Beating Bulimia

[geniegal]

Hi Butterfly effect

Am doing a slow eating experiment - heres my blog post on it
slow eating experiment

It has occured to me that you might get alot out of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He says we are addicted to thinking, and living in the moment liberates us. I have been doing this, and it's really helpful. You get a mini holiday from the little gremlins in your mind!

Harriet

[butterflyeffect]

My grandfather just passed away. He was 95 and a truly amazing individual. As a psychiatrist, he was always analsying the family on the sly and I think his dying wish would be for me to leave this all behind and just get better. He had dementia for the last ten years but even through that his one comment was always "eat less of the fatty things...". Sometimes it takes losing someone you love to put things in perspective.

[geniegal]

Sounds like such a wise man. I find when I am bereaved I have good days then bad days... Eating can go well haywire and it's important to take each day at a time

I'm now doing a sugar free thing... Very much a game not a challenge. Will post a video soon

[butterflyeffect]

Sugar free sounds like a great idea. I need to try and cut down on my own sugar intake. Easier said than done. But I will definately try to read the Power of Now - I have been meaning to for a while.

[butterflyeffect]

I had coffee with a guy today who kept sending me all these annoying abusive messages about how much I backstabbed him. Long story short, he has aspergers syndrome and created the whole drama after I blocked him on facebook.

Through out our conversation, in his usual blunt way he goes "I was told your bulimic by X". And then goes on with a whole bunch of intrusive questions. Followed by unwanted advice and offers to help. I was too soft about it and nice but underneath I was lived. I know I write about my journey online but thats different. Its mine and its personal. If I know you in my social circle and I haven't told you, then I clearly don't want to be talking to you about it.

I did learn a powerful lesson though. I really and truly have to leave this thing in the past and never mention it again to anyone outside of my family or treatment team. Truth be told, 9/10 I don't want to hear random eating disorder horror stories from friends and associates who don't have even the vaguest clue. Its rude and intrusive.

The only physical clue that I have a problem is being overweight, once I lose the weight I am shutting the door on that chapter of my life. I'm interested in playing the sick role forever. I want to be healthy and live in the now.

[butterflyeffect]

So coffee guy is still sending me multiple messages telling me he is there for me etc. I have tried communicating that I never want to talk about this subject or anything related again. Not getting through. I was getting frustrated but I had moment of peace. I realised he is NEVER going to get it. Its his issues and his projecting them onto me. So Im letting it go. Not writing back to anymore messages or even reading them.

I have another couple of guys who are playing weird games with me. I realised that communicating and trying to work it through is pointless. I have nothing invested in making it work, so Im just letting it go. Its upto them to work out their stuff and me mine.

I am finding alot of people are reaching out to try and connect with me lately. Too many and I feel overwhelmed. So I am pulling back. Refusing invitations, ignoring messages, refusing to make eye contact and leaving headphones in my ears all the time. Its working. Far less random stranger talking to me.

I think I am in a phase of clearing at the moment. Just letting go of that which no longer serves me. Its enough. The year is coming to an end and the old and worn out are being thrown out.

[butterflyeffect]

Thank you to everyone who has read my posts and or/replied.

I guess its funny, I set out at 20 to cure myself of bulimia and now two years later, I'm still here.

But yes, I have established what I set out to do. Its been a long journey but I'm not the lost little girl with bulimia anymore. The label has begun to feel very empty, something other girls struggle with.

I have good days and bad days with my eating but I have inner peace now and alot more self acceptance than ever before. So the strange food behaviors are fading from my life. I no longer have to tell people I have X issues because I don't. Its strange sometimes, being a healthy normal girl.

Your support and the venue of being able to write here has been amazing and a big part of my recovery.

To all those who still struggle with it, you have my love. I may not know you personally but I understand the battle. But this to shall pass. No matter how bad it gets or how sick you are there is always, always hope and love on hand.

So from now on, I am exploring the world and the beauty that surrounds me.
I'm sure I will find another venue to post on.

For anyone who may wish to stay in touch - my email is: luvu2dabones@hotmail.com

Best wishes and lots of Love,

Amy
xxxx

[geniegal]

Hi Amy great to catch you before the forum closes. I will email you. Anyone else who wants to keep in touch i am at
Hello@thewebtree.net ... See ya all!

Isn't it funny how this forum closing is making those of Idaho want to connect better do so?

Harriet

[geniegal]

Ps your hotmail spam filter may reject my e-mails be sure to mail me if you don't hear fromme. I have a bad web connection at present so it may be the new year before I mail you