Journal MKS

[shasah]

Healing. People trying to talk to me. Cartoons? Meditation tonight was strange. The healing I understand, trying to heal my vertigo. People trying to talk to me and cartoons were interconnected. Maybe not trying to force humor but only utilizing it when I truly feel the connection with it? It doesn't make a lot of sense right now, I'll sleep on it and maybe it will come to me.

In other areas, I have been trying to get more everyday "stuff" done. Things weren't going the way I wanted until I found one thing that needed to be done. Finished it and then another was there and did it. Then I got a call that helped me finish another, then an email and on until I accomplished quite a bit to finish it out with the meditation and post. I feel lighter knowing that I have gotten a lot done in the past 2 days and still have had time for family and friends.

The vertigo interfered with the gym, as it seems things have been doing lately. Not sure what I'm trying to tell myself in that direction. I've only been to the gym twice in the past 13 days. I still feel fitness is an important part of my life but things keep interfering so that I can't seem to get there as often?? Maybe that there are more important things I need to focus on. Not meaning my health, I've been eating better again, but more that there are people that need my attention and that I've met my goals in muscle fitness and need to move on to the next step. I just don't know what that step is yet? I did get a lot of synchronous messages about stopping smoking. So perhaps concentrating more on my cardio than my muscle tone. Quit smoking and find a good way to increase my breathing and heart health. As a matter of fact, someone asked me yesterday if I was a swimmer, so maybe that is my path to better health. Another synchronous message???

If you can't tell, things aren't clear in my mind at the moment but I think that this post may help me to clarify my next step. I'll go to bed with these things on my mind and see what other messages I get tomorrow to help me to continue on my journey.... Good night.

[shasah]

Well, another first in meditation. I fell asleep Oops. I guess I needed it.

Busy weekend lined up so with any luck I won't be on the computer too much. Enjoy your weekend!

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by shasah

Well, another first in meditation. I fell asleep Oops. I guess I needed it.

Sleep is the best meditation. - Dalai Lama

[shasah]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

Sleep is the best meditation. - Dalai Lama

Thanks Cash, Glad to know I'm in company of the wise

[shasah]

I recently started seeing a man and decided that I was going to be totally open about my beliefs. On our second date, I mentioned IM and we got into a discussion about IM vs coincidence. We didn't talk about it too much after that, but yesterday he handed me a book and told me he doesn't share that side of him with anyone. It is a book about how coincidence and consciousness can come together to make us a better society. Hard to explain, but a lot of it runs parallel to IM. I'm only in chapter 3 or so but I am excited about visiting with him again and discussing the parallels and polarities. One of many things that I like about him. Fits 2 IM's in one shot! So Angela and Rei have named their men, mine I think will be Musicman. Okay, make that 3 IM's.

Since he was so willing to listen about that, I decided that I would be as open and honest as I could with him. So far, so good.

We talked more about IM and religion and were both open minded about the others perspective. However, I feel like while I am being totally honest and open, I am thinking that he is not in other areas. Manipulation is not something that I have a lot of tolerance for and I feel that he tried to manipulate me into waiting for him even though he had no intention of seeing me tonight. He did not want me seeing someone else however, so, although he didn't outright lie, he did indicate things that were not true. I am not willing to settle and I am not going to sit at home waiting for someone to call. If he would have been upfront about not seeing me tonight, I would probably have gone home after dinner with a friend. Instead he waited until 7:30 to leave a message that he couldn't come out. My friend and I just extended our evening. Since I predicted to said friend that this would happen, did I intend it to happen that way? Was I unsure about being in a relationship with him and therefore made it happen that way?

Since I am not devastated about it, I guess that means he is not the one. I think he came into my life to loan me the book I am reading as it is giving me fresh perspectives on IM. I will talk with him about it soon before making a final decision but I'm not sure if I'll go out with him again?? I guess it depends on his answer as to why he handled himself the way he did.

And with that decision I go to bed in peace. Good night.

[shasah]

Peaceful. Nice. Doing the right thing. Relaxing. Rejuvinating. Refreshing. Powerful.

All words to describe tonight's meditation. Almost skipped it in favor of bed. Glad I didn't.

I am thankful that my son called to ask me to dinner, that my daughter and I will be getting together again Wednesday, that I was able to talk with my ex and his girlfriend comfortably, that a friend was able to come with me today, that I found myself, that I am staying true to who I am. I am thankful that I am able to see people better. In the past, I didn't understand when IM people/books talked about vibrations. I understand much better now and it helps me to do what is right for my world with a peaceful feeling and no guilt. I feel so much more in control of myself while not exerting control on others or even myself. By releasing my rigid control, I have gained more control. I'm not doing justice to my recent insights in the above description but it is enough for me to know and hopefully for some to understand. good night.

[shasah]

I came very close to coming home today and getting on the computer and just saying **** it, this **** is not working out right and I'm going back to my old ways of non-spirituality and the world can kiss my ass. But a couple things happened before I could to that. One was that a friend saw me on my way to apartment and could tell something was wrong and followed me into my apartment. I let loose of the emotions I was feeling and then was able to talk with her. Then my daughter called and showed me what true strength of character is all about.

You see, my amazing girl, was told today that she has two choices, she can either repeat her pre-camp training next year and probably end up in a wheel chair by the time she is forty or she can be medically dismissed from her commission, ending the dream that she has strived for over the past 7 years. I was able to hold it together while talking with her and lend her my strength to go with hers but once I got home, I was unable to hold back my emotions. It breaks my heart for her that she is going through this. But she is a very optimistic person and has decided that she has a choice which will open up new avenues for her and she is planning her next step, how to pay for school next year, pay back for the 3 years of scholarship that she had, and figure out what she will do instead of a career in the army. Her strength amazes and humbles me.

A new intention is called for, since it seems some of the things I have stated in the past are manifesting and affecting not only me but those I love.

I am happy in love and in life. The excitement in my life is manifesting from positive and upbeat experiences. I experience joy in all my endeavors and release the need for unhappy emotions to be able to savor the good things in life. I am happy, healthy and whole and have so very many things to be thankful for, and I am grateful that I have such caring and wise family and friends.

[marinik]

Wow dear Shasah! This was really a tough day for you! I know how it feels when your child is in such a situation. But they are tough cookies! Sending tons of love to both of you! Go girls! Love m

[shasah]

Originally Posted by marinik

Wow dear Shasah! This was really a tough day for you! I know how it feels when your child is in such a situation. But they are tough cookies! Sending tons of love to both of you! Go girls! Love m

Thanks Marinik. She is strong and will land on her feet. Your support is appreciated!!

[shasah]

Life is interesting. Yesterday I thought I had sent an email to the guy I've been dating, attempting to be honest and open, to find out today that it had been rejected and he didn't get it. I am not sure what I'm telling myself there? Give it another chance? Don't be hasty? Guess I'll take a wait and see attitude.

I've been away from home but I am still working on myself, just using different methods for a little bit. One of the things I've found is that I am still holding onto some old beliefs. The belief that I "should/am" being punished for leaving a relationship that I was unhappy with. I've identified it lurking there after I thought that I had annihilated this one. I guess I haven't gotten to the source of why I feel that way. This belief leads to an insecurity where other relationships come into play. I'm always checking messages and emails to see if he's contacted me even after I thought I wanted out. This leads to slight anxiety when I haven't heard from him. Having a hard time figuring this one out because it seems so contradictory to me. Why would I want him to contact me if I want out?

Another thing that happened is that someone on the forum called me patronizing. I haven't heard that in a long time, not since before I started on personal development. It made me angry that someone would say this which means it's something I need to look into. Very defensive in this area at first. The good thing is that it didn't make me anxious that people think of me that way. In the past I would have obsessed about it. Now, it more piqued my interest once I got past the initial anger.

I guess it's time to work on limiting beliefs again IM in some areas works perfectly, in other areas, IM still works, but it doesn't turn out quite the way I expected. My own confusion in certain areas makes for uncertain results.

[shasah]

Back to the business at hand, MKS. The next big point to me is when he brings up Truth, capital T. According to the book, Truth will bring harmony and unTruth will bring discord. If I live my life in full truth, then all will be well. I can see where this is valuable but have also found instances that it backfires on me. I feel guilt when I tell an untruth which brings discord, but when I have been totally honest, it sometimes throws people off and makes them uncomfortable. Even if it's a good truth. In part of the chapter, he is stating that if "I" recognize that truth, then I can make good decisions. Therefore, am I taking him too literally about telling the truth? Is it enough for me to recognize the truth and not necessarily to share that truth with another?

He presents the affirmation "I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy" as the Truth and states that this affirmation will make all discord disappear. If, in times of negative thoughts, this affirmation is made, it will take over so that those thoughts disappear. I haven't been using that exact affirmation, but whenever negative thoughts start taking over, I do find myself changing the direction of my thoughts to more positive things.

Well, I've had enough for tonight. Good thoughts

[shasah]

I've been playing with the truth theory a little bit and the results are that as long as I recognize the truth, it doesn't really matter if I present the entire truth to anyone else. I'm not saying that I'm going to go about lying to people but IM works as long as I am truthful with myself. That is harder than it sounds. I sometimes don't like things about myself and try to delude myself that they aren't there. Today, every time I found myself doing that, I brought my thoughts back to the pure truth. Even when thinking about the things I don't like. I've been told before not to be such a perfectionist and I recognize that we all have faults. And today, for the first time, I was actually able to admit to myself some of the things that are inherent to my nature and that will not change (unless I get a labotomy lol). And I can accept them. The reason IM works for some things and not for others is that I am truthful with myself about the things that work. So, now that I have admitted these truths to myself, I already see some change. Time will tell if I've delved deep enough.

[shasah]

Meditation went much better tonight too. Very deep, very quick. When my body got very heavy, I could almost look down and see myself sitting there although my eyes were closed. Then my body got very light and it was almost as if I wasn't breathing. Took a deep shuddering breath which brought me back down. Wow, that looks weird when I read it but... I also noticed that I am very cold when I come out of the meditation now. Not shivering cold but the temp in the room just seems much cooler. My mind is calmer and my thoughts are clearer. I think I'll try the candle tomorrow just to see if anything changes.

[shasah]

Okay, on to the last couple of points. When negative thoughts start creeping in, state your affirmation. Think positive. Can't argue with that.

"Thoughts are causes and conditions are effects." I want to look into this one more. I've heard a lot of people here say things about living at cause. I understand on an intellectual level but I feel I have not delved deep enough into this yet. On to Part X (finally lol) later tonight.

An update on some of what's going on here. Communicated to Musicman that I want to be friends but that's it. I don't think it will break his heart, may even be a little bit of a relief? I get the feeling that he is just as ambivalent as I have been. As for my daughter, she is looking at the future as very open and is getting excited about finding her calling. There is a bit of bitterness underneath it, but she will get through this and eventually gain strength from it.

[shasah]

Today's meditation was quite different. I set up a candle and turned off all the lights. At first, it seemed that nothing was happening but then I realized that I had gotten so used to what I had been doing the I was limiting myself. It seemed to let go then and the candle started getting taller and shorter, over and over. After a while, I closed my eyes. The first thing that happened was that my chair felt like it was rocking but I hadn't moved. Then instead of the squiggly lines that I usually see, it was more like a field of shooting stars passing across my eyelids. Then I was getting in my car, trying to be very quiet and quietly closed the door. All of a sudden it shifted to a woman with long blond hair being right next to my chair in my apartment, she was about my age or a little older and patting my arm telling me everything was working out just fine (or something like that), then she disappeared. Then there was a man, he was in jeans and a t-shirt and a baseball cap and I felt like he was "the one". He was handing me a piece of paper, a pamphlet, a book?? He moved and came closer and although I was not scared of him, him being there with me scared me. That's not really it. I wasn't scared of him being there, I was scared of ???. Then all I could see was his eyes, bright blue eyes, getting closer and closer. Then he too disappeared and although I tried to bring him back, I couldn't. It all felt so real. Wow!! And I was feeling a little down when I started meditating, but now I feel peaceful but my heart rate is a little accelerated too. Strange. I just feel happier.

As for part X, I have read it and it is about cause and effect. Perfect!! As usual, I'll read it a couple times before posting about my perceptions. Good night.

[shasah]

It's been a busy couple of days. I've had to sneak in my meditation at different places. Today, I decided to do it earlier in the day than usual. It was relaxing and I enjoyed it, nothing unusual about it though.

Part X - cause and effect. Basically saying that a normal person is run by feelings whereas someone who is more consciously aware realizes the cause of things and can therefore effect what is happening. This person is able to look objectively at events and get down to the reason that things happen, regardless of consequences.

"all wealth is the offspring of power" This statement is looking at wealth as events as well as material things. It goes on to look at the various types of power, ie; physical, mental, moral and spiritual. Here is one of the keys for me. Spiritual power, being on a higher plane, is superior. Physically, I am powerful, I have presence and although I am small, I have worked with what I have to the point that I am pleased with where I am. Mentally I have power, if I set my mind to a course, I will get where I want to go. Morally I have power, I know what I perceive as right and wrong. Spirituality, this is where I am seeking power. I have come a long way, but I still have more to learn. Don't get me wrong, I can learn in all areas, but of the four, spirituality is the one where I have the largest gap. I denied my spirituality for so long that I feel as if I have woken from a long sleep. It is a wonderful feeling and the journey is truly extraordinary.

The exercise this "week" (lol) is to mentally draw a square on the wall, add a circle to the middle and add a dot in the center. Form a cone within the square and draw it toward you. I found this quite easy to do. Then it says to add different colors. I wasn't able to manage that this time and the cone did not last very long. I will continue with it before each meditation session.

I'll post more when I have more time. Time to get ready for work. Have a good one.

[shasah]

Today's meditation was different once again. It took a while but once I was able to relax and concentrate, it was intense. Colors. First green pulsating, starting from me and expanding outward then disappearing and starting again. Lasted for quite a while and then it turned to blue coming from the periphery and moving inwards. The green and the blue were very bright and, hate to use the word again but, intense. Quite awesome. I was trying to see if I could change the color when I was interrupted. I hope I can bring this one and the one with the woman and the man back. Both were interesting and have piqued my curiosity as to whether I can repeat them. Take care.

[shasah]

This morning while having acupuncture done, I meditated. The green pulsing light was back. And the blue, but the blue changed a bit. It seemed to wrap itself around me so that it was blue all around me. It felt wonderful. Once I was finished, the melancholy that I have been feeling today came back though. I think that was just lack of sleep because once I took a short nap, my mental attitude adjusted back to happy again.

I don't have a lot of experience with the more spiritual side of things, so I decided to look up what the colors might represent. The information I found was that the green represents constancy, self-affirmation, security, self-esteem, pride and healing. The blue is pacification, self-protection, sweetness, tenderness, loyalty, contentment and reunion with the earth. The various web sites all said that seeing these colors during meditation indicates healing. That makes sense to me and affirms to myself that I am making progress.

I am very thankful that I have taken up meditation. It brings me peace. I am also thankful for all the other information that I have discovered and for the manifestations that continue in my life. It wasn't so long ago that I was worried about how to meet men and date and finding a passion in life that gives me satisfaction. Those things are all a part of my life now and it is time to take the next step. Thoughtful consideration for my next manifestation is on my mind. Let's see where it will lead me.

[shasah]

I haven't been posting lately because I am thoroughly enjoying one of my manifestations Barely enough time for sleep, never mind anything else. But fear not, I have not stopped, just on pause for a little until I can find time to do everything. Life is good!!

I am grateful for my family, old friends, new friends and a man who appreciates the real me. I am thankful for my health and for finally feeling worthy of all that I have. I am appreciative of the people in my life, both real and imagined I am especially thankful for having found the little kid in me.

Not sure when I'll be back to post again, but hopefully it will be soon. Take care.

[shasah]

For any of those that have doubts that IM works, please believe me that it does. I have found some time for meditation, but have not really had a chance to further analyze the book. I plan to make time for MKS this weekend because it really has helped me work through so many of my issues. Don't think that I have given up. That is far from true.

The man that I met is helping me get through some of my other issues. He can read me like no one I've ever met before and asks the right questions at the right time. We will be together for as long as we can help each other and for once in my life, I am taking it a day at a time. I'm not worrying about what will happen next. I am not agonizing about when he will next contact me. He is a part of now and now will last as long as it lasts. It has given me a new confidence in my femininity and self-image. I will take the lessons learned with me wherever I go no matter how long the relationship lasts. Funny that when I met him, I wasn't even looking Take care.

[shasah]

Back to Part X...Thought is the connection between individual and universal. Since starting the affirmation that I am powerful, perfect, whole, strong, loving, harmonious and happy things have really taken off. I feel more connected on the whole. Thinking positively and not letting the negative rule me was a major key. Thought is a dynamic energy which brings things into our world. Think it, imagine it, visualize it, using positive energy and it will be. Of course, if you use negative energy, the same will happen, it's up to you.

This chapter also states that we can do nothing to bring the manifestation to life. Once the intention is defined, it has to be released and the universe will take care of the rest. I had problems with this for a while but am now able to achieve the release. And the results are ... wow! I find that if I make an intention in my mind, I have a harder time releasing it. When I type or write an intention, I am able to then forget about it and release it until it comes to me in what I want. Also have found that wording can make a difference. Eliminating the negative and specifying the important conditions has made a lot of difference.

"The circuit cannot be completed unless we operate in harmony with the law".
Too true. Study and observation are important to know how to do so. Some that have tried IM and have been unsuccessful seem to think that there is no work involved. For some, this may be true, for me however, I needed to get to the bottom of my limiting beliefs and that has taken months. Have I rooted them all out? Don't know. I didn't recognize some of them as limiting beliefs until I started writing this all out. I have learned more about myself this year than any other time period in my life. And I continue to learn.....

[shasah]

The lessons have taken on a different format again but I still learn something new every day. Decided that the relationship that I'm in is going to be based on the truth. So far, so good. Verbally, I have been very upfront with him, I am now thinking about letting him read this and other writings that I have done. He has put me through a number of "tests". Maybe this is the major test on my side. If he can read, absorb, and accept this part of me, then I think I have a keeper. Still just a thought at this time though....

[marinik]

The truth is good, very liberating, but be careful not to peal of all your layers. Keep a bit of mystery about yourself. It is good for the romance.

[shasah]

Yes, it's a fine line to walk, no "games" but stay interesting. I think there's enough depth to both of us to be able to do so. Almost messed up yesterday but remembered to play instead of taking it all too seriously. Time to go play. Y'all have a great weekend!!!

[Tasha]

Hi, shasah,
I wanted to pop in and just say this thread is inspiring! It makes me want to try MKS myself. I've never really used any sort of "system" for my intentions, but it might be helpful since I've been feeling unfocused lately. I'm so glad you're having such great results! Thank you for sharing so much of your journey.

[shasah]

Glad to be of assistance. I've been fortunate enough to get exactly what I ordered. All I can say is "WOW"!! And I am so looking forward to the rest of the journey!! I am more grateful than I can express for MKS and all it has brought me. I am also thankful for people like you that inspire me to continue. And of course there are all those that I miss a great deal since I am not here as often but grateful to know that we will stay in touch and support each other through thick and thin. Take care!!!

[shasah]

A small pocket of time to finish the rest of Part X. I have 3 more highlighted sections, one of which I will quote word for word:

"21. Constructive thought must necessarily be creative, but creative thought must be harmonious, and this eliminates all destructive or competitive thought." Constructive, creative and harmonious are necessary to get the desired results is the point I'm getting and it has worked in my love life. I will be working on a few other areas since that is going so well.

Another parts says that wisdom, strength and courage are the result of power just as lack, limitation and adverse conditions are the result of weakness. It defines weakness as the lack of power and that it comes from nowhere and is nothing. Develop power in each area of your life. Exercise your ability to have power. No one else can do it, only you.

Last but not least, whatever you seek is also seeking you. Yup. But you have to be able to define what you want in a positive light. My hardest thing was defining what exactly I wanted. Found the right combination on a major order now I need to think through and define the rest.

I also need to get back to meditating but every time I try, I fall asleep lol. Three to four hours of sleep a night makes for a sleepy Shasah

Time to go back to work. Wishing everyone the best!!

[shasah]

Started meditating with another person in the room. didn't think it would work at first, but I am comfortable enough with this person that it wasn't a problem at all. Seems to be the only way to find time to meditate lol. I'd like to teach him how to meditate too. Think that may be a plan.

[shasah]

Have read Part XI a couple times, but it seems very fractured. I'm not sure what exactly he is trying to impart in this one. Mostly talks about induction.

Induction as defined by Wikipedia: Inductive reasoning, also known as induction or inductive logic, is a kind of reasoning that allows for the possibility that the conclusion is false even where all of the premises are true.[1] The premises of an inductive logical argument indicate some degree of support (inductive probability) for the conclusion but do not entail it; i.e. they do not ensure its truth.

Will have to go back and read again and see if I can make any sense of it.

[shasah]

Just a quick update. Still practicing but not having much time to post anything. I had heard that there is always a trade off to go with an intention and I now know what they mean. I am enjoying life and the manifestations that I have been fortunate enough to receive. The trade off seems to be having enough time to accomplish anything else. Today I meditated while traveling because it was the only time I had. (of course someone else was driving lol). It was differenent meditating with loud music and the wind blowing through my hair but hey, you take what time you have I will find what time I can to update. Take care all!!!