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11-02-2009, 01:24 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
 |  How Do I Escape Negative Thoughts?
I am a 50 year old artist. In many ways, until now I have lead a very charmed life. I am talented enough at music and acting that I have been able to land enough work to bring in a decent income for quite a while now. So I have been able to keep myself alive doing almost exclusively what I love. I have a beautiful wife and an incredibly beautiful 5 year old son. The trouble is my relationship with my wife has always been stormy and this summer she became increasingly depressed and distant with me and our fights were starting to take over our lives. She also seemed to have become jealous of my relationship with my son. He and I had gotten closer to each other than either of us was with her. We decided we should take a break. She took a month and stayed with her mother in a far away town. We got in an argument over the phone after which she called back at 1:00 am and said it was over and she was going to come back to my house just to prepare for a divorce. I tried to talk and reason with her during that time but she just stonewalled would not hear of anything but divorce and just kept repeating that "once love dies it cannot be revived". So a month ago she took my son and has left me. She has totally cut off all contact and I am being denied access to my son. I am in contact with her mother so I do have some word of what is going on but not much. The actual legal divorce has not happened yet so I do have a legal right to see my son but I am avoiding a confrontation for now because I am holding out hope for a reconciliation and I believe my wife is not mentally stable right now as she did some very crazy and irresponsible things with regard to my son. I am hoping that if she can calm down we can work things out. So the things I have to deal with right now that are overwhelming to me are: 1. Doubts about whether I can manifest a reconciliation. 2. Depression about being separated from my son. 3. Intense loneliness because the boy I have cared for as much as his mother has cared for him has been taken away. 4. Loss of the ability to concentrate on my work and market myself. I want to try the manifestation techniques but I am afraid that the spiral of negative emotions are overwhelming my positive intent. How do I escape the negative spiral and manifest a positive resolution that has my wife and child come back to me? I have never used medication before but I am starting to think I need some right now just to get me calm enough to do the work I need to do. Will medication interfere with manifestation? Last edited by reuniter; 11-02-2009 at 01:28 AM. Reason: want to receive email replies. |
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11-02-2009, 07:13 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 35
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Sad story man. Sorry about your losses. The best advice I can give you is to ask yourself productive questions. Asking yourself, "How can I run away from my negative thoughts?" Or "How can I escape these feelings" Aren't the best questions to ask yourself. Your subconsciousness most likely will lead you to an outlet and it doesn't care if it's negative or positive, it just leads you to the answer "How do I escape". What I would do is ask questions like "How can I repair this relationship?" and "How can I spend time with my son". Your brain will lead you to what you think is the best way. Don't ask yourself "What if I blow it again" since that will only lead to more negative questions and answers. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Easy for me to say, I don't know what you've been through. But what good does that question serve? And remember it's never bad to ask to yourself "How can I be happy and feel good about myself today?" Your brain will answer. Last edited by Donkey1; 11-02-2009 at 07:16 AM. |
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11-02-2009, 09:26 AM
| #3 (permalink) | ||
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Denver mostly..
Posts: 1,426
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You cannot escape negative thoughts.. that's the first thing that comes to mind.. you have to own them or ignore them.. If I were you I would accept responsibility for my reality.. I would accept responsibility for creating everything you have in place now.. and I would besides for owning it.. let go and allow whatever to happen to be okay even if you think it's not in your best interest.. Perhaps it would help you to do a little divination.. I use a website for tarot card divinations sometimes.. I can forward you a url.. If you haven't heard the "new age" news many in the "new age" circle are talking about how the energy has been paced up.. how more is coming and it's causing all kinds of shifts and life altering changes to everyone on the planet.. it's more than possible you just created one for yourself.. perhaps this woman isn't the right one for you, perhaps you need to experience what it's like to not be a dad full time.. I'm sure you don't want to hear this stuff.. but I seriously suggesting you own the worst case scenario even as you hope for your bestest best  Your story smells of victimization even though you don't use that word.. you try and use words like neutral/positive.. my wife will come around etc. but it sounds like to me you more like feel like you're a victim.. you have no power over anything because she's decided.. and technically that's right.. you don't have power over another person.. if they decide something you can't do JACK about it.. you can try and manifest to a reality where they come around but to do so you first have to be okay with WHO you are and also okay with the possibility they won't come AROUND.. 1. Doubts about whether I can manifest a reconciliation. Own these doubts by saying you would be okay if there was no "reconciliation" anything less and you can't manifest what you want.. and anything less and you will just react NEGATIVELY should it be in your HIGHEST GOOD that the relationship ended.. I don't believe you're a victim.. I believe you manifested your life to this point on purpose.. it has nothing to do with your wife's mind.. it has everything to do with you and your PLAN.. 2. Depression about being separated from my son. Separation is a illusion.. you can be sitting in a room right now.. but you're not separated from yourself (let's call that your higher self) and you're not separated from your son.. and at any second you can make connections spiritually to them.. try and remember that technically as much as you like to call your son your SON there not your son.. there your BROTHER.. you and he are both made of the same one.. you and he are copies of the creator/allthat is.. you are not separate from it.. you are it.. (there is a idea on the planet that says we have to take care of another.. this is not true.. your son can manage on his own without out.. accepting this idea will help you a lot.. not cause it's negative but because it's empowering for your reality.. I would suggest when raising your son.. you raise him as a brother.. for that's what a person really is.. the idea of protection is FEAR of control of reality.. we are all in control of reality.. some of us just don't realize it concsiously )So in your depression tell yourself the truth.. you LACK of nothing.. you are connected, you will be connected again, there is no LACK only illusion or pretend disconnection of this reality.. Rather than cry uncontrollably about loss.. get up and dance/sing about the truth that you are connected and that there is no loss.. I understand this is hard aspect to take.. but it is the truth and if you can embrace that perspective you and HE are better off! 3. Intense loneliness because the boy I have cared for as much as his mother has cared for him has been taken away. You are not alone.. you have the creators love.. you have your inner self's love.. why don't you reach out in your mind and have a little tap, okay? Ask this simple question in your mind.. "Am I alone?" "Am I loved" if you are in the right state.. that question will be answered if you don't invalidate it.. if it helps you out.. call for more help.. "Say I could really use some help being cheered up and more positive at this time" and believe me when I say.. that help will show up you may not recognize it.. but it will be there  Loneliness is a negative emotion it is a statement of lack.. I suggest you pull yourself out from this lack.. and start to at least work on neutral if not being positive.. these things serve you.. negative serves you too.. it's just do you really want to be there? when you claim you'd like to be somewhere better? 4. Loss of the ability to concentrate on my work and market myself. Stop letting circumstances effect you.. straight from my teachers mouth.. Circumstances don't matter, only state of being matters What does this mean you ask? Okay it means.. that if you're sitting in jail, if you're sitting in hell, if you just got out of a car accident after your wife died and son was imprisoned for murder! That doesn't MATTER The only thing that matters is how you feel.. cause in that state of being/feeling.. is your point of attraction.. here is my teachers clue about this "matters = Manifestation" The typical way any human takes change, death, lack, victimization etc. is take on a negative viewpoint.. all these sentences to you are about the idea of taking on a positive viewpoint.. if you can't make it to positive just work your way up.. go for NEUTRAL.. Many on this forum like the teacher "abraham" maybe now's a good time to hop on youtube and see if you can like what they're saying etc. if that message doesn't resonate I would search for answers/teachers that do resonate.. Quote:
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) I'd worry that I was substituting medication for looking at the problem.. the problem won't go away.. and you can turn that problem from being about your wife/child to being about medication.. You don't need medication to operate no one does.. but again if you believe it will help you.. then take it cause you've made that into a belief. Last edited by themaster; 11-02-2009 at 09:37 AM. | ||
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11-02-2009, 02:44 PM
| #4 (permalink) | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
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Thank you for your thoughts themaster Quote:
I am saying what I want to do is manifest a reconciliation but I need to overcome the doubts that may get in the way of doing so. What you seem to me to be saying is the way to overcome the doubts is to simply take them at face value and just go right on doubting whether I can do it. I am just a beginner around here but what I have read of manifestation so far is that you need to be clear and certain of what it is you want and focus on that and you not supposed to allow yourself to think of the worst case scenarios because it is the energy you put into those thoughts that cause them to be what you end up manifesting. So it strikes me that "owning the doubts" is just giving yourself an excuse for failing to manifest the thing you want. There is no lack of certainty that reconciliation is what I want. I is in no way to my greater good that my boy ends up getting raised by my wife. She is not a responsible person. Quote:
[QUOTE=themaster;438364] the idea of protection is FEAR of control of reality.. we are all in control of reality.. some of us just don't realize it concsiously )[QUOTE=themaster;438364] Not really following this. I have been protecting him for the last five years from all the things that all parents protect their children from. Of course there is an element of fear, I fear him getting killed. Keeping him from getting run over in intersections is not some abstract thing it is me protecting him so I am not seeing how there is something wrong with protecting a child. | ||
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11-02-2009, 03:06 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |||
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Denver mostly..
Posts: 1,426
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You apparently don't know what your higher self/perspective thinks or has planned maybe it is for your greater good that your child be away from you.. I return again to a suggestion that you do some divination if you want some clarity about what's going on.. because I say again this set of circumstances is not a accident.. people are going to be getting divorced, dying etc. all over by my understanding this is part of the shift not just random day to day stuff.. things are being setup for a reason.. Quote:
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If you had my understanding of reality the answer would be.. answer: I'm protecting him from myself/ourselves I didn't say there was something wrong.. I just suggested that the idea is that "everyone can take care of themselves" and that sometimes parents get so caught in protection and thinking about the person there raising.. they forget that simple truth.. they forget that if they were gone (and they don't like to hear this) there child would be just fine.. you ever wonder why some parents die when raising their kids?? It's very simple in the afterlife or the return to where we came from they know/remember the truth that the child can take care of themselves.. they feel no guilt if they decide not to return to earth from that perspective.. as maybe you didn't know but it's possible to die at any time in this game and then choose to come back right where you left off Last edited by themaster; 11-02-2009 at 03:08 PM. | |||
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11-03-2009, 01:10 AM
| #6 (permalink) | |||||||||
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
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Anyway on one hand you said previously that I have no control over my wife, and on the other hand you are saying basically that this is all my doing. It can't be both way's. If it was all my doing then I have been making mistakes in the manifestation of my wife all this time and those mistakes are what I need to rectify. Quote:
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I am an excellent father. Even my wife acknowledges that. You will just have to take my word that my son is not better off without me, and I am not better off without him. If his mother or I were to die he would not be better off. Last edited by reuniter; 11-03-2009 at 02:12 AM. Reason: mistake | |||||||||
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11-03-2009, 02:32 AM
| #7 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Denver mostly..
Posts: 1,426
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And I know what you want.. do you need some spiritual examples to understand this idea?? Alright, I'm going to recreate to the best of my ability a conversation my teacher had with someone.. Q: Everything was going along so great.. my life was perfect and then B: And then? Q: Bam, I got into this car accident.. so I don't understand how I created that? B: That was created cause you can't have it TOO perfect.. you can't force the universe into a box and you can't invalidate things that are to happen to you.. you have to validate them in order to get the preference of your manifestation.. by validating them you accept them as a equal choice and in doing that you get to choose what you what.. so you say "I validate that but I want this" If this information doesn't resonate then you can choose to ignore again.. I'm just trying to help Quote:
You have been in control of your reality this whole time.. the only way that you could have gotten where you are is if you directed yourself to this spot from a higher perspective or you were in default.. the idea of default means you just let life move you around you don't make any clear decisions.. you think you have no power etc. Let's clarify how you can change your wife.. first off to change your wife you have to change yourself.. by law of attraction the journey to change things is a INNER journey.. it is not a outer/external journey.. it is through your changes in yourself that you change the outside reality and there's a big trick to this.. just cause the outside reality from day to day looks the same it did yesterday doesn't mean it hasn't changed.. the trick is you have to keep on believing even if everything "looks the same" You have to validate your new beliefs at all times and invalidate the old ones.. you say this is the "new me" and that's not "me anymore" How you change your wife is through changing yourself.. I'm going to bring in something that maybe you don't need to know but maybe it will help.. there are billions to the Nth power of universes out there all vibrating at different levels.. when you change yourself, you change your universe.. and I believe the universe you want to get too is the one where your wife is vibrating at a nice level to you.. but the only way you can get there is to set a course to it through your vibration and through the building of the inner you's journey.. Quote:
I'm not trying to give you a excuse card by telling you about "new age" transformation, I'm simply giving you a heads up you may have chosen to experience some of this transforming energy.. I know not.. it's your life and I don't get any extra readings from talking with you except about the divination (which it seems your on top off )All I'm saying is you have to validate the other choice.. to create the outcome.. you have to accept it may not work out.. you can't force the universe into a pigeon hole it will bounce back on you You can have what you want just as I said you might want to understand why you're at this point (hence divination) and you need to be accepting (same message now repeated 7 times) of all outcomes.. cause only in that do you have the power of preference.Quote:
That doesn't mean when we step off the cliff and plunge ourselves into this limitation that we did not do it willing with a sense of joy and peace before we came here.. we are not victims and any child that allows themselves to be harmed does so by choice.. just as you currently are doing now.. your harm is by choice or default.. if you will.. but nothing else and at the core of it, it's all CHOICE.. Your words are judgment I suggest you let that go.. in fact these judgments may not serve you in the manifesting process.. because you seem to feel hell bent your right and from a place of love you'd see your not  Quote:
Death is choice it's not anything but that.. so.. Do you believe that if you swallowed drano right now you would live? I do.. Do you believe that if you were hit by a car.. you'd live? Again.. I do Do you believe that you have any power to stop your son's death? Apparently you do.. I don't.. it's his choice, his life.. if he wants to leave you can't stop him.. but I will say and this is true you can vibrate to a reality where he doesn't want to leave.. this is the flip side of the coin or the paradox This idea is the Illusion of Power vs. the Power of the Illusion I have placed my teachers words here on this forum about this lecture.. perhaps you should look it up or find it on youtube.. Quote:
What's the world going to do to him? Most children born now are already turned on to their LOA powers, they know more than adults, they know how to be happy easier and they download less of our beliefs than ever.. Do you think he's sitting at your evil wife's right now.. angry and pissed off? No guess what like all children he's just happy as a clam, he can adapt to any situation cause he hasn't picked up all our negative habits as adults To understand the power of LOA is to understand that the world cannot effect you.. it certainly can't effect him.. if you have your power, truth, vibration turned on.. you can be sitting in the worst earthquake in San Francisco ever and be the only the one that walks out with a scratch.. that's the power of the self, choice, vibration. So what your protecting him from is the illusion of power. You have no power so you have the illusion.. that's all you got. Quote:
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Your definition is this age's definition of parenting.. but it is not the truth and you can go out there and find 90% of all parents would agree with you.. but that TRUTH is changing so jump on the bandwagon now or apologize and realize your mistakes later.. your life, your choice. Last edited by themaster; 11-03-2009 at 02:42 AM. | ||||||||
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11-03-2009, 02:33 AM
| #8 (permalink) | ||
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Denver mostly..
Posts: 1,426
| character limitations :) Quote:
It's about do I like being with this person anymore?? is this a good fit for me?? you're not even addressing the question.. your too busy in hang up mode of this can't CHANGE, I don't want that.. and by law of attraction you get just that (you get what you think about) The reason you have just given.. is not a valid truth for you.. it is a negative truth.. and because it's negative you have pushed it to this extreme divorce.. you don't stay with someone to make the kid happy.. that's not what this new UNIVERSE/REALITY is to be about.. this is precisely why we have "new age" energy forcing ideas like this to the surface.. You should honestly spend some time with yourself and figure out what is your truth on this matter.. do you love her? can you love her again? do you want her back to just fulfill your belief that a good father must be a part of his family by being married? You see the truth is that's all restriction.. even marriage is a limitation or restriction if VIEWED from the right perspective.. Regardless of what you experienced/saw in the world let me make it clear that you can be divorced.. your son can be raised as EQUAL or less then that if that's your preference.. and still turn out fine.. I will ask that if anyone wishes to validate this truth they post this idea in this thread. For the record I was raised in a divorce and I think I turned out just fine.. (though you may not agree )So were clear.. your statement above is a judgment. Quote:
It has been very nice talking with you.. I hope this helps Last edited by themaster; 11-03-2009 at 02:48 AM. | ||
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11-03-2009, 04:41 AM
| #9 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
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--- Maybe you would like know I just broke down in the middle of that sentence and started sobbing completely uncontrollably, but for the first time in months they were not tears of sorrow but of hope and release. Thank you so MUCH. It was like somebody set off a joy grenade in my head and for a few seconds at least I was out from under the tons and tons of soul sucking crap I have been carrying around for the last couple of months. I do absolutely believe that there are an infinite number of universes being created all the time. You have given me a way to believe that I may be able to create the one I want. Quote:
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[QUOTE=themaster;438922] Death is choice it's not anything but that.. so.. Do you believe that if you swallowed drano right now you would live? I do.. Do you believe that if you were hit by a car.. you'd live? Again.. I do [/QOUTE] how much drano and how fast is the car going. I have BTW been hit by a car. It was probably only going about 20 when it hit me but it banged me up pretty good and broke my arm. It is not a good to let those things hit you. I do not not recommend it. [QUOTE=themaster;438922] Do you believe that you have any power to stop your son's death? Apparently you do.. I don't.. it's his choice, his life.. if he wants to leave you can't stop him.. but I will say and this is true you can vibrate to a reality where he doesn't want to leave.. this is the flip side of the coin or the paradox [/QOUTE] I think sophistry is a waste of time. I absolutely *have* prevented his death in specific instances. So yes I can and have demonstrated the ability to prevent my son's death on numerous occasions. But you seem to be trying to imply that I think I have the power to prevent him from ever dying. That is something entirely different from what I said or what I meant and think we both know it. Quote:
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Because I am in contact with my wife's mother (who agrees with me that what my wife is doing is not right) I do know that my son talks about me and I am sure that he is missing me. Because as this is japan we always slept together as a family when my wife started talking about nothing but divorce, she started sleeping in another room. My son always preferred to sleep with me. When he woke up because of nightmares he always came to my work room for comfort. Not his mothers room. When he woke up in the morning it was always me he came to. And during the time leading up to my wife kidnapping him he said to me over and over again that he did not want to be separated from me. I am in a country where I am at an *extreme* legal disadvantage should this go to trial. In this country in divorces the child goes to one parent or the other. You can negotiate visitations rights but they are not only stingy they are not enforced and so are meaningless. I am treading very lightly with my wife right now because the likelihood I can prevail legally and continue to see my son is slim to none. Just guessing and looking at your americanized spelling I assume you are an american. Believe me, in the asian country where I live things are different. Quote:
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11-03-2009, 04:59 AM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 55
| If you want her back
You should take a minute to examine what you really want. Then if you really want her back, maybe instead of getting in arguments on the telephone, you should court her again. Flowers, jewelry, little love notes, whatever she likes. Then, when you get her back, do everything you can to keep her. And that usually involves doing a lot of nice things for her, all of the time, for the rest of your lives. But you might not get her back arguing with her on the phone, and calling her irresponsible. You are going to need to project love, and mean it. And you are going to have to let go of your anger, and your negative judgements, which is not a bad thing, that is a good thing, and she will sense it whether she is 1000 miles away, or in the same room. |
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11-03-2009, 06:58 AM
| #11 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Denver mostly..
Posts: 1,426
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"Also since we talked about my teachers lecture The Power of the Illusion vs. The Illusion of Power.. I'll just go ahead and give you the url.. The chicken and the egg (see last post in thread) Quote:
And there's a bit more to this pigeon hole idea so let me get down to it.. This is a limitation reality.. it was designed for limitation.. it is limiting.. here we are disconnected from ourselves.. because our normal reality is a connection with the creator/our self and connection to instant knowledge we don't stand around and go how could we design this thing to do that function.. in higher realms we create instantly, there is no delay, there is no waiting as you were.. you want a apple, *poof* there it is..I'm not sure where I'm going with this now.. but when I said pigeon hole I was thinking about being limited with the universe (yes, here we go) and so if you like the rest of us have belief structures and definitions.. you believe that you ask for apple.. someone will have to place it on your desk, a apple cart vendor will take pity/smile on you and give you one.. things like that have to fit into your rational MIND for them to come in.. The ideas is a lot of us our manifesting with "pigeon hole" mentality.. were not letting the universe come in through the side entrance or the yard.. were saying universe you have to come in through the keyhole like the rest of the world.. we limit how we manifest.. this is why the easiest manifestations are the slight of hand one.. If you see a light winking at you.. you see 11:11 on a clock, you hear a song on a radio.. those are easy for the universe because you're not forcing it through the keyhole.. so the idea is when you set a manifestation.. don't think about the ways it will come.. just KNOW that it will come.. let the universe/inner self decide the best way to get it to you.. and you work on being upbeat I understand that like me you have a EGO but it's usually the EGO that causes all the problems.. I sometimes say "the only thing that's in your way.. is YOU!" the idea is we're talking about the ego and you not opening up Quote:
If I told you 20 gallons of drano and 150 mph.. would you consider that high enough to invalidate? The idea is.. it doesn't matter the circumstances.. anything is possible.. to state anything else is a LIMITING.. it's a limiting reality so your allowed to be limited I choose to be unlimited (for now) and say anything is possible.. you can work up any kind of miracle cure.. the next time you're trying to figure how a guy could survive a 10,000 foot drop with no parachute or how a woman with terminal thyroid cancer survived and is living this day.. try and plug in this formula.. anything is possible and we prove it every day! Quote:
You created events where he could die.. and then gave yourself a creation that you saved his life.. hey, that's no problem happens all the time on the news.. I don't doubt you, I do believe you.. Yah, but that's what the fear is all about in the first place.. you see if you'd trust in yourself and take responsibility for your reality your creating.. validate all choices but choose, what you want.. you would not need to spend time thinking about how to protect/defend.. the fool hardy part of it is the ego's not really capable of protecting anyone at least not anymore.. you can create a experience of validating you protected someone (see above) but that is just a experience and just part of the illusion.. and one of our biggest fear sells is that death is a bad thing in our illusion of disconnection.. it is anything but a bad thing.. it's safe to say it may be the most exhilarating experience of your life if you were to head back up right now (how this will change when people are being more 4th dimension, 5th dimension more density.. I don't know )Quote:
Even if before you incarnated you said hey in my plan for this life.. "I want to die by car accident" you can still change the rules at any time and many or all of us do. While this may not be the mainstream definition out there in the world this is the definition us "new agers" get when we ask for higher information and EGO understanding about all things.. This is a lot of information I'm giving you about your reality.. you seem to be taking it well.. most seek to invalidate it.. so far I haven't heard you try that much.. congrats to you.. for at least listening Last edited by themaster; 11-03-2009 at 07:26 AM. | ||||||||
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11-03-2009, 06:59 AM
| #12 (permalink) | ||||||
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Denver mostly..
Posts: 1,426
| character limitations are a bitch ;) Quote:
Correct, your right I am making a judgment.. a neutral way of saying it is a observation.. but I don't claim to have the idea of how I'm to say judgments but not mean it down pat yet and or explain it Here's the thing my rule/motto is "no judgments" and when I make a judgment I am really not caring.. for example I said Your wife was evil (I said that on purpose to show you a description of what I think.. you think but beyond that) I don't really know your wife and even though I don't know here.. I don't really care one way or the other what she does even if I met her/new her for 20 years.. I wouldn't judge her PERIOD it's just my motto But you say "parents who raise their kids in a divorce means the kids suffer" (that's a judgment) because you just defined 100% that every kid in every divorce suffers 100% but you don't know that.. you're not them (least right now) it's a judgment and the idea I suggest is that judgments don't serve you.. if you could live in the idea of "no judgments" you would be doing yourself a world of favors but I didn't say it was easy If a person is not making judgments of some kind they would not have any reason to do anything at all would they? I don't agree with you.. I mean I'm doing something with you.. I'm trying to help.. but I'm not really judging not in the way I'm not releasing it.. We don't live in a society where you have to make judgments.. why are kids better than us?? (and yes this is a judgment ) it's cause they too don't judge.. they are in a place of connection a place of love and understanding.. if you want a example of how to not judge and be here.. just think of your son As I admitted before I don't have the idea of judgments all understood but I'm working on it You see the best master always know there's something new to learn..  Quote:
If you're going to get back together with your wife.. just as jacare has stated you need to let go of your judgments.. you need to forgive and forget you need to be the better man/person then her.. but you also need to honestly figure out if that's what you want.. I would suggest that you explore your memories in a NEUTRAL/objective place of times with your wife and married life.. explore the dull moments, the moments you label bad and the moments you label good and make sure that is what you want in the future.. if that is what you really want then use the good moments to focus on what you love about her and your love but remember she does not have to accept you back and you should not get down on yourself if your rejected.. if it's really meant to be remember that "pigeon hole" idea then understand that you may get back with her after a few months.. a few years etc. after both you and her have matured as people and you've allowed the love to grow in your hearts.. if this is what you really want and not from a ego perspective but from a love perspective it will be yours again you only need to hold on to that truth and the world will come into alignment with it Quote:
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If you want to see your son.. all you have to do is think it.. all you have to do is LOA so bad so much that they'll be calling you, breaking down the door.. putting out news bulletin alerts to find you just so you can see your son.. listen to what I'm saying.. you're not a victim! You can turn this around anytime.. so take responsibility for your reality and take back your power.. test out what I said above in a moderate way.. be easy on yourself.. but see that you can use the power of LOA to give you visitation rights.. courts/lawyers/japan/whatever do not MATTER, only state of being MATTERS. Quote:
5 years old can be fine on their own too.. that's why we have social services.. even if it was the year 1000 B.C. they'd still be fine.. There isn't a list of things every child should have.. that is a judgment.. I suggest again you take it easy.. kick back relax and go easy on your life.. go easy on yourself.. try and relax and play around with LOA in a playful way and the results will surprise you.. Last edited by themaster; 11-03-2009 at 12:15 PM. | ||||||
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11-03-2009, 07:03 AM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
| Quote:
But I do understand and accept the fact that I have been wrong as well. At this point I am still in the just totally leaving her alone phase. I have sent her exactly two letters, one very short saying that I thought she was doing the right thing stated with absolutely no acrimony. And the other a very carefully and lovingly worded abject apology with not even a hint of an excuse for the things I did that I believe hurt her. Other than that I am basically waiting her out and will do that for probably at least another couple of weeks before I even try to call. I know from her sister who was present when my wife read the letter that my wife said at that time to herself "I did a bad thing". But I also know she has not changed her mind. I am just trying to give her time to think. I am given to understand that in these cases it the best thing is to do what I can to make her question whether I am really waiting for her or if I too have moved on. As long as she feels safe in the idea that she can come back to me anytime she will always feel certain she has total control of the situation and unfortunately for me moving on is a very difficult thing to do indeed and whether she knows it or not at the moment she *does* have total control. Hopefully her not hearing from me at all may cause her to at least question that. I know in these cases what needs to happen is a new relationship between us not just a revival of the old broken one. Of course the idea that it can be completely new is not very realistic especially considering that we have a child and continuity for him is a large part of point in all this. The first thing that would be a victory for my cause would be a phone call from her. She has just gone down and parked herself at her mothers house her mother said that was fine but I do think there is going to be a point where it gets to be less and less fine with her mother. Also her mother has agreed with me from the get go that a divorce was not a good outcome. The thing is her mother is a total enabler to my wife and has been since my wife was about age 7, and for that reason my wife has always been pretty irresponsible because she has never really had much to be responsible for. In this instance she left me with a mess then took her mess down to her mothers she had no money and made her mother pay for the plane tickets now she has been living down there in that house at her mother's expense for just over a month. I think she may have gotten a job but she is in a hole. I am still paying her cell phone bill, and paying for health insurance for her and my son. But other than that I am leaving her on her own. But she still has it easy because her mother helps take care of my son puts a roof over her head loans her a car and feeds her. So once again she is acting tough while totally relying on someone else to take care of her. Mind you I am happy to take care of her and let her be a housewife, or get a job or whatever she wants to do if she stays here but I don't really think her mother is going to be happy to do that forever. | |
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11-03-2009, 10:07 AM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 55
| Hoping for the best
Reuniter, there are a lot of parallels to your situation as to my own. My wife has not left me, but were that to happen, it would look about the same (her mom's, no money, etc.). I understand your strategy, you want to demonstrate lack of neediness to gain an upperhand, and wait it out until here mother is exasperated, and tells her daughter it's time to move on. Your lever is you are the next logical support. I understand the dynamic, similar to the one in my own situation, where you have the money power in the relationship. Maybe an alternative strategy is similar, but with at slight twist. You can continue to work on yourself. Try and get to the point where you are only projecting love. Funny, somebody mentioned Joe Vitale on this thread just yesterday. He wrote a book called "Zero Limits". Forget about what it says on the surface (about manipulating a Hawaiian system to gain wealth. What the book really says (and I highly recommend this book in your situation, I listen to the audio) is that other people's reactions around us are a reflection of our own selves. And we can change other people by changing ourselves. The co-author, Dr. Hew Len, supposedly healed a ward of mental patients by healing his own thoughts of revulsion for these patients. These claims have been disputed, but the essense of the idea is clear, and that is what matters. The idea is that we attracted everything in our lives, including the reactions of others, and our job is to clean up whatever is in ourselves that caused this reaction. In your case, by healing your own negative thoughts, clearing your own negative emotions, and projecting love for your wife, you may heal others around you. I've actually experimented with this with my wife and children, and clearly, it works for me. When she is angry at me, mad at me, instead of working on her, and telling here where she is wrong, I work on *me*, and clearing my anger, and projecting love to her. And it works 100 out of 100 times for me, *when I can get myself to a mental place to do this*. You seem like a clearheaded, intelligent person, perhaps this is a technique worth exploring a bit. Another link you should check out. Zero Limits and What is Ho'oponopono Part of the process is keying on these phrases, saying them to yourself, from yourself, and projecting them to others (mentally), these phrases replace the negative chatter going on in your mind: * I love You * I'm sorry * Please forgive me * Thank you So you say and think the above phrases, and they replace "She's irresponsible", "Why did she do this", "I'm so mad at myself for letting it get to this point", "What did I do wrong?".... instead, you say and think: * I love You * I'm sorry * Please forgive me * Thank you Last edited by jacare; 11-03-2009 at 10:17 AM. |
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11-03-2009, 03:19 PM
| #17 (permalink) | |||||
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
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Also since we talked about my teachers lecture The Power of the Illusion vs. The Illusion of Power.. I'll just go ahead and give you the url.. The chicken and the egg (see last post in thread) No what I mean by pigeon hole isn't specifics.. you have specific outcomes yes.. what I mean by the universe bouncing back on you.. I meant that, that is negative LOA.. if you stand there and insist "that your family must come back to you" then negative loa (loa isn't negative.. I just think of it that way.. the opposite of positive manifesting) is at work for they won't.. you have to allow for all possibilities and all creations.. And there's a bit more to this pigeon hole idea so let me get down to it.. This is a limitation reality.. it was designed for limitation.. it is limiting.. here we are disconnected from ourselves.. because our normal reality is a connection with the creator/our self and connection to instant knowledge we don't stand around and go how could we design this thing to do that function.. in higher realms we create instantly, there is no delay, there is no waiting as you were.. you want a apple, *poof* there it is..I'm not sure where I'm going with this now.. but when I said pigeon hole I was thinking about being limited with the universe (yes, here we go) and so if you like the rest of us have belief structures and definitions.. you believe that you ask for apple.. someone will have to place it on your desk, a apple cart vendor will take pity/smile on you and give you one.. things like that have to fit into your rational MIND for them to come in.. The ideas is a lot of us our manifesting with "pigeon hole" mentality.. were not letting the universe come in through the side entrance or the yard.. were saying universe you have to come in through the keyhole like the rest of the world.. we limit how we manifest.. this is why the easiest manifestations are the slight of hand one.. If you see a light winking at you.. you see 11:11 on a clock, you hear a song on a radio.. those are easy for the universe because you're not forcing it through the keyhole.. so the idea is when you set a manifestation.. don't think about the ways it will come.. just KNOW that it will come.. let the universe/inner self decide the best way to get it to you.. and you work on being upbeat [/QUOTE] I can see what you are saying there but that example is not about anyone accepting that they might not get what they want, you are talking about someone trying to specify how the thing might happen. I don't exactly see how I am doing that. I am just saying what I want I am not saying how I want it to come about so I am not understanding how I am conflicting with that principle. Quote:
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11-04-2009, 12:27 AM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
| This helped me understand a little better
I guess maybe this person is stating the principle that you are trying to teach me: The Law Of Detachment Thank you for sticking with it and trying to get through to me, this conversation led me to that article and helped me feel its significance. |
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11-04-2009, 01:28 AM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 739
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Yeah LOA isn't about saying I want "THIS" person or this 1 particular job with this one company in this exact office facing the lake. You're looking to create an experience, in this case it's to have a loving relationship. The detachment part is where you become ok with the fact that if it comes to you it MIGHT have to be a different person. That doesn't mean it WILL be someone new. But if you insist on 1 particular person than the detachment isn't there. You have to look at the opposite side. Imagine if you broke up with a woman and were 100% sure that you needed to move on but she told you she was using LOA to change you so you will be back with her anyday now. It's silly, people have freewill. If you start creating the energies that attract love into your life it could easily be your wife who follows that energy (subconsciously). When your in a tramuatized state it's really hard to focus and meditate on those things. From my experience drugs that put you in a positive state help manifestation quite a bit. In fact after I divorced I had to take time off from trying to manifest as I was too depressed. When I resumed it was only because I was self medicating and seeking professional help. But I did meet some incredible women. (Warning: self medicating can lead to serious health and addiction problems) Last edited by joelr; 11-04-2009 at 01:34 AM. |
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11-04-2009, 01:53 AM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: USA/Mississippi
Posts: 993
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reuniter, i hope things work out. i notice or feel several things about what you've said and i'd like to share them with the intention of being helpful. - sometimes our highest good is not what we want on the surface. we incarnate with lessons we pick for ourselves, but most/many don't have conscious access to the things we specifically asked to learn and considered important. there is no consensus about the role of highest good in intention manifestation, but my understanding is we may have even asked to block a specific thing we *think* we want to manifest IF we have decided it is not aligned with our highest good. at first that idea kinda sucks but then it's very empowering because WE are the ones who set it up this way - if it happens. - i think you are currently in a place of wanting to use your wife. yes, i said that. what i mean is, you are so focused on how this could mean you don't get to see your son but you only seem to view it in that light - as her potentially taking him away. i don't see much here about how you want a reconciliation because you are deeply, madly in love with her. can you see how maybe she could pick up on this as well? maybe if you shift to a different set of reasons for manifesting reconciliation, it will also dissolve more of the resistance she may have? - she is understandably jealous here. i think a part of you is proud that your son chooses you more often and you have such a close relationship. and there's nothing wrong with that! but if your wife decides to come back, she may be wanting or even demanding to be treated as a more worthy member of the family. and she would deserve to be, no matter what she has done. i know grudges are easy but they are not conducive to a clean slate either. and really, i'm not talking about just pretending this is more about your wife than your son - i'm talking about owning that it feels mostly about your son, and trying to work through that if you actually want to be with your wife, not just the mother of your child because that's the easiest way to guarantee access to him. - i think you could benefit from something i think themaster touched on or maybe another poster. accepting responsibility for your role in this situation. when we are feeling especially hurt, it's easier and more comfortable to point to the other person as the primary source of the way things are working out. but that's not a very empowering or fair assessment... when two people are involved, BOTH of them contribute to the situation. rather than focusing your energy on what she has done, you can decide to shift into thinking about the ways you are also responsible for this. whether you seek to make amends for those things or change those behaviors/thoughts is up to you. no one else can make that decision for you. most of what you have said about the situation is making her the bad guy. i'm just trying to help you see that, and see how some part of her likely senses this perspective and it could interfere with the stated goal. - you can release your doubts by acknowledging them - saying 'i realize in this moment my mind says 'what about xyz' and then you make a conscious decision to let them go. everyone has a team of spiritual/energetic guides who look out for our best interest (yes, even hardcore science types ). you could speak aloud or in your head to request connection to your authentic guides and whether you feel/see/notice a response or not, TRUST that they listened and have responded to the request. tell them you're connecting with them to hand over these doubts so you can manifest a reconciliation as quickly as possible if it is aligned with the highest good of all concerned. feel the tension lift as they collect that doubt energy. ask them to replace it with something though, the universe abhors a vacuum. ask them to collect the energy of doubt and replace it with trust, confidence or whatever it is you feel you'd rather have. i hope this helps, and i hope it doesn't seem like i'm simply minimizing your pain. well, i'm not dwelling on it so maybe that's actually true. i understand the situation as it currently is feels unpleasant - because, frankly, you CHOOSE to see it that way. i think several of these things i've said could be helpful, but i leave it up to you to decide. let me know if there's anything you want me to clarify or elaborate on. about medication... i don't think it interferes with manifestation, but it can dull the emotions that our inner self is asking us to deal with and learn from. that can help sometimes and sometimes it amplifies the work we do later. in terms of strict connection to I-M, medication only interferes if a person energizes that belief. p.s. i did not read every single word of the previous responses. if someone else has already said any of the things i brought up here, my apologies for not giving proper credit Last edited by rei; 11-04-2009 at 01:56 AM. |
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11-04-2009, 02:26 AM
| #21 (permalink) | |
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
| Quote:
That is an interesting exercise. Good thing it is suggested to do it silently because in the case of my wife if I actually said those things to her out loud I can say from experience it would take whatever argument I was having with her to the next level of acrimony, so it is more than a bit counter intuitive to apply that to our specific relationship but I will try if the opportunity arises. I am interested in the article though I have gone though it once and I will give it another look soon. | |
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11-04-2009, 07:50 AM
| #22 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 26
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You have not specifically said what she has done. We don't need to know for that matter. But, you have suggested that she has done something or some things bad. It also seems that you have labeled her beneath you. I bet you money that she senses this and is tired of it. You know why I say that? Been there. Done that! I have successfully manifested a reconciliation with my wife. It was the most manipulative thing I have ever done. Well, almost. Anyhow, that whole mess is what got me into studying manifesting and the law of attraction. I am an American male and it doesn't seem any different to me. My wife and I blew apart in 2004 over some stuff that she did that, if I told you would make your jaw hit the floor and you would wonder why I wanted to reconciliate. Well, It was because we have not one son but two sons whom I love very deeply. While we were apart for 3 months we fought, cussed, and did everything to each other except murder. It was that bad. The people that know us still to this day can't figure out why or how we were able to put things back together. I can tell you how. It is really simple. It was my fault! that's right! Mine. If I had not been mean to her, talked down to her, and treated her like she was beneath me, none of this would have ever happened. Although she did things against me that most people would never forgive I had to accept the fact that if I had not argued with her and treated her the way I did she would not have done those things. Once I accepted that I manifested the whole situation it was then that I took control. As long as I was blaming her, and on the surface it looked like it was all her, she dug her heels in and filed for divorce. We went through the whole process but right before it was to be final we reconciled. Now, today our relationship is stronger than it ever has been. I love her as much as I love my two sons. I tell her everyday. We maybe have gotten into an argument three times in the last five years. As someone mentioned earlier. The change came from within. As long as I acted the way I did she was going to act the way she did. She was merely reacting to me. Once I learned this I simply changed my ways and commited to being a loving husband. We were apart for a little over three months. It was when I accepted the possibility that we might not get back together was when we did get back together. The Master is right when he said you have to accept that possibility. Here was my mindset when I set out to accomplish this. I decided that no matter what she had done I had to forgive her but first I had to forgive myself for my mistakes. I kept my two boys in mind as my reason for reconciliation and here's why. Although I chose to forgive her I was still extremely hurt by what she had done. I had to use the boys as my focus to give me the strength to not fight with her. During this period I was not allowed by law to talk to her. (Yes, it was that bad) I took the chance and decided that no matter what I would be respectful to her. I would talk with her in a loving friendly way. I had to make friends with her again because we had become enemies. To my surprise she immediately was receptive to our conversations. She had already began another relationship during this period but after about a week she dumped him and one day after that I moved back in. It wasn't immediate that we returned to marital bliss but after weeks of talking peacefully and me having to check myself and really demonstrate self control we began to fall in love again. Guess what? She had said the words, "Once love is gone it never comes back" She didn't know my capabilities. Now she does. She tells me all the time how much better I am and how I have changed and she is glad that I forgave her and she tells me from time to time that she is not worthy of me. I believe she is. She does more for me now than she ever did. Learning about manifesting and LOA has changed my life. I can tell you friend. Keep an open mind. Make friends with her again. You don't have to get silly and do the courting stuff if that is not your style. Try and think about what it was that you saw in her in the beginning and focus on that. After all, she gave birth to your son. Without the both of you he would not exist. That is the law of attraction. You will have all sorts of negative thoughts run through your mind. I did. Now, five years later, they are gone. Looking back I would not change a single thing except I wish I knew then what I know now. The whole situation forced me to grow as a person and that is a manifestation of a higher order. As they say I was asking for it. Don't worry about the negative stuff. I bought a book on how to persuade people without them knowing it. Now I'm in sales. It is a really good sales book. I'll send you a link if you like. It taught me how to talk to her so that she would respond to me in a favorable way. I use the techniques with my sons as well. They don't give me any trouble whatsoever. I saw where you mentioned that it is customary to have your son sleep with you. Ok. There are alot of people in America that do the same. Those that I know that do have marital problems. Not in my house. Those boys of mine are forbidden to sleep in my bed. It belongs to my wife and I and I like having that alone time if you know what I mean. You may be 50 but you are not dead. You may want to consider making a change to that when the two of you get back together because I believe you will get back together. my two cents |
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11-04-2009, 07:55 AM
| #23 (permalink) | ||||
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Denver mostly..
Posts: 1,426
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Wow, rei gave you some good advice.. everyone pay attention (though technically mine is better )Quote:
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I can provide you with a url to his book if that helps only by pm though (just ask)Quote:
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11-04-2009, 07:56 AM
| #24 (permalink) | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
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At the more mundane level honestly I believe my wife lost the ability to *see* me at some point and could only see a projection of me that she had created. When we talked I constantly found thoughts and actions attributed to me that just had no resemblance to anything I actually said thought or did. Quote:
I have never been so depressed for so long in my life. Ever. When I did not have kids I would get pretty depressed about break ups but I could eventually go on to the next woman without much problem, kids change everything and I doubt that I will ever share the attitude about kids that the people around here appear to have. Family is very important to me. | ||
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11-04-2009, 09:13 AM
| #25 (permalink) | ||||
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
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I am very aware that not all of the blame lies with her. Though in my defense I would say we were having serious communication problems it did not matter if I was talking soft, loud or backwards she was not willing to listen to anything I had to say. Quote:
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I guess I am quoting too much. I really appreciate your thoughts and what you said about contacting my guides is interesting and maybe helpful to me because it sounds like a good way to give the process a shape that I can hang on to. I suspect that lack of some process of ritual to help me focus may be part of where I am getting a little hung up. I have always fairly unabashedly talked to myself. In fact I do it a lot more than I realize and was often amused and sometimes kind of disconcerted when my son would answer me and ask what I was talking about. I am truly thankful for all the thoughtful voices I am encountering around here. I have never seen anything quite like it is a web forum. | ||||
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11-04-2009, 09:45 AM
| #26 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
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Thank you so much hearfromnowhere!! There certainly is a lot we seem to have in common. I can't tell you how inspiring your post was and it is nice to hear from someone who understands where I am coming from so well. Interestingly and I say this not to negate any of your excellent points but just as a point of interest: one thing that may be different than your experience is that I am an american like you but my wife is Japanese. Japanese women have very different expectations from american women and basically do not really like to be treated as equals, at least not in the same way that american women do. That is not to say that they do not want equal consideration but that they do not react well to being put in the driver's seat, they like men who are assertive an confident and take charge, and get annoyed by ones (like me) who are not that way so much. I am actually fairly certain my wife wanted more assertiveness from me rather than less. Of course nothing is ever that simple and cut and dried japanese women certainly assert themselves in some areas and will brooke no questioning their authority. Unfortunately child rearing tends to be one of those areas which made for a rather difficult situation because I had my own ideas about child rearing and I was doing as much of it as she was so I was not particularly receptive to the idea of having no say in the matter. So for me the task with her is to definitely be less angry but at the same time more assertive. They say this particular issue is one of the big reasons divorce rates are pretty high among international couples like us. BTW which "secret persuasion" manual did you use. Sounds like something I could use. Last edited by reuniter; 11-04-2009 at 09:50 AM. |
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11-04-2009, 03:51 PM
| #27 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 26
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cool. Thanks for the kind words. The assertive but compassionate role may be in order for you. My wife likes me to take charge. As for the child rearing differences of culture I couldn't suggest anything there. Just don't fight with her. Don't argue with her in front of the child either. Talk out your concerns in a peaceful way. It can be hard but that's what you must do. If you find yourself in an argument take a walk, drive, or something you normally do to calm yourself down. I think that keeping your temper under control is what you must manifest. All the other things will fall into place for you. Good luck to you. The link is on its way. |
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11-07-2009, 05:19 PM
| #28 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
| Thank You All
I have been silent here for a few days because I have been busy with some work but also because big events have been happening regarding my situation with my wife. Perhaps one could attribute things to just a coincidence in the particular timing of the moment when my application of the "no contact rule" finally produced its result but the simple fact is on Wednesday night I managed to successfully deal with my doubts in a way that was really a mishmash of what so many of you posters here suggested and also was heavily influenced by the excellent and succinct writings of Depak Chopra. I really could feel a distinct shift in the way I felt about the problem in that moment as I was trying to manifest, I really did it with no kind of expectation of any kind of immediate result but lo and behold, the very next day after the better part of two months of total silence, she called me and said that for the good of our child she had decided that what she wanted was not a divorce but separation because she wanted me to be involved in our son's life. Of course this was not really what I was looking for but I did not argue, did not help her by expressing anything at all that she could disagree with, and said nothing but that I thought she had done the right thing and knew best what to do, but that I did not have much time to talk. She was flabbergasted not only that I was giving her nothing to argue about but that I did not really even seem to want to talk to her much longer or ask her for anything or tell her anything in particular. When she saw me accepting her silence and her absence without any apparent problem it was like watching the gun she has had stuck to my head all this time just melt in her hand. She called me again today with something a little more like an ultimatum about giving her some money for our boy or going in front of a divorce mediator, and it still was not a very "nice" ice breaker in the conversation but there was a constructive conversation that followed that ended with us both feeling better and no one feeling they had beat or been beaten by anyone else. Anyway the process is not at either end but it is finally moving in a good direction and I cannot help but to think that there is a high likelihood that I have all of you here to thank for teaching me what I needed to know to get things moving in this direction. Maybe the book I am referring to is so well known in this forum that me mentioning it is like trying to teach my granny to suck eggs but I really got a lot out of it. It is Depak Chopra's "The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success". I like it so much in fact that I bought a Japanese copy of yesterday without really being sure who I intended to give it to and then I got the call today from my wife during which I mentioned it to my wife and she said she was willing to read it. It will be interesting for me to see what she thinks of it. I would be truly thankful if she can actually get some comfort and peace from it. She is still seriously confused and conflicted and angry but I think she is getting tired of being that way and may be receptive to its message. |
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