Beating Bulimia

[shannon smith]

You are more than welcome.
I'm glad you are on the "right" path. We all have things we want to do better. I learned along time ago that freedom isn't going about doing everything you think you want to do. Freedom is not being enslaved by habits that become our masters. Instead, we should delare ourselves the master of our own actions and that starts with thought, with the root being the subconsious mind. I've also had the training (see my link) to know that folks that are successful in life always afirm what they love instead of shrinking in fear.
For example: An unsuccessful person might say "I don't want to eat that cake because I don't want to get fat." The successful person would say, "I don't want to eat that cake because I love being energetic, feeling healthy and being trim." There's a significant difference in the thinking and alot of this is programmed into us at an early age. The good news is that we can change the programming.
Just my opinions.
Take care

[geniegal]

Hi Butterfly Effect

we connected in this thread lat year I think - you sound like there a re a lot more bright spots in your life and you are progressing.

I have been having hypnotherapy for my compulsive eating and it's helping (see link to blog below) Very up and down, just like you say. Today I just went to my son's nursery and they said they were concerned by his lack of speech, which triggered overeating - notice I am triying to avoid the word binge..oops there I didit.

Is there some creative activity you can do that absorbs you and makes you forget Ed? It might be really simple like painting

[butterflyeffect]

Wow, its been ages since I have wrote on here.

I am still going with my recovery journey through life.

I have tried hypnotherapy in the past and I really liked it when it was used for relaxation but not so much in terms of cognitive change. I felt really resistant to it but that way a few years ago and im open to trying it again.

At the moment I meditate daily which is really helpful and write a gratitude list and do other affirmative gestures. I find the more I truly love myself the easier life becomes.

Then in terms of creative outlets, I have been developing my passion for make up, styling and photography. I love fashion in general, so now I use my spare time to create look books, collage make up looks and practice my make up skills. It is incredibly absorbing activity!! I find myself spending the money previously allocated to food on new courses to further my skills and other more life affirming pursuits. And I have taken up colouring in!! I colour in these really intricate pictures and stick them up on my walls. It affirms that im getting better ever time I see them.

[Sandstone]

You sound as though you are in a wonderful place. Congratulations! Best of luck to you.

[butterflyeffect]

Thanks Sandstone

Struggling a little reccently. Just finished my Uni exams and for the last week I have been struggling with the binge purge cycle. I keep reminding the bathroom sink is not my friend and trying to avoid the shops. I know its just a phase and Im getting better each day but sometimes I'm just over it and having try so hard.

[rawxstasy]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Thanks Sandstone

Struggling a little reccently. Just finished my Uni exams and for the last week I have been struggling with the binge purge cycle. I keep reminding the bathroom sink is not my friend and trying to avoid the shops. I know its just a phase and Im getting better each day but sometimes I'm just over it and having try so hard.

I know how you feel. I don't have bulemia but I've struggled with other issues. Try going for walks or other methods you like to deal with stress. Just keep at it, eventually you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[butterflyeffect]

Thanks Rawxtasy,
Your words are really reasonating with me. I haven't really been walking but Im going to make the effort to walk. It is really relaxing once you get into it.

Things are going better. I decided that I have to just make a conscious choice again and again to be well by choosing the right foods even when its hard and it will get easier. Reaffirming my commitment and all that.

I am doing a styling course and learning how to style photoshoots and advertisments. It only goes for a week but I am loving that and finding it really invigorating so thats good. There is so much creativity and passion flowing from the group that inspires me to new heights and makes healthy eating seem like an obvious choice. So hopefully with a little bit of planning I'll be able to get back to following my meal plan.

I got 2/5 meals right today!! I eat three small meals and two snacks a day as part of my plan. Better than the previous zero.

xx

[butterflyeffect]

Meal plan...still working on that. I like the plan I just struggle to follow it.


But I went on a walk today and it was lovely, so peaceful and beautiful to be out amongst nature at night in my suburb. I felt so fortunate that is safe for me to walk around at night and know that nothing is likely to happen to me.
I feel truly blessed.

[geniegal]

So good to see your progress. I am now making more healthy than not healthy decisions. Have realised so much iss down to controlling the day to day choices.

I have made up a system to help me make the right decisions - have a look at this video blog post - it focuses on weight loss as the goal but you can apply it to mastering eating issues as an emotional issue.

Hope it helps.

[butterflyeffect]

Hi Harriet,

I watched the video you suggested and I actually really like the idea. The idea of being able to hold a tangible token is very appealing to me. I also like getting 100 points instead of just 1!!

I'm not focused on weight loss but just mastering the emotions and being able to consistently exersize and follow my meal plan even when its stressful. So I'm going to make some tokens tomorrow and start giving them to myself everytime I do follow my meal plan! Or exersize.

I want to use the tokens to add up to a shopping holiday once I reach 10 000 points, lol and I'll be able to afford it to because I will have saved ridiculous amounts in food purchases!

[butterflyeffect]

"Just do it" Nike slogan.

I have been walking a little bit and sort of following my meal plan but boasting to everyone how wonderfully Im doing... Yes...and the results speak for themselves. (No tangible progress).

So confession time: I have been lying to myself. Im not really trying very hard at all. If I want something I just do it.....I am stronger than how I have been acting.

So fresh day, fresh start. No more excuses. I have still made progress just need to step up my game.

[butterflyeffect]

I fritter away alot of time, people pleasing and just running from one thing to the next. It gets tiring and I don't really achieve my own goals.

So I am going to work on structuring and planning my day and my meals. Regular sleep times etc. Im waking up at the same time every morning so thats great!!

I am also having a rethink of the people that surround me. Currently it feels like just so much negative, judgemental space of just whinging for the sake of it. Beautiful individuals just outpouring so much negativity.

So staying grounded. Life is beautiful, wonderful and amazing and I intend to live it fully.

[butterflyeffect]

Trying to be more upfront, sort of. I am just starting to become aware of when I am upfront and when I'm not. Next I need to start communicating my intents and leave other people to thier own devices.

Reccently I have been pondering the beauty of humanity and the fragility of the body and how much abuse we subject it. Yes, humans are in perfect and they can fall but part of what makes us so beautiful is the ability to grow, consciously choose and improve. While an angel can't regress, neither can he improve.

I have noticed that in many ways I have been blocking the ways I give and recieve love. Love if limitless and abundant but often I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of love and can tune it out. Socially, I'll close up if I feel too many people trying to get my attention, I am very rigid in the people I let get close to me and often try to control how its expressed. I see sharing of resources like giving gifts as a form of love. Very often in the past I would restrict the gifts I would allow myself to recieve and to this day when I recieve gifts or things from people I feel this need to pay them back repeatedly rather than just embracing it and enjoying it fully and trusting my own value. Obviously sharing value and love is important but sometimes I think I try to keep it just flowing outwards because Im scared of being overwhelmed if I recieve too much myself.

[butterflyeffect]

People pleasing is doing my head in. I am currently observing myself run around saying yes to everything without meaning it and then either eating my way through it or just flaking out.

I am getting better at organising my time but I still feel I waste alot of time and stay in unhelpful patterns by people pleasing. I am seeking to reclaim my time and focus on my goals and priorities.

Scheduling is turned out to be enormously helpful and keeping a diary. I am still finding it really difficult but I am aware of it and seeking to voice my feelings assertively.

Affirmations:
I want to focus on saying no and being assertive. I am the master of time. I am entitled to meet my needs and say no. I have my own life. I am the master of my destiny. I create my own schedule.

[butterflyeffect]

I am doing alright. I am getting better at spotting when I am people pleasing. It's strange in that I have all the skills I need to live a successful and happy life in harmony with others, i just don't use them.

I have ended one friendship which was just fueled by constant drama. I have recognised the pattern several times before and when it came to a head tonight I just let it go gently and its a relief. I'm glad I did that. I have very little room for drama in my life.

[butterflyeffect]

Still being an enormous people pleaser but at least I am recognising myself doing it. I am becoming aware and gradually working to curb the habbit.

Thoughts that I am having?

Is beauty really black and white? Or is it a reflection of our values, preferences and mindset projected outwards? I believe its the latter. Our own internal enviroment shapes our outward views, the media also plays a HUGE role.

Why is most celebrities are uber thin or super toned? Is beauty really having a low body fat percentage and millions in the bank? Maybe to some people, some of the time. Looking at magazines all I see is articles on weight loss, body battles and photoshopped models and alot of miserable readers.

I believe the body is a temple to be looked after and treasured, but how you do that is upto you as an individual. While uber thin and toned maybe right for the lingerie model, curvy with stretch marks and a huge smile maybe be right for the woman who just gave birth.

So my body may have pockets of fat, curves and stretch marks. It will never be photoshop perfect but its healthy and to me that is beautiful. I have two legs that can run and jump and carry me all around all day and for that I am infinetly grateful. I desire to be as healthy and balanced as possible, to live in harmony with my body. Starving or stuffing it for the sake of fashion isn't on par with my inner belief system. But for top fashion models its a totally different ball game and whose to say one is better than the other.

I believe if you truly look there is beauty everywhere in everyone one. Namaste. Honour the divine within you.

Beauty isn't about being perfect its so much more than that, its something you create and choose. No one person can dictate an ideal for the whole population.

What is beautiful to you? What do you find sexy? What are you grateful for?

Those are the questions that I am finding more empowering than, how much do you weigh and how much does your partner earn? Then again, thats a reflection of my values and experiences. We are all individual, so lets start acting like it!!

Thank you all for your love and support. I appreciate it immensly and I feel like I am finally starting to break free of my life long body beautiful obsession and moving onto something far more beautiful than a size zero, inner harmony.

So go, be beautiful. Your way, however you want. xxx

[marinik]

I am so happy for you.
Love m

[butterflyeffect]

Thank you marinik!!!! Lots and lots of love xxxxx

[butterflyeffect]

I feel in a pepetual state of anxiety and terror the last couple of weeks. I have been noticing it and then this frantic need to stuff it down with food and water.

I fallen out of my zone for now but I will return. I have identified that part of the terror is caused my lack of routine and also the go-go lifestyle I'm leading. So I am buying myself a nice big floor cushion and focusing on just sitting on it and breathing deeply morning and night.

I will be fine. Im going to keep taking long walks and just working through this newly emerged anxiety.

[butterflyeffect]

Walks have been helping, the loud music on my ipod not so much. Its run out of charge and Im tempted to just leave it that way until I can load something calm and soothing.

So I have identified that I just need to create and promote inner calm. Journalling, meditating, deep breathing etc. I bought my floor cushion and I have sat on it a handful of times. Its a start.

Mostly I just feel totally unbalanced and caught up in weird crazed behavior. Im constantly sticking things in my mouth and swallowing then my stomach swells out from too much sugar/food/gluten (can't tolerate gluten) and then I just want to vomit. So my distended tummy actually is quite physically painful as is the nausea in another way its very calming and familiar. It makes me feel grounded... If that isn't dysfunctional I don't know what is.

More time in nature for me. Grounding.......and lots of clean pure water and vegatables!!!!

[butterflyeffect]

Just listening to Enya and dancing to my own rhythm.

I saw my therapist yesterday and we discussed my goals and purpose in life. My new ultimate goal is just to be my authentic self and fully love that self.

I want to live creatively and authentically and bring all that is inside me out into the world.

Its a very peaceful realisation. In the meantime I am just taking it day by day and tuning in with offers I recieve and asking if they are what I want and need or not. And I am saying no alot more and it feels really good.

[neilpage]

Oh' my dear, I hope you find wellness and true safe place in side yourself to find your truth in whom you are... a winner! to me! God speed to you!

[butterflyeffect]

Thank you NP. It means alot. And I think with all my heart I will find that place and alllow all love to flow from there. xx

I felt anxious and hungry today just moments ago and I sat with it. Lovingly accepting it and just soothing myself with music and quiet time and the terror passed. It passed and that my friends is a glorious feeling.

I have been feeling alot of angst in my home the last few days. I am home from College for a long weekend and I have been observing my families interactions. We keep tearing each other apart with criticism but yet there is so much love. I just want to focus on sharing and enjoying the love.

Eating at the table as a family is stressful. Everyone is just oozing tension and food comments. The atmosphere is hostile and I feel myself prickling and eating as quickly as possible and then seeking to get out of there. So my dislike of cooking has obvious roots but I am choosing to move past that now. I can see I don't mind cooking but Im not a fan of baking per se.

[butterflyeffect]

Still involved in my weird little food routines and my weight is remaining high and stable. Back to where it was originally.....oh well, guess I just have some more work to do. No matter, its not the destination but the journey

[laneyb]

Forgive me, I haven't read through all the posts on this topic, but I have struggled with my own eating issues (mostly binge eating and anorexia). I got through it with a lot of visualization and alternative spiritual healing therapy. I really like this site and they have a whole section on meditation and some guided visualization downloads for bulimia, binge eating, etc.

Hypnosis and Guided Meditation Downloads | RECOVER...

The Zen of Recovery– Using Meditation to help Binge Eating Disorder | RECOVER...

[butterflyeffect]

Thank you LaneyB, i will check out those websites. Its always great to hear from people who have recovered from eating issues. xx

[geniegal]

My eating is pretty manic this week as it's so dark from five pm every day. My saviour is the gym which I go to 5 times a week. I got into it when I was less manic and learned to use it as a replacement for comfort eating. I never clock watch there it really is therapeutic

Making myself do a body balance class instead of a workouthas been a revelation. Making myaelf look in the big mirrors is real step forward

[butterflyeffect]

Glad the gym is helping. I can see why the body balance class would be better than a full work out. More peaceful for your body and less of an attack. Getting dark so early would be really tricky. Lots of love, let me know how it goes.

[cheesedip1]

Sometimes
i think it's worse to be skinny than fat because if you're really fat, you know you're not that healthy, but with being skinny , who knows? Of course, you could just look at what you're eating.

[desertrat]

I have not read all this thread , this may of been brought up before . A guy that does many past life regressions , would find that people that had eating disorders got them from problems in a past life. Lets say you had been a member of the Donner party Donner Party - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia you had either starved to death or had to turn to canibalism to stay alive , that would leave some deep emotional scars that would carry through to a new life . You could use self hypnosis to regress back to that life and let go of that repressed material . desert rat .