A lil support please

[missbhaven]

So, I guess I am pretty well programmed. For the past week I've been setting aside my free time for simple meditation (which isn't as much as I would like for now but the only thing constant is change )
But I do realise lately it just takes one thing to send me into a negative spiral and put me in a funk. And I've been trying to keep myself positive lately but my current project has me a lil glum, and even my lil visualization methods to unspin me or leave me in a fit a giggles just leave me feeling meh.. and particular disenheartened.
For the past week i've been working on the life purpose experiment suggested by Steve but the only things that really seem to move me are the ones that make me feel liked crying becuase of grief. The major one being " I have no purpose at all."
i've torn pages out, cussed, yelled at these inanimate objects as if they let the words apear themselves. I don't know why I can't spark any emotion that would move me other than this pit that leaves me near to tears when i see that one line. (and others that well aren't particularlly positive like enslaving humanity..... )

I've been writing in my favorite book that I've been using for my manifestations and creative ideas. Now I look at the book with mix of emotions. I can't work on anything else without thinking of this. Lately I've been leaving the book home rather than deal with it since I can't seem to concentrate and nothing seems to come out properly anyway.

I've tried a whole list in variation of what sparked hope in me. I've always been labeled generous and giving and felt it may have something along those lines but everything i've been writing just leaves me feeling empty or the feeling like how a blown raspberry sounds.
This was something I was soo excited about and told many of my friends to try out but now more and more I just don't want to do it anymore, but I feel compelled to continue. I just feel like everytime my moods impacted by dissatisfaction and i guess the real word would be "fear". And it takes me a long time to get over that yet another 45 min or soo have passed by and I still can't get it.

did any of you have the same issues?

[themaster]

Sure.. you go back and forth in a funk.. I understand the idea.. I was certainly in a type of funk in Vegas.. but I brought myself out.. by just telling myself "I know what I'm doing" "Nothing I can ever do, can ever be wrong" Here's a nicer one.. "If sitting right here for a 100 hundreds years makes me happy.. then I lived a good life"

Sorry, can't help you with steve's work.. I don't read it but once in a blue moon.. if you want to url it.. I'll have a look for reference..