazing). I got it and have only read about 1/3 of it but some of the things I tried were pretty cool, not healing-level stuff but just simple energy exercises. Is that the same as Reiki? Basically using your hands to feel and move energy?

A book can never replace reiki, but the principle described, about using energy channeled through the hands, is reiki.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

You're talking about a JOB. I know how to work. I've worked since I was 15. I've always been good at my jobs

That can't be true.

After all, you had earlier said, "My skills are not equal to most people, they're below most people."

If your skills are worse than most people's skills, you can't possibly have been good at your jobs.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

But if I had to to work the front desk or something, I'd at least try it, at least it would be a more laid back relaxing place than a fast food resteraunt, I'd probably be able to handle it much better.

Fat hope. It's still a customer service job. You would be paralysed in such a job. As you had previously said yourself:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I am not good with speaking or dealing with people so anything customer service is out. The thought of it just paralyzes me.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I guess I just have an easier time doing things I want to do, things I enjoy the most, things that are possible at the moment, and things that matter.

but you also seem to say things like you were motivated to carry through with something that then you lose motivation. is that something that bothers you? that wish wasn't that way? or do you not see it that way? you lose motivation for a plan and it doesn't matter to you?

Practicing one plan would be nothing like practicing another plan. It isn't that I don't know how to carry out a plan, I don't need to learn how to do it so I can do it when I have to, I already have done it.

It's not the plan that needs the practicing. It's the ability to be honest with yourself. to be able to trust what you say you will do. This idea is to help build that trust. If, in the extreme, for example, if someone continually decides to do something - makes a plan they are excited about - and then doesn't really do anything - like actions toward the goal - they are establishing a pattern. It's a pattern of planing but not executing. It doesn't matter what the plan is. I'm talking about a meta level. The framework of deciding and going for it.

It could be as simple as waking up on morning (or night for you) and saying, after breakfast I'll go for a walk. And instead of not honoring that decision and being distracted into something else, actually going for the walk.

It might be important to notice these agreements that can be executed, just to know - in which case the excuse that you like to be spontaneous can't be used against your well laid plans.

However, if you say "It isn't that I don't know how to carry out a plan, I don't need to learn how to do it so I can do it when I have to, I already have done it." - then you can't use the excuse you can't follow your decisions/plans/goals because you don't follow through with them (which was something I thought you said)

I dont see it that way, to me not following through on a plan I've made just shows me how I am and once I'm aware then I can figure out why I am like that. Basically it shows me what I care about the most.

so you are saying: if I make a plan that I care about, and then don't do anything about it, I can conclude that that plan was for something I don't really care about.

now how is that not lying to yourself?

if in the planning stage you do care about it - but in the executing phase you don't' care about it?

---you will say - "what I cared about changed", right?

but I would say - if you bother to make a plan, that usually means you care about it enough to put that effort into it, and then to change your mind and not execute it is not believing that you care about. not so much that what you care about changes.

anyway, you have all your own answers. no need to try to see things differently. it doesn't matter to you to do that. you can deny what the feedback is, in other words. dig yourself in with denial and defense of your views. you can totally deny that making a plan and not following it may be lying to yourself. in doing so, to me, you are practicing exactly what you don't want - to be true to yourself. do your own thing that simultaneously is perfectly fine with you, exactly how it is now, but also wanting something different. tell us you want to change, and then shoot down anything and everything as you already know your own answers and no need to actually listen to anything from someone else. totally shut off ALG's feedback and deny all of it because he is pushing the points in your face. "no that's not me" - really? for all I know you are right anyway. and I am out to lunch (probably true).

[SethWilliams]

55 pages RockChick, dont you see. 55 pages. Literally weeks have passed.

What good has this done.

What have you learnt. Have you changed. Are you any closer.

You live in the "only if". But circumstances dont matter. You've argued with quite possibly yourself for weeks.

There is no try. There is only do.

What have you gained from this?

[missbhaven]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

in other words you see no value in being able to follow through on plans, except for the music related ones. then you don't need my suggestion to help you practice executing plans.

however, you might want to practice following through on those little plans as practice because you are lying to yourself when you don't.

and you have said you wished to be more true to yourself - well making a little plan and then not following it is lying to yourself.

Thank you Wolfgang.
Here before, I was stating that she doesn't give our advice value or worth becuase it's free. But if she doesn't consider her own goals valuable or worthy enough to implement them into action, it doesn't matter the value of the advice given. Her own goals aren't worth the effort to apply the advice.
Look at her response to you here.

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I guess I just have an easier time doing things I want to do, things I enjoy the most, things that are possible at the moment, and things that matter.

Practicing one plan would be nothing like practicing another plan. It isn't that I don't know how to carry out a plan, I don't need to learn how to do it so I can do it when I have to, I already have done it.

I dont see it that way, to me not following through on a plan I've made just shows me how I am and once I'm aware then I can figure out why I am like that. Basically it shows me what I care about the most.

So her not following threw on any plans (or even making them) and advice given here is her showing herself what she cares about the most, becuase she has an easier time doing what she wants.
Soo far I have seen 54 pages of her stating she wants this that and the next but no real plan or idea of to make it happen.

If you can't plan and implement the smaller parts of your big goals that WE have whittled down and listed and help define FOR YOU. Based on your above comment, why should be belive that it is something you TRULY WANT. You lack of action in 54 pages shows yourself that it isn't a TRUE want, becuase according to you, if it was it would be easy for you to implement the plans you've asked others to help you with.

In the begining, I've also said she's lying to everyone here including herself. Tell all of us that you want something but every suggestion offered to help is meet with an excuses as to why SHE CAN'T do it. So she chooses to believe the lies she tells herself and tries to get us to believe them also. However, we see the ridiculousness of her lies and when we throw them back to her WE are twisting the truth.
I'm sorry, if you tell me a ridiculous lie and I'm amused that you don't see the ridiculousness of it. When I state your "truth"s with a smile, you say I'm ridiculing you.

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

How can anyone read this and think you are trying to help? You may be trying to help me in your own way but this is like laughing at a person in a wheelchair because they can't walk. Those aren't even my answers, you came up with those, mine apparently weren't good enough. I feel even more inclined not to tell you if I do anything now because it won't be acceptable to you and you'll just ridicule my attempts.

You ever watch Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby with Will Ferrel?
After his crash he thought he was paralyzed. Though everyone, doctors and friends told him "No it's not true, it's all in your mind.". He yelled at them becuase he thought they were being mean and they were putting him down and they must of thought this was funny, (Ha ha he's cripple soo lets lie to him make him believe he can walk, get up only to fall on his face becuase he really cripple). He stabs himself with a knife to prove to them that he REALLY can't feel his legs, then jumps up outta the chair becuase he's in serious pain from his knife wound.

Yea We are making fun of you in your wheelchair becuase you refuse to admit and agree with all the truths presented to you.

When are you going to wake up and realize it? What self inflicted wound are you going to have to give yourself to realize it is ALL IN YOUR MIND.

[James81]

Originally Posted by SethWilliams

55 pages RockChick, dont you see. 55 pages. Literally weeks have passed.

What good has this done.

What have you learnt. Have you changed. Are you any closer.

You live in the "only if". But circumstances dont matter. You've argued with quite possibly yourself for weeks.

There is no try. There is only do.

What have you gained from this?

How can she gain anything from this when nobody is listening to her?

[Lucidism]

Originally Posted by James81

How can she gain anything from this when nobody is listening to her?

What do you mean?

Or was this sarcasm?