Why i cannot manifest (urgent)

[bmlyeryk]

this is going to be long


i found out, after painfully monitering myself last week closely, why im having so much trouble manifesting for my eyes. earlier attempts i would have the brief 'peak state' about manifesting good vision (which never lasted even a day) and feeling very good about manifesting it (though not doing it quite right maybe) .........and then over and over again in each attempt, a sudden panic attack would arise that my intention would not manifest (feeling very unworthy once again), and an irrational fear of it manifesting, fear of failure etc etc (feeling shock and 'terror' of whether i will see clearly waking up next day)!
whenever i attempted manifesting each time, especially in a better mood, i have witnessed multiple 'flashes' of clearer (not perfect) vision, and even more on my best 'peak mood', but now b/c i took this hault by my recurring fear, these flashes dont happen. whether or not this was evidence of good progress, i still subconciously do NOT believe i can succeed or am worthy, and THIS FEELING IS AUTOMATIC AND controlling me unwantingly

i read about prenate and birth trauma a while back, and i FOR SURE know that i was one of those victimized fetuses/babies, and these fears and panic attacks prove it. i can remember for AS LONG AS I LIVED (even before kindergarten) that i felt incomplete, deprived and unworthy of abundance (like not getting the toys i wanted many times was reflecting that, and other things).

now that i addressed that i am living in a TRAUMA which is blocking my manifesting, my feelings are worse and right now i do not feel ANY confidence whatsoever about manifesting good sight. the depression i have is not going away, and im having recurring anxiety, fear, terror, distress and TOXIC SHAME that i am incompetent and unworthy of achieving my goals. i am now especially feeling constant fear of simply manifesting my goal to see! i know conciously these feelings are not serving me and are irrational fears, but as they say the unconcious is very dominating and these feelings keep automatically (and unwantingly) coming back everytime i want to manifest!

i am a younger twin, and that means the instant i was conceived, my mom did not know about my existence, b/c she DID NOT KNOW she had twins until later, when she found out by an ultrasound in surprise. this means i was growing unrecognized, unsupported nor recognized as my mom's child which has now brought me the shame that i 'dont deserve' to exist b/c i was unexpected and caused my mom surprise later. i can also identify my mom back then in the same way as the Divine, meaning i 'dont deserve' my desires b/c the Universe 'does not recognize me' therefore overlooks my desires as if i am unimportant and am morally wrong for being born (unexpected). this does sound ludicrous but my unconcious keeps replaying these messages to me thoughout my life!
and when i was born, i was turned over immediately (but thank god no c-section) to be born safely, but this could have meant an invasion and threat. they say babies are very sentient and b/c they are defenseless they become traumatized such things.

another important thing--- since i was not known inside my mom but 'ignored', i do NOT feel SAFE in my life alone, feeling threatened by my environment and even my own DESIRES not coming true. i did not have that initial mother attachment so the very first feeling of my existence was LOSS and being ALONE!

i have no idea how to overcome this!!! i read about healing birth trauma, about reliving it and gaining new insights, but since i cannot remember my birth story nor have any postive insight to loneliness in the womb, IM STUCK

i am taking this time to release my repressed emotions and stress, to embrace them and let them flow out and have their say, but i still dont feel better at all, even after many cries (crying is healing but its not working well for this) still threatened and in fear, anxiety and depression.

this adds onto my past years of being bullied (badly to the point of feeling subhuman aka toxic shame) and even now occasional teasing, and i am not picking up 'motherly love' from my mom, b/c she seems to not have good coping abilities, gets frustrated by my mistakes etc. i do feel rage by this and mad at her, but i would not trade her for another mom. i wish i could feel secure and have that bond and GET MY LIFE BACK. i feel more loss of life every year, like something has been taken away from me (something as simple as cloudy skies triggers this even) therefore i have no excitment.


i wish i could have a peak state attitude so i can manifest and be happy, but i dont know how to clear and resolve my life trauma! its blocking me, and HAMMERING IN POSITIVE THOUGHTS DOES NOT WORK. my emotional trauma must be RESOLVED and my emotions need to heal before i can start again

it seems as though healing emotions is harder than healing or manifesting something physical!

what can i do, without *doctors* or drugs, to heal myself emotionally? how to truly resolve my lifelong trauma fear and shock, and feel connection/security with my mom (which seems to be a fundamentally basic need i dont really have). my INTENTION right now is to heal all of this toxic permanently! i believe in instant healing, but NO EFT or tapping b/c i dont feel as if it would heal something like this for me. instead to flush out the buried emotions and to resolve the trauma

Rhonda Byrne healed her sight in 3 days b/c she believed without doubt it was done the moment she asked, paid only attention to it being done already with the right feelings and she knew she could do it fast. I WANT HER ATTITUDE TOO! with my trauma and stress i cant feel that way!

i was thinking of seeing natural therapy and going with mom but it sounds uncomfortable and the city i live in is limited in natural healing clinics


HELP PLEASE, what could i possibly do EFFECTIVELY and permantly? there IS SUCH A THING!

[torilink]

with my trauma and stress i cant feel that way!

that pretty much sums it up. Try releasing the drama and blame, let go of the past (real or imagined).

[torilink]

i read about prenate and birth trauma a while back, and i FOR SURE know that i was one of those victimized fetuses/babies, and these fears and panic attacks prove it.

try FOR SURE knowing you will see perfectly - its just as easy to invest your belief in healing as it is to invest it in this "Prenate & birth trauma" stuff. You decide what you believe and as long as you believe you are a victim.... going all the way back to the womb - well that is what you will be.

Let go of it all. Just be - NOW.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

i am a younger twin, and that means the instant i was conceived, my mom did not know about my existence, b/c she DID NOT KNOW she had twins until later, when she found out by an ultrasound in surprise. this means i was growing unrecognized, unsupported nor recognized as my mom's child which has now brought me the shame that i 'dont deserve' to exist b/c i was unexpected and caused my mom surprise later.

Please ... That is so illogical.

A woman has twins and does not know it. She thinks she only has one child. For nine months, she thinks loving thoughts about her one child.

Do those thoughts go to Twin A, or Twin B, or both, or neither?

According to you, it's to whichever twin pops first. That seems rather flawed reasoning to me, since whether Twin A or Twin B pops first is an issue that's not going to be decided until the last half of the 3rd trimester, when the foetuses are getting into position.

[WordKeeper]

Why are you writing in large, red print? It is so difficult to read. Make it easier on others if you want help and use a font and color easier on the eyes.

[bmlyeryk]

if your such a genius, then WHY do i feel this way my WHOLE life? feeling alone and loss, and failure and unworthy before even starting school! what could i possibly have done beforehand!


cut out this logical thinking crap already and the lie that i should surpress my emotions. has it ever occured to you that those who let out each strong emotion (which are kids) feel better afterward and forget the event? they dont "think positive beliefs'" about what happened, they resolve it by expressing their feelings! well i got into trouble for expressing my emotions so they were hidden too long to even remeber the incidents clearly! IT WILL NOT WORK just trying to cover up my old automatic dominant beliefs!


i have tried since early last month to change my beliefs into a "can do" person and every time i did this my old beliefs would involuntarily come back! NOW WHAT



ALG you always act as if im uneducated and stupid. dont reply to my posts anymore Nay-sayer

[joylangtry]

Go find someone else who needs something you can offer, and help them.

Do something kind for a stranger.

Express love for another person and care, for at least a moment, more for them than for your own problems.

Find something in your own life to be grateful for, and focus on that.

Then come back and post how you feel.

[bmlyeryk]

how exactly will trauma be solved by this. people in the past (and sometimes now) and assaulted me emotionally which also out on this failure attitude.

i cant bond well with my mom. i am reluctant to since i have to walk on eggshells with her. everytime she goes to work i feel abandoned and alone. i wish i could adress all this to her but she taught me to reject my emotions and ignore them, and she easily gets frustrated and overwhelmed by things.


im asking not fuming, and i DONT KNOW. i dont know how to trust and 'positive thinking' is peanuts. i dont meditate or any of that bunk, i just want all this toxic to be resolved!! if it is, my old beliefs may be solved on their own

i am indeed very grateful (honestly) about some things in my life, but they did not resolve my emotional pain


can my inputs at least be respected and not attacked as if im some idiot?

[joylangtry]

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

how exactly will trauma be solved by this. people in the past (and sometimes now) and assaulted me emotionally which also out on this failure attitude.

Giving love is the path to happiness. You are wallowing in your own problems, focused firmly on your troubles and issues, and until you get your mind off of them, they will continue forever.

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

i cant bond well with my mom. i am reluctant to since i have to walk on eggshells with her. everytime she goes to work i feel abandoned and alone. i wish i could adress all this to her but she taught me to reject my emotions and ignore them, and she easily gets frustrated and overwhelmed by things.

Do you show your mother love and respect and kindness?

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

im asking not fuming, and i DONT KNOW. i dont know how to trust and 'positive thinking' is peanuts. i dont meditate or any of that bunk, i just want all this toxic to be resolved!! if it is, my old beliefs may be solved on their own

I have to wonder why you are posting this in an IM forum?

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

i am indeed very grateful (honestly) about some things in my life, but they did not resolve my emotional pain

That is a good start. Stay there, and think about those good things again. Do any of those thoughts improve the way you feel?

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

can my inputs at least be respected and not attacked as if im some idiot?

My comments were in no way intended as an attack, and if you perceived them as such, I'm sorry.

[bmlyeryk]

i meant that ALG's comments sounded patronizing



do you think it is possible to overcome the need to bond? my mom's personality is different and difficult too and i cant change her but maybe if i get rid of the need to bond i could become emotionally stable and not dependent of others?

help please. im overly sensitive emotionally and want to stop this. im being honest and sincere here


its not fair how others seemingly effortlessly manifest for themselves with success and no fear/doubt. WHY AM I HAVING THIS MUCH TROUBLE !!! i manifested material accessories effortlessly b/c i believed (they were slow though) but why do i have a barrier to manifest for my health and own self, such as my eyes!!

[joylangtry]

why do i have a barrier

Because it's all you see.

I'll try once more. As long as you keep giving your attention to your problems, you get more of the same.

~ ~ ~

Each time I have offered suggestions in answer to your questions, you have replied by restating your focus on your troubles.

If what I say here doesn't make sense to you (and that's OK, just fine, if it's the case) you must need to hear it put in a different way. There are hundreds and thousands of LoA teachers around. Try the Abraham-Hicks site, or here to start.

Love and blessings to you
Joy

[bmlyeryk]

i know im focusing on that b/c its bothering me. i did before choose to not pay attnetion to it and 'ignore' it, but those barrier feelings would come back again each time. im not arguing but its what happened and it was disappointing. there should be some way to stop those thoughts completely



im not a religious person or jesus follower, but can i resolve these limiting feelings divinely or by my angel? how

im getting tired of feeling bad. also how do you regain your 'zest" of life from years ago? not many years ago i felt freer, felt like i had more, and felt more joy, like a kid would. how do i get that feeling back automatically

im sounding stupid now but i want it all back

[JSB]

I can't speak to manifesting, but it sounds like you need to address the high level of stress, anxiety and distress you are feeling, especially if it's getting in the way of you being able to create what you want.

This can be done in many ways, both conventional and unconventional. I find addressing these problems physically and energetically are very helpful; the intellectual/emotional facets also need to be addressed, but might be easier to work with afterthe energy blocks are cleared.

Have you done reiki, qigong, taichi, yoga (focused more on prana flow than muscle tone), EFT or any other energy work before? I strongly suggest trying it, as regular practice can really help to balance emotional disruption and distress.

Include physical exercise and a healthy diet --- emotions are directly tied to what is happening in the body.

Once you get a handle on this stuff, then start working on the emotional/mental side, either through traditional psychotherapy or whatever other technique you are comfortable with. I'm not a huge fan of medication, but I think it has it's place if nothing else is working, or if it can be used temporarily to help "shift" something --- I would never choose it as a first resort, but I wouldn't completely rule it out either.

It may all seem overwhelming now, but take it one step at a time, and you'll be able to make steady progress towards where you want to be.

All the best to you.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

cut out this logical thinking crap already and the lie that i should surpress my emotions.

Well, there you go. You committed a rather common sort of mistake with your LOA there.

Effective LOA is not about suppressing emotions. It's about managing your emotions, and transforming the negative ones into the positive ones. Not about pretending that they're not there.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by bmlyeryk

[SIZE="3"]i know im focusing on that b/c its bothering me. i did before choose to not pay attnetion to it and 'ignore' it, but those barrier feelings would come back again each time. im not arguing but its what happened and it was disappointing. there should be some way to stop those thoughts completely

Poor thing, you.

This is known as double dukkha.

You suffer because you have certain emotions. Then you suffer again, because you are disappointed/angry/frustrated about having those emotions.

Here, this is what you need. Long, but it's all there.

YouTube - Dealing With The Emotion by Ajahn Brahm

Talk by Ajahn Brahm - on dealing with your emotions (positive & negative). Recommended for everyone, not just for BML.