Children's I-M: "I want that"

[smallstar]

- "Mommy, please buy me this toy!"

- "But darling, we just bought you this other toy 5 minutes ago. Why should we buy you this one?"

- "Because I want it."

- "Darling, it's good that you want things, but it does not really count. If I wanted a car, would you buy me that?"

I understand the points on both sides. The toy in question was really cheap, worth about an euro, and the parents would easily have afforded that. It seemed more a matter of principle, but did they also teach against I-M there? How would you teach your child to be able to I-M things, but at the same time not to become a selfish, spoiled princess?

-SS (Mood 2)

[Michelle]

I am one of the few grown-ups I know who still thinks "I want it" is a good reason for buying or doing something. For me there does not have to be any greater reasoning or rationalization behind it. And I think parents should absolutely honor their childrens "wants" by acknowledging them and their validity. It certainly does not have to mean the parent has to buy everything.

However, I think the reasoning the parent gave in the situation above is more of a "Well, if I can't have what I want, neither can you" type of reasoning. Not very supportive or healthy, is it?

[Dani]

How do you do it?

You give them the opportunity to earn, and achieve what they want instead of just giving it them. Teach them -how- to get what they want and not just tell them they can't.

- Daddy, buy me that toy!

- Why?

- Because I want it!

- Why don't you buy it?

- I don't have money.

- How can you get money?

- Umm I don't know.

- Ok. You want the toy, and I want the dishes done tonight. How about I give you the money tomorrow if you agree to do the dishes tonight?

- Hmm. How about you give me the money to buy it today, and I pay it back to you in weekly intallments, including 10% for interest, by renting it to Billy, Jamie and Sally down the road when I am at baseball practice on the weekends?

- Hey, great idea Son. That's my boy! Do you need two? .

On a serious note though. Teaching them to find ways to get the object by themselves is empowering, and relieves the stress on you. If the kid can't work out how to get it. tough luck. They can't say you didn't give them a chance.

[smallstar]

Originally Posted by Michelle

I am one of the few grown-ups I know who still thinks "I want it" is a good reason for buying or doing something. For me there does not have to be any greater reasoning or rationalization behind it.

Well, I usually at least ask myself the question if I'm really going to use it. If a child known for his pickiness wants you to buy him a totally random box of food from the shelf without even knowing what's inside, will you let him have it or not?

Originally Posted by Michelle

And I think parents should absolutely honor their childrens "wants" by acknowledging them and their validity. It certainly does not have to mean the parent has to buy everything.

That was the core of my question - how, exactly, would you do it?

Originally Posted by Michelle

"Well, if I can't have what I want, neither can you"

On another note, perhaps the parent was just angry because the child did not show the slightest sense of gratitude?

Dani: A great example, but what if the child is very small, like 4 years old, can't count his own money and doesn't necessarily even understand what money is?