|07-10-2009, 04:09 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2008
A Fake Desire?
Have you ever wanted something but don't know why you wanted it? You try to examine what about your desire that you want but can't understand what it is though theres something that leaves you eager for it. I've been going through this for a while on a certain desire and I think it might be fake or just not what I might want. very confusing... Still when I think of it, there is still an eagerness for having it. Any thoughts on this?
|07-10-2009, 12:38 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2009
It may be that most of our desires are coming from other sources besides us. How many children would go to school if they were not force to or initiated into it by their parents at the kindergarten level?
There are so many things we are doing just because we are conditioned to do these things. For instance cleaning our teeth and the related obsessions with mouth beauty. How much of that is happening because of TV ads, celebrity spins and peer pressure.
Desires are ongoing. Nothing new about that. The trick is to realize the source of the desire and then make a decision to confirm to it or not. Once you decide that you do not want to confirm you are then confronted with your resistance factor. If you cannot resist then even if you do not want to confirm, you will have to do it anyway.
But the key is to realize the source of the desire. You can do this by becoming more observant of the influences which affect you.
|07-10-2009, 01:43 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: New South Wales, Australia (GMT+10)
I think I can almost always figure out why I want a desire, but sometimes when I go after certain desires, it's because there's actually something that's bothering me and I'm going after what I desire as a way to escape this feeling that bothers me (usually a feeling associated with a certain situation, pattern of thinking, or belief).
Sometimes I think I don't know what I want, but really it's because I lack the courage to face what I really do what or the truth of my situation.
I'm not sure if that'll apply to you, but those are some patterns that crop up for me when a desire is unclear.
On the more positive side, though, sometimes I think of something and I can feel an eagerness or excitement for it and not really know why. In those cases usually there's something about my perception of what I desire that is reflecting back at me something I resonate with (maybe I'm looking at a product, thinking that it'll help teach me a skill that aligns well with my strengths or the energies I want to express). (I say "my perception of what I desire" since sometimes what I think resonates with me doesn't resonate with me once I actually dive into it and experience the reality of it, not just my perception of what it might be like.)
I think an important point (something I learned from Andrea Hess) is that when you desire something, much like when you buy something, you don't desire or buy the specific experience or item--you desire what you believe the experience or item will give you. E.g. Today I bought a pillow. I could careless about pillows; I don't want or need a pillow. What I do want is comfort (it's probably a bit more complicated than that, but comfort sums it up well enough). Pillows do provide comfort, and that's why I bought a pillow. Comfort is what I really bought.
So perhaps look at what it is that you want and look at what you're really getting from it--what do you think it will provide you with? Whatever answer you come up with will be entirely subjective and relative to you. To illustrate that point, recently I read a study about what motivates people to have sex. They asked different people what motivates them and found there were many, many answers. So people might say "I want more sex," but what people really what differs from person to person. E.g. When some people say they want sex, they really mean they want connection. Maybe other people want pleasure. The idea is that two different people can derive different things from the same experience.
I also believe it's quite possible for us to want something, think we know why we want it, and end up being pretty wrong. This is venturing into brain science territory and I don't know enough about brain science to talk about that idea with confidence, but the point is that there are processes at work below the surface of consciousness that might be driving us without us being aware of it. Call it your subconscious, call it your soul, call it the universe, call it fate; call it a divine or "evolutionary, Darwinian" plan--there are many potential labels you put on and concepts you could use to describe things that lie "outside" of your conscious awareness. (For more on that topic, you might enjoy this article. It might not make sense--might not seem like it applies to your situation--at first, tbut should as you keep reading).
I'm hoping my post is still relevant to you at this point, heh. Basically, my main point is that "things aren't always as simple as they seem." However, if you'd prefer not to analyse things as much, I'd suggest you just trust your gut--your intuition; how you feel. I frequently find that I'm able to get better answers when I stop trying to analyse things (with my conscious mind) and instead just go with what my intuition tells me. Often it doesn't make sense. Often the insight I get is kind of unclear. Perhaps there's a reason for that. But unfortunately in saying that we come back to "things aren't always as simple as they seem" territory.
|07-10-2009, 11:21 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Raleigh, NC
To me, those situations are less frustrating and more interesting. I like to meditate on why I would be desiring out of context to my self. I can usually figure it out.
If I can't figure it out, I just judge it based on my general values. Is it dangerous or demeaning? Throw it out. Ignore it. Is it overall positive but just weird for me? Explore it.
|07-11-2009, 11:23 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Yes, our good old friend Gautama already explained it 2,500 years ago. Whatever we do, the ultimate underlying motivation is always the same - we are either striving for happiness, or striving to avoid suffering.
If you ever do anything and you think you want it for any reason OTHER than that, well, you are wrong. Whatever you do (whether you're buying a pillow or having sex or committing suicide), the ultimate underlying motivation is always the same.
Last edited by Acting Like Godot; 07-11-2009 at 11:25 AM.
|07-12-2009, 12:11 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Isle of Avalon
Much of desire comes from external stimuli and from misperception/miscommunication in the egoic (mortal) mind. Testing your desires against the spiritual (eternal) mind is a good way of knowing if it is a desire that is true for your divine self or is in fact "fake" as you say.
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