Rockchick thread and.. "nothing works for me"!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Seriously.. don't worry about it. People here are NOT insulted if you do not reply to them.

you want recognition (=love) so bad that you feel that if you do not reply to each and every (ok, not every anymore, but most) post, that people will stop helping you. That they will not like you anymore. That you are not loved anymore.

That is your main issue I feel.

You have this need inside you to feel loved by other people that overshadows everything you do.

If you change too much, certain people may not like you anymore. If you change too little (or show too little effort) other people may not like you anymore. It feels as if your entire life is build around other people liking you, while you don't even like yourself...

I've been trying to reply less, so only to the ones that are literally asking me questions or ones that I have to explain about. And it isn't that I'm looking for love, or even acceptance, in here, I just want people to understand correctly. A lot of people misinterpret things I say and I hate when people think something about me that isn't true.

And I never said I don't like myself, I believe my low self esteem problem has been decreasing steadily over the last few years.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

You mean - the perfect guy for you?

Use your own imagination. He probably owns a small, thriving organic farm about seven or eight hours away from where you live. He's passionate about healthy living and eating. His dream is to make a documentary or write a book about organic farming, and fill it with pictures of his own farm - unfortunately, he's not good with photography or writing and he's really hoping for some help here.

In his free time, he listens to rock music. He's a little lonely in life, and seeking a mate. Unfortunately he's so busy with his farm that he rarely gets to go out and meet people. "If only some attractive woman would be willing to come and live with me on my farm," he thinks to himself. "But which woman would? This is the boondies, not many people would be used to the lifestyle here."

Sometimes he daydreams that some woman will just miraculously show up at his farm's doorstep and say, "Hi! Let me introduce myself. I am very interested in organic farming. If you provide me with room and board, I'd work for you for free on your farm. We could try it for a month or two, and see how it goes."

But then he tells himself, "Naaaah. How could that possibly happen?"

I loved this story up until the last line!

You are actually right except for that part! I believe it CAN happen.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I had no choice but to work, I had no choice but to sleep. I am not going to go without a shower especially when it's 90 degrees out! My plants need water or they'll die, my dad needs his weekly phone call or he'll be pissy next time I talk to him, and the human body needs food. I didn't do anything that wasn't necessary.

Twisted Excuse No. 70:

"I cannot work on my goals - after all, I need to eat, sleep and shower. I even have a father and some plants."

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Twisted Excuse No. 70:

How are those things excuses!? EVERYONE calls their parents, everyone takes showers, everyone feeds their plants!! I am not making up more excuses, I'm taking care of my daily things that everyone also does!

[JSB]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

How are those things excuses!? EVERYONE calls their parents, everyone takes showers, everyone feeds their plants!! I am not making up more excuses, I'm taking care of my daily things that everyone also does!

Yes, but not everyone is paralyzed from taking other actions by the need to do these daily things. Stop worrying about getting everything done and set aside 30 minutes to work on just one of your goals (perhaps sleep 9.5 hours instead of 10). Before you say "it's not enough", it's 30 minutes more than you spent today. The idea is to chip away bit by bit until you start to get some momentum.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I loved this story up until the last line!

You are actually right except for that part! I believe it CAN happen.

Can't happen.

There are too many books you need to read first.

Besides your dad wouldn't approve of you going.

And you're shy around new people. You wouldn't be able to talk to Tom.

Besides first you need to go through your shortlist of farms. God knows how long that would take.

Especially if you need to water your plants.

And take showers. Goodness, how will you ever find the time? You need a shower every day.

And sleep! That's a real killer. It takes up eight to ten hours of your time per day.

How could you even start the planning? Let alone finish it.

Besides, Tom's farm is seven hours' drive away. You'll never get there without a new car of your own.

No, it's not possible that you could take a bus, or hitch a ride, or ask a friend to fetch you there.

Besides your mother is waiting for you. To watch the Lost finale on DVD. That's four hours long, right.

And after that, you might have to buy your tomatoes and lettuce. AND check your emails.

By then, someone will recommend you a new MP3 download. Which you MUST listen to, before you can do anything else.

Gasp! Another year gone already? It's your friend's birthday again! Tomorrow you'll need to visit him.

And a new season of Lost is back!

Oh no, it's time for another shower. The pace of your life is so overwhelmingly hectic.

Well, maybe things will change. In another two or three years. By then, perhaps you'll stop being a Nowhere Woman and be ready to go somewhere.

Like, to Tom's farm.

Maybe.


Farmer Tom, in the year 2048. Still waiting for the love of his life to show up. Meanwhile senior citizen Rockchick was busy watching the rerun of a classic TV show from the 2010s, entitled Lost. (Oh and after that, she'll need to water her plants).

[cylon]

Well this is a monster of a thread. It's been a lot of fun to read the responses, especially ALG's.

The "Type 4" concept has really blown my socks off. I didn't even know there was such a thing before this thread, and I realize that's pretty much what I am. The artist who goes back and forth between wanting to express themselves, and being afraid that if they do express themselves, they will be judged as a consequence. Quite the vicious circle. Can't believe I am just learning about "Type 4" right now... but I know that I don't need to know much more. I don't need a doctorate in self help to realize that self-help can be an addiction that is much more harmful to your future than crack or heroin. Kick that habit until you can use these resources responsibly (for you, I'd say at least a year with no more self-help books/articles/forums/etc).

This thread is basically a diary of someone who is very intelligent and capable making excuses for themselves, which is something I can definitely relate to.

Rockchick, I think you have become separated from your true self™. If you want to lead the life you truly desire, you must find a way to bridge the gap between who you are now, and who you want to be. And I think the only way to close that gap is by focusing your energy on a few specific goals, and seeing those goals through to the end.

The practice of immersing yourself into something that you truly love will solve most of your self-created problems. When you immerse yourself in something you care about, all the other mental "chatter" dies down. Ignoring that mental chatter (the ego as many call it) is the difference between thinking about the life you want to live, and living that very life.

If you don't consciously decide to live the life you want, no one can do it for you. A discussion forum does not have the power to make life decisions for you. You are wasting your life because you are afraid that you can't be who you are and be accepted or loved by others... and there is nothing anyone on the internet can say that will make you believe in yourself. It isn't going to happen.

Someone who comes to the conclusion that they need to fix themselves can either lose themselves in the circle jerk of self-development, or they can choose to live the life of the person they want to become.

Start acting like the person you want to be. Thinking about it, is a dead end. You are at a cross-roads... navel-gazing/mental masturbation, or actually doing something that will benefit your life.

You've read enough books, and contributed to enough online dialogue. You will not find what you're looking for that way.

My advice is this: next time you want to log on to StevePavlina.com... don't. Next time you want to read a self-help book, don't. The answers you want are not there. They are in you consciously choosing to behave in a way that is different than you have for the last several years.

You know what to do. Be strong enough to follow through on the things you know you have to do. That is the only way out of this self-inflicted sickness.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Anything else would be enabling Rockchick. All the responses she gets just makes her think that her BS excuses are worth commenting on.

They aren't.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by cylon

Someone who comes to the conclusion that they need to fix themselves can either lose themselves in the circle jerk of self-development, or they can choose to live the life of the person they want to become.

Yes, yes, yes. Very true. Word.

Originally Posted by cylon

Anything else would be enabling Rockchick. All the responses she gets just makes her think that her BS excuses are worth commenting on.

I noticed that, as well, but I've gotten so much helpful mirroring from this thread that I've participated, anyway (though I normally direct my posts to other participants).

Excellent post, Cylon. Stright to the point, right through the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Beautiful. I appreciate what you wrote, and that you put the energy into writing it. Thank you.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by JSB

Yes, but not everyone is paralyzed from taking other actions by the need to do these daily things. Stop worrying about getting everything done and set aside 30 minutes to work on just one of your goals (perhaps sleep 9.5 hours instead of 10). Before you say "it's not enough", it's 30 minutes more than you spent today. The idea is to chip away bit by bit until you start to get some momentum.

I sleep 10 hours maybe once every 3 years when my alarm is set wrong. You can't use that against me, I normally get 7-8 1/2 hours.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Can't happen.

There are too many books you need to read first.

I'm not going to be buying any more books, so when I finish the ones I have, I'm done. I hate being behind and once I get caught up i'm going to be relieved.

Besides your dad wouldn't approve of you going.

I don't know if he will or not, but I've done things he doesn't approve of before, if you remember.

And you're shy around new people. You wouldn't be able to talk to Tom.

Being shy never stopped me from getting a boyfriend before, or dating other guys, or making the friends I've made. Tom isn't going to be a customer in line where I work, he isn't some random guy walking down the road as I am, it will be super easy to talk to someone if we are working at the same farm together. Then we actually have things to talk about.

Besides first you need to go through your shortlist of farms. God knows how long that would take.

It certainly won't take us until our retirement years! And even if it does, I'm going to be that age anyway, I'd rather be that age and working on a farm than that age and doing nothing.

Especially if you need to water your plants.

If I'm gonna work on a farm, I'm not going to be home to HAVE plants to even water.

And sleep! That's a real killer. It takes up eight to ten hours of your time per day.

I set my alarm clock wrong ONE time and already people are thinking I normally sleep 10 hours a day!? I can't say anything around here without it being taken wrong.

Besides, Tom's farm is seven hours' drive away. You'll never get there without a new car of your own.

No, it's not possible that you could take a bus, or hitch a ride, or ask a friend to fetch you there.

If I'm going to a farm that is that far away, I'll have a way to get there, otherwise I wouldn't choose it. If I can't find a way, I'll go to one of the farms that are closer.

Besides your mother is waiting for you. To watch the Lost finale on DVD. That's four hours long, right.

Yes it is but we only have to do that ONCE and that's this weekend. It won't be a "problem" anymore after that.

And after that, you might have to buy your tomatoes and lettuce. AND check your emails.

If I do this, I won't need to buy food anymore, and I can check my emails there.

By then, someone will recommend you a new MP3 download. Which you MUST listen to, before you can do anything else.

Mp3 downloads are mostly for when I'm meditating. Except for the Bashar ones which I got through in a few hours. I haven't even listened to any in like 3 weeks. You can't just take every little thing I say and bring it up again later like it's going to be an ongoing issue.

And a new season of Lost is back!

It's not coming back!!

Oh no, it's time for another shower. The pace of your life is so overwhelmingly hectic.

Well, maybe things will change. In another two or three years. By then, perhaps you'll stop being a Nowhere Woman and be ready to go somewhere.

Like, to Tom's farm.

Maybe.


Farmer Tom, in the year 2048. Still waiting for the love of his life to show up. Meanwhile senior citizen Rockchick was busy watching the rerun of a classic TV show from the 2010s, entitled Lost. (Oh and after that, she'll need to water her plants).

Again, my life is only like this right now, it has never been like this before and it won't be like this in the future. Why are you saying in 30 years I am going to be the same way I was from 2009-2010? There were 36 years before that too, why wouldn't you say that I'll be like I was then? I don't see how this particular year is going to dictate how I am 30 years from now.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by cylon

Anything else would be enabling Rockchick.

deja vue

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

The "Type 4" concept has really blown my socks off. I didn't even know there was such a thing before this thread, and I realize that's pretty much what I am. The artist who goes back and forth between wanting to express themselves, and being afraid that if they do express themselves, they will be judged as a consequence. Quite the vicious circle. Can't believe I am just learning about "Type 4" right now... but I know that I don't need to know much more. I don't need a doctorate in self help to realize that self-help can be an addiction that is much more harmful to your future than crack or heroin. Kick that habit until you can use these resources responsibly (for you, I'd say at least a year with no more self-help books/articles/forums/etc).

This is an excellent example of why I like to read and learn and I don't want to stop. Here you basically said, "Wow! This thing I learned just changed my life! I'm so glad I read it! Now my advice to you is not to read or learn anymore, nothing here can change your life!" Do you see the problem there?

This thread is basically a diary of someone who is very intelligent and capable making excuses for themselves, which is something I can definitely relate to.

You can't tell ME what this thread is, at least what it is to me. You know, this reminds me of what I just read in my book tonight that I was reading at work. It's The Artists Way. It says every morning when you get up you're supposed to write 3 pages of whatever comes to your mind, you're supposed to complain, talk about your dreams, talk about why your dreams aren't coming true, just write whatever is coming into your head, like a diary. And then it says you must NEVER let anyone read it! I am not saying it was a mistake to use this place as my diary/therapy/whatever, but it leaves you open to criticism and makes you feel worse.

Rockchick, I think you have become separated from your true self™. If you want to lead the life you truly desire, you must find a way to bridge the gap between who you are now, and who you want to be. And I think the only way to close that gap is by focusing your energy on a few specific goals, and seeing those goals through to the end.

That probably is the only way. I just hate giving up on the LoA because I know it works and I want to master it.

The practice of immersing yourself into something that you truly love will solve most of your self-created problems. When you immerse yourself in something you care about, all the other mental "chatter" dies down. Ignoring that mental chatter (the ego as many call it) is the difference between thinking about the life you want to live, and living that very life.

I did immerse myself in things I love, many many times. Over my whole life, and in the last year and a half. It hasn't seemed to make a difference.

If you don't consciously decide to live the life you want, no one can do it for you. A discussion forum does not have the power to make life decisions for you. You are wasting your life because you are afraid that you can't be who you are and be accepted or loved by others... and there is nothing anyone on the internet can say that will make you believe in yourself. It isn't going to happen.

I think you're wrong, there are plenty of things people on the internet can say that will help me, it's happened! The same goes for books, ebooks, mp3 downloads, etc. I find little gems of wisdom all the time, I have breakthroughs, I am inspired, the only time something bad comes from it is when somebody says something negative to me. My brain gives me enough of that on my own, I don't need any more of it from other people!

You've read enough books, and contributed to enough online dialogue. You will not find what you're looking for that way.

I disagree, I've found a lot that has helped immensely. Unfortunately, you don't know if it will help you until after you've invested the time in it, but that's just like anything else in life, right?

My advice is this: next time you want to log on to StevePavlina.com... don't. Next time you want to read a self-help book, don't. The answers you want are not there.

See my last 2 answers.

They are in you consciously choosing to behave in a way that is different than you have for the last several years.

I know this already and that isn't good enough. I need more.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Anything else would be enabling Rockchick. All the responses she gets just makes her think that her BS excuses are worth commenting on.

They aren't.

That's your opinion that they are BS in the first place, and it's also your opinion that they aren't worth replying to. You did it!

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I'm not going to be buying any more books, so when I finish the ones I have, I'm done. I hate being behind and once I get caught up i'm going to be relieved.



I don't know if he will or not, but I've done things he doesn't approve of before, if you remember.



Being shy never stopped me from getting a boyfriend before, or dating other guys, or making the friends I've made. Tom isn't going to be a customer in line where I work, he isn't some random guy walking down the road as I am, it will be super easy to talk to someone if we are working at the same farm together. Then we actually have things to talk about.



It certainly won't take us until our retirement years! And even if it does, I'm going to be that age anyway, I'd rather be that age and working on a farm than that age and doing nothing.



If I'm gonna work on a farm, I'm not going to be home to HAVE plants to even water.



I set my alarm clock wrong ONE time and already people are thinking I normally sleep 10 hours a day!? I can't say anything around here without it being taken wrong.



If I'm going to a farm that is that far away, I'll have a way to get there, otherwise I wouldn't choose it. If I can't find a way, I'll go to one of the farms that are closer.



Yes it is but we only have to do that ONCE and that's this weekend. It won't be a "problem" anymore after that.



If I do this, I won't need to buy food anymore, and I can check my emails there.



Mp3 downloads are mostly for when I'm meditating. Except for the Bashar ones which I got through in a few hours. I haven't even listened to any in like 3 weeks. You can't just take every little thing I say and bring it up again later like it's going to be an ongoing issue.



It's not coming back!!



Again, my life is only like this right now, it has never been like this before and it won't be like this in the future. Why are you saying in 30 years I am going to be the same way I was from 2009-2010? There were 36 years before that too, why wouldn't you say that I'll be like I was then? I don't see how this particular year is going to dictate how I am 30 years from now.

Oh if you're so clever and capable and the obstacles are so minor, then go and get Tom. Do tell me about your progress.

Meanwhile the tracker ticks on.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Again, my life is only like this right now, it has never been like this before and it won't be like this in the future. Why are you saying in 30 years I am going to be the same way I was from 2009-2010? There were 36 years before that too, why wouldn't you say that I'll be like I was then?

Hey, you spent 18 years of your life in the same one job that you didn't like. At the end of those 18 years, you didn't even leave voluntarily - they had to make you redundant.

That's very strong evidence of your ability to stay stuck in detestable situations for very long period of time.

Also:

(1) 16 months after losing your job, your life situation has still stayed the same, despite the huge amount of "planning" that you claim to have done and all the books you've read;

(2) In this thread, you've discussed your situation with other forummers in 1,500+ posts, yet you haven't implemented a single piece of the abundance of good advice you've received here.

This really shows that you're extremely slow in creating positive changes in your life. It wouldn't surprise me one bit, if Tom really grows old waiting for you.

[missbhaven]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I know, and this is the problem with the way I think. I have this "all or nothing" attitude. I know it's not good, but I just can't help but feel that if every detail isn't put in place from the beginning and carried out perfectly then it isn't worth bothering with. I have to change that

Soo what DAILY steps are you going to do TO CHANGE this attitude?

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I just feel that all the plans I have are so huge and expensive compared to my daily life, I dont know how to fit parts of them into my life right now.

Which is why he stated

if you want to carry through with plans - practice that. even little plans

This is what I mean by rejecting advice. He tells you to start practicing and start small, you reject with YOU FEEL ALL your plans are sooo huge. Why won't you say "sure, I CAN DO THAT."?
Your plans are too big (they are an exception to this advice) and you don't know where to start, soo you reject this advice and stay doing nothing.

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I said I never HAD any dreams, meaning past tense.

You were referencing the fact that you weren't like those that knew what they wanted to do, assuming that they were this way from young. That you aren't like them becuase you didn't have dreams like that from young, and that you can't go out and achieve YOUR GOALS (like them) becuase you aren't like them. You don't have definate goals that you've built from young.
Now when I point out your own words, how you use this particular notion to prevent you from achieving your dreams. You are quick to run and tell me some story of circumstance as show me why you aren't like them, soo it is truth. (Validating MY "I'm an exception" theory.) Do you even remember the post I am referencing? You yourself (as ALG states) are twisting your excuses based on the suggestion given to you. I'm just pointing out your own words and your excuses, but you can run back and tell me no no no I misunderstood becuase you don't like how it sounds when someone spits it back at you. Soo it must be I'm the one twisting it. Yea it sounded twisted to me, soo it must sound like a real mess when I direct it right back at you and state it like fact just like you did.

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

So, everything you said was reflecting a misunderstanding. I have never felt average, the only reason I bring up what the average person does is to show how I'm not like them. But i'm not saying my problems aren't average, or that I'm special because I have them, I'm just saying generally I don't fit in with the norm most of the time.

Good we got that misunderstanding cleared up. Now does that mean you think my advice is wrong becuase I misunderstood the context of you using a Stat of the average person's tv time and my one being an exception? (with the use of the word exception, I thought you meant "they are different from me, and I am more like the average." You didn't state you were an exception like them, you just posted the stat in response to my comment.)
I said
[QUOTE]If you are using the fact that you aren't like "the rest" to prevent you from achieving your dreams, why are you going to agree to live the average normal life? So if what you want is exceptional life, why the frig does it matter that I pointed out an "exception" to you??[/QUOTE]
The way I see it you should be happy that you have a group of sucessfull people you are similar to. But you have an issue with the word and the context "exception" (especially when applied to you) I guess.

When I state you reject the run of mill advice with to some story as to why your "exceptional" this is your response.

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I give MY reasons as to why I feel that I can't implement the advice, I never said I was exceptional, just saying how I feel, not saying nobody else has ever had my problems.

If you look at the previous quote of yours I used. Those in bold, there are your "exceptional" excuses. Look at the last one. If your reasons/excuses as to why you can't implement the advice is that last line ( "I'm just saying generally I don't fit in with the norm most of the time.") You are saying for that advice, you are not in the norm, and guess what? That means YOU ARE AN EXCEPTION!

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I do want to go back and re-read all of this again, but right now I feel like it would be counter productive. I've already read it all, and I haven't read all my books yet. If someone really wants to know what advice I liked and what I "rejected" (although I wouldn't use that word), you don't even have to go back and re-read the whole thread, just do a search for my posts and then you can see them all.

How exactly will re-reading all the advice people have given is counter-productive?
If by someone you mean me. The reason I suggested it, is because I HAVE read threw this topic at least 3 times myself. Each time I read it I find NEW advice that I SKIPPED or simply didn't get. I have also seen the same advice given several times, by various people who it must have worked for. I wouldn't simply read only your responses becuase it is a dynamic conversation where other's people advice may not have been quoted by you.
The reason why I have suggested you re-read threw all the pages, if you may need to read your own words over. If you think they are being twisted by us, maybe if you yourself read what you said, you might see where the context was lost.
But see ... the way I see it, everyone here has offered advice on healing yourself, introspection and and one even suggested this is like journalling. So what is the purpose of a journal if you won't go back and read it? Most docs will tell you to create a journal soo you can track your thoughts(or food) and analyze them (your behaviors) for yourself.
What I have asked is you take a moment and go back and analyze yourself. Your response was it would be counter-productive. Nice to know that taking time to look back at your own actions and words that are maintaining your current life is counter-productive.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

If I'm going to a farm that is that far away, I'll have a way to get there, otherwise I wouldn't choose it. If I can't find a way, I'll go to one of the farms that are closer.

Nope, not possible. As you said yourself:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I can't even drive to the next town, how can I afford to drive across country?

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I'm not going to be buying any more books, so when I finish the ones I have, I'm done.

Nope, not possible. As you said yourself:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

This is an excellent example of why I like to read and learn and I don't want to stop.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Being shy never stopped me from getting a boyfriend before, or dating other guys, or making the friends I've made. Tom isn't going to be a customer in line where I work, he isn't some random guy walking down the road as I am, it will be super easy to talk to someone if we are working at the same farm together. Then we actually have things to talk about.

Nope, not possible. As you said yourself:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I can even sing karaoke in front of a crowded room, but if I was asked to speak, I'd be back to my usual self. It's all related to talking, I can do anything except talk!! I can't even talk to myself

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

(2) In this thread, you've discussed your situation with other forummers in 1,500+ posts, yet you haven't implemented a single piece of the abundance of good advice you've received here.

Except for the advice that involves reading something.

Still lurking this thread, still rooting for ya Rockchick. ALG is totally cracking me up, you don't need to take it too seriously though, or too personally. Maybe you can let your defenses down and laugh a bit too.

[ButterflyWoman]

Well, after 1500+ posts, many of which include Rockchick vehemently defending her beliefs and views and the story she tells herself and everyone else, I'm finally convinced that Rockchick really IS unable to do anything to change her situation, all her explanations are completely accurate and true, and nothing ever works for her. And so it is, as evidenced by her life.

[Angela]

I see Rockchick as an aspect of myself. She is my unconscious mind presenting something to me, and if I feel upset, frustrated, impatient, or bad in any other way, there is something that I need to get through my own thick skull. Some learning that's important for me to *get* that I haven't been getting, the learning of which now being something I'm ready for -- if I'm willing to take it on.

To take a perspective that I should not "feed" her -- that responding only keeps her stuck and we *should* avoid doing it -- strikes me as resistance. It looks like the resistance is to her, but it's really resistance to an aspect of myself. And it's the resistance that keeps the stuckness stuck.

For me, now, I think that Rockchick is an excellent continuing reminder to pay attention to how I "yeah but" myself -- and to practice releasing it and generating something that works better. My intention is to transform the stuckness in myself -- to develop this muscle to the point where Rockchick's "stuckness" just *poof* disappears from my occurrence!

[missbhaven]

Originally Posted by CaterpillarWoman

I noticed that, as well, but I've gotten so much helpful mirroring from this thread that I've participated, anyway (though I normally direct my posts to other participants).

Which is why soo many people are trying to help. I feel the same way. Every piece of advice is something I have done or are constantly re-doing until i get it right. RC do you read that, CONSTANTLY RE-DOING. It didn't work, maybe I wasn't doing it right aand I try again. I see tiny progresses everytime you won't see progress unless you keep trying over and over. And you won't know what progress looks like unless you have a starting point, middle and an idea of the end point.

[QUOTE=Rockchick26;592198]This is an excellent example of why I like to read and learn and I don't want to stop. Here you basically said, "Wow! This thing I learned just changed my life! I'm so glad I read it! Now my advice to you is not to read or learn anymore, nothing here can change your life!" Do you see the problem there? [/qoute]
And you say people twist what you say. Did he say stop forever.. NO!
his words were:

Kick that habit until you can use these resources responsibly (for you, I'd say at least a year with no more self-help books/articles/forums/etc).

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

THE WAY I LIVE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW IS NOT HOW I LIVE IT WHEN I HAVE MONEY!

This I wanted to do by itself.
RC. I'm gonna be honest with you. Like you I thought "ohh it must be easy when you know what you want to go after it." My cousin from youth wanted to be the first major doc of a certain field in my country, and i sat and dreamed of getting what he got. I look at my neighbor who we joking called the "green nazi" becuase he's insane with the amount of work he puts into his garden (which looks damn good) and i wish mine was the same. However, when I look back at my actions I notice I choose to put my other desires above the steps needed to give me the lifesyle my cousin has or the nice garden my neighbor has (which is work hard at it like they did). The thing is you do know what you want. It's writen down for you by ALG. You choose to put other things ahead of them.
You living on your own to prove your independance, is a bigger priority than getting an rv or even getting a better camera. Why becuase in the time you had off, you could have lived with parents or siblings and used your unemployment checks to put a downpayment on a rv or brought a old old one. That is just one example.
When I see you post the comment like above... I feel your anger and frustration. Which makes me want to do to you what I did to myself one day. YELL. I sat in front of the mirror and I cussed myself off royally.
What lead me to this situation, a movie. The name escapes me but it was about these russian jews(?) who lived in the woods to escape. These people had nothing but the size of a backpack to carry their PRIZED possessions. There was a scene with a person playing their violin. And I'm thinking that's passion, he had nothing but his violin, I have nothing like that in my life. So the next time I was muttering to myself my own excuses, I found myself just wishing I had like $100,000 to get myself together. And you know what instead of dreaming and trying to use LOA. That image of the violinist popped in my head. THAT MAN HAD NOTHING, NOTHING! No money, there was no money in the woods when everyone is running from death. He didn't need money to create beautiful works, I didn't even know if that was HIS violin, I'm just assuming. And here I am just wanting money to go for my dreams, what makes money soo powerful? EFF THAT! I want passion! Passion that makes me say f you, f you and f you to all who tells me it can't be done. And that's when I started yelling at myself.
WHY THE EFF DO YOU NEED MONEY TO GO AFTER YOUR DREAMS? ARE YOUR DREAMS SOO WORTHLESS THAT ONLY PEICES OF COTTON WILL DETERMINE THEIR WORTH? WHO GAVE THOSE STUPID PEICES OF COTTON SUCH A HIGH VALUE? WHY AM I CRAZY ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT A SLIP OF MOTHEREFFING COTTON IS WORTH $1000? THAT IS ONE CRAZY IDEA! AREN'T YOU SMART, ITELLIGENT AND MOST OF ALL CREATIVE? AND YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT YOU ARE SOO STUPID YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING THAT CAN MAKE YOU GO GET YOUR DREAMS? NO SQUASH THAT, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A LAZY ASS! LAZY ASS! LAZY ASS! LAZY ASS! WHO WANTS TO BE WITH A LAZY ASS? NOT I! I WANT TO ACHIEVE MY DREAMS AND YOU KNOW WHO IS STOPPING ME? YOU! THAT RIGHT YOU! OH YOU THINK YOUR CRAZY CAUSE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR! WELL GUESS WHAT?!?!? EVERYONE THAT TRIED TO GO AFTER THEIR IMPOSSIBLE DREAMS WERE CALLED CRAZY ALSO! YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAMERS CLUB? TOUGH LUCK! WE DON'T ACCEPT LAZY ASSES! WE ONLY ACCEPT CRAZY BUSY BODIES! PEOPLE CRAZY ENOUGH TO GO AFTER WHAT THEY WANT REPEATIVELY, EVEN WHEN EVERYONE SAYS NO IT CAN'T BE DONE. THEY CALL THAT INSANITY YOU KNOW! REPEATING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND EXPECTING CHANGE. SO WHAT IT'S GONNA BE? ARE YOU JUST A CRAZY PERSON WHO TALKS TO THEMSELF IN THE MIRROR GOING AROUND LIFE WITH NO REAL GOALS EXPECTING A CHANGE YOU WON'T DEFINE? OR A CRAZY IMPOSSIBLE DREAMER WITH A GOAL AND PASSION YOU WANT TO SEE THREW AND MAKE HAPPEN? THE INITIATION THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAMERS CLUB IS PROOF! PROOF THAT YOU ARE MAKING IT HAPPEN, NOT JUST TALKING AND DREAMING ABOUT IT.
DECIDE.... CRAZY MIRROR TALKER OR INITIATE OF THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAMERS? IT'S YOUR CHOICE, IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOUR CHOICE.
I'LL BE HERE WHENEVER YOU NEED ME OR CHANGE YOUR MIND YOU CRAZY MIRROR TALKER.


In busting loose from the money game he says there are no definate rules, you will never be the "winner" forever. You keep looking to money to solve your problems, provide you passion but it won't. Look how many lotto winners end up bankrupt? If they found their passion and was making it work, they would have been able to maintain that lifestyle, becuase all they would have needed is those few things to push their passion that money can buy. But money can buy MANY MANY MANY MANY things not just things that will help push your passion. It also buys distractions. In the end it isn't about money it isn't about passion. It's about the user. YOU and your choices and what you choose to do with your life every moment by moment. And the bottom line for me was based on my actions.... i was nothing but a crazy mirror talker becuase I wasn't willing to do anything but think and talk about my dreams.

I'm tired of waiting for my money to be right for me to start living the life I want to live now. Why? Becuase if it isn't worth it when I am struggling and got nothing else to look forward to, when NOW I push other things above my dreams into my priority position... why should I believe that when I am BALLIN' I'm not going to do the same? If I choose to let those priorities trump my dreams now, even if I were to win the lotto tonight, those priorities will still be at the top of my list come morning. Taking care of my family will still trump me going to school, now me going to school it may happen quicker, but I'll still be going in the same order that my priorities are at now.

YOU don't NEED money to achieve your dreams, it just makes it happen easier and quicker, but if it isn't a high priority in your life NOW, it won't just magically turn into a great big blooming passion just becuase all of sudden you got the money.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by Angela

She is my unconscious mind presenting something to me, and if I feel upset, frustrated, impatient, or bad in any other way, there is something that I need to get through my own thick skull. Some learning that's important for me to *get* that I haven't been getting, the learning of which now being something I'm ready for -- if I'm willing to take it on.

*nod* I grok that.

I'm seeing now that the reason I had to undergo such an extreme transition/transformation is because I was genuinely unable to see beyond the stories I told myself. I was such a good storyteller, and so good at "explaining" everything (including all the times when I directly contradicted myself), and so adept at believing all the stories I told about how things were, I was really unable to get out of it. Before I could move forward, the walls of beliefs and habits of thought had to be completely eradicated. That was painful, and scary as hell (worth it, though). I did intend change, and I certainly got it, but now I understand why such a deep level of breaking down was necessary, and I can accept that and put down that baggage.

Originally Posted by Angela

My intention is to transform the stuckness in myself -- to develop this muscle to the point where Rockchick's "stuckness" just *poof* disappears from my occurrence!

Interesting. I do rather expect her to just disappear from my reality at some point, probably once I have finally completely processed the whole "this was me, and this is why I had to undergo such an extensive transformation" story and let it go. Perhaps I'll get to where I no longer even believe it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by CaterpillarWoman

*nod* I grok that.

I'm seeing now that the reason I had to undergo such an extreme transition/transformation is because I was genuinely unable to see beyond the stories I told myself. I was such a good storyteller, and so good at "explaining" everything (including all the times when I directly contradicted myself), and so adept at believing all the stories I told about how things were, I was really unable to get out of it.

Yeah, I think this may be why Rockchick's threads are so epic -- I think we most of us are really good at telling ourselves such convincing stories and explanations that we believe those stories are The Truth -- they're REALITY. And our unconscious minds are presenting us with this opportunity to expand.

Interesting. I do rather expect her to just disappear from my reality at some point, probably once I have finally completely processed the whole "this was me, and this is why I had to undergo such an extensive transformation" story and let it go. Perhaps I'll get to where I no longer even believe it.

Me, too -- I've certainly had that experience before, and it's wonderful. I still see Rockchick as being "stuck" and I root for her to be free, so I know there is some stuckness that I must free. I've been practicing recognizing and acknowledging her magnificence, because I know that helps me to open up my aperture for receiving learnings. And I know there's still more stuckness inside me, for me to still be seeing stuckness outside of me.

You can't see it if you don't have it!

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by Angela

You can't see it if you don't have it!

Takes one to know one?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by CaterpillarWoman

Takes one to know one?

Be the change you want to see!

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Angela

Me, too -- I've certainly had that experience before, and it's wonderful. I still see Rockchick as being "stuck" and I root for her to be free, so I know there is some stuckness that I must free. I've been practicing recognizing and acknowledging her magnificence, because I know that helps me to open up my aperture for receiving learnings. And I know there's still more stuckness inside me, for me to still be seeing stuckness outside of me.

You can't see it if you don't have it!

It is funny and so true...

I see Rockchick as wanting to please other people too much. As being too afraid that they'll withdraw their love once she lets her true self shine out. As if being herself is not acceptable for the people around her...

And I got thinking... isn't that the reason why I feel uncomfortable around people in real life? I'm more myself here online then I've ever been off line. For fear of not being accepted.

It's a good exercise for everybody I think... How do YOU see Rockchick, and what does that tell you about your own life?

[Angela]

It's wild, isn't it? We all think we're *right* about Rockchick, including Rockchick, and we're right - we ARE right, in the sense that we're seeing something of ourselves reflected -- something that is being presented to us for resolution.

I suspect that when we resolve what's being presented for resolution, our *rightness* will disappear -- leaving only the woman and the moment, perfect, whole, and complete.

But I may be wrong about that!

[ttt]

If you had the same life circumstances as Rockchick, born to the same parents etc you would be the same person she is and with the same problems. right?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ttt

If you had the same life circumstances as Rockchick, born to the same parents etc you would be the same person she is and with the same problems. right?

I don't know. Are Rockchick's brothers and sisters the same person she is, with the same problems?